Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Don't Have A Terrible, Sad and Heartbreaking Christmas


So I hope you don't have a Christmas like the one I had in 5th grade. (warning: sad story ahead. Get tissues ready and prepare to feel sorry for me).

You see, I had gotten in the habit of sneaking into my parent's attic before Christmas to see what I was getting. So I go up there and there's this huge box. This box was the shape of a refrigerator box but a bit smaller. Probably the size of a casket you'd bury a dwarf in. A little bigger than that. A dwarf wearing platform shoes and an Abe Lincoln hat. Yeah, that big of a box. What? I'm trying to set the scene.

Anyways, on the gigantic box are these kids sitting at a command center. It looked like friggin' NASA, but with 70's kids.

"Ready for blast off Timmy?"
"Over and out Jeffrey."

It was some type of telescope command center. It was at the back of the attic so I was too nervous to climb to the back and see exactly what it was.

So Christmas morning comes and I open my regular presents. The Panapet, Panasonic Ball radio (see picture above). Danny O'Day dummy. Mad Magazine books. But where the hell was my space command center?

So after looking all over I then asked my parents,

Me: Is that it?

Mom: Is that it? Look at all the stuff you got.

Me: What about that huge space center?

Mom: What?

Me: That huge box in the attic with the kids working on those huge machines.

Mom: Oh that. That was your cousin Mark's from years ago. I needed a really big box last time I was at your Aunt Margarete's so she gave me the box. Did you want one of those*?

Me
: (close up of confused face - camera zooms in closer to show empty feeling - super close up of eyes turning slightly teary) Oh. (sadness and disappointment suppress deep, deep inside the little boy's soul)

.....And Merry Christmas!

*In way, I guess we all lost on that day. Could you imagine if I had gotten that thing? And I got totally into science? Imagine how space travel, robots and all things sciencey might be different today. We'll never know.

31 comments:

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I got you a rock that year. You may have misplaced it by now.

Giggle Pixie said...

Ouch. That had to sting. But yeah, I think it totally worked out for the best.

LOL

Cora said...

Yes, I do imagine the world would be quite different. Hell, yeah! :-)

Kimmie said...

Yeah, things are becoming much clearer now.

Chris said...

Life is so cruel, and unfair, rather like a dwarf in platform shoes and a stove pipe hat.

SouthernBelle said...

Oh my god, this is *exactly* why we aren't living on the moon in geodesic domes yet!

katrocket said...

That's a freaking great story, regardless of the tragic impact it made on technology.

Talk With No Thought said...

It's for the best...those robots would have eventually turned on you.

Scope said...

I had the that radio in red.

I don't think it survived when my parents moved off the farm a year and a half ago, but it was totally on the shelf in the storage room, looking like it was smirking at me.

ÄsK AliCë said...

Ok now I want a space center with 70s kids. Thanks for ruining my Christmas in advance

BeckEye said...

I could send you to the moon, if you'd like.

SkylersDad said...

I had one of those radios. I wanted to see how many time it would roll down the hill and still keep playing.

The answer is 2.

Yes, we all learned a bit that Christmas, didn't we?

Cameron said...

Dude...carrying that around all these years?!?!?! I'm surprised you haven't gone Dahmer by now. I don't think psychiatry will fix your issues at this point....are you ok with electrodes attached to your nuts?

Cowguy said...

Sorry the space center didn't pan out for you. Genocide is the only answer.


I remember the Panasonic ball radios! How many of these died at the end of a Louisville Slugger?

Sausage Mechanic said...

So sad. The scars will never heal. Cheer up. Those 70's kids set of a 10 megaton nuclear warhead whilst screwing with the control room and died horrible deaths from radiation sickness.

Scope said...

Mine also substituted for the Death Star when tryimg to build Star Wars models with the primative Lego sets of the day.

But one year, I did give a girlfiend a crappy gift certificate in a Tiffany box. Don't worry MelO, that beat down I took from that has ensured THAT will not happen again.

Micgar said...

Aww man-that sucked! I remember those Panasonic ball radios! That's what you get for peeking! I did the same thing though-I think everyone does when they are a kid-(and maybe when they're an adult too!)

sista #2 said...

I have the red panapet...I got it for a dollar at a yard sale.

Maybe you will get the huge space center this year.

peace
#2

Gwen said...

I totally thought you were going to say your parents knew you found the gift so returned it. That still had to sting, especially since you outed yourself.

Happy holidays, Doc! I hope your holidays are warm and bright.

Susan said...

This sounds terrible, but you actually gave me an idea of staging possible amazing unheard of gifts for our kids who snoop for their gifts each year - all bullshit and unreal of course - to teach them a lesson. It's absolutely perfect.

Dale said...

Imagine how different this blog would be? I'm glad you didn't get it. Merry(ish) Christmas.

slopmaster said...

I don't know. Science nerds can write some pretty good blogs, and they're usually perverted which also make for good posts.

Michelle J said...

I am glad you didn't get that gift for then who would i stalk???

Your parents rock!! Please tell them that from your stalker!!!

Love
Stalker

Merry Christmas

Dr Zibbs said...

Susan - you're welcome.

Fancy Schmancy said...

Aww, poor Zibbsy...

I peeked one year, too. Unwrapped and re-wrapped the presents. I was so horribly disappointed on Christmas morning because I already knew what I was getting that I never snooped again.

JDizzle said...

Serves you right for snoopin' Zibbs! However, it gives you a good trick to play on your own kids. Be sure to film and post it tho.

raf said...

Ooh!I'm the only one thinking it's a huge loss?You could have changed the world...and perhaps find some proofs to my "Matrioska theory"!!!

Chele said...

I think I would go wild if I got that today, love that stuff

Leonesse said...

Your parents didn't figure out you snooped? I never broke the cardinal rule of No Peeking. They were dead assed serious that if they ever found out we even touched the packages, everything would go back.

My brother was an expert at leaning completely under the tree, reading the names on the packages, but never touching anything. Kinda like Christmas Tetris.

Caffeine Court said...

Damn, you should get a job writing "After School Specials."

That story brought a tear to my eye.

words words words said...

I snooped one year and got excited cause I saw something really cool. Christmas morning I found out it was for my brother. You and I both got what we deserved.