Thursday, November 20, 2008

How to Get Dumped By Someone By Mastering This..

While driving the other day, I was trying to make this face that Jerry Blank made one time while she was dancing. As I looked in the mirror I realized how unbelievably ugly it made me look. I know. Me? But while doing it I had an epiphany. With a few modifications, I think I've come up with the perfect expression that will make anyone want to break up with you.

First, here is the face. It's very important to look in the mirror while trying to master this look so you can get the full effect:

1) Using your tongue, push your lower lip out as far as you can. Kind of like when someone puts a piece of orange in their mouth.
2) Tilt your head slightly and do the thing where it looks like you don't have a chin.
3) Cross you eyes but only the slightest crossing you can do or else it will look like you're just making a joke.
4) Now shrug your shoulders. Stay with me. We're almost home.
5) Breath heavily from your nose and nod your head slightly.
6) Finally, very softly, every once in a while say, "Aww that's it. Yeah you got it."
What do you see when you look in the mirror? Yup. A fucking ugly monster. Holy shit. I'm getting skeeved out just thinking about you. Go ahead, sneak another peak.

Now the key is to use this expression during sex, when being introduced to his or her friends, and a few times a week when reading and you come across something interesting or slightly humorous. When asked why you're suddenly making this face, say nothing. Just silently shed a tear, walk briskly to a bathroom and lock yourself in.

30 comments:

Falwless said...

This explains the pic you sent me of yourself. I wasn't going to say anything.. I thought that was your natural expression.

Falwless said...

By the way, 66 followers?! (I'm not counting you. Good try, though.) Is this like some sort of cult now? Shouldn't we all be buying similar track suits and jazzy sneakers now? We also need cult colors, similar to a gang. Just, please, I don't look good in any sort of orange tone...

Leonesse said...

Huh?

LYDIA said...

So I really tried "the look" - I think I looked like a grandma or something. A very unattractive grandma. I thought you were up to 68 followers the other day, did you piss a couple off? They decided it was not in their best interest to follow a yak?

I say no to orange as well.

LYDIA said...

Shit, never mind... it is 68.

Falwless said...

Oh. Whoops. I can't see.

Chele said...

great, I was doing THE LOOK when my mom comes bursting in to my room, her face was like What the fuck you doin?

Miles McClagan said...

I pull the face Robert Conrad pulled when he lost the 100m race to Gabe Kaplan on Battle Of The Network Stars...works every time...

Michelle J said...

That is how i look when i run!! Is that not a good look?? I thought i looked kinda hot!!

For real!!

Oh, sorry thats the look i have when i'm taking a shit!!!

Love
Stalker

Tova Darling said...

Um, did you become a follower of your own Blog? Silly Zibbs!

Bombchell said...

LOL u loser me at number 3.

so if this is darned to get a breakup, im guessing the complete opposite will get a proposal??? lol or being asked out?

Bombchell said...

^^OMG my english is bad, u can tell Im not used to being up early.

Jennifer and Sandi said...

~ Laughter in the rain, walking hand in hand with the one I love ~
Ah yes, that album brings back memories......

Oh yeah, you were asking what now??

- Jennifer

Chris said...

Brilliant strategy, but I was just wondering if the person in the car ahead of you was worried that you were having a stroke when they looked in the rear view mirror.

sista #2 said...

I think this look made me look more attractive.

No wonder I dont get laid.


peace
#2

Dr Zibbs said...

Miles - Welcome to That Blue Yak.

Bombchell - I'm going to write a post especially for you called, "How to get asked out"

Franki said...

So just accidentally running them over with my car isn't a good break-up plan?

Anonymous said...

Why are YOU practicing breakin' up faces?

Sausage Mechanic said...

Rushed to my mirror, followed your instructions precisely. Damn if I didn't look better! Good God! I must be the Antiface!

Dr Zibbs said...

Franki - Yes. That as the first option.
Anonymous - It chose me.

Gwen said...

I still looked awesome.

dmb5_libra said...

im with gwen...i still looked good. its impossible for me to look ugly.....or be modest.

ÄsK AliCë said...

That look is not attractive at any time. I look like someones deceased Grandma back from the grave.

Oh also, no orange for me either. It washes me out.

Fancy Schmancy said...

I don't really see a difference from the usual face that greets me in the mirror.

Giggle Pixie said...

That look sounds a little too much like Sling Blade...eek, that's totally creepy alright!

LegalMist said...

Holy yak, the good Dr. is up to 70 followers now. If this is going to be a cult, I'll need to know where to go to look for the spaceship.

Caffeine Court said...

I'm going to do it the next time my husband is horny and I don't want to have sex. It probably won't work.

Dr Zibbs said...

And one more thing, has Sedaka come out of the closet yet? What's he waiting for?

Dale said...

I used to make the Jerri face all the time until my face stuck that way.

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