Tuesday, June 30, 2009

What Happens If I Start Getting Stalked By Philly Area Twitter Nerds.



It's pretty cool being a super popular rock n roll superstar blogger...being all fuckin' famous and shit.

And I've done a pretty good job of keeping my identity private.

I do however love meeting other bloggers in person but now I'm running into a problem because of Twitter.

You see, most people that follow this blog - I assume - follow it because they think it's funny. On Twitter however, I already have over 250 followers and many are in the Philly area. But I think many people follow me just because I'm local to them.

Now I know I'm bringing it on my self because I'll tweet where I am but in the back of my head I'm wondering if I'm being watched. Like lets say in a few months I have a few thousand followers and I Tweet something like:

"Forced to go into Exton Kmart. Hey look at the hillbilly with the wolf shirt!"

Then all of a sudden several of the hillbilly relatives, all that are Tweet followers emerge, surround me and try to beat me for dissin' the wolf shirt. Sure, I'll just jump up onto a pipe, do a mid-air somersault and fly out of there but it's the inconvenience. In a pre-twitter world I'd be able to stare at the hillbilly, then approach him and say, "That's a mighty fine wolf on your shirt, is that the Grey Wolf? I think that's a great choice of shirts because you - not unlike the wolf my friend- seem like a leader...of some pack."

And I've intentionally been following people locally so I can see what's going on in the area, possibly meet some cool people and maybe even have them buy things for me. But for what price? What if I meet up with some of these Tweeters and they're complete nerds? Or they expect ME to buy THEM drinks?

What then? I am open to suggestions for how to weed out the people that don't meet these specifications:

Attractiveness - they don't have to be super attractive but I ain't hanging out with no freaks. Especially huge foreheaded people. You know, belugas.

Attentiveness
- they understand that I like to dictate the tempo and pace of conversations.

Generous
- they understand that I'm very busy so if they're spending time with me, the least they can do is buy the drinks. I will fight and say, "No, let me get this round" but they will be smart enough to say, "Forget it! I insist. Your payment is the words I'm honored to read on your Tweets."

Fashion Savvy
- They don't own a wolf shirt.

Any tips?

37 comments:

Hit 40 said...

Being a teacher is also a little like being a rock star. Crazy to be on vacation in another state to have my name shouted out in a crowd. I also like to be anonymous. I am also funny at school. So, I have a cult there too. They do not know about my blog. Then, I could not type WTF!!!

Dr Zibbs said...

Hit 40 - very wise to stay anon.

The Jules said...

Skillz.

You should only hang with folk who have skillz.

Not sure what skillz (other than skateboarding and nunchucks obviously), but skillz nonetheless.

Dr Zibbs said...

OK Jules...hold on...

(writing)

S.K.I.L.L.Z...

Got it. Thanks.

The Peach Tart said...

not sure about the shirt as a fashion statement....and it's very obvious for someone who is trying to stay obscure....definitely they should be the ones buying the drinks....just for the honor of your presence.

Dr Zibbs said...

The Peach Tart - you are very wise...

..uh...wanna buy me some drinks?

Sass said...

Hillbillies don't tweet.

They just scream yee-haw a lot.

And hey y'all watch this.

But they don't tweet.

So you'll be fine.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Most Hillbillies don't own cell phones either. Or computer's for that matter.

The Jules said...

*nods like a wise old teacher*

Dr Zibbs said...

Candy - you'd be surprised how advanced hillbillies have come lately.

Jon said...

What if I'm wearing a wolf shirt, but the wolf is wearing a tuxedo? That's pretty classy, right?

Dr Zibbs said...

Jon - good to see you're back.

As for the tuxedo wearing wolf of course that's a different situation.

SkylersDad said...

I thought the wolf shirt was OK, only if it also featured the American flag like your example.

Being all patriotic and shit trumps any other bad juju on the shirt.

Dutch donut girl said...

Belugas??!! BWHAHAHA !!!! And what if the person is wearing a thick headband? Would it be ok then?

Valerie said...

damn. I thought I was being ironic wearing a wolf t-shirt. (note to self- must burn wolf shirt if ever in the Philly area). Other than that, learn kung fu and carry a 22.

Mr. Condescending said...

Haha I have been making fun of wolf shirts for probably 8 years now.

Zibbs I know exactly the concern you have, I recently had a discussion forum about me with people threatening to kill me if they ever saw me. 'Specially some guy who saw his grandmothers dilapitaded old trailer posted up for the world to see! Be careful, in addition to being rockstars we also have to be like secret agent bloggers that slip in and out of danger quick.

BeckEye said...

I love reading stuff about Twitter. It's like trying to decipher a foreign language.

Amy Jo said...

I say you deserve what you get if you go into the Exton Kmart. That place is the pits.

Dr Zibbs said...

Mr C - When they catch you - you're getting beaten.

Dr Zibbs said...

And did anyone notice I have 250 followers?

I'm 1/4 of the way to 1000!

Fancy Schmancy said...

Who would hurt you? Everyone loves Dr. Zibbs!

Jennifer and Sandi said...

Psssst turn around!

Son of a Thomas said...

Twitter? I thought that was another way of saying nerds.

miss. chief said...

is it weird that this post gave me the idea to follow people who live near me just in case they talk about me on twitter?

diane said...

No one's going to get you for commenting on the wolf shirt. I don't like them either, they're right up there with the commercialized indian dream catcher shirts, ugh.
I don't think hillbillies can spell, so they can't read your tweets. You're safe.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Freaks? You're the one looking like a BLUE YAK??? How many fall below that category?

I don't live in PHilly so I'm good... only that I'm usually the one dictating the tempo of conversations so we might clash.

safest bet is just to tweet you r somewhere you're really not then run over to that place and spy to see how many people show up... make sure you bring a taser... just in case.

Or stop tweeting... except that isn't logical.

Mr London Street said...

If your fear is running people who are nerds compared to you I suspect you are safer than you think.

Dr Zibbs said...

Hey Diane, just so you know, my computer is getting fixed so I tried to get onto your blog from a different computer (at the libary) and it STILL wasn't letting me.

Girl Interrupted said...

What you need is a catchphrase! Something tough, something menacing, something that will sort the hillbillies from the humans ... how about "Hope u got your ice pack cause yous about to be karated up and shit"

Wait ... where have I heard that before ... ?

Scope said...

I think as long as you don't accidentally mix up your CB handle with your real name, the hillbillies won't be able to track your "10-20".

diane said...

It's not your computer that's the problem. You can not access my page through Explorer. Try firefox. I appreciate your update. xo

Susan said...

Are you a rock star that I just haven't heard of, or some famous PHilly star and I haven't figured it out??

Wow... I'm so glad I've been lucky to have been following for some time now. I can't say I'm just a "follower"... I found you on my own Dr. Zibbs.

buffalodick said...

Twitter.... When I care about someone's menstrual cycle, bowel movements, or scheduled feeding times, it's time for me to turn off the computer, and venture forth into the real world...

sybil law said...

Most hillbillies are more concerned with our president, the MUSLIM terrorist.
You're safe.
:D

Dr Zibbs said...

Buffalo Dick - someone's taking a bowel movement? ...Where?

Anonymous said...

What's worse? Wolf shirts or people over 30 wearing Disney (and they don't have kids)?

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