Monday, November 23, 2009

People In Theater Won't Shut Up! New Moon In Chester County. Wolves.




You would think someone of my stature would have his own film screening room. But believe it or not, I go to the regular movie theater with the area peasants. I'm not kidding..I'm right there amongst you.

And it pisses me off sometimes.

If you've read my blog for a while, you probably know that for years I've been sneaking in long lunches to see movies during the day or I try to go to the first show on a Sunday. And I do this because there are hardly any other people in the theater.

And you should see some of the losers that go to the movies by themselves. I sometimes want to mumble, "Don't have any friends eh? Maybe you should introduce yourself to that guy over there..he's a lone wolf too. Stray from the pack".

Anyways, I took the lovely lady to Downingtown see the Twilight movie New Moon* on Sunday and I've got to tell you that people can make me sick.

Why do people have to blurt things out during a movie? "Oh no!" "Haha. I can't believe he said that". "Whoa, he's been working out".

Is it really that hard to control yourself? And what makes me even sicker are the people that have to laugh at even the slightest attempt at humor on the screen. I KNOW that most of the these people wouldn't be laughing that loudly if they were watching the movie by themselves at home.

And the other thing they do is read signs that are on screen and repeat lines. Shut up!

I have two theories:

1) They're so excited that they're out seeing a movie with their friends. They're like little kids and they're getting caught up in the moment. There is still no excuse for this.

2) The second theory makes me even more ill. They're really excited to be at the movies and when they overdo their laughs, they WANT people to hear them. They're showing off because they know that this is one of the few times that they can be the center of attention without people telling them to be quiet.

I wish I were like my friend Flare or my Dad. Because neither of them would put up with this nonsense. Here's what each of them would do:

Flare: Yo Fatty, shut the fuck up! (or) Yo Flyers Shirt, shut the fuck up!

My Dad: (walks over to offenders) Listen, we're trying to watch the movie here. You have two choices, either keep quiet or I'm going to ask the ushers to remove you from the theater. Are we clear on that? (people look at him like he's crazy) Are we clear? (they nod...then shut the hell up).

I think they should have devices in theaters where you can click on an area of seats that hold these offenders. After three clicks, they should be thrown the hell out. No questions asked.

*as for New Moon, it wasn't bad. The scenes with the wolves and the scenes in Italy were the best.

28 comments:

Dr Zibbs said...

Seriously. What is YOU that was talking in the theater?

..What about YOU?

....Or was it YOU? Yeah. I think it was you.

Dr Zibbs said...

...please consider bowling next time.

Moooooog35 said...

What happens when you click?

Electricity? Does it zap them?

THAT would be cool. Way better than the whole 'ushers' thing.

ChesterCo_PA said...

Shhhhh....we're afraid to comment. Don't wanna get thrown off the blog...

Actually, I have to reread this and make I got this right. Dr Zibbs went to see New Moon? On opening weekend? Was it as good as the books? Please, do tell. Wise one.

Dr Zibbs said...

Moooog - probably electicty. Or the usher comes and removes them. Sternly.

ChesterCo_PA - I wouldn't have seen it on my own but my wife is totally into Twilight. She saw it on Thursday at the midnight showing but wanted to see it again.

It wasn't as bad as I thought it wuld be but as with the first movie, I don't understand why she's so into him. They hardly ever have a conversation that last more than a few sentences.

I don't get it.

Chemgeek said...

Anyone who goes to these Twilight movies should automatically be punished. Seriously, is there anything stupider?

Dr Zibbs said...

Chemgeek - did it for the old lady. Thank God it wasn't a true chick flick like Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants or some such nonsense. In that case, I wouldn't have gone.

P.S. Is it really that you're afraid of wolves?

Captain Spaulding said...

What if the ushers came out with seltzer bottles and sprayed the offender? that would be cool.

Dr Zibbs said...

Captain Spaulding - that would work.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I agree. It should be the law that you can pummel people in cinemas if they don't keep their yaps firmly shut. Did you ever see that episode of "Californication" where David Duchovny takes a phone off a guy in a movie theatre and throws it away and gets a round of applause from the rest of the audience? I swell with pride when I see that.

JenJen said...

Why are you following me into the theater?? DAMMIT ZIBBS. BACK THE FUCK OFF...

*snicker*

Trooper Thorn said...

Dr. Zibbs, don't you think Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants would have been better with vampires and werewolves?

BeckEye said...

Well, you did go see a teen movie. Teens crave attention. Of course they're gonna blather through the movie.

By the way, I've gone to the movies by myself on a few occasions. It doesn't make me a loser. It's people who aren't confident enough to be in public alone who are the losers. So suck on those milk duds, bud. :)

ChesterCo_PA said...

Having read the Twilight series...the more important question here is: Did you get lucky?

ChesterCo_PA said...

And this should help explain Twilight to the non-readers/movie watchers...

http://theoatmeal.com/story/twilight

It's worth the read.

Dr Zibbs said...

Beckeye - Maybe you didn't see the same losers that I saw.

ChesterCo_Pa - before hand.

ChesterCo_PA said...

Nice...a preemptive maneuver. Can you imagine how bad that theater really was if you hadn't gotten the good beforehand? Multiply the noise/annoyance by 10.

B.E. Earl said...

Well, I would think that you would hate going to the movies with Slyde and I. Certain movies. You see, if we know the movie is gonna be bad we do our own version of MST3K. Constant chatter. But if it is a good movie, I never speak. In fact, if the movie is good enough I can block out everyone else who is talking around me.

So, long story shortish, people talking in theaters rarely bothers me.

Dr Zibbs said...

BE Earl - that's just cwazy.

Ellie said...

can't believe you succumbed.

Dr Zibbs said...

I couldn't resist.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Zibsy, the people in the New Moon movie were loud because they WERE kids.
All teens...huffin and puffin over every little smoldering look and kiss....

I thought Twilight was better.

Dr Zibbs said...

Candy - I actually liked this one better.

A_J_E said...

I always give the "glare" and I've been told I have a bitchy face so it usually works. Most of the time the kids shut up. I don't care if it is Harry Potter and your 10..learn to shut up and sit still.

Jay Amabile said...

One thing that bothers me the MOST about when people are talking or being noisy in the theater is when they aren't even paying attention! I'd rather people comment on the movie than have to hear a completely irrelevant conversation or giggling about something unrelated to the film. RRRRR. I worked in a theater for almost 6 years and that is why I got Netflix and a nice LCD. Stay the f--k home if you're going to be an obnoxious asshole!

Thanks for bringing this up. PS - I try to only go the movies if absolutely necessary and I go at the weirdest times...like on a Tuesday night. lol

Dr Zibbs said...

AJE - I'd like to see that bitchy face.

Jay A - You worked in a theater? I always wish I had that job when I was a teenager.

Anonymous said...

You are the man. And completely correct on all fronts of this nature, and I'm designing the clicker/zapper machiene now.

dosmastr said...

and you missed the opportunity to shut them up in shock... during new moon, show them your old moon.