Tuesday, May 15, 2012

I've Got A Confession. That Man Is A Nuisance. Gum.

I've got a confession. OK. Well first off, let me start by saying that I've never smashed a bottle against a wall. I don't throw trash out of my car window. I don't do graffiti. Well, unless you're talking back in the day. I used to leave tons of pen drawn graffiti in bathroom stalls at school. But that was more like art. Entertainment for the masses so lets not count that.

But there is one thing I do that I'm not proud of. Sometimes when I'm done chewing gum I'll discreetly drop it on the ground in a parking lot. Something about the idea of someone stepping it then just cracks me up. Does that make me a dick? Maybe. I just can't help myself I tells ya!

Kid: I stepped in gum!

Mom: Oh Timmy why don't you watch where you're going! (as if everyone can spot a piece of gum). Let me see....Oh my God what a mess!

The mom then takes a tissue out of her purse to try and clean it off. As if THAT'S going to work.

A content Zibbs watches the scene from the bushes.

Actually I would feel bad if a kid stepped in it. In my head only assholes step in it. A 50 year old blabbermouth yenta. An old racist factory worker named Bob. Brice, the playground bully. Wow. When you look at it that way I'm kinda performing a public service.

And on other gum dropping related news I remember years ago working with this goody goody chick and she stepped in gum in the parking lot and said, "Oh my God! I stepped in gum! Who DOES that?! Why would anyone DO that?!!"

You had to hear how she said it. She was so horrified at the thought that she lives in a society where someone would drop a piece of gum. It's as if she just discovered her tires were slashed and pig's blood thrown all over her windshield.  Listen sweetheart. It's gum. Get  over it OK?

13 comments:

Dr Zibbs said...

I should have added this into my post: Just because I drop gum I don't want YOU GUYS to drop gum. Imagine if everyone did that and the mess it would create?

So to sum up, do NOT follow my example on this. Are we clear with that?

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Bwahahaahaha!!

I had a couple of 50-70 year old blabbermouth yenta's in here I wish would step in some gum.

In answer to your question of Does that make you a dick?

It only makes you a dick if you watch contentedly from the bushes.

Dr Zibbs said...

Candy - phew! I dont want you thinking im a dick.

Scope said...

You, Sir, are a menace to society.

This comment has nothing to do with the gum. Your clear there.

Dr Zibbs said...

Scope - I take pride in that comment.

sybil law said...

I have thrown gum on the ground before, too - I admit - but only because I couldn't find a garbage can. However, I've had the EXACT same thoughts as you! I hope an asshole steps in it. Karma. Be karma, gum.

Susan said...

My husband and I have "gum kicking contests" in parking lots. (Not proud of it.) Spit gum up in air and whoever can kick their piece the farthest gets to feel a little pride for the next 10 minutes or so! FUN!

Dr Zibbs said...

Susan - I love that idea. I'm thinking of starting to put it on an old person's nose and say, "Now don't take this off until you count to 100."

TrinaLikesWine said...

I don't like gum. Having said that, when I do enjoy a chew now and again, I choose to dispose of it on car door handles.

Dr Zibbs said...

Trina - I like that idea. I always thought using dog poop for that purpose would be a good idea.

Chris said...

You're probably the guy that let his dog shit in my yard last night too, right? Thanks man...those were my favorite slippers*.

*yes, I know anyone under 50 that wears bedroom slippers deserves to step in dog crap.

Cora said...

Scope stepped in gum in the parking lot of a carnival last night and immediately said, "ZIBBS!"

I'm not kidding.

Dr Zibbs said...

Cora - hahaha!!!