Wayne PA House And Letting Five Year Olds Go To The Park Alone. Turtles..

I had to go to a funeral last week and on the way we drove by the house I lived in until I was seven,. There it is above. It's in on the Mainline in Wayne, PA. It was about two minutes from the Devon Horse Show if you know where that is.

Then we drove by the park I used to go to that was right down the street. And it got me thinking how when I was five I was allowed to go to the park by myself. Can you imagine people today doing that?? Here are a few memories I have of that park:

- There was a little storage house where you go borrow balls, hula hoops, shuffle board sticks and the like. But I was terrified of going in because the older kids were known to turn off the lights and lock kids in. And by "older" they were probably nine year olds.

- I found a box turtle* near the woods and I brought it home. It had a red paint stripe on it. I kept it for a few months then my dad made me return it. I can't remember why he made me release a pet back into the wild. Maybe lettuce and hamburger prices (it's food) were skyrocketing in the early 70's? I'll need to Google that.

- There was a kid named John that lived across the street from the Park. He was in my first grade class. I used to go to his house once and a while. The last time I went is when I was at the park then crossed the street to see if he could come out. A stranger answered the door and the man said, "Oh that family moved a few days ago. We live here now." And then closed the door on me *cue sad trombone*

Huh?? Thanks for telling me John! Wherever you are. 

*FUN FACT:: Box turtles live their entire lives roaming no more than one square mile?

Lawrence Welk Is Doin' Some Tokin'! Weed Smoking Straights.

 Awww yeah. My man LW is endorsing toking. Progressive ass son of a bitch.

Which Is Your Favorite? Parakeet, Mona Lisa, Clarinet and Dummy.

Which is your favorite?

Boy Staring At Parakeet

 Crappy Mona Lisa Painting

Chubby Nerd Showing Clarinet Pride

Family Of Freaks With Dummy

...and why?

Lookalike Alert! Who Do These Dudes From The Band Spider Look Like? Spicoli.

Did you ever hear of the band Spider? No? Ne neither. But I saw this album cover on one of my favorite blogs - Retrospace - and had to post it because looks like we have a little lookalike action happening here.

Take a look. Who do you think each of them looks like? OK Help me out here because I can only figure three out but the other one looks familiar and if it comes to me I'll post it in the comments. Here we go. Going from far right....

Far right (red shirt) - Totally Sean Penn as Spicoli. Am I right? Hmmmm?

Second from right (blue shirt) - The poor man's Rick Springfield.

Third from right (yellow shirt)  - George Thorogood with a wig. Look at the mouth.

Fourth from right (black shirt) - I'm stumped.

And here's Spicoli if you want to compare images....

See??

What About The THIRD Choice? Thurston's Bitch. Gilligan's Island.

You always hear the question: "Who would you pick? Ginger or Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island."  Here's Ginger:

Nice. Now here's Mary Ann:

Oh yeah. I'd go with Mary Ann like most men. What do you think the percentage is? 75% to 25%? Probably.

But the real question is...how many people get mad and say, "Mary Ann or Ginger? Why don't I get to choose Lovey???" Here she is:

Don't lie. You want it. Look at her asleep...helpless...ready for the taking....Thurston is probably counting his money. Greedy ass bitch. Not tending to her needs...Mmmmmmm...Uh....I gotta go.

My Favorite Gift Ever. I Had This Panasonic Tape Recorder. Mayor McCheese.

There it is. The Panasonic tape recorder that I got in fourth grade. Do you know how much use I got out of this bad boy? Here are a few things I used it for:

- Leaned it against the TV and taped the early Saturday Night Lives. Then played the tapes over and over.

- Worked on my early imitations such as Mayor McCheese.

- Attached a Radio Shack phone jack to it and made prank phone calls to hot lines.

- Made scary noises and put it under siblings beds.

- Taped my friend Kyle getting yelled out by his dad when his dad got the $100 plus phone bill for the "free" hot lines that we called. (I convinced Kyle that they were free because, "Do you really think they're gonna charge mental people?")

.......AND MORE!

I miss recording stuff. I think I need to start using the voice recorder on my phone. Maybe to secretly record people. Or maybe just to hear conversations later that I forget about. Like when I'm out with people drinking and I'm being all funny and shit. Then next day I always wake up and think, "Man. I wish I could remember what I was saying that was cracking everyone up."

And below is Mayor McCheese in case you forgot what he looked like. And my imitation of him went a little.... like this *clears throat* It's McDonalds ya know!"

See? I told you it was good. 

THIS IS SO GREAT! Shine On You Crazy Diamond. Kendra Morris.

What's your favorite Pink Floyd Album? Mine has always been "Wish You Were Here." Ahh. The days of sitting around the dorms late at night in my Freshman and Sophomore year. The room dark except for candles. Listening to that album with a friend or two. After...You know.

How many of you did this? Come on...lets see a show of hands.

And on that album one of my favorite songs is "Shine On You Crazy Diamond". It's about the crazy founding Pink Floyd member Syd Barrett in case you didn't know. He left the band because he went crazy. But then he actually came into the studio when they were recording the song but he was fat and had shaved his head so at first they had no idea who is was. (Here's the Wiki page if you want to read about it).

But before you read about it check this out. I was seeing a movie the other day and the trailer for the new Colin Farrell movie Dead Man Down cam on and there's a cover of Shine on You Crazy Diamond playing. And IT'S GREAT!!! Super eire! It's sung by a woman named Kendra Morris. Let me know what you think. I love it!

This Dude Named Dale At Work. Twizzler Ritual. Tastykake Pie Packaging.

A letter to this dude at work and his Twizzler eating ritual. His name is - get this - DALE.

Dale,

On behalf of everyone your Twizzler eating ritual has to stop. It's bad enough that you walk around with a coffee stirrer hanging out of your mouth trying to look like a badass but the Twizzler thing must stop.And by the way stop walking around with your chest out like you're a muscle guy. You're a fat guy. And on that note do you know that your protruding belly button can be seen through TWO shirts?? TWO!! Like a pregnant lady!

OK back to the Twizzlers. Here's what you do. You get one Twizzler then you dangle it in your mouth for about a minute. Then you chomp it in the way a horse would and chew a bit then chomp some more in. If you saw yourself on film you might stop. But I doubt it. Kids do this!

And on other food related news do you really have to bring a full Thanksgiving sized meal into lunch everyday? Keeping the fridge loaded up with all of your TV dinners and microwaveable meals? Then you make a production out of the meal. Pulling out bags of salad, salad dressing, baggies of cheese, side dishes in tupperware, applesauce and snack pack puddings, spices, tastykakes for dessert... ENOUGH!

And the way you eat? I'm happy  - and surprised actually - that you keep your mouth shut but what the hell is going on with your lips when you chew? You look like a camel! LOOK IN THE MIRROR! It's gross! And you examine the food. Then every bite you take in slowly. I can tell you're enjoying it. Savoring.

You're obsessed with food.. Every time somebody is pulling their lunch out of the fridge you curiously look over. Extending your neck. The mice running on the wheel in your pee brain running as hard as they can trying to figure out what they're about to eat. Like a dog. It's killing you that you don't know so you then casually say, "Eh? ...So whatcha got there?" Also weird and creepy. Then you make a comment about the food and tell the person what you're preparing. Nobody cares Dale.

And finally, remember when I was eating a Tastykake cherry pie and you gave a five minute dissertation about how the new packaging for the pies is a rip off because "the pie packaging is heavier but the total weight of the product is the same so we're getting ripped off?" and it was probably "some big wigs*" idea?

Did you notice how I wasn't paying attention? Well take a hint.

*Who says "big wig?"

Why Does This Make Me Laugh? Intruder Looks In The Window At Lady.

This picture was on comedian Rob Delaney's website and I have no idea why it makes me laugh so hard.

Here's another angle:

HA!.

Did Anyone Else See Mama? Jessica Chastain. Horror Movies.

Did anyone see the movie Mama?

Rush to your theater now! OK there are some flaws - like the ending - but overall it was really creepy. I got chills all over my body two times and had about ten scares.

It's a shame really that there aren't more good horror movies that come out so you have to take what you get. And what made this movie so good for me too was that I took my 16 year old daughter and she was terrified. She screamed a few times and even at one point yelled, "Don't open the closet!" I whispered, "Are you a black person?"

And there's a trailer for a new exorcism movie that's coming out and it looks REALLY creepy. Of all the horror genres devil related movies are my favorite.

I bet some of you pussies are afraid of horror movies. Am I right?

Mac and Cheese. Porter Beer and MORE! Sidebar In West Chester. Market Street Grill.

Here are a few things I've eaten recently and some notes:

Eggs Benny - So delicious. I got this meal last week at the Market Street Grill in West Chester (PA) with a friend. Look at the quality if that picture. It's from my new Galaxy phone. I always swipe a bit of the sauce off in case you're wondering.

Eggs and Potatoes  - Here is...wait...why is the picture not good? Whatever. This is eggs and potatoes. I made them.You fry taters that you baked the night before then scramble eggs in. Why don't more people make this? And what are your thoughts on ketchup? I can't eat fries or scrambled eggs without ketchup.

Ham and Bean Soup  - My brother-in-law made this. And it was damn good. Another quality picture. I should sell this to Bon Appetite and make some fucking bucks!

Founders Porter Beer  - I was at The Sidebar the other night and had this Founders Porter. DELICIOUS! I like beer a lot but only a few I LOVE. This is now one of them. Creamy and bitter. But I wish it had a larger head.

Salami and Tomato Mac and Cheese OH YEAH! This is the reason I went to The Sidebar. Every Tuesday they feature three or four original mac and cheese dishes and I've been wanting to try one. This salami and tomato version hit the spot.

And here's a little treat for you. See that bar stool on the far right? That's the actual seat I was sitting in. Go ahead...pretend you're dining with me. Don't feel embarrassed.

This Had Me Laughing So Hard. Cats In The Cradle. Coatesville, PA Church.

I saw a friend over the holidays that told me this story that I can't stop thinking about. I've laughed out loud at least twenty times thinking about it. Here it is. He said when he moved to his new house a few years ago he wanted to find a church that was close to bring his kids to. There was the traditional church and the "cool church."

So he and his wife and kids go to the cool church and in the middle of the Mass. It happens. It looks like there is going to be some gay ass acting performance. The song Cats In The Cradle starts playing and from the front of the church a man in a suit slowly walks out. He's pretending to talk on his cell phone and he seems preoccupied. (OK this in itself would have me falling out of the pew).

He slowly walks down the aisle and stops about a quarter of the way down. Busily talking (miming that he's talking) on his cell. Totally overacting with the hand motions and everything.

Then...everyone in the church looks toward the back at something. My friend looks back and what is it? A nerdy, chubby kid holding a baseball and baseball glove. He's walking toward his "dad."

(Remember. Cats In The Cradle is still playing.)

He walks up to the dad and motions that he wants to have a catch. The dad puts his hand out as if to say, "I can't talk son." and points to the phone as if to say, "Can't you see I'm busy?"

He also said it looked like the first time the kid had ever had a baseball the way he was throwing it in the glove.

HAHAHA!!! My friend said it took everything in him not to erupt into laughter. But his wife sat there stone faced. Able to hide that she was holding in the laughter. Which made him laugh harder. Oh my God I would have died!!! I wish he had told me about it back in the day because I would have gone to see that.

Well, hope you all think it's funny. Just the visual of it slays me.

In related news here's a short post I wrote a few years ago about my thoughts when I was at a Communion. 

Regal Beagle Is Destination For Chester County Blogger. Squaresville.

I'm thinking of heading down to the Regal Beagle later after I finish this new pickup line I've been working on. What rhymes with Sagittarius?

Naaaaa. Naaaa. Naaaaaa.

But I have to tell you that when I did an image search for the Regal Beagle look at this glorious picture I found....

HA!! Dude on the left is sooooo squaresville. Am I right? Canary yellow shirt, plaid tie hanging at clown's length. Brown slacks. Uncool, robotlike pose. No confidence whatsoever..

Now my man on the right on the other hand. Where does one begin?

What do you think is happening in this picture? And why is there a "cashier" plaque on the table? And do you think the painting with the woman peaking over his shoulder was strategically placed there or was it an accident?

Please share you opinions.

Follower Offers Me Jimmy Nelson Ventriloquism As Gift. Danny O'Day Album. Jimmy Nelson.

The expression, "The greatest gift of all" is soooooo overused. What is the true greatest gift of all? Look right above at the picture my friends and you'll see. Jimmy Nelson's Instant Ventriloquism." On Vinyl!

And here's the great thing: I reader of my blog offered to send it to me. I got an email this morning saying

Dear Mr. Yak,

I found this record and gave it to my husband, &*% Nelson, as a joke for Christmas. Unlike you, he has no interest in it other than his name.  I would love to pass it on to you if are interested.  Let me know where to leave or send it, whatever.  I work at %$^*(  and live in %#(_*&.
 
^&*#^  Nelson
 
Long time listener, first time caller...

I thanked her but turned it down because I'm downsizing my life and getting rid of all non essentials.

But how great is that of the reader? And I did ask her in my email response to tell me how she found my blog. In my fantasy I have all of these readers that read all of my posts but never comment. But they feel like they know me. Scouring yard sales for items like this that they will someday present to me as a thank you for changing their lives.

And I picture some of the people at work saying, "You have to read this blog THAT BLUE YAK! It's great!" Then some of the uptight coworkers gather around for a gander. One says, "I don't get it."

But YOU get it.F those friggin' uptight bastard coworkers! They probably think The Big Bang Theory is funny!

Now let me make one thing clear. Just because I turned this item down doesn't mean I will turn other gift offers down. Are we clear with that? OK.

To read a post about my own Danny O'Day CLICK HERE.

Django Unchained and Shaft. Movies.

Has anyone seen Django Unchained? If not run to your theater. I've seen it twice. Most entertaining movie I've seen in years.

And a little piece of trivia in you have seen the movie. Did you know that John Shaft (from the movie Shaft) is supposed to be the great, great, great grandson of Broomhilda? It's true. Look on IMDB.

And with that....

Katherine Webb Miss Alabama Is Gonna Be Famous Now.

Did you guys read this story? About the sportscasters mentioning that Miss Alabama is good looking during the Alabama football game? And some people are offended by this? Puuuuuleeeaaaasee!!

Here are some more pictures:

And check out the expression of her boyfriend. Priceless.

Bobby Sherman's Bulge Search Leads To My Blog. Pants Sniffing Lady.

OK. Who is it? Is it you? .... What about you? ....Or maybe it's YOU!

Who is searching "Bobby Sherman's Bulge" because it keeps coming up in my Google analytics. I posted a video of him a few years ago singing "Easy Come, Easy Go" and now I keep getting Bobby Sherman bulge searches on my blog. It's really taking this blog downtown. Ruining the purity of THAT BLUE YAK. Here's another picture of him:

He is pretty bulgy I guess. Could just be the tight pants. Is he known for having a big bulge? Like Milton Berle is known for having a big d#@k?

Maybe this lady knows because she was the proud winner of Bobby Sherman pants at his convention:

You KNOW she sniffed them.

"Cheryl! You're not going to believe this! I WON BOBBY SHERMAN'S PANTS!! *hangs up clam shell phone and goes into stall at convention center and takes a whiff.*

Deborah Van Valkenburgh And MORE! Too Close For Comfort.

Remember this chick from Too Close for Comfort? Deborah Van Valkenburgh.  

Here was her sister:

Nice gettup.

And here was the straight neighbor or something:

I never saw a full episode of that dumbass show.

But you did. And you liked it.

Gloria Huddle Considered For Talent Show Lead. Operator.

[A mid sized insurance company is planning a talent show. They'll be competing against another division at their company picnic. They're giving themselves months to rehearse since they've never won]

Bill: OK so we have all of the parts but we still need someone that can really sing. We need a star.

Tammy: There's nobody else. Why don't we just cancel?

Mike: We CAN'T cancel! I know...What about Gloria?

Bill: Gloria? She barely says a word!

Tammy: NO! Mike is right! Didn't she used to be a singer? I heard she was on TV years ago.

Mike: Yeah. Google her name. Or look on Youtube. Lets see if she's good.

And then they crowded around a computer and saw this.......

Ugly Christmas Sweaters. How Do People Not Know? Walmart.

Do you know when you Google: "Ugly Christmas Sweater" or even "Christmas Sweater Walmart" you get pages and pages of people making fun of ugly Xmas sweaters?

So I ask you this: Why are there still people (mostly women over 40) wearing tacky ass Xmas sweaters? How don't they know? It's like people that have mullets. Don't they know that everyone thinks they look like a fool? I think there should be a website where you can submit a photo of yourself and what you wear and professionals can tell you if you look like an asshole.

And I would like to see video of people picking out these sweaters. Holding them up to themselves. Turning sideways. Looking in the mirror. "I think there should be seven reindeer. Six just looks weird." Do they walk to the counter to pay with pride? Excited to wear the sweater? Bragging to the cashier, "It was only $12,99."

And on the subject of Xmas and having no taste I'll give you a tip for decorating: Less is more. And inflatables? Don't put them on your lawn like this dude in my neighborhood that has ten of them. Snoopy, Santa, turning carousel... Knock it off!

A Lame Album I Had. Themes From Hit TV Shows. Rolling Stones 12 X 5.

Who the hell would buy THIS album?? Themes from Hit TV Shows.

*Zibbs slowly raises his hand*

I'm not kidding. Well to tell you the truth it could have been my sister that bought it. And if it wasn't lame enough the songs weren't even sung by the original artists!!!

I wish I could see all the old albums and 45's that we used to have when I was sixth grade and younger. We would play them over and over in my basement on this crappy green record player that my dad won in a sales contest. A few records were bought by my sisters like The Partridge Family but most were picked up by my mom at garage sales. She would just buy random records. Here are a few 45's I remember:

Walk Right In (then they say "sit right down" - not sure who sung it)
Poppa Got A Brand New Bag - James Brown
Judy in Disguise 
The Night Chicago Died
Seasons in the Sun
Bad, Bad Leroy Brown

Damn. I know there's more. I'll leave them in the comments section when they hit me.

And other than the usual square Dad records he did have a few rock albums but he never them played. He had a Paul Revere and the Raiders album and Rolling Stones album. 12 X 5 and Out of Our Heads.

OK now it's going to kill me that I can't remember more of those 45's because whenever I hear them on the radio it all comes back to me.  

DANCE PARTY!!! Here Are Some of My Special Dance Moves. Retarded People.

If you read my blog you know that I talk about dancing a lot. I love to dance. I will now share with you the place where I've developed some of my trademark moves. And by "trademark" I mean that I stole them from some of these dancers and "trademarked" them.

Enjoy.

Salute To Andre The Giant. Six Million Dollar Man.

Andre the Giant. He was 7'4" and 520 pounds!!!! God DYAAAAAAAMNN!!

Here are some pics. Please share your memories and ask your questions in the comments area. And no..I don't have the answer to that one question. But it was probably huge! And I'm sure there's a quote about him somewhere that says, "Oh he was big alright. And the biggest thing about him (pause) was his heart."

Andre' and Ali. Nice.

Andre' with some babes. He looks kinda handsome here don't you think? 30 seconds after this picture was taken "the rapin' began."

In hospital bed. He could so kill her.

As Bigfoot on the Six Million Dollar Man. How did I not know he played Bigfoot until now???

Andre' with his lunch.

And here's his Wiki page.

Drug Dealer Scene In Boogie Nights. Duh! Alfred Molina.

Does anyone else love the movie Boogie Nights? It's so great. I remember seeing it in the theater and being blown away. And I've seen it now at least 15 times.

Do you know the drug dealer scene? It's so great right? Well I could never figure out who the drug dealer was. And I would never look it up when I was watching it. But I heard Jessie's Girl on the radio the other day and I stopped and looked it up. I KNEW IT! It's the dude that was in Spiderman 2! And a million other movies! Alfred Molina. Here's his IMDB page. I guess I was thrown off because he's so thin in Boogie Nights.

Case closed. And everything about this scene I love. Where do I even start. You just get sucked into it and you know something is going to happen. I've been in similar situations back in the day where I've been somewhere...sitting on the couch...knowing something weird is happening. Phew.

To see the scene click here.

Mustache Rides Are STILL 5 Cents?? 70's Patches. Cherry Popping Gift.

Is anyone old enough to remember the "Mustache Rides 5 Cents" patch? And there were signs and T-shirts too.

If you don't know what mustache rides are then ask your momma because I am NOT getting into it here. But 5 cents? That's reasonable. It's almost as if the person with the mustache is offering to give them awa..... WAIT A MINUTE!

And when I was doing my research for this post I came across this gem:

What the hell? I've never seen this one before. It makes sense though. "Hey Karen thanks for letting me fuck you. Here. I got you this patch. I was going to give it to you sooner but I was too busy telling all my friends that I fucked you. OK. Later."

And look at these douchey patches. I like that one that says Truck Drivers Carry Bigger Loads."

Truck Driver (to woman at bar): Hi.

Woman: Hi.

Truck Driver: Do you know I have tons of jizz?

Woman: Excuse me??

Truck Driver: (pulls back leather vest to expose patch) It says it right here bitch! (Grabs her by the arm) ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR?!

...and that's how their relationship began.