Here's a group I saw back in the day in Philly at the Spectrum. The Kinks. It was probably 1980 or 1981. This is the song Apeman.
At 28 seconds in they show the profile of a person in an Ape mask. At first I was all, "Is that a real person?" Then I realized it was a mask.
On Twitter the other day I tweeted something like, "I can't believe I'm watching American Idol again. Why am I so gay?"
And someone chimed in that I shouldn't use a phrase that's "so offensive". I think the guy was gay but I'm not sure.
Really?
I've been using the word gay since the 70's and I'm not stopping. The way I'm using it is not saying that I have hatred against gays. The meaning of gay that I'm using has been around before anyone was even out of the closet. So if you ask me, it's MY word and the gays need another word for themselves. Give me a break.
What about when gays make fun of someone that isn't gay that has a terrible sense of fashion? Is THAT hateful gays? Hmmm? Some of the funniest people I've met are gay but there are a group of gays that take offense to everything.
I have very little hate in me for any group. None really. I just like making fun of people. Anyone. Including myself. So when you can say you NEVER make fun of any group or person, that's when you can get on my case for using the word gay.
If you think about it, anything you say can be taken as being mean. And you know what? I don't care. And I'm tired of every word, phrase and expression being analyzed.
That's the end of my rant. (I've had a few too many Victory Beers)
Here's a great video of Dr Smith from Lost in Space saying the word "creature"
Oh DEEEAAARE!
I was at my mom's the other day. She always leaves bags of things for us at the door so we doesn't forget to take the stuff she's either bought for us or wants to get rid of. It's usually cakes and pastries or magazines and coupons.
So I look down on the floor and I see something curled up in a white plastic bag*. Guess what it was? Yup! A Danny O'Day Ventriloquist dummy. Just like the one I used to have when I was a kid.
And I've got to tell you - it looked super creepy curled up in a plastic bag. Like it was a dead body. I should have taken a picture.
So then when I was over my sister's house the other day I was telling her about it and she said it was her son's but it was creeping the kids out so much that she needed to get it out of the house. They were terrified by it. She then said my mom put it in a bag by the door because, "She knows you like things like that".
Excellent. When I get it I'm totally gonna use the Flip camera and film it. Maybe I'll do a blog question and answer with it. What do you think? What is the best use for this figure (ventriloquist jargon for dummies).
*If I took a picture of the dummy in the bag it could be used on the movie poster of a movie I could make about a family that keeps trying to get rid of a haunted dummy. It could be called, "Don't Forget To Take Out The Trash" or "Just Put It In A Bag".
When I was at Wegmans yesterday I was crossing from the produce area to the cheese area. There are a few shelves that hold some cookware.
And do you know what else they have on those shelves? Little Debbies. My arch enemy of snack cakes. Why? Because they taste terrible. Even Wegmans is ashamed of Little Debbies as is proof of their shelf location. Next week I bet they'll hide them in the basement behind a bunch of mops.
My mom would get them once in a while when I was in school and would slip one in my lunch. As if. Oh is this a TastyKake? I don't know. Let me just eat it. I won't know the difference.
And Little Debbies has a new product called Devil Cremes. Total rip off of Devil Dogs and they put the "R" (registered trademark) really huge after the name as if to say, "Nobody better steal this name because our Devil Cremes are the property of Little Debbies".
F off Little Debbies.
I think a great gag would be to:
1) Break into someones house while they're sleeping.
2) Drug them.
3) Tie them to the couch.
4) When they come to, wearing these outfits, my partner and I would then perform this number* (Love Will Keep Us Together from the Lawrence Welk Show)
*Using the same enthusiastic smiles too!
I have no idea what this Play Girl Q show from the 70's is but ME LIKEY!!
My favorite part is when she's skipping around with the stuffed animal at 26 seconds then trips.
Why don't you American ladies skip anymore? Look how cute it is.
I was just listening to the radio and this guy named Jimmy called in. He sounded exactly like a woman. Turns out the name was Ginny not Jimmy. And good thing because he sounded exactly like a woman.
That would stink if you think about it. People call you on the phone and think you're a woman. If I had a high voice I would just make myself talk in a really deep voice. I wonder if anyone ever does that? I bet some people do and then they go back to their regular voice maybe once a year. Deep in the woods. Alone. Talking to the animals and trees. Kind of sad.
One of the best phone pranks for incoming calls (in the category of voices) is the one that my friend Flare used to do*. He has a really deep voice. I'd say he's in the 90% of deep voices.
So when telemarketers used to call him this is what would happen:
Flare: (with his really deep voice) Hello?
Telemarketer: Yes, is Mrs Flare in?
Flare: Speaking.
Telemarketer: No MRS Flare.
Flare: This IS MRS Flare. Are you.....are you saying that I sound like a woman?
Telemarketer: (flustered) Uh...no..um, the reason we're calling Mrs Flare is...
God I would love to hear that in action.
The other one he used to do was, "You uh...You want Mrs Flare?...She died yesterday".
HAHAHA. And you thought I was mean.
*I may have posted this story on TBY already. Sorry.
Hey. Take a look in the mirror:
Naaaa. Just kidding. This is really you:
No. I think I need glasses because this is really you. I'm not kidding this time. Go ahead. Look in the mirror again:
Yeah that's you. Right there on the left. Yeah. YOUR left...if you're looking at the monitor. Yeah...wait. Yeah that's it. That's you.
I was just over reading Whiskey Marie's blog and she had a picture of this guy over there:
You know him, it's the Mucinex guy. Pretty gross but not as bad as...
HIT THE BREAKS!! I was actually going to ad a picture of the toenail fungus cartoon guy that I see in magazines but during a quick search of Toenail Fungus I've become ill from the images.
I'm not kidding. Do NOT search the phrase "toenail fungus" because what you will receive is (not for the faint of heart) THIS!
WHAT THE HELL!!?? Why aren't sites like this blocked on my computer? Are these feet even human? Good God!
Well, I hope you survived that. And to ease you back into being able to look at feet, check out this video (it's not gross. It's my Gypsy Footcare Factory original video that I post frequently on my blog because it's one of the only videos I've done).
Enjoy your lunch.
I was just in a meeting and someone said, "What if we....."
..Then went onto describe an idea that was slightly clever but pretty stupid. They looked around with an expression on their face as if to say, "Do you people understand what I just said? It's brilliant!"
Then someone said, "That's a great idea!"
But it really wasn't. And I just sat there thinking, "What the hell am I doing here?"
I also hate when something is explained and it's so obvious but one person doesn't grasp the simple concept. So the person explaining explains it in the same exact way. But slower. But the questioner still doesn't get it.
Then, a know-it-all, chimes in and explains it and the person understands. And they're all proud of themselves.
Pretty much, I hate meetings.
I got totally busted by my wife yesterday.
You know this post that I put up the other week with David Armand doing mime to the song Torn?
Well I was cooking and the song came on. So of course I started to act out the video. Then the next song on the radio was Billy Joel's "It's Still Rock and Roll to Me". So I started acting it out in the same mime style. Trying to see if I could mime the lyrics.
Well, I thought my wife was in the other room when all of a sudden she appears. I of course stop mid-mime and have a look of horror on my face. It's something I would have done in front of her but just to get busted like that...
My wife started laughing her ass off and can barely get out the words, "What...hahaha...What...hahaha...hahaha...are...hahahaa...you doing"???
Busted! I never get embarrassed in front of my wife but it was a combo of embarrassment and shock that she was standing there.
What a fool.
The Knack lead singer Doug Fieger just died of cancer. He was 57.
Man, My Sharona was a huge hit. It was #1 for six weeks. When it came out in 1979 it was a real original. Here it is:
I've been watching episodes of Mr Show that I got for my birthday. Man this was a great show. I wished they'd do some more stuff together.
Check out this sketch. It reminds me of some of the dudes I went to high school with and the many fights that almost broke out. (Foul language alert so if you have kids, tell them there's a unicorn outside so they'll leave the room).
OK that's about it....You know what? What the hell. I'm giving you guys a double shot. It's Saturday morning. Just get another cup of coffee and enjoy this musical about a classic joke (with appearance by Jack Black):
Now I don't want anyone to get nervous but..I'm really trying to get to know my readers. What I'm asking is this - do any of you own and wear one of these?:
And if you don't own and wear one do you WISH you did? Or you're planning to? I'm just curious.
Just be honest. For once.
One of my terrible impressions from back in the day was Ethel Murman*. Well, it wasn't that bad but.. If the impression was not great I'd say it was "in the works" - as if I was practicing it at home for hours in a mirror to get it right. Slowly I would make a breakthrough and look in the mirror with the smile that said, "Nailed it!".
So I was just on the old Youtube and found one of my favorite clips from Airplane. This always makes me laugh out loud.
*And how did anyone ever think she was a good singer? She's sounds like someone's Aunt just belting out some songs after a few Rob Roys.
Sure. You can go out and get your lady a card, jewelry and flowers on Valentine's Day but everyone does that. Here are some more creative ways to celebrate that special day:
1) Wake up a few minutes early so you can position your junk 3 inches from her face when she opens her eyes on this special day. Surprise! Paint a heart on it? It's up to you.
2) Get cards that you've collected in the past year and cut and paste them to make a "Love Card". Perhaps a pumpkin walking down the beach with an Easter Bunny? New Years Eve streamers littering the beach? I don't know.
3) You can even clip the inside of cards and use the words in clever ways. It's really simple. Here's an example of what I clipped:
"I'm Happy that you are grieving the loss of YOU'RE my loved one. Love is LIKE THE first holy communion of a MERRY time. Please RSVP if you want to attend ME."
It's THAT simple !
4) Don't just GIVE her an iron. Offer to watch her use it. (Note: make sure that the ironing board is away from the TV so you don't have to ask her to move mid-iron).
Do you have any tips? If I think of anymore I'll add them to the comments area.
Twitter is an interesting place. As I mentioned, I have my @DrZibbs profile and my @FatherKelly profile. On my Father Kelly profile I don't interact with people. But if it's a celeb or someone really interesting or funny I'll direct mail them and tell them that I have the Dr Zibbs account.
A few months ago I did that exact thing to Jessie - @Jezebelthegreat* is her Twitter profile. She's one of my fav people on Twitter. Just funny, interesting or smart-assy tweets.
And an on an interesting side note, she used to be an stripper. That's where lady's strip down and dance on stage. Sometimes poles are involved. They actually use the pole in their choreography! Here's an interview I conducted with the always cool Jez the Great over email.
1) What percentage of they guys really believed that the girls liked them and wanted to date them? Would the strippers laugh at how dumb some of the regulars were or did you kind of feel sorry for some of them?
See, this is where I really differ from other dancers. I was always 100% honest with my clientele if I was dating someone, and most of them respected that. I was one of VERY few women who didn't lie or give out fake phone numbers to make more money. I mean, there were some really dishonest dancers there, dancers who would make out with guys in the lapdance area while stealing the money out of their wallets. It was pretty bad.
And yeah, there were a few times that we laughed at the sheer audacity of some of the men who came in there. I once met a guy who said I needed God, invited me to church with him and then a few minutes later, told me he wanted a lapdance...but only if I'd let him "see it." Ugh.
2) So what was it like the first night dancing? Did you practice ahead of time?
I don't remember much about the actual night I started, but I CAN tell you that I wore my first stripper heels around the house for two days beforehand so I wouldn't fall once I got onstage for the first time. I also remember that I felt really, really awkward when I got there. One of the girls made her "regular customer" (a term used in the dancing biz) buy a lapdance from me and I was so nervous I thought I was going to puke (I didn't, thankfully.) Oh, and when I saw the pole for the first time I thought, "Yeah, I'm not so sure I wanna touch that thing. Hand sanitizer? Anybody? No?"
3) The stereotype is that strippers aren't smart but you're smart and hysterical. How did you get into stripping and is that stereotype true in general?
In 2002 I started dating a dancer. In the four months we dated, I went to see her a few times at her job. Her bosses and co-workers told me they needed more girls "with dark hair and big booties." Since I'd just quit my job, I considered it; plus, I'd gained too much weight and I knew dancing would be a great workout. Still, it took a few months to finally gather the courage to do it.
There are three basic stereotypes about dancers, and "being too dumb to do anything else" is one of them. I'm not going to say it IS true, because I've worked with quite a few women who are just as smart as I am (though not as funny...I'm one in a million, man), but at the same time...let's just say I could use big words around some of them and they would just cock their heads and say, "Wha...?"
4) Were there ever cat fights among the girls? And then it spilled out into a back alleyway?
Haha, "back alleyway." We had fights, of course, but most of them took place in the dressing room while someone held the door shut so the bouncers couldn't get in and break them up. I only got in one fight early on, and it happened in front of everyone in the club. After that, I didn't really have to worry about girls messing with me...especially after I started my dominatrix act. I was a little badass.
5)What percentage of clubs are girls "giving a bit extra"? If you know what I mean.
I only worked in five clubs during my dancing career, and only two of them were...lenient? on girls getting away with more than should be allowed. It was a little unnerving to try to do a lapdance when you look over and the girl next to you has some guy's dick in her hand. Yeesh.
6) What made you decide to stop dancing and what are you doing now?
I quit dancing this past June because a) I was 33 years old, I'd been dancing for seven damn years and I'd never planned on making a career out of it; and b) I'd started dating someone here in Detroit (I lived in Oklahoma) and we decided to move me here and "make an honest woman out of me," haha. He was worth quitting for; he's a great guy and he takes good care of me. I like being a nice, normal suburban housewife-type.
Also, there was no way in hell I was going to dance in Detroit. I don't have a death wish, man.
On May 24, 2009 I wrote this post about Soul Train and mentioned that the third dancer was not proud of his robot boogaloo dancing style.You remember that date though. You probably have it marked in your "THAT BLUE YAK post calendar" that you keep to track all of my posts.
Well, his name is Puppet Boozer and he chimed in with a comment just the other day. His comment was:
"Just to clarify...I am the fourth dancer "Puppet Boozer". There was no embarrasment or timidness. We were proud, excited and a little nervous. We were also very young, I was 19 at the time. You need to take a closer look my friend. When you have been in our shoes as innovators introducing your craft to the world...then you may able to critique a with a little more clarity. Keep dancing...
PB"
And I do believe it was the real Puppet Boozer that left this comment. So I would like to apologize to him and to really show I'm sorry I'm offering to dance with him sometime if we ever meet. Well, dance on the same floor with him.
And believe me. I'm good. You'll see. Everyone will be like, "Whoa!! Look at that move!". You know how it gets.
Haha. I thought I hated mimes but then I saw this. It's David Armand doing Torn. This had me cracking up.
What the?
This is what you get when you search "1975 Fashion". I was in 5th grade then. And even though I never sported one of those hats, the blue shirt on the right looks VERY familiar. I think I had a very similar one for special occasions.
And it reminds me of one Christmas when my parents gave me a charm bracelet to wear on those special occasions. I remember my dad saying, "You see son, men don't really wear jewelry like ladies. You've got your watch, your wedding ring when you get married but that's about it. But these charm bracelets are the new thing. I got mine for a sales conference a few months ago and I get a LOT of compliments for it. It makes you stand out".
When I wore my fancy disco shirt the next time I remember him saying, "Now that's the perfect outfit for the charm bracelet".
So he gets the charm bracelet and tries to show me how it's supposed to be exposed a bit so you can see it over the sleeve. But it shouldn't be on the outside of the sleeve. See what I mean? No? Well either did I because it's impossible to have it both ways.
So he loosened one of the links and the next thing you know it was practically falling off of my hand. He was too frustrated to fix the link so he was like, "Yeah that's it. There you go. That's how you wear it".
I remember feeling like a chick wearing it. I wonder if I still have it in my "Dr Zibbs box from the past" that I keep in my attic. Probably not. I probably chucked it in the woods when I was in 7th grade.
Kristen this is for you (he says in the style of the Nanny when she's yelling to Damien in the Omen right before she jumps off the roof).
OK. Here is a clip from the movie Welcome Home JellyBean. I was telling Kristen about it the other day. It's a movie from the 80's about a retarded girl. The retarded gal is played by the girl that was the daughter in the second National Lampoon Vacation movie. She's dead now so don't even try making fun of her.
And the acting is TERRIBLE. It's an insult to retarded people AND elevators. There's no need to watch the clip after the elevator scene but what is going on in there? (Besides the bad acting). Look at the panic that happens when the emergency button is pressed. What's up wid that Holmes?
I haven't done an interview in a while so here we go. I'll do two interviews.
Email me at Lebner1 at Yahoo Dot Com and in the subject line write, "I want an interview".
You can ask me up to 10 questions via email. I'll answer you then you can write a post about the interview. I'll then write a post linking to your interview.
Your post should be up this Thursday.
Once the 2 people have contacted me I'll let you know in the comments. So first come, first served. GOOD LUCK!
I had this really weird dream last night. There was this enormous outdoor stadium and they were holding auditions for the Wizard of Oz.
Since I used to do a goofy imitation of the Scarecrow back in the day I decided to try out for the part. I knew I could get the dancing down pat. Then I realized that I'm not the best singer. I'd have to work on that part. And it also hit me that instead of doing the goofy ass version of the Scarecrow I'd have to do a serious version.
And what about the costumes? What if my costume looked like the one above? And the whole production is second rate and cheesy? Even though for such a huge venue it couldn't be THAT bad. Right? Right?
It was too late to back out and I was getting all nervous that I was gonna look like an ass and there would me thousands of people watching me do "theater". And we all know how gay THAT can be.
So the rest of my dream was me practicing singing and dancing to, "If I only had a brain."
Pretty weird huh?
