The Wiggles Gettin' All Hot Potato On Your Sorry Ass.

Happy Saint Pattie's Day - again. And speaking of the Irish, it reminds me of potatoes. Which brings me to this song by The Wiggles. Hot Potato.

My sister swears these dudes aren't gay but I'm not sure. The dancing sure looks pretty gay to me. So what's the deal with these dudes? My kids aren't really little so they don't watch this nonsense. I have to admit though that it's pretty catchy.

Except the person that cast the pirate that comes on a few seconds in should be fired. What an ass.

Saint Patties. Drinking. Holiday Theft. Face Punch.

As an Irishman, I've gotten used to the saying that, "everyone's Irish on Saint Patrick's Day".

I mean, I'm not going to start a fight with a non Irish person just because they're trying to steal my day but I'm also not going to sit back and let them pretend that it's OK that they can get bombed and pretend that they're Irish.

Because they're not.

So to be fair, I'm going to toss a potato onto a world map and ask that everyone harrasses the country folk that my spud lands on.

O.K. Here we go.....and throw...

The potato called it. It looks like it's the peoples of Trinidad and Tobago. So in all fairness, when you're out drinking at the bars today and you see someone from Trinidad and Tobago - start a fight with them. And when you're done kicking their ass, explain to them that it's nothing personal.

Elephant Woman Beauty Secrets. Nice Sack.

You always see the elephant men wearing burlap potato sackish bags to cover their horrifying faces but I can't for the life of me recall ever even seeing an elephant woman.

I wonder if this this ever happens in elephant woman households to help with their self esteem:

Mom: Ellie, how are you feeling today? Any better?

Ellie: I hate school. I feel like a freak.

Mom: Well I got something for you. (Pulls out fabric swatch book and sits on corner of bed). It's a book filled with pretty swatches. I thought we could look through the book and pick out a nice pattern for your burlap sack. Perhaps one with a cherry pattern? That would be cute - don't you think?

Ellie: You're the best mom! (starts to take sack off of head).

Mom: (covers eyes and looks away). ELLIE.THE SACK. PUT THE SACK BACK ON! Thank you.

The Carpenters. Mental Institution Songs.

For some reason when I get really depressed or sad, songs that I remember from ages 4 - 9 make me feel better. The songs might be corny as hell, but I guess it brings me back to a time when I didn't worry about things.

And believe me - I spend way too much time over analyzing and worrying about things. I always think that if I were ever put into a mental institution, there are certain songs that they could play just to calm me down.

Here's one of them. "We've only Just Begun" by The Carpenters. Enjoy.

My Blog Friends Might Need Special Section At My Funeral.

So tomorrow is Ken's funeral and it got me thinking. If I ever die - and that's a big if, I've just realized that my blog followers are going to want to attend my funeral.

I'm thinking once the funeral is about to start, an announcement can be made that there will be a slight delay. Then you freaks can enter the arena (because the crowds will be so large and I want nothing to do with a church).

I'm thinking that if everyone enters from different entrances it will make the most impact and create the most awe from my real life friends.

And I'm open to suggestions of funeral chants and merchandising so let me know. I'll also need at least 20 team leaders that will be responsible for organizing the masses.

99 Luft Balloons? 99 Luftballons? Bald And Fat And Old.

So a friend of mine is having a party tonight that's a mini college reunion of sorts. There are going to be some people I haven't seen in years. I'm looking forward to it. I'll be sure to point out to everyone that I haven't ballooned up and I have zero traces of baldness. Then when everyone gets uncomfortable, I'll say, "Oh I didn't mean you" while I shake my relatively thin ass and full head of hair over to the food. Just to be a dick.

I might have to tell the few friends that know about my blog to "keeeeeep cooooool"and keep their traps shut about my blog. I have a list of college stories I'll be posting soon and there are a few that I really don't want some people reading. Not that some of the people the stories are about will be at this party but you know how blabbermouths can be.

And there's one story in particular about an ultimate practical joke I did. If the person ever found out they may want to track me down for revenge.

And on the subject of balloons and college, here's a song that was popular at the time. 99 Luft Balloons by the hairy pitted Nena. One thing about the 80's and early videos - they were craptacular.

Death. Dave Clark Five. Toilet Overflow. Stories.

So I spent the whole day at my sister's house yesterday. As I mentioned, her husband died two days ago.

There were a lot of tears but also a lot of laughs. We were going through pictures and almost falling off chairs laughing at the great stories. Here's one of my favorite stories of my brother -in- law Ken:

"Remember when you first started dating Ken and he clogged up the toilet? That was hysterical. Ken clogs up the toilet - it's midnight and I'm in the pool with a couple of friends. So I had to go wake up Dad. 'Dad, the toilet's overflowing and it's leaking on your desk (in the basement)'".

I mean water is flowing! He's in his robe and doesn't give a crap that we all have friends over.

"Damn it! I told you and Michael if you have to take a dump to use the upstairs toilet!"

It's a code red so everyone just knows that all of our friends should just leave.

And do you know what? Ken kept coming back to our house after that. It didn't bother him at all. He eventually married my sister and we harassed him about this story for years.

So the Friday Send Off song goes out to Ken. In case you're reading this. It's The Dave Clark Five. Bits and Pieces. A band that came up in conversation with him over the years.

Life Is Short

So I got a phone call this morning with the news that my brother-in-law died. He was 49. He was a perfectly healthy person a few years ago until they found and removed a brain tumor from him.

My sister had to retire to care for him. And she never, ever complained about it. They have one daughter who was about 5 when he was diagnosed with the brain tumor so she always knew him as someone that had been sick and not 100% there.

The amazing thing is that even though he would forget things like thinking he was at work earlier that day - or that he had just talked to his dad who had died years earlier- he someone never lost his dry sense of humor.

So I'm off this morning to see my sister and niece.

Life is short. Don't waste it.

Cheap Trick. Philly Concerts.The Spectrum. Surrender Lyrics.

Cheap Trick was my first concert. I saw them in the Summer between 8th and 9th grade at the Spectrum in Philly with my buddy Flare. I still love the song Surrender.

I was thinking about Cheap Trick because they're touring with Def Leppard and Poison this Summer. I was never a fan of Def Leppard or Poison but since it's a three bill concert, each band will only be playing their greatest hits so it might be worth seeing.

Very interesting lyrics if I do say so myself. To watch the video, click here. But you might want to read the lyrics first in case you're not familiar with them. Or treat yourself and sing along!

Mother told me, yes, she told me I'd meet girls like you
She also told me, "Stay away, you'll never know what you'll catch"
Just the other day I heard a soldier falling off some Indonesian junk that's going round

Mommy's alright, Daddy's alright, they just seem a little weird
Surrender, surrender, but don't give yourself away

Father says, "Your mother's right, she's really up on things"
"Before we married, Mommy served in the WACS in the Philippines"
Now, I had heard the WACS recruited old maids for the war
But mommy isn't one of those, I've known her all these years

Mommy's alright, Daddy's alright, they just seem a little weird
Surrender, surrender, but don't give yourself away

Whatever happened to all this season's losers of the year?
Ev'ry time I got to thinking, where'd they disappear?
When I woke up, Mom and Dad are rolling on the couch
Rolling numbers, rock and rolling, got my Kiss records out

Mommy's alright, Daddy's alright, they just seem a little weird
Surrender, surrender, but don't give yourself away

P.S. I love how the drummer looks like an accountant.

5 Things I Love and 5 Things I Hate.

Here are 5 things I love followed by 5 things I hate.

Love

1) Onions - I couldn't imagine cooking without them.

2) Dining/drinking Alfresco - there's nothing I love more than having a few drinks while watching people. I seriously love this.

3) Traveler dress shirts from Jos A Bank. Best everyday dress shirts ever.

4) The wind - nothing better than a warm day and the winds blowing. For some reason it gives me a calming feeling.

5) My vegetable garden - I expand my "The That Blue Yak Garden of Hope" every year. I can't wait to get it going this year. Lettuce will be first in there.

Hate

1) Canned beets -the smell of them can make me puke. I haven't had them since I was a kid.

2) Paying for greeting cards - I've been having my kids make their own greeting cards for years. And everyone loves them a lot better than some of the crappy cards that kids usually give to people.

3) People that don't look me in the eye.

4) Brian Secrest -Other than him being able to speak clearly, I don't understand the appeal.

5) Women that talk non stop about their kids. Telling people every detail. Give it a break will you? Nobody cares.

Willie Wonka, Smoking Weed, Gene Wilder And Film.

How many people in their younger days watched a movie or TV show while stoned and said, "Oh they had to be stoned while making this. Holy Shit! They HAD to be stoned."

Then, when you're not high, you realize, nobody was high during the filming. It was you that was high you lightweight. Keep it up and I'm gonna put the "magic box" on your stoned ass and you're gonna freak.

But then you watch Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and you really question what I just said above. Someone at least was smoking some weed - possibly tripping during the writing or directing of this scene where Gene Wilder goes through the tunnel*. Here it is:





*I know that they were smoking weed during Easy Rider and Caddyshack had tons of coke on set. Maybe some of my movie buff readers like Earl or Words, Words, Words can let us know what other movies were heavily drug influenced during filming.

My Heart Just Stopped. Qualities I Like In Women.

Have you ever seen someone and then they start talking and you instantly have a crush on them?

Believe it or not, the typical blond hair big boob chick is not my type. I actually get annoyed when everyone thinks a chick is hot because they've got a hot body. Here are a few things that I'm a sucker for:

- Large, doe-like eyes. And they have to be expressive.

- A smile that lights up the whole face. Not many people have this.

- Laughs at my jokes.

- Curvy with a nice butt.

- Flirty personality.

- Has some type of underlying sweetness in their soul.

And speaking of some of those qualities, here's a blogger that took my breath away not only by her beauty but just the way she talks. Remember how I said I could be a casting director? Tell me this blogger doesn't have star quality. If I ever met her, I think I'd have an instant connection. To see her, click here.

Wine Making Turns Into Hysterical Fall. Breath Knocked Out.

Are all you other gay blades watching Dancing with the Stars like me right now? Well here's a short clip to watch at the commercial break. It's a news anchor smashing grapes then something goes horribly wrong. She falls off the platform and gets the air knocked out of her.

Her groans are hilaaaaaaarious.

Dude With Long Nose Hair Repulses Chester County Blogger.

Oh yeah. I just remembered this. I was at this formal event last week. I'm mingling around with my red wine talking to people - things are going well. I approach someone I haven't seen in a while. I say hi and he introduces me to the guy he's talking to.

I turn my head to look at the guy and this dude* has two manes of nose hairs coming out of his beak. I'm talking nose hairs at least a half inch long. How the hell does someone look in the mirror and not realize that something has to be done?

Doesn't this guy wonder why everyone is looking at his nostrils?

There's no excuse for this. I seriously need to know - why do you think some dudes refuse to trim their nose hairs? Do you think they don't care? I bet some don't trim because they think using a nose clipper would be too feminine. Maybe they think the ladies don't care.

And one more thing to add. Do you see that finger nose hair clipper above? That's a real product. And for all the weird stuff I buy simply because it's weird and funny -that finger nose hair clipper is even over the top for me.

* If by the rare chance you were at an event last week in Chester County and you look like Ed Begley Jr., It's you that I'm talking about here. Do everyone a favor and clean yourself up. Jesus Christ.

Members Only Jacket. No Thanks Anthony Geary. I Don't Want To Join That Club.

The Members Only jacket. Yeah that was real style. Here's General Hospital's Anthony Geary (Luke), hawking it in 1982.

What a fool. I love his "I'm too cool for you" attitude. He's another one I'm going to push down a flight of stairs if we ever meet.

Three's Company Plus The Shining Equals Wacky Fun. The Mashup.

I love me some video mashups from the Youtube.

(Me talking like Casey Kasem): What if you took The Zany Three's Company song and mashed it up with the cast of characters from The Shining? Let's take a look. Coming in at number four this week, here's The Shining Mashup.

Hee Haw. Johnny Cash. Backward Country Folk On TV.

When I was growing up and Hee Haw came on the TV, I would literally dive to turn the channel. Frankly, it sickened me. I wanted nothing to do with those hicks and their Country music or down on the farm "comedy".

But I just watched this Hee Haw clip and I was laughing. Laughing at how stupid it is but I was still laughing none the less. I kind of like the simplicity of the jokes. I wish there were video of the writers working on these bits. Now that would be really entertaining.

So check out this hokey clip which includes Johnny Cash*. And have a great Saturday night.



* For the record - I love Johnny Cash.

Philly Beer Week. Beer Calendar. Chester County. This Weekend.

So March 6 - March 15 is Philly Beer Week. There are 693 events in Philly and the surrounding suburbs. I'm probably not going to be able to make it to all 693 events but I will make it to something.

If you take a look at my Amazon ads on the side bar I just put up the Joe Six Pack's Philly Beer Guide. Buy it from me and I'll get a tiny bit of the money. It's your way of saying thanks to me for writing this amazing blog. I'll also put you on the list of people I won't kick in the nuts when I meet you for being a glommer who reads my blog and doesn't pay me by buying shit. And while I'm on the subject, my blog reports are showing a slight dip on people that kiss my ass in the comments section. I don't want to have to mention this again.

And onto the subject of beer. If you ever meet me, three beers that you can buy me that I'll never turn down are Guinness, Corona (I know - boring but refreshing) and Victory Beer's Hop Devil. Write yourself a note so you remember.

And here are a few local beer links: Seen Through a Glass and West Chester Beer Consortium

What are your go-to beers?

Chester County Crows Probably Up To Something. Where Are My Hawks?

So I'm looking out my window here in West Whiteland Township (PA) and there are a bunch of crows. They're sitting like jerks on a leafless tree. And do you know what? They're probably plotting to make sure the red tailed hawks that are about to nest stay out of the area.

Last year, we had about 7 red-tailed hawks in our neighborhood and it was great. Once in a while, one of the hawks would grab a baby crow and the crows would battle it. Last Summer there was one time that there were at least 40 crows battling a hawk. And the hawks kept screeching for help and other crows were flying in from all directions.

It was pretty amazing to see. And there's also nothing more amazing then seeing a red-tailed hawk swoop down and grab a squirrel - my personal animal arch enemy.

Anyway. I'm hoping the hawks come back. I might have to harass the crows when I'm in the yard today. You know - like throw a rock at them, shake my fist and give them the evil eye.

Journey Remake Video. Separate Ways. What The?

Here's a video that the blogger Words, Words, Words sent me. It's a remake of the already crappy video "Separate Ways" by the "as crappy as REO Speedwagon group" Journey. It's cheese-alicious".

Enjoy.

Just An Old Fashioned Love Song. TV And Movie Love Birds.

..And speaking of Paul Williams, he did write "(Just an Old ) Fashioned Love Song". Three Dog Night covered it.

Here's a clip that someone put on Youtube using the song and put in video clips of TV and movie couples in love. And this Friday Send Off Song goes out to Fawless. Who actually left a comment on my blog today and she wrote a post. Man and I wish she would start blogging again. If you're out there Fawl - give me a sign.



190 followers strong.

Paul Williams The Singer and Actor. Never Forget.

Hmmm. You don't hear too much about Paul Williams these days.

The Monkees Mania Machine. Pretty Impressive Manufacturing.

So I was watching the Monkees bio on The Biography Channel last night and if you think about it, it's pretty amazing. "Let's get a bunch of nobody kids, and have them kind of imitate The Beatles. And we'll then we'll make a series and we'll have lots of slapstick. Oh yeah - and we'll just get a bunch of song writers to write the songs."

On paper this sounds like a recipe for disaster but do you know what? It worked. How did that happen? And I'm not saying that they're the best group ever but it's pretty amazing that this was a manufactured group and that the music still holds up.

To hear "I'm a Believer", click here.

My favorite song is probably "I'm Not Your Steppin" Stone". But I love when anyone does that song - especially Paul Revere and The Raiders. To hear that version, click here.

Blogger Shows Video To Explain Eagle Dream.

Remember the other day when I was telling you about the dream I had and I was hanging out with these giant eagles? Well check this out:



OK, did you see that goat that the eagle picked up? Now look at that goat's head. That's the size of ME in the dream - compared to the eagle. I told you it was a weird dream.

I'm serious.

Verizon Fios Red Headed Actor Guy. I Predict Fame.

Are you guys getting the Verizon Fios commercials all the time like we are here in the nicer areas of PA? Like in the hillbilly and backwoods regions* - have you guys seen this commercial with the red headed chubby dude? To see the commercial click here.

I think I could be a talent scout because this guy is really great. He's got such a perfect deadpan delivery. I'm predicting he's going to end up on a sitcom. I have no idea what his background is but I'm just sayin'. I should be a star maker. You wait.

And while on on the subject, the guy in that commercial that you're supposed to like? What a dill weed.

*And do any of you hillbilly people still have telegraph poles in your region? Don't be ashamed. I'm just curious. And not to sound elitist, but just a friendly reminder to the hillbilly readers - don't forget to go to a dentist. I'm not judging - I'm just trying to help you out.

And Then There's Maude. There. Right Over There.

So the theme to Maude popped into my head earlier today. I have no idea why.

So I looked on the Youtube and look at these two dudes in the shower singing the theme to Maude. It's kind of funny. In a stupid way.

Post About Eagles That Scope Reminded Me I Didn't Title.

So I'm watching Anthony Bourdian the other night and the show was about Egypt. Did you know that some people keep their animals on their roofs? It's pretty common in parts of the world. You go to the family roof top and they have their chickens, goats and other animals.

Well then I had a dream that I was climbing up this huge mountain top. At the top there was a tiny house and on the roof there were animals. But here's the weird thing. There were giant eagles.. Their wing spans were over a hundred feet long. And they were talking to me. It was actually like being in heaven or something (as seen on TV) because their wings were like angels. It was pretty comforting and they were very wise.

Then all of a sudden, the one says, "I'll be right back." He takes off and flies into this huge flock of pigeons with his mouth open - eating them as he flew.

It was pretty cool. I wonder what that dream means

Snow In Chester County Reminds Blogger Of Funny Blog Post About Dead Dude.

Looking at the snow today reminded me of the heat. And reminded me of the heat reminded me of this one post I wrote during a recent heat wave. And THAT reminded me of how great it is when you write a post then you look at it later and it's funnier than when you wrote it.

So if you want to read something I wrote that was just cracking my ass up, click here.

Mrs Mike's In West Chester. Hash Browns and Eggs.

Mmmmm. Here's a picture of some diner food at Mrs. Mike's in West Chester. This is usually my breakfast when I go out. Two eggs scrambled, hash browns, white toast and side of sausage.

My biggest complaint at most breakfast places is when they don't have good hash browns. I love the hash browns at Mrs. Mikes. You can't tell from the picture but the hash browns are nice and crunchy. And in case you're curious, I usually add ketchup on top of the eggs and hash browns and strawberry jelly on the toast.

And ten points for the reader that can reference the quote about whether I like sausage patties or links.

PA Snow Forecast Ruins Roller Boogie Day For Blogger. Roller Skating Onlookers In Tears.

Stupid PA weather forecast calling for snow in PA today. I was totally going to put on a shiny 70's shirt, rainbow suspenders and fedora, lace up my roller skates* and go for some Roller Boogie style laps around my neighborhood today.

And it stinks too because I have a really cool move I was thinking about unveiling. I pictured me roller skating by a neighbor who's out getting their Sunday newspaper, then when they said hi to me I was gonna pull a comb out of my skate, do one comb of my hair, give a wink and say, "Great day for a little Roller B." Then I'd do a mini jump and keep skating my cool ass down the road.

It would have been total love on wheels. Oh well. Either way, enjoy this trailer from the Linda Blair movie "Roller Boogie":



*And for the locals, how many of you went to Spinning Wheels or Caln Roller Rink back in the day? Maybe we skated together. Maybe I even offered to buy you a hot dog or pretzel after we skated. And you said no. Stuck up bitch. You could have been the famous Mrs. Zibbs if you had played your cards right. Instead, you're stuck with that no good slob sitting over there on your couch. Go ahead - give him a kick. Maybe it'll make you feel better for the bad decision you made years ago.