Thursday, September 8, 2011

Busted At Work For Doing Nothing. I Swear. Compact Mirrors.



Yeah so I'm at work and I asked one of my female coworkers if they had a mirror because I had this tiny area of dry skin on my face earlier and wanted to see if it was still there. She hands me a one of those compacts and says, "You can keep it."

And I put it in my desk drawer. So then the other day I had an everything bagel and I take out the compact and look in it to see if I had any poppy seed (the A-hole of all seeds) in my teeth and just then this chick walks by and looked over at me.

And with the look she gave me I'm like, "Oh no! She thinks I was powerdering my nose because I was using a compact!"

I'm sure she went and told everyone that I wear makeup. Fuckin' bitch!

I was going to track her down and tell her but then thought it would be weird if I brought the subject up, "Listen. Just so you know - I...I DON'T wear makeup. I'm a dude. Not a chick. So uh....are we clear with that?"

Maybe I should just drop it. Well..I guess I COULD have her killed..Naaa. I'll just drop it.

12 comments:

Vicus Scurra said...

Not that I am normally judgmental, but looking for poppy seeds in your teeth is a sure sign of some sort of neurosis, isn't it?

wv - piecales - so much worse to have stuck in your teeth than seeds.

Furtheron said...

Just find her and start chatting to her... according to a couple of friends of mine "playing gay" is a great way to get more women... so they claim

The Jules said...

Poppy seeds in your teeth aren't as bad as sunflower seeds. Or coconuts.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Let me get this straight...she "gave" you a Dr. Hanushka compact? Pretty expensive throw away, but maybe it didn't work for her...

I would definitely NOT drop it. She totally thinks you're gay and you wear makeup. Trust me, I would.
AND, come to think of it, this little tidbit of information would be on my top two bits of gossip to share with the girls at lunch.

I like your approach, lay it out there alpha style and if that doesn't work, you'll have to kill her.

sybil law said...

Do the classy thing and use it to look up all the womenfolk's skirts.
Problem solved.

TC said...

or you could just let her catch you actually putting some lipstick on next time. Might as well.

Dr Zibbs said...

The Jules - coconuts. HA.

Candy - well it wasn't that EXACT compact.

Scope said...

Your only solution: Thunderdome!

Eccentric Owl said...

Listen I'm not gay either but if you really don't want the compact ...

Dominica said...

How did you get rid of the poppy seed ?

TrinaLikesWine said...

Bring some big dumb bells and do curls as you check your teeth next time...and maybe put flames on the compact so it looks really masculine and tough and shit...

Dr Zibbs said...

Dominica - napkin twirled into the shape of a "point"

Trina - You're smart. Maybe I'll bulk on some creatine for a few months leading up to it so I look authentic.