Friday, July 31, 2009

Invention Idea For My Sexy, Sweaty Under Garments. Heat Wave.




This heat sucks.

And for some reason, my sexy black underwear seems to ride up my ass worse than the tighty whities.

And I've tried to wear boxers but they don't offer the "support"...if you know what I mean.

So what's a brother to do? I don't want to be picking my ass when I'm walking down the street so I have to do a series of half kicks and turns. It's very discreet. I'm sure nobody knows what I'm doing. They're probably like, "Hey, that dude just kicked something really small then he was going to go back to his car because he forgot something but then he probably remembered he didn't forget it".

So my invention is underwear with tiny strings attached to the crack area. The strings are then looped through your pockets and then attached to small metal buttons. When your underwear rides up your ass, you simply reach into your pocket and pull on the "coins" that will pull the fabric out of your ass.

I know. It's brilliant. Now I'll need someone to draw up a licensing contract and someone else to find me a local seamstress so I can get a prototype done.

And I need some name suggestions.

24 comments:

Lostinspace said...

I feel your pain, brother. This handy product may help until then.
http://www.antimonkeybutt.com/

Dr Zibbs said...

LostInSpace - are you saying that my ass sweats like a monkey?

(flips hair around)

WHY I NEVER!...

(stomps away like an angry Mrs Howell)

Higgimonster said...

SFG for sure. (Staright Fuckin Genioug)

diane said...

You have too much time on your hands. Better buy some underwear that fits.

Irenelikewhoa said...

Is it wrong of me that i pictured an nice firm ass and a wedgie being picked via strings coming out of the ass? Yet, who knows if ur ass is indeed firm! not meee!

The Peach Tart said...

Asscracknomore - genius

SkylersDad said...

"Man-Thongs-be-gone"

I will expect my royalty check in the mail shortly...

Dr Zibbs said...

It IS SFG isn't it?

Bloggin' Bama Girl said...

This is why I wear a g-string. it's either a 5" of silk/cotton up your ass or a mere 1/4" piece up your ass. After a while you don't notice a 1/4" piece of cotton, and if you wiggle just right... well, never mine...

Valerie said...

I agree with Bama Girl.

and what about boxer-briefs?

J.J. in L.A. said...

Why not go commando when it's that hot? Better to be hangin' loose than wedgie and sweaty.

Some Guy said...

I'd call it "The Mailman", because when there's a letter in your mailbox, who gets it out of there? The Mailman, that's who!

Dr Zibbs said...

JJ - I have no problem going commando but you can't with suit pants. It's too obvious.

Soda and Candy said...

Yeah, you need a thong!

But if you must have cheek coverage, I think your coin system is rather ingenious.

Dr Zibbs said...

Soda and Candy - I may need to just try a thong on to see what it feels like.

Son of a Thomas said...

First: No thong. Ever. If you're a guy.

Second: The Michael Jordan boxer/briefs ain't working for you. I know they hold all my stuff, ain't that right honey? Honey? Honey?

Third: Try some talc, cause remember....It ain't the heat....It's the humidity.

Dr Zibbs said...

Son of A - yeah I ain't wearin' no damn thong. Just trying to make some time.

You know what I'm sayin'

LiLu said...

Yeah... I definitely think we need a visual for this one...

Dr Zibbs said...

Lilu - I will sketch up some visuals next time I'm watching some tube or driving in boring traffic.

Prunella Jones said...

Why not design a bra for your balls? Something that lifts and separates.

sybil law said...

The Shifter
Shifty
The Adjuster

I am so original. But all those names sound manly to me. ;)

Dr Zibbs said...

Oooh Sybil, what about "Shiftless"?

Dr Zibbs said...

..or Shifty McGee?

sybil law said...

Shifty McGee, definitely.