Monday, November 24, 2008

Clarinets, Practical Jokes, Traditions and America



So here's another practical joke/leg pulling in my series. Years ago when I was first dating Mrs Z, she and my sister's boyfriend were over my parents house for a big 4th of July party. It was probably the 3rd or 4th time each of them had been at the house. So this is what happens:

Me: (to future Ms. Z and boyfriend): So did Julie tell you two about the speech?

Ms Z:
What speech?

Me: The 4th of July speech.

Boyfriend: What are you talking about.

Me: My Dad is really patriotic so every 4th of July, before he plays some patriotic songs on the clarinet, he asks that new people do a speech about what America means to them.

Ms Z: Are you kidding?

Me: Well it's not really a speech, you just have to tell some things about why you think America is great, or 4th of July memories. Stuff like that. But you should make some notes because it's got to be like five minutes long. And don't make a mockery of it while you're doing it because...well.....just don't.

Boyfriend: Five minutes each?

Me: Yeah each or you can do it together. Either way, you guys should start thinking of some things because you have to be ready right before dinner. We'll be doing it in the living room. That's the tradition.

I let them suffer for about five minutes then I told them I was kidding. Suckaaaaas.

24 comments:

greeneyesmcl said...

While walking to our monthly All Staff Meeting, I tell new employees that they'll have to give a 10-15 minute overview of themselves. Once I've noticed that they've almost stopped breathing I fill them in on the gag!

Sausage Mechanic said...

Good one. Nothing like threatening to throw someone in the spotlight to get the sweat rolling.

Gwen said...

Nice. Good thing you only let them squirm for a few minutes - any longer and she might've ended up being Mrs. Bizarro Zibbs.

Bizarro said...

Woo-hoo! Thanks for the shout out, Gwen.

While I'm here, note that Dr. Zibbs' identity is becoming less and less secret. We now know that he has a sister named Julie, leaves in his yard, what his driveway and neighbor's house look like, etc.

Any crazy fanatic could find him in the greater West Chester, PA area with a spare Saturday and a tank of gas. Hmmm, maybe I don't need to reveal his identity after all...

Falwless said...

I was waiting for a fuckin' crazy-ass clarinet story and what did I get? Some story about speeches and America or something. WHERE'S THE CLARINET PART?

Signed,
Crazy for Clarinetists

B.E. Earl said...

I could totally do a 5-minute speech about shoving a clarinet up some old dude's ass if I really had to.

That's what you meant, right?

~E said...

You're evil! I hope you get down on hands and knees everyday thanking that poor woman for marrying you.

...

I lie! That was hilarious and ill keep it in mind for next 4th of July.

But I have to find a sucker...I mean a boyfriend first.

Fancy Schmancy said...

That Mrs. Z must love you very much...

That damn expat said...

I was bringing my boyfriend home for the first time and he was a little scared since he knew we roast a pig in the front yard for every holiday.
I told him Babe gets there alive and we all have to participate in the killing, Lord of the Flies style. When he arrived I told him he was late so he has to drink the blood. I gave him a glass of red wine and he almost passed out. Oh the good old days.

Vodka Mom said...

I would SO kick your ASS.......

Argentum Vulgaris said...

I used to get young mechanics on the job and they would try to be soooo helpful and get in the way, I use to send them to the store for a left-handed hammer, gave me some breathing space.

AV
http://netherregionoftheearthii.blogspot.com/
http://tomusarcanum.blogspot.com/

Cora said...

And she still married you. Brave, brave woman, that Mrs Z.

Suze said...

I like to tell the new people at work that it's their job to bring in donuts. I let them in on the joke around week 3.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

It's official, she KNEW what she was getting into. Enquiring minds, of course, wanted to know.

Dr Zibbs said...

That Damn Expat - Dots a Good Von!!!

buffalodick said...

Something about public speaking.. I was in sales most of my life, and made a lot of presentations to small groups- but big groups, I'd choke..

Jennifer and Sandi said...

And she still married you???





HAPPY TUESDAY!
- Jennifer

H said...

When my younger brother was about 5 or 6 my older brother and I convinced him he was adopted. And that he was actually born african american but we fed him Sun-In until he turned white. We were grounded for a long, long time. But it was so worth it to see him sweat it out for a couple of days before getting up the nerve to ask my mom the truth.

MelO said...

LMAO!!! I love it. You sound like you'd fit into MY family quite well....

waitaminute!...

UNCLE BILLY?!?!?

Giggle Pixie said...

I used to play clarinet. First chair in my high school band, in fact.

I'd pull out that stinking clarinet and play for 5 minutes before I'd give some lame-ass speech in front of a bunch of people I barely know.

Or I'd just faint dead away. One or the other.

words words words said...

Falwless' Grade For Reading Comprehension: F

Caffeine Court said...

Damn-you should have made them do it!!!

Falwless said...

Oh. Whoops. Dad played the clarinet. I totally didn't see that the first time. SHUDDUP WWW.

ric said...

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