Thursday, September 27, 2012

I've Got A Confession. Movies. Does God Hate Me Now? Take THAT Hollywood!

Shhhhh. I've got a confession.

Sometimes I sneak into movie theaters without paying. Well "sneak" sounds so...sneaky so lets just say I walk in pretending that I may have paid.

It all started about eight or nine months ago. I was going to the movies and I had to take a number one so I just walked past the paying booth and into the bathroom. When I came out I noticed that there was no person standing there to tear the ticket so I just kind of walked in. I did get nervous though. I would have been mortified if the usher came in and busted me. I concocted a story in my head that I was meeting someone there and she already paid for tickets and she was late so I just went into the movie*. Then I figured I would just sneak out when he left.

I've probably done it about ten times. But I'm not sure I'm going to do it anymore because I have this fear that they've been videotaping me every time and when the cops come they're going to ask me if I've ever done it before. And of course I'll say no. But then they'll show me a compilation of me sneaking in every time. And I'll have to be like, "Nope. That's not me."

And they'll be like, "Sir you're wearing the same shirt."

"Um...it's a popular shirt?" Trust me. They'll break me in a minute. I'm a terrible liar.

To tell you the truth though I don't feel that guilty though. The way I rationalize it is that the studio gets 95% of the money from the ticket sales. And with some of the terrible movies I have to sit through maybe I deserve a few free movies. And also, I do write about movies on my blog here. Which sends people to the movies. And are they paying me for this? No. Are they reaping the benefits? Yes. Slavery ended years ago Hollywood! Who am I? Kunta Kinte?

As for the theater, they make all their money from the food. But they mark up their popcorn 900%! Whuuuuu???!!! It's true. And plus I'm in the theater yucking it up thus making the movie experience that much better for paying customers. Do I charge for that? No I do not. And it's not like I stole a candy bar and they have one less candy bar. The seat was going to be there whether my supple ass was in it or not.

OK so that's my rationalization.

*My backup excuse is to look confused and say, "Oh my God I....I can't believe I did that! I was in the bathroom and came out and wasn't thinking." You know. Act dumb.

24 comments:

Dr Zibbs said...

And another reason I'm going to stop is that I would be mortified if they busted me and the story was in the local paper. I bet they would come up with some dumb criminal name for me like, "The Theater Sneak." Something stupid like that.

Choleesa said...

My hubby theater hops...
I refuse to. Im scared that Ill be caught, and if Im gonna get caught stealing, its gonna be stealing something big. But then, I also refuse to steal music off the internet either....Im funny that way.
But I do agree, someone should be getting even for us popcorn eaters!

Dr Zibbs said...

Choleesa - i know. Its pretty dumb. I would never steal anything physical. So i wonder why i think this is ok. Well im going to put my life of crime behind me.

Indigo Roth said...

Hey Zibbs. Yes, I like the "lavatory idiot" defence; the simplest embarrassing story is the most convincing. Live the lie. BE the lie. Roth P.S. You are a bad man.

Just Keepin It Real, Folks! said...

Please let me know if you get busted. That would be excellent blog material for me. LOL

Dr Zibbs said...

Indigo i was thinking of also saying my dad just died so i cant think straight but i think karma would get me on that one.

Dr Zibbs said...

Just keepin it -- oh i will. It will include me busting free and running to my car.

W.C.Camp said...

I think you're ahead now so JUST STOP before you do get caught. I go to the cheap theaters that charge so little for the show you feel OBLIGATED to buy some overpriced popcorn. Better yet if you buy the biggie bag - they will even REFILL it for you for free!!!! W.C.C.

savannah said...

i go to the movies so infrequently, sugar, that to screen hop would be far too much trouble. *sigh* netflix has ruined me for sitting in movie house! xoxoxoxo

(damn, i am embarrassed by my dullness.)

Annika said...

I haven't been to the movie theater since Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets was shown...

It's just too expensive. And I dislike big crowds. Okay, I'm a cheap hermit.

If I'd get away with it, I'd do the same thing ONCE. Then feel so guilty I'd probably go back and pay the ticket when the movie's over.

Oh wow, turns out I'm a cheap COWARDLY hermit. My life is awesome!

Dr Zibbs said...

Annika well at least you have your video games.

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

No wonder all the movies I've seen lately have sucked - you're not here "yucking it up thus making the movie experience that much better for paying customers."
:)

Suze said...

The Kunta Kinte bit made me laugh. Classic.

Dr Zibbs said...

Dawn maybe ill come to a theater near you and perform.

Dr Zibbs said...

Suze "you dont hear many Roots references these days do you?

BamaTrav said...

At the Rave where I live, once you are in you are in, you could just stroll around to any of the 15 theaters and pick and choose. I did see "Lawless" and it was a great movie.

Dr Zibbs said...

Bama i liked lawless so much i saw it twice.

diane said...

Acting dumb wouldn't be hard for me.

BamaTrav said...

I almost did. They all did a great job in the flick. They should have done more advertising though, it was almost a "little known" movie.

Dr Zibbs said...

Diane - Ha. Me too.

Bama - I saw it twice and was wondering the same thing. They barely promoted it.

Chris said...

If caught, just soil yourself anf feign alzheimers.

Dr Zibbs said...

Chris - wise! AND classy.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

"Umm,,,it's a paoular shirt"

Classic Zibbs..nearly choked on my tea

Dr Zibbs said...

Candy - glad to be of assistance.