Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Why Do Women Put Men Through This Torture? Scrapbook.

I wonder if this ever happened:

- There was this really hot chick. She was kind of odd but who cares? She was smokin' hot.

- So this dude was sitting on her couch in her den. So they sit there and he has to endure over two hours of not only looking through her scrapbook but hearing every detail of every person. Including, which people at which time she was best friends with and endless pictures of her cousin Stacey - who is a total fat fuck - but has the "biggest heart ever". Even though she "struggles with diabetes but you would never know it".

- Then, as the book is closed she says, "There's really something I want to share with you."

- His slacks seem to get tighter in the crotch region. She stands up and he follows her into her bedroom.

- She then says, "I don't show this to everyone, but you're special".

- She then leads him to a cabinet full of these:




- "They're Dreamsicles. I want to tell you their names, where I got each one, their limited edition status and what each one means to me."

- The guy rips the tiny arrow off of the Cupid Dreamsicle and plunges it to his heart. It's only a half inch long to it doesn't even break the skin. But it does slightly rip his sweater. Very slightly.

OK this never happened to me but many similar scenarios have. The things us guys will endure to get a chick. Jesus Christ.

33 comments:

Dr Zibbs said...

...and look at the Dreamsicle in the picture with the telescope. I wonder what he's looking for?

(Use your imagination)

Pop and Ice said...

I only wish I had been aware of such a nefarious scheme back in my 20's. I would have gotten rid of the PITA men at a far faster clip.

Dr Zibbs said...

Pop and Ice - you women have all of the power.

Gwen said...

Please stop posting excerpts from my diary. I got a restraining order, remember?

SkylersDad said...

You are looking at this completely backwards Zibbs, have a bunch of those things in a cabinet to show to your lady when you bring her over. She will think you have a soft side.

Dr Zibbs said...

Hahahaha. Gwen, that made me laugh out loud.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I've always thought if you go into someone's house and they have a "collection" of cute ornamental woodland things they are probably the sort of person who enjoys Blue Mountain greeting cards with pithy verse or that Footsteps poem about Jesus carrying you and that you should probably leave ASAP before the vortex of suck in the living room pulls you in and castrates you.

I mean, as a woman even I hate that stuff. You might as well say "Hi, let me show you my collection of human finger bones."

Cameron said...

I used to cuddle endlessly, and watch hours and hours of movies while holding my dear wife on the couch.

Now that we're married, I just say, "Get naked, let's do it."

Trooper Thorn said...

It's nor Al-Qaeda we have to fear; it's the Franklin Mint.

Dr Zibbs said...

The Vegetable Assassin - "human finger bones".

Cameron - You actually ask verbalize your intent? In time you'll just start doing it and she'll say, "What is that?"

JenJen said...

I have never heard of a dreamsicle...
but they are kinda cute.
I thought a dreamscile was one of those kickass shots at a bar?
no?
Hmmm...

diane said...

Other chicks totally relate to all of that stuff. That's why 2 chicks together are so hot. Think about it, 2 chicks and a room full of dreamcycles. There now, feel better?

miss*H said...

I have no idea what a Dreamsicles is but I know it makes me puke a little in my mouth.

Granted a woman that collects those will probably die a spinster surrounded my a house full of Dreamsicles and cats

red said...

Ohhhh...so that's what I'm doing wrong.

Dutch donut girl said...

Come on, we are not that bad.
*wonders off to talk to her Dreamsicles*

madtexter said...

BWHAHAHAAHHA!!! That's a visual! Just imagine if the collection was "Precious Moments". hee, hee.

palthedog said...

I knew right away if I would sleep with sleep with a guy on the first night. That was fine 99% of the time. I can only think of two guys who had a problem with that--after the fact! A-holes!

Dr Zibbs said...

Dutch Donu Girl - I read your comment on my blackberry and laughed my ass off!

Madtexter - I like to paint pictures here at TBY. Thanks.

Palthedog - Your record is better than mine. I think I knew 80% of the time if I was gettin' some (after 75% of night was through)

Dr Zibbs said...

...someone should do a study on that. ...or write a post.

Secretia said...

Remember this, "give a little, get a little"

Kaylen said...

um....that was you?? You didn't like my scrapbook??? Some people say that a good scrapbook speaks for itself, but not me-nope-I like to share every single memory of every single page with a person.

Josh Almighty said...

You think that's bad. I once went out with this chick I picked up at a funeral, and she just kept going on and on about her parents, till I finally said: dude, get over it, it's been like an hour already. Some people are just so fucking self centered.

Moooooog35 said...

WHOA WHOA WHOA.

Is that stock #3765, the limited edition Dreamsicle where they only made..

..um..

What you said. True dat.

Dominica said...

hahaha, I know we are so bad !
I request a sequel to this story...until HE gets what he wants !

Cora said...

I felt the same way when my ex showed me his comic book collection. *yawn*

Dr Zibbs said...

Josh Almighty - hahahaha! And welcome to my blog.

CrotchPains said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Blanche said...

The only thing I have from the Franklin Mint and proudly display in my curio is my porcelain gold rimmed plate with The Stooges on it from the "can o peas" episode.

Mrs. Crotchpains said...

I can't believe you're mocking Dreamsicles when you used to design and sell stuff like this yourself. I remember you proudly showing us some of your cute and cuddly designs and all we could say is, "Oh, that's great!"
BYT Mr. Crotchpains didn't tell me to say this.

Dr Zibbs said...

Mrs C - Noted.

Dr Zibbs said...

Mrs C - Noted.

Lisa said...

That was painful just reading it.

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

Yeah. yer just gonna have to suck it up. cause really, it's a small price to pay. I mean, either that our you could get implants and then touch your own boobies.