Wednesday, September 21, 2011

The Dude That Makes My Pork Sandwich Is A Dick.



So some Sundays I drive and get this tasty ass pork sandwich. And the dude that makes the pork sandwich has a major attitude.Like he’s pissed that he has to make it for me. I should be pissed at HIM. Jerk. I’ve learned the basic questions that he asks so I order in the way to answer the questions he asks EVERYTIME but he still doesn’t listen.

Here’s how it goes:

Miserable Sandwich Maker: So what do you want? (as if I’m taking up his time)

Me: One pork sandwich with cheese and hot peppers.

Miserable Sandwich Maker: Just one?

Me: Just one.

(Then he starts to make it. In slow motion. If he sees something that interests him he stops preparing the sandwich and looks off in the distance at the thing that interests him. Then he slowly goes back to making it).

Miserable Sandwich Maker: You want hot peppers on this?

Me: Yes (even though I already told him)

Then, when he’s done he shoves that bag in my face and with attitude and without making contact says, “Here you go Pal.”

So do you know what I do? When I go in and pay it goes like this:

Cashier: Yes what’s in the bag?

Me: A pork sandwich.

Cashier: With cheese?

Me: No.*

Sticking it. To. The. Man.

Now I know I’m only ripping them off for 80 cents but that more than makes up for the dude being a dick. Don’t you think?

Except I thought I was going to get busted last week because he asked me if I wanted cheese (after I already stated I did) and he went inside. A few minutes earlier he told me to go pay for it while he was making the sandwich. I already told the cashier I didn’t have cheese so I started to panic. Like he was on to me and was going in to check if I stated that I wanted cheese. Then maybe call the fuzz.

But he came back out. Turns out he had just ran out of cheese and was getting more.

If he called me on it I was gonna act all groggy and confused and say, “Cheese? What? Oh sorry. I didn’t know what she was asking.”

Phew!

* Sometimes I feel like getting cocky when they ask if I have cheese and in a loud, bellowing voice say, “Do I have cheese on this sandwich? Not me. Nope. Just pork and long hot peppers. Just those two ingredients. You see… I don’t care too much for cheese mind ya’. Watching the ole’ waist line if you know what I mean. So no. The answer to that question concerning the addition of cheese is absolutely not. I do NOT have cheese on this sandwich. Now please tally up my pork and pepper sandwich so we can settle this transaction and I can be on my merry - cheese free - way.

11 comments:

Candy's daily Dandy said...

The Pork Sandwich Natzi.

The title of this post ROCKS!

Dr Zibbs said...

Candy - I actually have a picture of the Ahole. I was going to post it but then I'd be paranoid going there.

Bamatrav said...

If busted look him directly in his face and say "No I didn't order it that way, You don't pay attention, if there's cheese on it, I didn't know it."

Dominica said...

So, there's a jerk in every town around the world like this ? My God, maybe they are all related or share a religion like ... whatever ...

MarkD60 said...

On simply MUST have cheese and peppers on a pork sandwich, it goes without saying!

Dr Zibbs said...

Bamatrav - I like your style.

Dominica - Maybe he's Antwerpian. (Also, I read the bio of Antwerp the other day on Wikipedia)

MarkD60 - Oh yeah. Sharp Prove.

Scope said...

The fact that two slices of cheese is $0.80 is a rip, too. If you want to avoid him adding some "secret sauce" on your pork, try not to sass the sandwich maker.

Dominica said...

@Zibbs could be tho I'd rather would think he's from the West-Coast (Belgian that is or Dutch related cos they are high maintence too)
I'm no Antwerpian btw, my origins are elsewhere ;^)
Did you like the Antwerp bio ? Rubens, Antigone etc ?

Scope said...

Rubens. Had one of HIS sandwiches yesterday for lunch. They always are heavy on the sauerkraut but stingy on the Swiss.

Bastards.

Dr Zibbs said...

Dominica - I did like the bio. And didn't know till I read it that Ruebens was from there.

OR...that it was the 19th busiest port in the world. That fact will now be in my memory.

Scope - I had Ruben's cousin's sandwich yesterday. Pierre Cheesesteak

Chris said...

BBQ Dick, like the soup nazi.

No Q for you!

(That reference is so old but hoping that it has been long enough that it's now considered retro versus me just being horribly out of touch with pop culture and using dated references.....)