I'm Racist When It Comes To Dogs. Chester County Ugly Dog.

The other night I'm upstairs and I hear my son come in. Then I hear a tiny dog bark.

I perk up. Whu???

It sounded almost like a cute puppy bark. So I run downstairs all excited, turn the corner and..... *cue the loser music for the Price is Right* "Bum-Bum-Babuuuuuumm Waaaaaaaa"

It wasn't a cute puppy. It was a scraggly old cockapoo. With a bad haircut. And it was just walking away from me. It's saggy, discolored sphincter staring me in the face. Mocking me. Pure disappointment. It turns out my son saw it walking around outside. He eventually found the owner that night.

But as for petting it? No thanks. I think I'm just racist against some dog breeds. Not that I hate them but I just don't care about them. And I'm a dog lover too. Of the important breeds*.

I love dogs (some breeds) so much that if I go to somebody's house and I see a dog I'll practically push them aside to go play with the dog. But this saggy sphincter dog? No. I'm just as likely to walk into somebody's house, see a hamster and run over to the cage and be like, "Whoa! Who's this little guy? Hey buddy. What are you doing in there? Look! He's thinking about going on his wheel!! I can just tell! You guys go outside I'm just going to wait here and watch him run on his wheel for a while."

I know. It might be wrong but if you're judging me doesn't that make YOU a people racist? *holds up mirror to your face*

*Like the Newfoundland dogs you see above. I would love to get one of those someday.

Racist Stuff Infuriates Chester County Blogger. Oh Come On Now!

Oh my God I can't believe this. Right in the head!*:


What?? No muss???



Huh?? Why I never!..



Oh come on!...



OK this is just....



*Fun fact: I had a great, great Uncle that was kicked and killed by a mule in the coal mines of Scranton in the 1800's.

Uncle Buys Chop Suey Specs and Ruins BBQ in Exton.

BBQ in progress. Uncle Phil comes around from front of house

Uncle Phil: Hurroh everyone and chop suey to yoooo. And yooo!

Little Timmy: Hey it's Uncle Phil wearing funny glasses.

Uncle Phil: What's a cookin' at American BBQ?

Aunt Mary: Phil will you stop. That's racist!

Uncle Phil: What you talk about? Now Ima go Pearl Harbor on these American burgers!

Aunt Mary: Phil will you.....Oh my God! Look out for that roller skate!

Uncle Phil: Wha?.. WHAAAAAAA!!!

Phil falls and cracks his head open. Uncle Ned (who has had several first aid classes) checks his pulse.

Uncle Ned: I'm afraid....I'm afraid he's dead.

WHAT THE??? Fun In The Tub. Dudes And A Black Kid..

WHA WHA WHAT???

I was looking through images in the Google under "Racist Toys" and came across this picture.

It's a comic book series in Mexico called Memin Pinguin. The info on it is here.

Looks pretty racist but at least it looks pro gay. Don't you think?

*Talking like Bob Hope* I gotta tell ya boy that is some wild stuff. *growls*

Being Black On Halloween If You Were In My 5th Grade Class.

Mrs Mantini was full of shit.

She was my 5th grade teacher. There was one black kid in my class. Richard B.

And so on Halloween he dressed up as a dinner table. You've probably seen the costume. You put like a big old piece of cardboard around your head (with your head being the centerpiece). Then you tape paper plates and silverware around the plate.

That's what Richard B did. And he wore a lone ranger mask. And oh yeah, he was black.

So when it came time for Mrs Mantini to guess who everyone was, he was like the 3rd last to get picked. She was like, "Are you Paul Lambert? No? Hmmm. Lets see...are you Kurt Martila?..No? Oh this is hard."

COME ON!!! It was so obvious. Everyone was looking at each other like, "Yeeeah right. How can she not know it's Richard?"

Then she finally guessed him and she was all, "OH MY GOD! I had no idea. And what a great costume!"

Yeah right.

Worst Fake Fall Ever Captured on Film. Youtube Gold.

So the other day I gave you the worst dancing in a video ever. Then I treated you to the worst fight in a TV show ever....

I now give you the worst fake fall ever. Hands down. Biggest phony baloney fall ever caught on film. Watch closely as the black lady walks by the old white lady and taps her on the back of the head.



And you know the people that know the lady that fell were like, "Oh Mable! Get the hell up! Don't even try it. She does that at least once a month you know."

And if you really want to laugh, click on the link and look at the comments that the racist viewers on Youtube left. To read them, click here.

Old People Forced To Do Things Against Their Will

Listen to this dream I had last night that I'm totally not making up.

I was given the job of running a TV show where old people are put into a retirement home against their will. Really pissed off, cranky old people. And the home is almost like a concentration camp. Then, the old people are told that to get out of the home, they have to get in teams and compete against each other. All the teams have to form Spanish speaking pop groups and perform. The thing is, they have no talent, they're racist, they don't speak Spanish and they're all just really pissed off but they'll do anything to get out of the home.

And get this, the name of the show is called Shazam! I have no idea why. I don't control my dreams. That's just what it's called. Pretty weird huh?

My Favorite Your Momma So Fat Jokes

Here's a list of my favorite old school Yo Momma So Fat jokes. These jokes are very big in the African American Community so most of you crackers won't get them right away. To help with your understanding I urge you to try to say them like you think a black colored might say them.

I wrote none of them as I ain't a racist like you. (and I'm 1/10th Cherokee. My great-great grandfather was an important chief. So,..you know).

- when she step on the Weight Scales it says...'to be continued'...

- she lost a game at Hide&Seek only cos I spotted her...behind the Himalayas.
- she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of George Washington's nose.

- that her senior pictures had to be aerial views!

- she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!

- she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!

- she's on both sides of the family!

- when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.

- when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"

- she has to get out of the car to change radio stations.

- she put on a Malcolm X T-shirt and a helicopter tried to land on her.

- that when god said," Let there be light," he told her to move her fat ass out the way first!

- when she dances she makes the band skip.

People From India Aren't Racist Anymore

I always wondered why India never made a version of Michael Jackson's Thriller. I just thought they were racist. Well, they're not. Here's the proof: