Various 70's Advertising Images That I Like. Gremlin.

Here are a few 70's ads I found on the internet:


...And then, kick her down a flight of steps and dump some garbage on her. That's what they really want.


You mean I only have to make a multi-year commitment and potentially put my life in danger and I get some fine luggage? I'M IN!! Wait. Is it that faux alligator skin? It is? OK. Just checking.


That's right ladies. I'm a model. You may have seen me struttin' my stuff in that trousers ad. Remember that? Sure you do. But what's great is that now you can get my image in postcard form so you don't have to clip out my trouser ad and tape it to an index card and pretend it's a postcard. You're too sophisticated for that. And plus look at my sexy belly hair.


Just when I thought the Gremlin couldn't get any cooler you can now get it with seats that look like denim!


I have nothing funny to ad here. I just wanted to remind myself to track down these shoes. Seriously, look at them.

Weird Book Combination That I'm Reading. Swimming And Reading.

I've been spending a lot of time in my parents pool over the last week because of the heat here in South Eastern PA.

And when I'm not actually swimming I like to set up a beer in the low end and read. I like to walk in circles in the low end and read while I'm walking. So in the past week I've probably walked 10 hours in the pool.

It beats what some of you guys are doing when you're in the pool reading. Like inhaling a cheesesteak.

I'm not judging.

I also like to alternate what I'm reading. I'll read a few magazine articles for instance then I'll switch to a book. But this week I've been switching between two books. And I realized that maybe I AM a weirdo because one of the books is one of the saddest books I've ever read and the other has me laughing out loud.

I bet the people that are spying on my from in the woods are all, "Huh?"

The sad book is My Lobotomy by Howard Dully. It's super sad. It's about a man that was given a lobotomy in 1960 when he was 12. The really sad thing is that there was nothing really wrong with him. Trust me, you'll be crying.

The funny book is My Custom Van by Michael Ian Black. It's HYSTERICAL. It's a book of funny essays. I'm telling you, you've GOT to read this book. A few examples of the chapters are:

- One Day I'm Going To Open A Scented Candle Shop.
- A Series of Letters To The First Girl I Fingered.
- Lewis Black Hates Candy Corn: A Rebuttal

And as I'm switching between the two books I'm thinking, "Something is really weird about this".

Maybe not. I don't know.

Get Your Tissues Out Babies. Willie Nelson.

Sometimes when you're really, really sad - nothing helps better than a sad song. Like Willie Nelson doing this:

If You Got Money For Plastic Surgery How Would You Spend It? Pecs.

I'm not sure if I'd ever get plastic surgery but who knows? Maybe in 15 years or something if my face gets all saggy and shit I might consider it.

But if someone gave me money now and said I HAD to spend it on some type of plastic surgery I MIGHT get a pec implant. Two of them. This of course is after two seconds of thought I just gave to it. I'm not even sure if they look good or not. I guess since I'm kind of thin I think it would look good on me.

Do straight guys even get pec implants? Or is it maybe even just for dudes that have that weird woman boob condition. Which I DO NOT have.

You see, the problem is, no matter how much I lift I can't get muscly. Not that I'm lifting now, but a few years ago I lifted religiously for about a year and a half. And I was eating tons of protein. If anyone else had done the same workout I swear they'd look like the Incredible Hulk. With me? You could only kind of tell.

I was also doing tons of running and biking at the same time so maybe that's part of it. I don't know.

Anyway....if someone gave you unlimited money for plastic surgery what would you get done?

The Content Of This Post Will Make You Mad. West Whiteland.

So check this out.

There was a really violent storm in Chester County, Pa on Thursday. It was so bad that it took down a huge tree in my neighbor's yard. I'm pretty bad at estimating height but it was over twice the size of a two story colonial home. It was a maple tree.

So I'm taking by Ipod walk that night and I approach the area where my "You got a problem Mutha Fucka?" incident happened. And I notice police tape around the area where the tree fell. Like an idiot, I duck under the police tape and continue walking.

I see people jumping up and down waving to me. It's a crowd of people that gathered to look at the damage. I take my ear buds out and their yelling, "THERE ARE LIVE WIRES IN THERE!"

Whoops. So I duck out of the danger area and continue my walk. OK. I know -it was stupid. I really wasn't thinking that there would be live wires.

Now a bit later I end up playing darts in Calhoun's garage with a few other neighbors. I leave about 11:30 but everyone else stays.

I find out the next day that after I left, they all smelled something burning. They said it smelled like when you're getting your teeth drilled at the dentist. They go out to investigate and there's a deer lying on one of the live wire's and he's being electrocuted.

They call 911 and the police arrive.

The next day came and my neighbor who was there for the ordeal says he drove by the deer at nine in the morning and it was still alive. Having convulsions on the wire. NINE HOURS LATER!

Can a body do that when it's dead or do you think it was still alive? And it if was still alive, aren't police supposed to shoot animals in that situation? I have no idea what the rules are in West Whiteland (Chester County, PA) but that is just wrong!

And guess what? The deer is now dead but it's still lying on the side of the road in my neighborhood. And they just yesterday covered it with some type of blanket. And it STINKS!

The whole incident stinks! Thanks for nothing West Whiteland.

Ladies and Gentleman..The Carpenters. Close To You.

Feel free to sing along.

Or sway.

A Pet Dying Sucks. We Love You Bingo.

I'm playing this short video of a puppy lab because I just found out my lab Bingo has cancer and we have to put him to sleep this week.

We just told the kids. This sucks.

Real Sex Talk From Doctor Before I Got Married. Being Clean.

Remember when I told you about the sex talk I got from my Dad? No? Click here to read it.

Well I just remembered the sex talk I got from my wife's family doctor when we went to get our blood tests before we got married.

We had been warned of this ridiculous sex talk from some of my wife's cousins and honestly, I thought they were exaggerating. But they weren't because it was as ridiculous as they said it would be.

Here are two parts that I remember. I just stared at a chart on the wall and tried with everything in me not to laugh as the 80 year old doctor said:

"Now Jim, there might be times when...when you're feeling a bit amorous. And you might come in the house from working on the car and you might feel the desire to just GRAB at your wife. You really shouldn't do that way. It's best to clean yourself up and start things slow. That's the best way."

"And you really should just stay away from anal sex. It's just dirty."

I swear this is true.

IPhone vs the Droid. There Are So Many Questions. Help Me Decide.

I just realized that my contract is up for Verizon so I was thinking about getting an IPhone. But then I looked at the Droid - specifically the Droid Incredible - and it looks really great too.

I guess the things that are keeping me away from the IPhone are:

- I've heard the phone services is bad ie dropped calls.
- I've been told they are now charging extra depending on the amount you download so its really not truly "unlimited".
- The Droid is supposed to have better voice to text capability which is great because then I can simply speak my precious tweets instead of typing them (and potentially damaging my beautiful fingers)

So let's here it. What are the pros and cons of each. Also, Droid 2 is coming out and it WILL have a keyboard. Do you like having the keyboard?

And lastly to see a video comparing the Droid and the IPhone - click here. (This is a different from the one I linked to on Twitter)

Would You Rather?.... Gorillas and A Tiny Leg Growing From Your Back.

Here are a few "would you rathers". Feel free to leave your answers in the comment section. If you're too lazy to answer all three, answer two...or even one.

Would you rather:

1) Make out with a tame gorilla for 10 minutes. The gorilla has been tamed and will NOT harm you.

2) Live with Shane Macgowan (original singer of the Pogues) for 1 month and have sex with him everyday.



Would you rather

1) Have only one tooth. And it's right there in the middle. And everyone could see it.

2) Have a 6 inch leg growing from your back (from your twin that died in the womb). Remember, you could conceal it if you wanted to.

Would you rather

1) Have the power of flight.

2) Have the power to turn invisible.

And if you have any would you rathers for me ask me in the comments area and I will answer them.

Bees. Oh They'll Get Ya! Bee Attack In West Whiteland.

The other day I was having a conversation with a friend about bees. Pretend you were there as I retell the story:

My son was about five and my wife hears screaming coming from the backyard. She runs out and my son and his friend Kyle are running toward the house. They had stepped in a bees nest.

So my son gets in the house but Kyle is surrounded by bees and is being stung. And the bees are going up his pant leg and up his shirt.

Now I wasn't there but my wife was telling me the story when I got home from work. I'm like, "What did you do?"

She says, "I was really calm. I was like OK Kyle, let's pull you shirt off...OK here we go..Good...OK step out of your shorts...OK...as I walked him toward the house. I finally got his shirt and pants off and I pulled him into the house."

What?

I don't know how she stayed so calm. I really think I might have done this as my son ran into the house: "OK Kyle, Jack can't play now..OK..you just go home now. Alright?We've got some things to do..(as I pull the door shut)...come back tomorrow.

Well hopefully I wouldn't have done that but I could have seen myself saying, "JUST RUN AROUND THE HOUSE! BEES ARE SLOW! (as I watched from the inside of the house) THAT'S IT..FASTER! THE BEES ARE GETTING TIRED! I CAN TELL!"

Forgetting The Name Of Someone After You Hook Up. The Rat In West Chester.

On Twitter we were talking about when you hook up with someone and then you forget their name. Kind of like on that episode of Seinfeld.

How many times can you ask, "Wait...what's your name again?" So I would just start calling them by a nickname after a while. Although I'm sure it was obvious. Who know? And there was usually drinking involved so who really cares? I didn't.

But the worst was years ago when my friend Conner and I were out at The Rat in West Chester. He meets a girl and asks her out*.

Saturday comes and he's on the date. Here are the messages I get on my voicemail over the span of a half hour (note that this happened in the 1730's so there were no cell phones):

Conner(whispering): Jim. Jim. Hello? Pick up...I'm calling from a pay phone at the Malvern Meeting House. I'm on my date with that girl.

Conner(whispering): Jim. Are you there? What's the name of the girl I'm on the date with. I can't remember...

Conner (whispering but frantic): Jim! If you're there PICK. UP. THE. PHONE!!! What's the name of the girl I'm on the date with? My Uncle's at the restaurant and I can't remember her name and I'm going to have to introduce her to him!! ARE YOU THERE??

Well he did run into his Uncle and he had to say to his date, "I'm sorry but I totally forgot your name. What is it again?"

He said the expression on her face was, "You have GOT to be kidding me."

It was their last date.

Smooth. Real smooooth....

*I had a girlfriend at the time. That's why I didn't meet a girl. Just we're clear on that... But come to think of it, I'm the one that started talking to the girl and her girlfriend so....I guess that counts for something.

Why Do I Have To Get The Ultimate Deal On Everything? Ipods.

One of quirks is that I always have to get the ultimate deal on things I buy. Here are a few examples:

Trek Road Bike-
- Cost to buy new: $1300
- My cost: $350
- I found it advertised in the paper. The guy only rode it a few times.

Weber Grill-
- Cost to buy new: $700 with all of the accessories (including the rotisserie)
- My cost: $200
- Found ad in the paper. The people used it three times but were moving to
Florida and they didn't want to bring it for some reason.

Craftsman Riding Mower
- Cost to buy new: $1300
- My cost: $350
- Found it at a garage sale. Super rich Dad bought for his son that wanted to start a lawn cutting business but then the kid "got lazy."
(The sad thing with this purchase is that I have eight huge maple trees in my yard with roots so it actually took longer to cut the lawn with the rider. So I gave it to my Dad)

It's great to get deals on big ticket items but it seems that I do that for everything. I guess I'm always afraid that I'm going to see it cheaper somewhere else then I'll dwell it.

The problem is that I used to spend so much time researching stuff to get the best deal I was spending a ridiculous amount of time. Hours and hours. So I've really been trying not to do it anymore.

So last night on Ebay I bought the 160G Ipod. Because my Ipod just broke. It cost $214.99. I barely researched this product. I didn't spend hour comparing to see if I could get it cheaper. I just did the "Buy it now".

It should arrive in a few days. And I'm hoping that it's perfect because if it's not, Ima be pissed. And of course go back to analyzing every purchase.

Please say a prayer.

Brick House Responsible For New Baby. Car Dancing Issue

If you follow me on Twitter you know that I do a lot of car dancing.

I can't helps myself I tells ya!!

And sometimes it gets super sexy. Like when Brick House came on the other week..and I started going at it. How do I put this? Alright. I'll just come out with it. MY STEERING WHEEL IS PREGNANT!

It was totally unplanned so please...no gifts. We're not keeping it.

And this is the song that I hold responsible:

Half Wits On SCTV Cracked Me Up. John Candy And More!

I used to love SCTV. Here's a clip from SCTV. It's the show Half Wits. It's a bit long but hysterical. I always thought SCTV was better then the Early SNLs. There are a few good books on SCTV. I forget what they're called so just ask your librarian.

Now lets take a look at this clip. I just love the facial expressions on all of the contestants as they're trying to think of the answers.

And look at John Candy's hair and Joe Flaherty's nose. HAHAHAHA!!

Dummies.

Looking At People In Meetings More Than The General Population.

I was in a meeting earlier and as usual, I look at people throughout the course of the meeting.

Look at his socks. They're blue but he has black shoes on.

She's tired because she was at the shore.

Nice toenail polish.

His hair is weird.

Throughout the course of the meeting I do this. And I notice that some people hardly look around at all.

And it makes me think that I'm probably in the highest percentile of people that look around at other people - (number of looks per minute). Whether it's in a meeting, at a restaurant or wherever. It's not like I'm staring but I just need to take a quick glance. Then I move onto the next person. Or back to my pen. But if there's something interesting about the person I will "go back for seconds".

I wish I could see myself on videotape to see if I look like a total weirdo or if I look normal. Because I just look for a second. Maybe other people are doing the same thing but I don't think as much. Because I would catch them. You know...cause I'm always looking and everything.

Once in while though something weird will happen. I'll be at a restaurant or somewhere and I'll look at someone and they'll be looking at me. Then...I HAVE to look again to see if they're looking at me AGAIN*. And if they are, then I have to do everything in my power NOT to look at them even though I want to. I can do it for like five minutes then I'm about to burst so I take a quick peak. If they ARE looking again, then I get all paranoid. Unless I can convince myself that they were checking me out.

Does anyone else do this?

*this happened to me in 9th grade and I was looking at some huge football upperclassman and he finally yelled across the cafeteria, "YOU GOT A PROBLEM?". (I said "No")

Embarrassing Incident That Happened To Me At Chester County Hospital.

I may have posted this story before on TBY but maybe not so here goes. Grab a piece of rug and gather around Indian style as I tell you this tale*:

A few years ago I found a lump on my nut. Do you know what I'm talking about when I say "nut"? You do? Good. I see my doctor and he sends me to Chester County Hospital to get an ultra sound on...yup...my nut. I have to admit, I was nervous that they were going to find something wrong with me. But turns out it was nothing serious. Rest assured that I'm still perfect in that region.

So I go into the ultrasound room and the nurse comes in. And she's a total MILF. Brunette, pretty eyes, cute little body, hot nurses outfit and the faint smell of Chanel. OK, I made that last part up. But she was hot.

She explains what I'm supposed to do, "I'm going to leave the room, but I need you to undress. Then, I need you to lay on your back and place your penis on your stomach and cover it with this towel. I'll be back in a few minutes." And she hand motioned the whole thing with her forearm representing the penis an open hand representing the towel. Almost the way a flight attendant explains safety procedures. As if to try and put me in "clinical thinking" mode. Nice try.

So she leaves the room and I follow the instructions but I'm really nervous that I'm going to get a boner**. Because she's hot and she's going to be rubbing warm goo on my nuts. How cants ya??

So I cleverly position the towel in a way that creates a "wiener reservoir". You know, like I prop it up in a tent type fashion so that if the boner begins, the fabric of the towel will not move. The boner will simply grow into the reservoir area while she innocently rubs the ultrasound wand on me - in a slow rhythmic motion...the heat adding to the pulsating...Oh...sorry.

The nurse returns, the lights are lowered and she begins. I swear the only thing missing were some candles. She squeezes the warm ultrasound stuff on me and starts rubbing the wand on me. And it feels good. Really good.

Guys, you know what I'm talking about.

I'm just looking at her. Kind of dreamily. Then I'm like, "OK, I better not look at her". That might start "the reaction". So I close my eyes. And can I tell you it felt so good. It was so relaxing and sexy at the same time. Then, I must have started to daydream because, almost instinctively I gave a slow thrust. (That means my hips moved up. The first stage of "pumping" if you will).

Mid-thrust I realize what I did and I freeze. WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?? I'm thinking maybe I can lower my thrusted hip really slowly, like over the course of a minute and she'll never know.

Who am I kidding? It was so fucking obvious. I tried again to convince myself that she didn't notice but then I just started getting embarrassed. I couldn't even look at her. The shame.

The procedure ends and she says, "That's about it. You can get dressed now." And she leaves the room. I get dressed and walk out. And I swear to God I'm not making this up. She standing there telling the nurses something, they're all laughing. As soon as they see me they go silent. Now I do tend to be paranoid but I really think she was telling them the story.

If anyone is is from Chester County Hospital and has heard this story please let me know. Thank you.

*I was reminded of this tale after @FrogCheeks (on Twitter) mentioned something about a hot nurse.
**An erection of the penis.

I Love This Little Girl Doing Her Daily Affirmation. Cute.

You've probably seen this little girl doing her self affirmation talk in the mirror but I just needed to post it here. I can't stop imitating it now.

And if you follow me on Twitter, you'll notice she looks like a miniature @JennRuss .

Some Random Food Things. Lazy Ass Meme Post. Oysters.

Here are some random food things about me because I can't think of anything to write.

- The smell of canned beets could make me puke. If you paid me I wouldn't eat them.

- I like the idea of oysters and I will eat them but after about six I start thinking about them and it grosses me out.

- I love stuffed olives. I could go for some cheese stuffed olives right now as a matter of fact.

- Every time I have calamari I think it tastes like rubber and I wonder what the fuss is about.

- My favorite cut of beef is the rib eye.

- I really need to make the Mac and Cheese recipe that BE Earl sent me. Except I might modify it by putting some bread crumbs on top.

- My mom doesn't strain the fat off of gravy. No wonder I always had stomach aches growing up.

- Until I was in 8th grade I only had pasta a few times. It was when my Mom wasn't there and my Dad had to cook. And I swear he used tomato paste instead of sauce because I remember the teensy tiny can.

- I love to make and eat twice baked potatoes.

- Shrimp doesn't taste as good as it used to. Even from places that say it wasn't frozen. It just doesn't have the flavor it used to have.

- My favorite sandwich is the Italian Style Pork Sandwich (with long hots and sharp provolone).

- I couldn't live with out garlic and onions.

- I love to look at product packaging.

- I love movie popcorn but can't find a really good microwavable popcorn. Know of any?

- I like hot foods but I hate when people make it so hot just to show off that they can eat it.

- I love Tabasco. I can't stand Frank's hot sauce but somehow there are 5 bottles in my cabinet. I'll probably use it for my deer repellent (mix with soap and spray on vegetable leaves.

What are some of your food things?

The Cat Empire Car Song And Seeing Videos.

Has anyone ever heard of "The Car Song" by The Cat Empire? It's one of the songs I listen to on my Ipod walks.

And I love this song but I really don't like the video. I hate when that happens. So you might want to listen to the song but not watch the video.

Happy Birthday Pac Man and Maybe Pac Woman. Video Games.

Happy Birthday Pac Man. You're 30 years old today you old fuck.

I was actually more of a Pac Woman fan. Or "Ms.Pacman" as you squares probably called it. I used to play it all the time at the video arcade "Time Out" at the Exton Mall. I even taught my friend Flare some of the patterns. And I'd let him win once and while because he never really "picked it up" like I did.

The only other game I really liked was Galaga. All the other games can kiss my ass. Especially pin ball. I always hated pinball. But I did like the sounds pinball machines made and I'd liked to laugh at some of the body contortions people would make as they played.

Oh yeah. And I did like to lean on the machine when somebody was playing it until they yelled, "Get away, you're gonna tilt it!"

I do kind of feel bad for kids these days because there aren't any real arcades left. Just the crappy ones.

Stupid progress.

Weird Nightmare I Had Last Night. Zombies and Susan Sarandon.

Check out this nightmare I had last night.

I look out my window and a zombie is walking past my house toward my neighbor's house. But the zombie is Susan Sarandon. I'm all, "What the hell?"

So a few minutes later my neighbor comes running over.

Neighbor: You've got to help me! There's a zombie trying to kill me.

Me: No.

Neighbor: Well at least give me some toothpicks.

I hand her two toothpicks and she runs out the door holding them like tiny swords.

I then grab a butcher's knife and run upstairs and hide in my closet.

Does that make me a coward? I'm thinking no because as I recall, I think that I was thinking that I was in a movie and I was acting. But I'm not sure.

And how was she going to battle a zombie with toothpicks. I don't get it.

The Time I Faked Going To The Math Teacher Before School. Stupid.

I always hated math and was always terrible at math.

To be honest, I can't even add numbers in my head. Like if you asked, "What's 49 plus 137?" it would take be a while to figure it out without using pencil and paper or my fingers.

Does this mean I'm dumb? Probably...nobody really knows.

My son is taking calculus and I was telling him that if I was given a year to learn it and pass the class with at least a B and was to be rewarded $10,000 I really don't think I could do it.

I have math on my mind because the other day I was thinking about the time I was getting a D in math so my parents told me I had to go in early to school for a few weeks and get extra help from the math teacher.

So for weeks, my Dad drove me into school. I think it was 9th grade. The only problem is that I hated the teacher so much that I never - not once - went to him for help.

Well one day on the ride in my Dad says, "I'm going to come in today and talk to the math teacher and see how you're making out."

I was all, "No. You don't want to do that. He's always in a hurry and everything..."

"Well he'll have to make time. I want to talk to him."

So I sat there knowing that I had to tell my Dad I hadn't been going in after weeks of him changing his schedule to drive me there. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. So I kept saying, "Umm. I gotta...umm...the thing is...."

When we finally got to the school and parked I told him. And he exploded on me! "Are you kidding?? I've been driving you to school all this time and you never went in?" It's probably in the top five of the most pissed I ever saw him get.

To tell you the truth I forget if I was grounded or not or if they made me really go in and meet him in the mornings after that. I think I blocked it out.

Mother Jugs And Speed. Remember?

I remember seeing the movie Mother Jugs and Speed years ago but I forget if I liked it or not.

I may need to rent it.

Thoughts?

Danny O'Day Ventriloquist Dummy (Figure) Now In My Possession. Creepy.

"Whu r you doi oher dare?"

Sorry, that was me talking "Ventriloquist" - what I was saying was, "What are you doing over there?" You could tell though. Right?

Remember when I told you (probably via Twitter) that I was at my Mom's and there was an unclothed ventriloquist dummy aka Danny O'Day smooshed in a plastic bag by her front door? Which in itself was freaky because it looked like a corpse. A tiny, lipstick wearing corpse.

I asked what it was all about and it turns out it was my nephew's but he was so freaked out by it my sister had to just "get it out of the house".

Well his loss is my gain. My Mom waited to give it to me because she had to get the clothes for it before she gave it to me. You know, because "it just wouldn't be complete"...I guess was the thinking.

So now it's mine. All mine. And I'll have you know that I had this very dummy when I was a kid and was kind of good at using it. I even "studied" ventriloquism. Well, if studying means reading a "book of tips" and practicing in my room that is.

And I've already had great fun freaking my family out with it by doing things like peaking it's head in a room and making it mouth things like, "MUST. KILL." And I've only had it for a day! Imagine what the next 30 years holds?!

*And note that MY Danny O'Day is not dressed like the nerd in the picture above. MY Danny O'Day is all classy with his tux and top hat. Eat that bitches!

MUST SEE. Peter Wolf And Shelby Lynn Rock Tragedy.

One of the best concerts I saw back in the day was the J Geils Band. Because Peter Wolf is one of the best front men. He's a crazy man.

Here's the song Tragedy from his new album. It's Shelby Lynn and Peter Wolf rehearsing it and it STILL sounds great. Tell me this song doesn't give you chills.

I just heard that he's going to be at The Note in West Chester. I think I may have to go.

Cashiers Need Better Training You Slow Pokes! Wawa.

I usually get a USAToday at Wawa. Mostly for the Sudoku. And if I get Theresa the cashier, this is what happens:

- She turns the paper around.
- She looks at the headlines.
- I hold my money out.
- She finally takes my money but continues to read the headlines.
- She then put the money in the register.
- She slowly hand me the paper.

And it drive me crazy! And it's not even like she comments on a story to make conversation. She just wants read the paper.

Of course I don't have the balls to say anything to her. I wish I were my Dad sometimes because in a second he would say,

"OK listen, I come in here everyday to get a paper, and I'm in a hurry but you have to scan the headlines. I'm really going to have ask you to do that on YOUR time. Not mine. Now if it happens again I'm going to have to talk to your manager. Are we clear on this?... Are we clear on this? OK. Have a good day."

Patty Duke Show. Identical Cousins. Parody.

Who DOESN'T check Youtube at least once a day to see what videos related to the Patty Duke Show have been added?

Come on....don't lie.

Here's a random one I just found. It's kind of funny.

BREAKING NEWS: TBY SNAGS INTERVIEW WITH CRAIG BIERKO.

As you know, many celebs follow Dr Zibbs on Twitter. They also follow my Father Kelly character. One of these people is Craig Bierko. To see what he's done, click here. (You can follow him on Twitter @MrCraigBierko . Please do so, and tell him Dr Zibbs sent ye).

And now, ladies and gentleman, I give you Craig Bierko:

Before we begin, Dr. Zibbs, may I just say what an honor it is for me
personally to be interviewed by someone like yourself who, despite a
total lack of access to actual show business, has nevertheless -
through shear pluck and good will - managed to hook AND pull a big
fish like me into the boat. Good for you - and, if I may, good for
America.
Just felt that needed to be said. Okay, fire away - show 'em how it's done!

1) Who are some of your celeb friends?

What are you, retarded? You kidding me? "Who are some of my celeb
friends?" And did you really just say "celeb"? Like you don't have the
time in your busy day of sleeping in, masturbating and tweeting me for
favors to say "rity"?
"Celeb friends" like you're Rona Barrett. Idiot.

2) Do you have any celebrity arch enemies?

It's the second question and I already hate you. Actual hate. Not
dislike. I dislike Hitler, cancer and "iCarly." You, I hate - and not
only that, I long to beat you to death with your own shoe.

3) You are one of the tallest famous people. Which means your probably
one of the best fighters. Who couldn't you beat up in a fight?

(Craig just stares. After ten minutes, not having so much as blinked,
he is audibly snoring)

4) You were originally cast as Chandler in Friends. Are you kind of
glad you didn't get the part because people would still sing that
stupid theme song to you as you walked the streets?

Well, it's a compelling question - and certainly one that I haven't
been asked by and endless parade of socially tone deaf, bottom-feeding
corpse tripe zombies like yourself - so, congratulations up front on
that, right off the bat. Once again, you could've asked me anything -
why not ask the one thing I'm quoted on everywhere on the web?
But, to answer your question, I appeared on the first three seasons of
Friends as the seventh friend "Glenn" - but the role just didn't seem
to gel with the overall tone of the show and, in retrospect, maybe
Glenn shouldn't have addressed the camera directly and rolled his
eyes whenever one of the other characters said something sarcastic. I
take responsibility for that choice because the producers asked me to
stop talking to the cameras on numerous occasions.
Also, it was a very tense set because I was dating Courtney, Lisa and
Jen at the same time - so they all hated each other and I think it
shows on screen.
Ultimately, the decision to leave was mine - though the idea of firing
me originated with everyone else. The idea of Glenn lighting himself
on fire to protest underpaid Wal-Mart greeters was pitched by
Courtney, Lisa and Jen, I believe. That was real fire by the way -the
cast insisted we make Glenn's death as real as possible for the sake
of the comedy and I didn't want to cause any more tension than I
already had so I agreed - and that's why I'm covered head to toe with
these knotty oozing scars, by the way. Anyway, it was a cute scene.

5) You were hysterical in Scary Movie 4. Do you have plans to do more comedy?

Yes.

6) According to Wikipedia, you've been "involved with" Charlize
Theron, Gretchen Mol, Janeane Garofalo and Meg Ryan. What does
"involved with" EXACTLY mean and more importantly, did my name come
up?

You're clearly not employed - so there's no network weasel standing
over your shoulder telling you to stop masturbating so much and
demanding that 65% of the questions you ask appeal to the tastes of
the "short forehead" set - so why would you spend the precious gift of
your non-corporatized, totally unrestrained yippie-ay-oh-ky-ay,
rootin' tootin' motherfucking journalistic cowboy freedom on some
stupid question unworthy of the dumbest, soul-dead Entertainment
Tonight cunterviewer?

Good god, Zibbs - men and women in uniform are getting blown apart
into dog food, scraped off the walls of Iraq and Afghanistan to ensure
your freedom of speech - and this is how you honor them? By asking the
guy from "Scary Movie 12" where he placed his pud? Man, I can't wait
for the sweet, sweet giddy release of beating you to death with your
own shoe.

7) When will me...Dr Zibbs and Father Kelly be doing a project
together? I'm thinking maybe a Father Kelly drama. I'd like to cast
you as the Pope.

Fuck you.

Thanks again!

Is there lunch? I was told I'd be given lunch.

/////////////////////

To see my favorite Bierko clip from Scary Movie 4, check out this post I wrote.

I Love This! Brandi Carlile Doing Dreams. Teary.

I love this song Dreams by Brandi Carlile. They've been playing it a lot on WXPN.

It stops be in my tracks and kind of gets be choked up whenever I hear it. Even though it's catchy, it's got some "pull at the old heart strings " lyrics. As my friend "The Child" likes to say.

Do you like it? (I've included the lyrics below so you can sing along).



Dreams, I have dreams when I'm awake when I'm asleep
And you, you are in my Dreams
You're underneath my skin, how am I so weak

And now in my dreams,

I can feel the weight, I can just come clean
I keep it to myself, I know what it means
I can't have you, but I have dreams

How long, can you hold your breath?
Can you count to ten, can you let it pass?
Keep, can you keep it in?
Keep it behind lashes, can you make it last?

And now in my dreams, I can feel the weight
I can just come clean

I keep it to myself, I know what it means
I can't have you, but I have dreams
Oh, I have dreams, I have dreams

(And then an amazing guitar solo)

Mind, can you read my mind?
Has it come undone, am I showin' signs?

And now, in my dreams
I can feel the weight, I can just come clean
I keep it to myself, I know what it means
I can't have you, but I have dreams
I have dreams, I have, I have, I have Dreams