Friday, December 19, 2008

Questions About Displaying Hat Collections On Your Car Window Sill


Why on earth do douchebgs display their hat collections on the back window sill of their cars? You know - how they line up the baseball caps with pride as if anyone gives a shit.

At what point does someone see a hat collection and say, "That looks great. I'm going to start one. First thing to do is drive to the mall to get about three more hats so it doesn't look ridiculously bare with the four hats I currently have. Then I'll draw up some plans as to what order I'll place them".

Do hat displayers ever see another hat displayer in a parking lot and stop to compliment them?

"Hey man, what's up? Nice hats. I'm hat displayer too. It's pretty cool how you put two different era Phillies caps on either side of the current Eagles cap. It really balances the Phillies caps out and draws the eye toward the fancy stitchwork on the rim of the Eagles cap. Well done".

"Thanks man. Believe it or not, that was a mistake. I was going to do an all Phillies - by color display - and I was taking my Eagles cap scene down...well, my girlfriend calls me for something and when I came back, I was like, I think I'm on to somethin' here."

"It totally works."

Do hat displayers ever feel so proud after a new hat acquisition and layout that they drive their car around town to show them off?

(at stop light talking to girls) "Are you ladies into hats? Don't be afraid. Step a little closer. Do you see what I did back there? No big deal really....I mean, I've never seen all those caps together in one place AND displayed the way I did right back there either but...Well, that's what I do........ So, do you have any question I can answer?"

41 comments:

Jen said...

this must be a PA thing??

the stuffed animal collections
make me cringe more..

just sayin'

Dr Zibbs said...

By the way, my favorite douchebag in the photo is the one in the front - middle. How long do you think it took him to get that expression down?

That damn expat said...

I love that picture! In a hate kind of way.

Bacon Lady said...

What's with the butterfly hand signs?

"Yo dude, we're like transformations man. Like, dude, we used to be fuzzy little douchebags but we holed up in a chrysalis and now we're colorful, flying douchebags. Yeah."

John Young said...

I thought that rear-deck cap collection hats were almost always Navy ship caps, lined up in a row with the ship's number in big gilt letters on it.

Aircraft carriers, don't they line the sailors up on the deck when they come in to port? Maybe the sailors have to line up on the deck every time the ship comes in, for like twenty years. Then they get old, retire, and line up the caps on THEIR rear deck as a kind of revenge or something.

John Young said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Robot Nine said...

Not a PA thing as I see it in Texas also. I also see open gargaes in neighborhoods where these same guys have literally a hundred caps hanging like some kind of museum display.

The guy in fron, what a face, but above and to the left... the open shirt, medallion and he looks like he is on a motorcylce at 60 miles an hour, but he is sitiing still.

Kilarious and true post.

Robot Nine

franki said...

Don't look at me. All I got are a bunch of those bobble-headed dogs on my dashboard. Total chick magnets.

Csquaredplus3 said...

My Grandfather was a hat displayer. He passed away at the age of 91, but he was in the Navy as a young man. I think John Young's on to something - at least for a portion of the hat displayers.

Andrew Rodriguez said...

Hey, so I have the evolutionary geneology correct, but these frosted spikey haired douchebags are esentially the direct decendants of their mullet sporting forefathers? My Class of 1985 Yearbook looks like a Hockey team roster...except for me of course...really!

Chris said...

I never put hats on display by the back window of my car, I find that they detract from my collection of "________ on Board" signs.

saratogajean said...

Holy smokes, it's like we're blog twins, although I blogged about douchebag bumperstickers today, rather than hat collections.

Weird.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

The only thing that's worse is those douchebags with stuffed animals in their back windows. Yeah, I'm talking about you. You know who you are.

Vodka Mom said...

But can they display the FINGER hats in their rear windows??? I mean the ones over THERE........

Talullah said...

That is not a Tennessee thing although I was at a traffic light behind my own kid and in her back window was a tall pink "Birthday Princess" hat and a geisha wig. I don't know if it is that same thing or not.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Boy Zibsy, you really got that conversation down with the ladies at the stoplight. Kinda makes me wonder.....No, no way. Never mind.

LYDIA said...

Yeah, must be a PA thing. All the douchebags here just put a huge sticker on their back window.

Oh, and another thing I hate about the back window in Utah... a little stick figure family on the bottom left corner. Dogs and cats included. I will take a picture to show you, all I gotta do is walk outside and find a mini-van. Hold please!

words words words said...

I think I went to high school with all those guys.

LYDIA said...

What's up with the pink arms in the back? Was he trying to do the bird gang thing?

Dr Zibbs said...

Sarotogajean - first the rubbing butts thing I wrote in my blog and now this. I swear I'm not copying things off of your blog.

Queen Goob said...

Hat collections are not a PA or a TX thing.....it's a redneck "I wish mullets were still in" thing. Oh, and Utah isn't the only state with the stupid stick figure families......but does your state display the gay couple with kids, dogs and cats? Try explaining THAT to your four year onld niece.

Kimmie said...

Was that taken at Pulsations?

John Young said...

PULSATIONS! Zibbs, I _know_ you have a Pulsations story. Let's hear it!

Alice said...

These Douches look like the kids that use to work for me. They are throwing up gang signs, but would piss their pants if they actually met a rteal gang member.

Dr Zibbs said...

HA! Pulsations! I'll have to think about that John. I know I have some Be-Bop stories. Remember that? At the Granite Run Mall?

John Young said...

Would they have let me into Be-Bop wearing calf ringer socks, khaki shorts with jingly zippers, and a Doctor Who baseball hat with a pedometer clipped to it?

Jennifer and Sandi said...

People place hats in their back window sill? I've only seen stuffed animals. I'm sure they are of the same group tho??

Hats, Animals, Hat, Animals...all the same

- Jennifer

Talk With No Thought said...

You know what bugs me? The people with the freaking stuffed animals in the back window sill of their cars. Who are these people and why do they need their stuffed animals with them in the car?

Talk With No Thought said...

And that picture up there? Perfection.

Giggle Pixie said...

I didn't even know this was a "thing".

But now, knowing about it, I'm thinking I haven't missed much.

J.J. in L.A. said...

I have a few "bitch" hats that family members have given me over the years, but I don't display them in the back of my car...

I don't want strangers to get the right impression.

BeckEye said...

I can't concentrate on hats when there are so many douchebags present. By the way, none of them would ever wear hats because it would mess up their hair. Maybe they buy a bunch of hats because they like the way they look, but then realize, "Oh shit, I just gelled, I can't wear this," so they put it on the back window of their car. Then they do this several more times because they're idiots.

Kez said...

Stop making me giggle when I'm trying to be grumpy. It's entirely inconsiderate of you.
In Australia, it tends to be a sign of Old People.
Usually it's their lawn bowls hats sitting on the sill with a box of tissues and some knitted doiley thing.

slopmaster said...

wow, I cannot stop laughing at that picture. I mean, were we ever that bad? there is just so much douche to choose from. I can't pick the biggest one.

I don't know what kids are doing nowadays, I guess it's hats. Better than my used condom collection.

~E said...

Zibbs, I don't think that dude in the picture is "trying to get a look down".

Clearly he is just constipated from all the cereal he had to eat to get enough box tops to send away for that last hat to complete his collection...clearly!

Distributorcap said...

if i had a car i would collect hats
if i had a head i would collect hats

carless and headless are not good for the hat makers

Sausage Mechanic said...

Don't see that too much in St. Lou. What I mostly see displayed is someone's middle finger. Hmmm...could it be my driving?

Leonesse said...

Douche Central called. That guy who is trying hard to look above his own signs is an imitation douche. A douche wannabe.

Who the hell puts their own hands in front of their face and then tries to get his face in the picture?

Micgar said...

Hey that's a perfect rendition of what those people probably would say! Another thing that gets me is the guys who wear their damn baseball caps on backwards-what the fuck is that all about?! It looks stupid.

jiggins said...

I know it's been beat to death.. but yeah.. there isn't one single butterfly, hand-signaling douche-bag in that photo that didn't spend 2.5 hours gel'ing up his hair, practicing facial expressions and starching his collar. Suckas. Sorry. It's wrong bro.. so sick.

I guess - to each his own :)

ChesterCo_PA said...

The only thing missing from that photo is a sound clip for "Ice, Ice Baby".

I definitely think stuffed animals on the rear deck (or front windshield) are creepy. I also think adults who wear Disney and put Disney stickers all over their cars (and CLEARLY do not have children), are even more creepy. There. I said it. Disney+Adults=Creepy.