Monday, December 14, 2009

Wolf Attack Almost That My Wife Thinks I Was A Coward About.




I don't know what got me thinking about this and my wife never reads my blog but here is a story that I would like to share.

Years ago, my wife and I pulled into our driveway. (Now remember, we live in Chester County, PA. It's not the city, not the forest. It's the suburbs. But we do have pockets of woods around and tons of deer and the occasional additional wildlife).

So as we get out of the car and I'm like, "Holy shit! It's a wolf!*" And I run to the door.

Now the wolf never followed us but I never heard the end of it for ages because she thought I was pulling the George Costanza move where he runs out of the party - thinking there's a fire and knocks over an old lady. Selfishly thinking of his safety.

My thinking was that I was holding the key to the house so I could open it really quickly and we could both get in to safety. Which we did. I swear to God.

But she still thinks I was looking out for myself.

And looking back, maybe it wasn't a wolf but it may have been. Please chime in so I can print out this info and show her the results that total strangers voted on.

*Believe me. It was a wolf!

55 comments:

Dr Zibbs said...

And before the smartasses chime in, I totally know what animals look like. I'm an aninal person.

If it wasn't a wolf it was a half dog/half wolf that someone had in a nearby kennel and it escaped...looking for blood.

Mrs. K said...

hey maybe it was a huge raccoon? I guess the real question is: did you squeal like a girl? 'cause then I agree with your wife...I wouldn't let you live it down.

mcglinch said...

you sure it wasn't your father wearing that google-eyed halloween mask that your mrs. scared you with that one time?

Dr Zibbs said...

Mrs K - God Damn it! It was not a raccoon it was the size of a..of a... of a wolf!

Mcglinch - That mask was a googly eyes blue haired mask. I thought you were refering to my dad's raccoonish hat that he used to wear to Henderson football games to embarrass us.

Scope said...

The question is, did you:

1) Shut the door behind you?
2) Go inside, but leave the door open?
3) Open the door, but stay outside to defend your lady?

Scope said...

4) Were you wearing your bitchin "Holy Trinity 3 Wolf" shirt that looks way bad ass in black light?

Tony Alva said...

Total George Castanza plain and simple.

JenJen said...

pussy.

Anonymous said...

That guy from the Twilight movies would have handled it differently.

Secretia said...

I wouldn't know what to do.

Dr Zibbs said...

Scope - I wish I were wearing the kickass wolf shirt. And I held the door for her.

Tony A - I swears I didn't do that.

JenJen - you are what you eat.

Anonymous - I would have pushed his pansy ass into the wolf.

Secretia - See. You ubderstand me. I would have save you just like I saved my wife.

Cora said...

I refuse to register an opinion without more information, Zibbs. How close was the wolf/dog/racoon/chihuahua? How far away was the door? Was the wolf/dog/racoon/chihuahua closer to you or your wife? Was the wolf/dog/racoon/chihuahua snarling? Were you screaming?

Maybe you could draw a diagram or reenact it with sock puppets for me?

Mrs. K said...

Hmm....were you wearing your Team Edward shirt? is that why you squealed?

tsk tsk, Jacob is so much hotter!

Dr Zibbs said...

Cora - It was wolf..then 50 feet away was the car..then 100 feet away was door.

And I watch tons of animal shows. It was a wolf. It was stray from that pack obviously because there were no others. That I could see.

Gwen said...

I bet it was a sheep in wolf's clothing. He went home to HIS wife and they still laugh about how he scared you baaaaad.

Word Ver: FACTS. Now I know I'm right. Them's the facts.

Dr Zibbs said...

Mrs K - not to sound gay but I am team Jacob.

Dr Zibbs said...

Gwen - Yeah mys facts is mys hand upside yooos head. aww yeah.

Pop and Ice said...

Ummmm.....why not just remain in the car and call animal control?!

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

I would have done the same, but I would have run in to get a camera to shoot a photo of the wolf, for visual proof. I'm a dork like that.

Dr Zibbs said...

Pop And Ice - very good question. We discoved the wolf after we got out of the car.

Jenks - what are you the 6 million dollar man? Nobody can move that fast. There was a wold...like right there!

Caffeine Court said...

Smooth move Ex-Lax!!

I'll bet you didn't get any action for a few weeks after that little incident.

Shame on you!! ;)

Dr Zibbs said...

Caffeine Court - oh..when I finally get a hold of you you're getting such a beating.

JenJen said...

You win.

Dr Zibbs said...

JenJen - I win what? I don't understand.

ChesterCo_PA said...

Now I understand your aversion to wolf shirts. You're scared.

Chris said...

Jesus Christ, your wife is uninformed and unforgiving! Has she never heard that when a tornado is coming you have to "depressurize" your house so it won't implode/explode? Dayum, all you were trying to do was keep the big bad wolf from blowing your house in and she gives you shit?

A & B said...

are you afraid of ants too?? HAHA jk! Maybe it was a fox?

Either way, I would have done the same thing but I'm a girl. Men are supposed to be....tough and manly. HAHA

Son of a Thomas said...

Are you sure it wasn't Lenny Kosnowski?

Just maybe?

Chemgeek said...

I have three words for you:

Survival of the fittest!!!

Crap. I mean four words. Whatever.

Self preservation.

diane said...

So, did she run to the house or walk? Because if she walked, she obviously wasn't scared, there was no one to save, and so you are in the clear.

Vicus Scurra said...

Insufficient data to make a judgement. Have any of your former spouses been consumed by local fauna?

Dr Zibbs said...

A and B - (which is how I'm going to spell your name from now on) Afraid of ants? That had me laughing out loud.

Vicus Scurra - Just bee attacks. And I will write a post about it.

Kristen said...

I once saw a wild turkey in our yard when I was taking out the trash and it scared me. Why didn't you just get back in the car? I guess when push comes to shove, you have to think quickly. I think you did the right thing.

madtexter (corey james) said...

It's true, perception IS reality. But I believe your side of the story (of course).

Dr Zibbs said...

Kristen - I didn't go back to the car because we were halfway between the car and the house.

Madtexter - But it WAS a wolf. I think.

Kristen said...

We do have coyotes in our area. I think. Or mangy foxes. I'm not sure which, but at night they look much taller.

Dr Zibbs said...

Kristen - It was the size of a wolf. I did however leave a link on Twitter as to another local creature.

JenJen said...

I said pussy
You said You are what you eat.
I said You win.

Because I had NOTHING after that. Shut down.
Zipped.

I let you win, usually I am the wittier of the two and bust you up.

Dr Zibbs said...

JenJen - Oh. OK.

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

Yeah, I'll give it to ya. You did see a wolf and you were being all manly and such, running for saftey.

Cause one day, mating grasshoppers jumped up and bounced off my chest and I saw a fox.

it's true:

http://misseshall.blogspot.com/2009/09/my-crazy-is-attracting-wildlife.html

cause crazy attracts wildlife.

now.

did you leave the door open as she was sprinting towards the door or did ya lock it behind you?

@eloh said...

I have only my own ex-husbandS to judge you by... so if you didn't jump behind her or squeal like a 6 year old girl.. then I'd say you were just blasting a trail.

sista #2 said...

Seeing as I would have done the same exact thing as you....ya know......think of myself first and haul ass........i rule in favor of Mrs Yak.

sorry

peace
#2

Dr Zibbs said...

@eloh - welcome to my super famous blog.

Sista 2 - I'm just sad you didn't tell me you were in West Chester last week.

CrotchPains said...

Zibbs:

Are you forgetting about the time you found a vole in the woodpile and you screamed like an opera singer hitting a high c? That was a classic .....

Kristen said...

re: CrotchPains comment - I had to look up what a "vole" is, but it is just about the cutest, most precious animal known to man. Zibbs probably scared it to death when he screamed.

CrotchPains said...

Kristen:

Not quite. Zibbs ran behind his kid when the vole ran out. The vole is still laughing....

Dr Zibbs said...

CrotchPain - haha. You've got the story half right. It was a family of bay voles and they were under a rock. When I lifted the rock and saw them, I was so startled that I did a super high pitched scream.

Which I've tried to duplicate but it's impossible.

THEN,I got my son (6 years old at the time) to come and move them. Because he's an animal lover and all..

Dr Zibbs said...

..and by "bay" voles I meant to write "baby" voles.

Even though I should have lied and said bay voles are very rare, ferocious variety of voles.

Kristen said...

Don't feel bad, Zibbs. I am afraid of geese (sshhh).

Dr Zibbs said...

Geese?

Kristen said...

Oh NO! I was just kidding about geese. what kind of weirdo would be terrified of geese and avoid parks with ponds in them "just in case"? heh.

Dr Zibbs said...

Dots a good von!

JMUmonty said...

You damned coward.

Dr Zibbs said...

JMUonty - did I mention maybe it was three wolves?

OK I'm lyng but..

Buy Kamagra said...

I can understand the position of this man, because a wolf is very dangerous even more when the wolf is hungry, I know he had to protect his wife, but he could die