Anyone from the Philly area remember the Krass Brothers commercials? Take a look. Which girl is your favorite? I bet you like the one second from the left don't you?
Come on...don't lie.
And look at when the women are talking. He's mouthing their lines.
I was away with my son two weeks ago at a hotel because he had to pick his college classes so we stayed overnight at a hotel. So in the morning he says, “Dad what were you having a nightmare about?”
And then I remembered what I did in the middle of the night. I woke up, sat up and loudly said, “WHA WHA WHA WHA WHA WHA WHA AHHHHHHHH!!!”
The “AHHHHHH” being a scream. Then I tried to speak but the words wouldn’t come out. Kind of like a stroke victim, “A ra ra ra ra ra”…
I forget what the nightmare was about but I have been having more nightmares these days for some reason. And I wake up screaming.
But I still have tons of regular dreams too. Like the other night two people were trying to convince me to go to Halloween party at their CCD. I guess it was CCD for adults because they were two grown women. And I didn’t want to go because they wanted me to wear a grass skirt and be like male hula dancer. And I was too embarrassed to wear it. And because CCD is BS.
Then the one woman jumped on top of me and said I got a joke for you. And then she pretended to kiss me. She said, “Anda one…”. And I’m thinking, “OK this is weird.”
Then she kissed me for real and said, “..Anda two.”
And then she said, “…Anda THREE.” And then she pretended to pull a toy out of her butt and said, “Get it??”
And I just wanted her to get off of me so I said, “Oh yeah. I get it.”
What do you make of that?
Oh. And I had a dream last night that I had a staple caught in my dick and the local news stations were calling because they wanted to interview me.
Really sad about Amy Winehouse dying. I remember the first time I saw her on Letterman a few years ago and being blown away. I can't remember the last time I saw a musical act and I was so moved. Really. Maybe the Killers. But still.
And if you just sneak a peek you're like, "What a skank." But you look closer and there's something so sexy and chrasimatic and hypnotizing. Well..maybe to me. Here's the performance.
Let me know what you think.
Haha!! This mashup of the new Adam Sandler trailer is pretty funny. What do you think?
Oh man. Yesterday was a doooozy. I was returning from Wawa near work and I slowed and stopped at a red light. Next thing you know a woman came screeching behind me and slams into the telephone pole right next to me! (That’s the actual telephone pole above. I can’t believe it wasn’t smashed in two) She was probably going about 40MPH. She must have been distracted and swerved so she wouldn’t hit me.
I look and I see the airbags. Her car is totaled.
I jump out and her face is covered with blood from the airbag. And she’s screaming and crying hysterically. Someone else at the Wawa saw it and called 911. It was pretty bad.
So I look in the back and there’s a baby in the back seat. His head was smooshed up and at first I thought maybe his neck was broken but it wasn’t. He was fine as far as I could tell. The woman is still screaming and appeared to be in shock. She’s saying, “My husband stole all my money and kicked me out of the house and I’m on my way to a woman’s shelter.” She repeated this about 10 times.
Then the baby started crying so I held the bottle through the window for the baby because I was afraid that if I picked the baby up I might hurt it.
A nurse must have seen what happened and ran across the street and was helping to calm the woman down.
When the police arrived I left. And then when I drove away I realized how surreal and crazy it was and my hands started shaking.
Yup. It was fuuuucked uuup!
Oh and in other car related news a deer jumped in front of my car this morning and I hit it’s foot. No damage.
I hope car related bad things don’t happen in threes.
So I was at the Square Bar in West Chester the other night and saw this girl that I know. So I walk over to her (she’s not facing me) and I literally palm her head. Like you would do to a basketball.
Well, she turns around and guess what? Yup. It wasn’t her. Whoooops. I was all, “Oh sorry, I thought you were someone else.”
Phew! At least she was cool about it. And there were a bunch of people all crammed together and I had a few drinks in me so it really wasn’t embarrassing. She just kind of laughed and said, “Oh that’s OK.”
I guess that beats getting slapped.
A similar thing happened when I was in third grade. I was at church and after mass I snuck up to a girl I thought was my older sister, pulled her hair back and just whispered gibberish into her ear. Like, “Blubba goola gobbla ramalam ring ding gooba agoobba…” (something like that)
And she turns around like, “WHAT THE HELL?....”
I froze like a deer in headlights. Then I just turned and walked away. And I had to see her for the next 10 years in church. I never made eye contact with her. Because of the shame.
How. The. Hell....did I never hear of this movie?? Ladies and Gentleman, I give you the trailer for Black Mama, White Mama.
A few movies I've seen in order of worst to best.
The Hangover 2 - Terrible. What a rip off of the first. I want my money back. And Mike Tyson singing was the most unwatchable thing I've seen on film all year.
Bad Teacher - Some laughs. One of those movies that you'll stop and watch once it's on TV and you're flipping around. And how did Jason Segel start to get all these roles? He's kind of hard to look at. Am I wrong?
Green Lantern - Do you think I actually would sit through this movie that looks like a video game? From what I saw from the trailer? The special effects look too fake. Noooo friggin' thank you!
Horrible Bosses - Some pretty good laughs. Not great but pretty good. And I never thought Jennifer Aniston was hot but she's SUPER hot in this. I think it was the slutty eye makeup.
Super 8 - I really liked this. It felt like an old time Spielberg movie. And I like that it took place in the 70's.
Bridesmaids - Really funny. And I predict that Kristen Wiig (see picture above) is going to be in a lot of movies because of this. She super adorable. Nothing like a really funny cute girl. So rare.
So did you guys see any of these? And has 2011 been bad for movies or what?
It’s official. I will now declare my favorite cheeseburger anywhere. It goes to Buddy’s Burgers, Breasts and Fries. Located in West Chester, PA and Exton, PA. Note picture above that really doesn’t highlight it’s deliciousness too well. Oh well. You’re gonna have to live with it.
And did you ever notice that some people never declare their favorite foods? I do.
And trust me. I’ve had burgers all over the place. I guess what makes this cheeseburger the best is that not only is the meat fresh (not frozen. I may be making this up) but the veggies are always super fresh. Especially the lettuce. Nice and crisp.
Also, the bun is covered with sesame seeds*. Which I love.
It’s even better than Five Guys Burgers.
Here are the toppings I get on mine: bacon, American chee, lettuce, onion, tomater, pickles (the pickles are quarter inch thick deli pickles), ketchup and mustard.
Oh. And I just read some reviews and avocado is included as a free topping. Which I never knew. So next time I’ll be getting that on top too.
So there you go.
*I had a discussion with the owner once and he said they tried a variety of different buns until the found the right one. (Look at me going all investigative journalist on his ass)
Casey Anthony will pose in Playboy.....is my prediction*. Don't you think? She does need the money.
My other prediction on Twitter was that she'll be on a reality show. But I don't think that will be for a few years.
Oh. And on a related note my @FatherKelly tweet right after that verdict came out got 190 Retweets. I didn't even think the tweet was that funny to tell you the truth. The tweet was: "I wonder if Nancy Grace turned into the hulk? #notguilty "
*I'll report back in a week or so how many hits I got from using that title for a blog post.
Once and a while I'll get a comment on a blog post that I wrote a long time ago. For example I wrote a post about these dancers that were on Soul Train and how one of the dancers look all nervous and shit?...Well the actual dancer left a message saying he was NOT nervous.
So this weekend I got a comment on one of my favorite blog posts. It's called Top 10 Things I Need to Know About Carny Housing. To read the post click here.
Did you see the comment at the very end? Yup. That's one pissed off Carny. Here's the comment in case you want to read it again:
Hi, im a South African that got recruited to work and travel in America for a carnival over 8 months. We are the biggest carnival company called North American Midway Entertainment. Yes those are what out bunks look like. Most of us come from farms or cities just like u do. Ordinary people exploring a new country. We are hundreds of employees from different countries. Ever wonder how those rides get set up and torn down every week? We are not filthy animals living in a shoe box. We take pride in ourselves and what we do. Of course u get the dodgy few but u do in almost every work place. And about the gypseys, there are none. When last have u been to a carnival? Do u eat at a carnival? Why buy food from stinky dirty carnies? Your all so ignorant its pathetic
Not too shabby huh? And only a few errors. But it did make me feel a bit bad. And I have a feeling he actually hates gypsies.
Behold it's glory.
OK this shouldn't even be considered a recipe because it's just so easy. But also it's sooo delicious. I give you: The Dr Van Huesen* Sphincter Burners.
OK. Get your aprons on and lets get cooking:
- Buy a bag of long hots. I get mine from Produce Junction in Exton because you get a huge bag for $2.
- Slice open the peppers and remove seeds and the walls. You know...the white part. I forget what they're called. The veins? No. I think it's the walls.
- Add a strip of prosciutto to the peppers then stuff it with cheese. I usually stuff some with mozzeralla and others with cheddar.
- Sprinkle some salt and pepper on top and drizzle some olive oil on top as well.
- Place in pan and cook for about 20 minutes at 350 or until cheese is melted.
Then? ...Enjoy.
*Van Huesen is one of my aliases.
