Thursday, November 12, 2009

A Post About My Hair. Disco. Hair Pick and Freddy Washington.

Here are some various things about my hair that I will now ramble off:

- It has slowly evolved over time. It used to be wavy, then it got really curly.

- It used to be red, then it got auburn, then brownish and now - I would call it auburnish with SOME gray.

- Others tell me that I'm totally gray. They must be blind because it's fucking GRAYISH a-holes!

- From age 5 - 13 I had at least thirty old ladies - complete stranger old ladies - come up to me and say, "Oh my God. You've got the most beautiful hair! I wish I had your hair"
(Well you don't you old bat so keep walking. Do you think a BOY wants to hear that?)

- In 6th grade my mom started sending me to a "Hair Design for Men" place. The first time I was there, the dude asked, "So, are you into disco? Do you want a disco hair cut?" I said no but he proceeded to give me a disco haircut. Like a big crybaby, I told my mom I wasn't going to school the next day. She made me go. People laughed.

- In 9th grade, EVERYTIME I got my haircut, I asked the guy NOT TO TAKE ANY OFF THE BACK. I asked him this for two years. For some reason, my hair never got longer than a few inches in the back. I swear my mom was calling him and telling him it should be cut. She denies ever doing this.

- When I was in 9th grade, my mom bought a pick - like an afro pick - and tried to get me to "fluff up the top". She would sneak up behind me and try to fluff it up but I refused. This went on for months. "Who do I look like, God damn Freddy "Boom Boom" Washington? Jesus!
- Once, while completely wasted with a couple girls in college, the one girl said she just started to cut hair. I let her do it. Bad descision. When I got back to the dorms and was walking down the hall, one of my frieds saw me and started banging on all the doors, "OH MY GOD, YOU'VE GOT TO SEE THIS!" Everyone came out. And laughed. I didn't care though. I was just pissed that this chick gave me such a terrible cut. I should have been tipped off when she scalded me with the water when she was wetting my hair.

- For about a year in the 80's I had a "tail".

- I'm showing zero signs of baldness.

- I have some hair on my chest but none on my butt.

And that concludes the hair post.


Dr Zibbs said...

..but I still need to write a post about the bore-ass girl that used to cut my hair.

Frank Irwin said...

I got the "Oh my God. You've got the most beautiful hair! I wish I had your hair" at about that age, too, and I also didn't appreciate it.

My haircutter once asked me, "Who cut your hair last? They did a terrible job!" Yeah, it was her.

ChesterCo_PA said...

I thought you were "hairier than an ape"? Some hair on the chest does not constitute this claim. Now my hubby, for instance, started going bald senior year of HIGH SCHOOL. Poor guy. Unfortunately for him, the hair fell out and sprouted other places. Like, everywhere. Kind of like a cheap K-Mart brand angora sweater.

The tail you had was a good look. Maybe you should post a pic?

Dr Zibbs said...

Frank I - bet it was the same old ladies. I just bet ya'

ChesterCo_PA - I always felt bad for the dude's that started balding in high school. At least now it's acceptable to shave your head.

Gwen said...

So did you at least tap the girl who gave you a bad, drunk haircut? And really? Who thinks a drunk girl will actually cut hair well?

I never pictured you with curly hair.

Some Guy said...

If you want some butt-hair, I can spare some.

Dr Zibbs said...

Gwen - I think I ended up making out with her once.

Someguy - Send a sample in a baggy and I'll let you know if I can use it. I'd hate for you to shave your whole ass and then have the hair go to waste.

Ooooh. And you just gave me an idea for a tweet.

Trooper Thorn said...

I am growing a moustache for the fist time in 18 years. It used to be red adn now it's grey. I am sad.

Dr Zibbs said...

Trooper T - I grew a beard about 3 years ago and parts of the chin area came in gray. I was pissed.

B.E. Earl said...

Ah, my entire beard is gray now as is most of my hair. But I still have it AND more of it then I ever had before, so I'm cool with it.

Anonymous said...

my mother insisted on the mullet look- i rebelled and cut it all of myself...i had a 'tail' for about 3 seconds. yuk!

Cora said...

A-ha! Somehow I knew you were a redhead too! *chest bump*

I don't care how hot someone is, if they're drunk and coming at me with scissors I'm going to get my ass out of there fast. You're lucky it was only your hair, you know that, right? *shudder*

Girl Interrupted said...

Well here I am, as promised, I hope you're feeling suitably honoured? :P

I never pictured you as having red or curly hair!!!

But I did picture you as having a hairy butt.

It's a funny old world, eh?

I read the other day that they're going to make a sitcom based on the ShitMyDadSays twitter feed ... so when can we expect the Father Kelly show???

And who's going to play him? (I'd go with Larry David, Mickey Rourke or Dick Van Dyke)

Hope all is good with you :) x

JenJen said...

I don't have hair on my butt, either. Or on my chest. I shave my legs so that's good. Armpits too.

too much info. Woops.

Nice fro.

Peggy said...

Aaaaaand I totally would have made fun of you for about a year in the 80's.

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

oh god, that was such a funny post!

so effing funny!

What the hell is a disco hair cut? And a tail? Really. dude. uncalled for.

but so effing funny!


BeckEye said...

HI there.

Dr Zibbs said...

..and to clarify, I didn't even know I had a tail until my friend Sean told me I had a tail so I think it was barber sabatoge.

AbelPetSupply said...

I still want a picture of that. Even if you draw it, just add the tail. Ok. Thx. {ChesterCo_PA}

Dr Zibbs said...

Abel Pet Supply - are you saying YOU are Chestco_PA? I don't understand.

As for drawing it, maybe I'll do a sketch since I'm a famous artist now.

Caffeine Court said...

You CANNOT write a post like this without photos. I want to SEE your red curly hair, your disco haircut and your hairless butt.

Don't leave us hanging.

ChesterCo_PA said...

Yes, I am both Abel Pet Supply and ChesterCo_PA. If I'm at work, I'm Chesco. If I'm on my laptop, I'm logged in as APS and too lazy to log off.

BTW, thanks for sketch. I feel like I "know" you now...Rodney.

Anonymous said...

You're mom sure sounds sneaky, and fast. Did you hear her coming up behind you or did she "pick" your hair while you were sleeping?

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