Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Last Minute Christmas Ideas For Cheap People



So I'm sure everyone's about to start their Christmas Shopping. Here are a few gift ideas that will save you a bit of time and money:

1) Make a phony, "I named a star after you " certificate. Go to the window, look up and say, "..there she is..nope..sorry..there she is. Right there. Next to that one. Yeah. She is a beauty." Are they really going to check?

2) What can you wrap around your house? This is a tough one as it's best to actually stage a burglary and steal some select items. Then, rewrap the gifts you stole and write on the card that you searched everywhere to find the exact items and that maybe this is the greatest Christmas ever because "someone can steal 'things' but they can't steal my heart". (This makes no sense but they'll be so excited they won't even think about your babble).

3) Simply write, "The magic of Christmas - believe" on construction paper. Write it in a fancy font and when they open it, put your hand on the back of their head and say, "I believe. Do you?" Then look into the distance. This will only work on artsy type of people. Most people will say, "Oh I believe. I believe you better go get my damn present." So think this one out.

4) Write, "The gift of........" on a piece of paper. As they read it, motion the homeless people that you've threatened with jail time to come in and start dancing. When they're finished with their train wreck of a dance, turn to the person you gave the gift to and say, "I think it is the thought that counts. Don't you?"

Merry Christmas everyone from me to you!

21 comments:

SkylersDad said...

I've been saving my spit in a plastic bag for some time now. I am going to present it Christmas morning to my loved one as a pillow, and tell her "It's the spitting image of me!"

I'll let you know how that works out...

Real Live Lesbian said...

LMAO! My uncle always says, "It's the gift that counts."

I think he's right. ;0

Have a wonderful holiday!

Gwen said...

Does this mean the star you said you bought for me is a fake? That hurts, Doc. It really hurts. Especially since you said the light given off by the star could never compare to the light I bring to your life.

Thanks. You ruined Christmas.

Alice said...

Hopefully Zibbs you are not that cheap

Dr Zibbs said...

Gwen - the one I gave you was real
Alice - I am very thrifty.

Leonesse said...

I much prefer the empty box method, stating I gave the gift to a starving child in Africa. What can they say?

Dale said...

Now who's giving til it hurts? You are! Excellent. I'm getting out my construction paper right now.

Fancy Schmancy said...

Merry Christmas, right back atcha!

Cora said...

I like the star one. Genius! Imagine the suckers pointing the star out to their friends at all their future parties. Hee hee. Kinda reminds me of George on Seinfeld pretending he donated money to a fake charity in his coworkers names for Christmas. love it!

Merry Christmas to you and your family, Doctor! :-)

Crys said...

this made me have hars.

thank you.

buffalodick said...

This year is a wash with presents.. Got my son a laser point sight for his Glock, and he isn't coming this year, due to car accident... Wife doesn't want anything- so she gets cash.. I don't want anything, after my son could have been killed rolling his Jeep- he's unhurt, and that is my present!

teri said...

You are such a giver, Dr. Zibbs.

Merry Christmas to you and the rest of your bunch. Sounds like it will be an interesting holiday and the Zibbs household.

Jennifer and Sandi said...

You just can't buy cheap anymore. If you don't give a gift at all is that even cheaper?

Merry Christmas!

- Jennifer

crotchpains said...

you put the "Ah Christ" in Christmas....

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Ha Zibsy, no one can say Merry Christmas quite like you.

Hope you have a great one!!

Chris said...

Visiting your blog always warms my heart.

Giggle Pixie said...

Dr. Zibbs, I have made a contribution in your name to The Human Fund.

(ala George, from Seinfeld!)

Michelle J said...

My gift to you is to not air my grievances about you on my blog!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS DZ!!!!

Lisa said...

I think those are BRILLIANT!

Lisa said...

lol. great gift ideas. thanks!

~E said...

Hey! I actually did get a star named after me for Christmas one year!

Its in Aries RA2h 52m 37s D 26 degrees 51'

I have no clue what that means or where it is...but dammit its got my name on it!