Fattest Twins Guinness Book of World Records. McGuire Twins. Fatty McFat Fatso.

Check out these fat fucks!

Remember these guys? The fattest twins Bill and Benny McGuire. If you're around my age you remember seeing them in the Guinness Book of World Records in the seventies. Man I used to love me some freaks in that book. Dude with longest nails, cow with extra legs coming out it's back, Mark Spitz's mustache. All of it.

And damn it! After setting up this post I realized that I already wrote a post about these lard asses! Damn it! I'm almost running out of things to write about here!

But on the subject of identical twins, do they usually die within a few weeks of each other? I Googled this a few months ago and couldn't find out. And before someone says, "I know of a set of twins that died a week a part. Some say of a broken heart...." - I ain't buyin' it.

And wouldn't it suck to be the slightly less good looking twin? And you hear everyone pointing it out?

Are any of you guys twins?

In other Guinness Book freak news here's one of my posts that made me crack up when I wrote it - to read it click the word Sandy.

Hysterical Low Budget Non PC Commercial for a Gym. MUST SEE!

HAHAHA!!!!!!! What the hell????

Well they do get the message across. So what do you think? Notice those are beer goggles he's wearing.

I think in the outtake he pulls a gun out and kills her.

Downingtown Old Country Buffet Prepares For Commercial.

Here’s an idea for a commercial that I’ll be offering Old Country Buffet*:

- Instead of “All you can eat,” The promotion will be called “All Hugh can eat.”

- And Hugh will be this huge fat fuck. Close to four bills. The following is just a random brainstorming list of some ideas for the commercial:

- Opening of commercial shows Hugh pulling up in his handicap van and hobbling up the six steps to the restaurant. (Stopping twice to catch his breath).

- Huge stands at the hostess table and is greeted by a cheerful hostess who says to Hugh “follow me” – giving the appearance that he’s being seated in a real live restaurant and not a homeless shelter grade dining hall. She reminds Hugh of the “no sharing policy.” She looks at him again and says, “Seriously…no sharing. We’ll find out if you do. And you won’t be able to come back. Are we clear with that?”**

- Hugh drops his oxygen tank at his table and makes his way to the vittles. Mother’s pull children from his path as if guarding them from a charging rhino.

- Hugh wraps his sausage fingers around the dirty ladles and drops food onto his plate: Heat lamp crusted mac and cheese, unseasoned baked chicken, mashed potaters topped with fatty gravy and more….much, much more.

- His plate is loaded. A young chubby lad looks up at him, “Hey Mister, you don’t need to load up your plate THAT much because it’s all you can eat.”

- Hugh looks at the boy, leans down as much as he can and with garlic and cigar breath hitting the kid’s face with the intensity of a CVS handheld hairdryer says, “No mother fucker, It’s all HUGH can eat. You got that? All HUGH can eat. So get the FUCK out of my way!”

- Then cheerfully the announcer explains that although it’s all HUGH can eat, it’s also all YOU can eat. Both really. Hugh AND you. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like everyone can eat at Old Country Buffet. Hugh AND you….the person watching the commercial. All creeds too. Seriously. Everyone.

*Commercial to be filmed at the Downingtown Old Country Buffet.
**See what I did there? I worked the problem of sharing right there into the commercial. So it’s crystal clear that people know. Maybe slow zoom in shot of a video camera will follow - with a huge eye peering out. Not sure what it will do to the pacing or tone of the commercial. That decision can be made in editing.

Fattest Twins. The McGuire Twins. Motorcycles. Fatties.

Who didn't love the McGuire Twins?

You know, the fattest twins that were always featured in the Guinness Book of World Records. I used to get that book specifically to see the fattest people, the dude with the longest fingernails and all of the other human oddities.

I wonder if there are any really fat twins today and the one twin is trying to convince the other one to gain 120 pounds so they can capture the title of fattest twins?

If you happen to know them, please have them contact me as I will feature them on TBY.

So who were YOUR favorite fatties?

Some of My Favorite Twitter Tweets. West Goshen Dude.

I know many of you don't like Twitter but after a few weeks I've come to like it. Blogs are a lot better but the great thing about Twitter is that can Tweet my special thoughts throughout the day and now I'm prepared to report newsworthy events. So look out.

....Like when that guy was in the West Goshen wine store bore-assing everyone about how he knows the best place to buy blue crabs. I wonder how many of my Tweet followers went there when I broke that story to hear the guy? At least three. Don't you think?

I told you it was a powerful tool.

So here are a few of my select Tweets over the last few week:

Time to lay in bed and try to dream about another blogger. Maybe it'll be you..or you...(popping up from behind your couch) or even YOU!!!

I bet when that guy came up with the saying about the taint it spread like wildfire.

Wonder if anyone ever brought a Franklin Mint Wolf Knife to the Antiques Roadshow?Then they laughed. Then he did a burnout in parking lot.

I think a line of wife beater tees with images of wife beater guys saying things like, "I SAID SALISBURY STEAK!"..would make a nice line.

2 of my sisters just told me they thought my blog was too sexual for someone thats married.

according to billboard accross from eagles stadium is billboard advertising show for loverboy. get your tickets now!

Tip for foreigners - don't say: "Nice dress. Did Mrs Roper lend it to you"......That would most likely be taken as an insult,

wonder what the most rejected salvation army item is? probably the urine soaked mattress. oldie but a goodie.

wonder if slum dog millionaire has helped Indian dudes get laid more. what do you think?

wonder if theres a guy with the nickname tip toe timmy.

Someone should write a sappy love song about a woodpecker that's really the dead grandfather giving advice. "Pecky's Message of Love"

Have you ever heard a squirrel cry? I bet if you recorded it then played it really loud at a person w/ a weak heart it could kill them.

Dating tip: Tell your lady that she's 6 times a lady.Point out that that's double 3 times.When she's doing the math, reach for her butt.

just saw a lady with neck fat like a gunny sack. wait. whats a gunny sack?

I wonder if there are any normal people that own ferrets? ...Naaa. Just kiddin'.

Olives, Almonds and Cheese Is A Tasty Snack

Here's a random tasty snack I found on my computer. Salted almonds, cheese and feta and garlic stuffed olives*. Note the toothpick that's stabbed into the cheese. I like to use it to keep the oil off off my precious hands while eating but some of you fatties may want to use this idea to keep less going into your pie hole. Just a friendly tip. Tubby.

*I get my olives locally at the Downingtown Wegmans fresh bar. Can anyone recommend bottled olives? Are they as fresh? Also, this is boring sharp cheddar. Does anyone have any cheese recommendations?

Hey! Look At That Guy With The Huge Beak!

Did you know that this week is National Children's Book Week? Years ago, I used buy books at sales and then sell the books on Amazon. It was kind of an obsesson. Along the way, I picked up a great amount of books for my own Zibbs library. One of the beauties is called, "Why Does That Man Have Such A Big Nose?"

The book is to help children understand that people are different. People come in all different shapes and sizes, wear different clothes and behave in different ways. I'm glad they explained that on the back cover because I thought it was a joke book. And for the record, I still think they should have called it, "Hey...Get a Load of Fatso!*"

*This is a quote from The Honeymooners where Norton and Ralph are planning to stage a fight, and this was the line that was to be used as a code. This is also a phrase that I say, usually to myself, when I see a fat guy. Except last week, I was getting pizza in Exton at Rocco's and I saw a fatty and I said it out loud. Luckily my car windows weren't down.

The Funniest YouTube Chubby Chaser Video I've Seen So Far

Last night this was my prayer: Dear Jesus, will you please have that actress that played Henrietta Hippo from the New Zoo Review go on to a cheese ball public access channel and dance while a smoove ("smooth" to squares) brother dances around her and she sings a song about chubby chasers?

Well, maybe long time reader of my blog Micgar is Jesus because on his blog today he has this.

If you believe in Jesus and you want to see something funny as hell, check out the vid and tell him Zibbs sent ye'.

The Saddest Story Goes To The Happiest

It's amazing how you can be looking at something and you're sad. Then, Jesus comes and sprinkles his fairy dust on it in the form of a narrator and the situation suddenly goes from all crappy to totally glorious. Here's that magical peanut butter and jelly with a baseball bat moment. Now go out and make it a great day.

My Favorite Your Momma So Fat Jokes

Here's a list of my favorite old school Yo Momma So Fat jokes. These jokes are very big in the African American Community so most of you crackers won't get them right away. To help with your understanding I urge you to try to say them like you think a black colored might say them.

I wrote none of them as I ain't a racist like you. (and I'm 1/10th Cherokee. My great-great grandfather was an important chief. So,..you know).

- when she step on the Weight Scales it says...'to be continued'...

- she lost a game at Hide&Seek only cos I spotted her...behind the Himalayas.
- she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of George Washington's nose.

- that her senior pictures had to be aerial views!

- she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!

- she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!

- she's on both sides of the family!

- when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.

- when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"

- she has to get out of the car to change radio stations.

- she put on a Malcolm X T-shirt and a helicopter tried to land on her.

- that when god said," Let there be light," he told her to move her fat ass out the way first!

- when she dances she makes the band skip.

Pear Body Shape - Let's Get Learnin'

While compiling my extensive research for a blog post about pear shaped people that I was originally going to call, "Hey everyone, that lady over there is shaped like a giant pear", I didn't think I was going to learn anything.

I was going to discuss the scene when you spot a pear shaped mother and daughter together at the Exton Mall and they're both pear shaped.

I love to run up to these rascals and playfully circle them while saying, "One pear - two pear - one pear - two pear. . They have a name for your type you know- it's called a PEAR. Look at you, you're gonna look just like your mom when you grow up - thin at the top but ssssslllllloped down here." (And when I say the word sloped, I use a slide whistle to make a ssssllllopoing sound. The gathering crowd always claps at that part)

I love doing that. And I'm glad that the laws of Pennsylvania allow me to do that.

So what did I learn? I learned that you can buy the "Obesity Model 360" (pictured above). With this model, I will have an actual prop, a teaching tool if you will, that I can use to teach others about the Pear people. All I need to do is find a carrying case so I don't look like a weirdo walking around with that thing. To learn where you can buy the Obesity Model 360 - click here.

Plus Size Store Catherine's To Change Name To Fatty Fat Fatso's

Exton PA

Bensalem, PA retailer Charming Shoppes announced that Catherine's - it's clothing store that caters to plus sized women - will be getting a new name. The stores will now be branded as "Fatty Fat Fatso's". The Exton store in the Whiteland Town Center is the first to receive the make over. According to Charming Shoppes VP of Marketing Tina Mertz,

"The Catherine's brand has suffered in recent years in a time when obesity is on the rise. The reason we believe is that some fat people don't even know that we sell fat clothes -the name sure doesn't tell them we are a fat store. By changing the name to Fatty Fat Fatso's, there will be no confusion."

This Memorial Day weekend, Fatty Fat Fatso's will be luring patrons in with burgers, pizzas and chocolate. Mertz also proudly explains their aggressive marketing plans,

"We've tied baked hams to the bumpers of our new Fatty Fat Fatso trucks and will be scouring the area. We're predicting at least 1000 fat people will be lured into the stores like rats by the smell of hams. Once inside - and they catch their breath, they'll be able to enjoy 30% off all fat clothes - which are all ready at very low prices. We're also premiering our new line of 'Let yourself go Moo-Moos. We're very excited."