What happened to That Blue Yak? The days of great comments?
I've read that blogs overall are losing readership. I know from my Google analytics that things are off. I don't comment as much on other blogs so that could be part of it.
Maybe it's my content. I've heard that too.
I don't know.
Seriously. Is anyone reading this shit or am I wasting my time? Maybe people read it and just don't comment.
And fuck you Twitter! You're there to support my blog. And only a few people on Twitter comment on TBY. Do you guys read it? Who knows.
Until I get at least 100 comments - I'm done. And maybe that won't even do it.
What's the point?
Monday, November 30, 2009
It's true! David Hasselhoff is in the hospital. Read the story here.
And I'm going to have to go against his order of not "hassling the Hoff" because it's at a time like this that he needs us. All of us. I'm asking everyone to surround the hospital where he is and sing "Jump In My Car". Like you mean.
If you don't know the words, watch the video here, write down the lyrics and meet me there!
Saturday, November 28, 2009
It's official. My @FatherKelly character on Twitter has a new celebrity friend - Grammy Award winning singer Anne Murray (@annemurray1 on Twitter).
Jealous much? Yeah. You are.
I asked her how she found me and she said her daughter Dawn Langstroth (smokin' hot) - also a singer - has been following me and "laughing" for months. We had a bit more conversation via the DM feature on Twitter but I'm not gonna reveal what was discussed. New future best friends have to have some secrets don't they?
What I will reveal is that if the relationship does grow from this tiny seed into a large, mighty tree, I am not ruling out the possibility of..
Are you ready for this?...
Performing a duet with Anne Murray. You read that right. Maybe I'll do a remake of Danny's Song as seen here on the Midnight Special. I'm not sure yet.
Friday, November 27, 2009
In honor of Black Friday, I give you..my favorite black person:
Gary Coleman. And this is him saying "Wathca Talkin' Bout Willis" in various hilarious ways. After viewing the video, join me below for further discussion.
If they ever make a remake, I'm offering several alternate catch phrases. Read them aloud to capture their full impact:
"Somebody give me a Q-tip because I KNOOOWWW I didn't just hear you say that." (Important note: The Willis character must always have a Q-tip handy - which he hands to Arnold)
"You said..whu...huh...(looks around) MR DRUMMOND!
"Whatcha talkin' bout Maurice?" (In this case, the brother's name HAS to be Maurice or it won't work).
"Oh..OK (turns to walk away then realized that he didn't hear what Willis was saying correctly so he turns around and puts hands on hips) Wait a minute Willis..What was that you said? Would you mind repeating yourself?"
If I think of anymore I'll add them to the comments area. Do you have any ideas? If they're dumb, just keep them to yourself though.
I don't want the comments area cluttered up with nonsense.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Happy Thanksgiving everybody. On a serious note, I've decided to "give something back" this year.
Get ready to cry.
I was thinking that while I'm eating a turkey dinner today in a home, some sad sacks will be eating at the Downingtown Old Country Buffet. And you KNOW how pathetic that place is.
For what I'm calling "The Thanksgiving Miracle - The Old Country Buffet Rescue of 2009" I will be going there, and picking one couple - probably old people - and inviting them to have Thanksgiving dinner in a home with their "new family".
I will make it very dramatic and heart wrenching by having one of my handlers announce the Thanksgiving miracle that is about to take place via bullhorn. Full volume. That's right, number 10 with deafening feedback volume. People in the Wegmans will be able to hear it.
I'll also add to the drama by saying, "Maybe it's gonna be you!" and point at someone but then point at someone else. Then I'll say, "You. Come up here." They'll get all excited thinking it's gonna be them but I'll say, "I need YOU to read who is going to receive the Thanksgiving miracle. Because it's certainly not going to be you". Yeah. It's gonna be good.
When I pick the couple it really will be a day that they'll never forget.
But I need your help.
We honestly are really short on chairs so I was thinking that one of you could actually take them back to your home for the dinner. Just tell them that I'll meet them there. They won't know the difference.
Great then. Just let me know if you can do it. I'll have them wear red pinnies and stand out front on the stoop.
Have a great Thanksgiving.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
So there is a Twitter Tweet-Up tonight in West Chester at Barnabys. 5:30 until whenever.
Can you imagine the excitement of the attendees? Because they get to meet me? I wonder if they even slept last night. Do you think? Probably not. Here are a few guidelines that I'll be printing on flyers for my adoring fans. Take a few minutes to memorize them before entering the lair* that I'm sure is being built for me as we speak:
- Always remember, when in conversation with me, I like to dictate the tone and pace.
- When listening to one of my hilarious tales, you may think of something that YOU want to add. That is fine. If time allows. (You may want to jot a quick note so you don't forget what your "interesting" story is). If you think the story isn't that interesting, rehearse it with a friend or member of the clergy in the bathroom. Ask them to be honest with you as to whether they think it's something I would want to listen to.
- On first approach, don't look me directly in the eye.
- If you have a gift to present to me, make sure to flaunt it to the others before giving it to me. It will give them a chance to run out and get me a gift so they don't look like a fools.
-Please, no photography. As I've stated before, I will allow charcoal sketches of me and construction paper art as long as the glitter is used at a minimum. There will be scales available for the weight of your glitter. I think it's two ounces. Ask one of my handlers if you don't know how to weigh things. They'll be happy to help.
- But most of all, enjoy yourself.
And speaking of meeting strangers that you only have talked to online, here's a post detailing the account of when I met a few West Chester bloggers. Maybe you know them? To read the story of that classic night last year, click here.
*I hope it has a Roman feel with a dash of 1976. And if I see one piece of tape holding up the streamers I'm out of there. Remember, nothing tacky!
Monday, November 23, 2009
I was just watching Dancing with the Stars....uh..by accident?
And Donny Osmond was on. So I look up the Osmonds on the Youtube and I was checking out a Donny and Marie video. Marie...Niiiiice. But then on the sidebar I see Delta Dawn by Tanya Tucker*. Here's the video. Doesn't she sound like a goat at certain parts?
Does anyone remember this song?
But it does bring back a nice memory of when I heard this song on the radio when I was a kid.
*a few years back I was on a photo shoot and this photographer used to do all kinds of rock photography. I swear he photographed almost every major musician. So we were talking about music and he said he once photographed Tanya Tucker and she was telling him about when she used to be a major alcoholic. Said she used to walk around with a Jack Daniels bottle with a straw in it. What the hell?
You would think someone of my stature would have his own film screening room. But believe it or not, I go to the regular movie theater with the area peasants. I'm not kidding..I'm right there amongst you.
And it pisses me off sometimes.
If you've read my blog for a while, you probably know that for years I've been sneaking in long lunches to see movies during the day or I try to go to the first show on a Sunday. And I do this because there are hardly any other people in the theater.
And you should see some of the losers that go to the movies by themselves. I sometimes want to mumble, "Don't have any friends eh? Maybe you should introduce yourself to that guy over there..he's a lone wolf too. Stray from the pack".
Anyways, I took the lovely lady to Downingtown see the Twilight movie New Moon* on Sunday and I've got to tell you that people can make me sick.
Why do people have to blurt things out during a movie? "Oh no!" "Haha. I can't believe he said that". "Whoa, he's been working out".
Is it really that hard to control yourself? And what makes me even sicker are the people that have to laugh at even the slightest attempt at humor on the screen. I KNOW that most of the these people wouldn't be laughing that loudly if they were watching the movie by themselves at home.
And the other thing they do is read signs that are on screen and repeat lines. Shut up!
I have two theories:
1) They're so excited that they're out seeing a movie with their friends. They're like little kids and they're getting caught up in the moment. There is still no excuse for this.
2) The second theory makes me even more ill. They're really excited to be at the movies and when they overdo their laughs, they WANT people to hear them. They're showing off because they know that this is one of the few times that they can be the center of attention without people telling them to be quiet.
I wish I were like my friend Flare or my Dad. Because neither of them would put up with this nonsense. Here's what each of them would do:
Flare: Yo Fatty, shut the fuck up! (or) Yo Flyers Shirt, shut the fuck up!
My Dad: (walks over to offenders) Listen, we're trying to watch the movie here. You have two choices, either keep quiet or I'm going to ask the ushers to remove you from the theater. Are we clear on that? (people look at him like he's crazy) Are we clear? (they nod...then shut the hell up).
I think they should have devices in theaters where you can click on an area of seats that hold these offenders. After three clicks, they should be thrown the hell out. No questions asked.
*as for New Moon, it wasn't bad. The scenes with the wolves and the scenes in Italy were the best.
Posted by Dr Zibbs at 11:20 AM
Saturday, November 21, 2009
On Twitter the other day I tweeted:
I'm gonna make a movie about a midget orphanage called, "They Only Pick The Tall Ones" or "Tiny Tears on Lollipop Lane".
Here's another idea that I may pitch to the studios:
"The Biggest Midget" - the story of a non midget boy that was raised by wolves but then leaves so he can meet his own kind and he stumbles into a small village of midgets. But he thinks he's a midget because they look closer to him than wolves do.
And at the very end of the movie the mayor of "Midget's Lair" says to him as he's about to leave the town because he realizes he's not a midget, "You are the biggest one here.. that is true. But you're also the one with (climbs ladder so he can get closer to the "giant") ...you're also the one with (looks into camera) the biggest heart".
Then the whole village of Midget's Lair goes into to this big ass celebration. There's all this fucking food and shit. Music playing with the normal picking up the little people and putting them on his shoulder. Then like the wolves come out and everything but they're all gentle and shit.
Man. This is gonna be bigger than New Moon!
Is anyone crying yet? Cause the story totally touches your heart? Yeah, you knew it was gonna be good.
Has everyone seen the side splitter Waiting for Guffman? It's in my top 5 funniest movies of all time. If you haven't seen it, drop what you're doing and got get it and watch it.
I'll wait.... Hurry up though!
SEE! I told you it was great! Remember this part? (from 5 minutes ago when you just watched it?)
Share with me what YOUR favorite part of the movie was in the comments area below. Won't you?
And to read some of the classic quote from the movie, clicky here.
Friday, November 20, 2009
I'm not sure if Andy Rooney reads my blog or not but if he does, I have a message. TRIM YOUR EYEBROWS!
Seriously, what is going on there? Do you think his family at least has mentioned something to him? Is it some sort of pride to have brows like that?
If there is something so ridiculous on me like that I would hope my loved ones would tell me.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
In four years of blogging I've never written a post that is just a repost of an existing post. Until now.
I was just watching this video and declare it the funniest video ever in the history of the world (and neighboring countries). To see when I originally posted it, click here.
If this video doesn't make you laugh, you have no sense of humor.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
I've got a confession. When I was 8, I had two warts on my knee for a few months. It must have been a fluke because..I mean..ME..with warts?
I have no idea how I got the warts. Probably some freaky ass dirty wart kid leaned against me. Who knows? I do remember being in a JC Penney one time and some wart looking kid was looking at me and my have brushed against me. He was probably from the wart district of Chester County: Caln. Nobody knows how they're caused really.
Well maybe YOU do. Because you had a wart problem. Didn't you? Don't lie Warty.
Lets take a look at this wart commercial from 1980. Does it bring back memories of your wart days? Yeah. It does.
I've granted interviews in the past. I will now like to answer some more individual questions that YOU the reader would like to know.
What do you want to know about ME?
Do you need some advice?
Do you want my opinion on something in your life?
Of course you do. Here's what to do. Send me an email with "DR ZIBBS QUESTION" in the subject line. If you want a link to your blog, make sure to leave your blog name in the subject area of the email. My email address is Lebner1 at Yahoo Dot Com (see what I did there so the bots don't pick it up?)
Now I'm not saying I'm going to answer all of the questions so please don't phone your family just yet. Just hold your horses and see what happens.
I'll post the answers in a few days.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Who's up for a little Afternoon Delight ala' Ron Burgundy? Me please.
And to see the original, click here.
I like in the original when they go, "ahh ahh ahhahha ahh ahh ahh ahhahh ahh ahh ahh ahhahahaaaaaaaaa....(pause) Afternoon Delight!" Except when they get to the "Afternoon Delight" part they should have had a little person or something popping out from behind a speaker. And in a deep voice he says, "Afternoon Delight"..then he disappears.
What does the future hold? When I was 5th grade, I would have been amazed if someone said, "Pretty soon"....
- You will be able to heat meals in minutes (the microwave)
- You will be able to watch TV, but you'll be playing a game on TV and YOU will be controlling it! (Pong*/video games)
- Instead of waiting to see an edited movie on the ABC movie of the week, you'll be able rent a tape of the movie and watch it at home (and see Jacqueline Bisset's nipples on The Deep!. Through a t-shirt of course)
And now, unless you're a hillbilly, all this stuff seems normal.
But what about the new future? Do any of you tech nerds know which year I can expect this stuff?
- I want to see any clip of any movie or TV show by simply searching for it by key phrase then see it on my TV. Right away. Like the dance contest with the Fonz? ..Right here..in 2 seconds.
- I want voice activation that's state of the art so I can Tweet and write posts to my famous blog while strolling down the lane.
- I want super speedy Internet access on my blackberry. Come to think of it, I want to have my blackberry working in my home all the time. What up with that stupid Verizon?
- I want a lawn mower that cuts by itself (not the crappy one that they show on TV).
- I want a robot dog or bird. And it has to call me Master.
When will these things be a reality? It's really not asking too much. Is it?
*and Ms Pacman. I was the master. That's right Flare..get back to work. And I also made up Miss White America Pageant. I know you're reading my blog everyday because I see you showing up on my Google analytics. P.S. Can you ask Julie if she needs a side dish for Christmas?
Monday, November 16, 2009
Do you ever eat something and declare, "That's the best one of those I ever had"?
I think a lot of people don't do it because they think, "I must have a had a better one at some point"*.
But not me. Last week I had the best Gumbo I've ever had. I got it at Cajun Kates at the Booths Corner Farmers Market. After every bite I felt like saying, "Uhhh. Uhhh. This is the best I ever had". But nobody was there to annoy so I silently ate it.
Then, this weekend I had a bagel while I was in Scotch Plains, NJ. I forget the name of the place, so maybe Mr or Mrs CrotchPains can chime in.
It was an everything bagel. It had the perfect chewiness to it and the flavor was "far out" as the hippies used to say.
So what did you have in the past few months that you could declare was the best ever? Hmmm..
*And some of you people never want to declare that something you just ate is the best because you're the type that says, "That's the best you ever had? I've had so much better". Because you need to top everyone. If someone says their dad is the president, you have to say, "Oh yeah, my Dad is God". ....you know who you are.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
So in about a half hour my wife and I are driving up to Scotch Plains New Jersey to visit our friends Steve and Debbie. You might know Steve by his "trying to be clever" name of CrotchPains. He's left comments on TBY. (See what he did there? Scotch Plains became Crotch Pains? ...With the rhyme and all? ..
Do YOU live near the exotic town of Scotch Plains New Jersey? How are you going to celebrate my visit to the region? Are you going to line the streets with banners and flags? If you do, I am so throwing gum and hard candy out to you. Pretend it's a parade.
It should be a good time. Always a great time with the two of them. We'll probably start drinking right away. Then, tomorrow when I get home, I have our neighborhood beer exchange/Eagles game.
I better go hydrate myself.
And if you follow me in Twitter at @DrZibbs, read my twitter feed and pretend YOU'RE on the trip. Come on, lets go!
Friday, November 13, 2009
They calls me the hit make because I'm so great at creating hits.
Well, not creating them. More like finding them. And here's a super catchy song by Lily Allen called F**K You. (Do you know what goes between the "F" and "K"? Yup. It's a dirty word).
But I've got to tell you, this Lily Allen is adorable and sure does write some catchy songs.
And I haven't had a Friday Send Off Song in ages so I dedicate this song to: Miss H, JenJen, Diane and Mrs Holly Hall. Go check out their blogs and tell them Zibb sent ye'.
And what do you think about this song?
(REVISED COMMENT: Note that I'm not saying F You to any of the bloggers that I dedicated this to. That is all)
And on the subject of Rodney Dangerfield (from the last post) here's Rodney Dangerfield in Caddyshack.
Man that was a great movie. Can you believe it was released in 1980?! When this movie came out I saw it a million times. What a classic. To read some interesting info on Caddyshack, click here.
(Wow. I gotta sit down. I'm exhausted after writing this post. A lot of work went into this one. Pheeeww)
Thursday, November 12, 2009
A few people commented but the one comment that stood out was by Kristen*. She said that the more she looked at it, the more it looks like Rodney Dangerfield. And she's right. See:
The only thing is, I look nothing like Rodney. I guess I'm just a crappy artist? No, it couldn't be. Could it? There has to be some kind of in between.
Yeah. That's got to be it.
*And you should follow her blog because she's interesting. Do you hear that boring people? ...Not YOU..I'm talking about the boring people. Yeah YOU.
Here are some various things about my hair that I will now ramble off:
- It has slowly evolved over time. It used to be wavy, then it got really curly.
- It used to be red, then it got auburn, then brownish and now - I would call it auburnish with SOME gray.
- Others tell me that I'm totally gray. They must be blind because it's fucking GRAYISH a-holes!
- From age 5 - 13 I had at least thirty old ladies - complete stranger old ladies - come up to me and say, "Oh my God. You've got the most beautiful hair! I wish I had your hair"
(Well you don't you old bat so keep walking. Do you think a BOY wants to hear that?)
- In 6th grade my mom started sending me to a "Hair Design for Men" place. The first time I was there, the dude asked, "So, are you into disco? Do you want a disco hair cut?" I said no but he proceeded to give me a disco haircut. Like a big crybaby, I told my mom I wasn't going to school the next day. She made me go. People laughed.
- In 9th grade, EVERYTIME I got my haircut, I asked the guy NOT TO TAKE ANY OFF THE BACK. I asked him this for two years. For some reason, my hair never got longer than a few inches in the back. I swear my mom was calling him and telling him it should be cut. She denies ever doing this.
- When I was in 9th grade, my mom bought a pick - like an afro pick - and tried to get me to "fluff up the top". She would sneak up behind me and try to fluff it up but I refused. This went on for months. "Who do I look like, God damn Freddy "Boom Boom" Washington? Jesus!
- Once, while completely wasted with a couple girls in college, the one girl said she just started to cut hair. I let her do it. Bad descision. When I got back to the dorms and was walking down the hall, one of my frieds saw me and started banging on all the doors, "OH MY GOD, YOU'VE GOT TO SEE THIS!" Everyone came out. And laughed. I didn't care though. I was just pissed that this chick gave me such a terrible cut. I should have been tipped off when she scalded me with the water when she was wetting my hair.
- For about a year in the 80's I had a "tail".
- I'm showing zero signs of baldness.
- I have some hair on my chest but none on my butt.
And that concludes the hair post.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Has anyone ever seen the movie Kentucky Fried Movie?
It's a comedy from 1977 and was directed by John Landis. It was written by David Zucker and Jim Abrahams. They went on to do the Airplane movies. Lots of funny in this movie.
Here's a clip:
Hello racists. Well, I shouldn't say that. Yet. The only racists are the people that don't leave a comment about these snazzy Soul Train dancers movin' it to Gladys Knight.
And I WILL be taking names of the people that don't leave a comment. I will then take the names to the worst part of Philly..uh..I mean the blackest..I'm not trying to say that the blackest is the worst, I'm just trying to say....
....OK. What I'm saying is that I'm bringing the list of non commentors to an area of Philadelphia that has a lot of black people and I'm going to show them the list with YOUR name on it. The list will say, "List of Racists".
I do hope I find an area that the black people are wearing these clothes because I'm going to join in,
(Turns off boom box. Dancing stops) "Excuse me! Black people. I'd like to dance with you. I know I'm white but let me have a go at it. Then when I'm done, I have a list of people that you might want to beat up because they don't like black people. Alright? Everyone stop staring at me and lets get down! And boogie! "
*The blacks see me dance and then I tell them that I'm going to stop at the local Big Brother office and become all of their big brothers. They then carry me off, singing "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow" and we celebrate with a meal. NO, not chicken you racists. ...well, there might be SOME chicken there but....*
So go ahead, leave a comment. Who was your favorite dancer? What clothes do you like?
(and does anyone think that the brother at 1:22 might possibly be gay?)
Do you want to see another TBY post about soul train, click here.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Here's another lazy post for you - some recent Tweets from Twitter. (Note that the # is a "hashmark" and it is used when someone else started a topic and then other people tweeting can use it and add onto it)
If you want to follow me on Twitter my name is @DrZibbs. So here we go:
Haha. Just saw another clip from the comedy Precious.The mom's like, "You ain't worth nuthin'" I can't do the voice. You just gotta see it.
Elton John (watching Rod Stewart on Dancing w/the Stars): Oh my God! What a pussy!
OH MY GOD! There's this dude that looks JUST like Chastity Bono but.(listens to the idiots from The Insider) uh nevermind.
Blair from the "very special episode" of Facts of Life when she got bukakeed. #badhalloweencostumes (what? it's a lost episode?)
Just a reminder: If you're one of those freaks that gives popcorn for Halloween make sure to make it soon so it gets nice and stale.
how do guys holding those liquidation signs on the corner afford cell phones?
tip for foreigners:don't boast...i am the hairiest! i am hairier than a great ape
The International House of Almost Expired (but still legal to sell except in Nebraska) Meats #badrestaurantnames
wonder if there's a support group for people that have had tramatic life altering incidences w explosive diarrhea.
///////////////////////////// PART 2 ///////////////////////////////////
And here are some Tweets from my Father Kelly character. As of this post he has 4076 followers. The concept of @FatherKelly is a disgruntled Catholic priest.
Thinking about starting a combination fat camp and bible camp. Will name it either Porky Lil' Angels or Chubby Rollers.
Whenever I hear the "it was then that I carried you" part of Footprints in the Sand I picture Jesus as a huge Frankenstein
For Halloween I'm leaving out a basket filled w/ mass cards and a "Take ONE only" sign. Imagine the disappointment.
A bingo player suggested we change the name from "Bingo" to "Jesus". Ohhhh brother! I need a break from these nerds.
I just invented a new product: The ShamWow of Turin. I wonder if I can get the Pope to endorse it?
Fun Fact: Holy Water loses 80% of it's holyness when microwaved for more than 2 minutes
I bet Purgatory is like the waiting area of a Jiffy Lube but with a slightly better magazine selection.
The End (of this post).
Posted by Dr Zibbs at 10:55 AM
Monday, November 9, 2009
I wish the Simpsons would have more scenes featuring "The Guy Who Says Y-E-E-E-E-S?"
You know how he does it..it's like, "YEEESSSSS?" Go ahead, lets hear your imitation...
...uh. What the hell was that? Well, at least you tried. Keep practicing though*.
The character was based off of Frank Nelson. He was on the Jack Benny show. I never really saw The Jack Benny show except in clips but I know the yes guy was also in other TV shows throughout the years.
If you want to see the video of the Frank Nelson character doing the "Yeeees?", click here.
I can't find a video of The Simpsons Guy Who Says Yeeees so if you find it, leave the link in the comments.
Who are your favorite obscure Simpsons characters?
*try practicing by looking in a mirror. Maybe that'll help.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
I'm not the best at math, but according to my calculations, old people plus falling equals hilarity.
I just thought of this because I'm leaving shortly to go to the Concordville Inn for a 70 year old's birthday.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
It's official. I'm going to eat at Crawdaddys Bayou Bar and Grill in West Chester shortly. To prepare myself, I'm going to listen to this version of the City of New Orleans by The Highwaymen - sung by my main man Willie Nelson.
Go ahead. Take a listen. And using your imagination, pretend that it's YOU the reader dining with me...Dr Zibbs.
What did you order? What is the topic of conversation? Don't be embarrassed - make sure nobody can hear you and act the scene out. Did you have a good time listening to my humorous stories and anecdotes? Remember, don't cut in too much. You know that I like to dictate the tone and pace of the conversations. There you go.
That was fun wasn't it? OK then.
I used to love this song Cottonfields. I had the album but haven't heard it in YEARS. Come to think of it, I don't ever recall ever hearing it on the radio. It's from CCR. But I'm not lying when I tell you that I played it all the time.
And check out the "video". It's just a picture of a cotton field.
Is anyone else a Creedence or John Fogerty fan ? What about cotton fans? Anyone?
Friday, November 6, 2009
How DO you eat chicken wings? Are there tips? There sure are.
I started reading a new blog recently and this helpful chicken wing eating tip video was on it. (Sorry for not mentioning your blog but I forget the name of it. Mention in the comments who you are).
It's actually pretty cool. Maybe I can now go back to eating chicken wings in public instead of in the privacy of my own home. The only down side of this is that when I eat wings, I like to lean over a plate and eat them really fast while breathing like a Neanderthal. With this new technique you have to be slow and mannerly.
What? A double shot video? Yup. On the subject of chicken wings, here's a pleasant woman from the Bronx named Raqui* yelling about feathers she found on her chicken wings and a caterpillar she found on her corn. It's way too long, so maybe you just want to check out the first minute.
*If they do a Part two of that new comedy Precious, like "Precious, the Payback" or "Precious Goes To Flight School" I think they should consider Raqui for the part.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
I don't the get the appeal with jigsaw puzzles*. When I was growing up, my family would go through phases of doing puzzles. There would be a card table set up with a puzzle on it. It would take days to finish it.
I just don't see what satisfaction you get from it.
Since I hated doing puzzles I would sometimes hide the last piece. Then, when it was almost completed and my sisters were looking under the couch for the missing piece I'd sneak in and put the last piece in, "...AND DONE!"
Now THAT'S satisfaction.
(And look at that guy in the picture. I bet he's a jigsaw puzzle show off. "I've been doing jigsaw puzzles for 63 years. When I was a kid, they were simply called Jigs. You would get your shoes fixed at the Cobbler and then go next door to the Jiggy - your local Jig supplier and pick up the latest Jig. Of course they were much harder back then and the edges were sharp so you needed skill. Not like today's jigs".)
*I do like Sudoku but that doesn't really count.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Wow. Sesame Street is 40 years old today. Here are a few of my random thoughts about the show. What are yours?
- I always hated Big Bird. He should be called Big Dummy.
- Maria was hot*.
- Why was Mr Hooper such a crabby a-hole? When he died, I did zero mourning.
- Coolest characters: Grover, Kermit and The Yip Yips.
- Best Sponsor: The letter "W"
- Catchiest song: "I've Got Two Eyes - And They're Both The Same Size" (A clear smash on pirates)
- Jump the Shark moment: The arrival of Elmo.
- Best Sesame Street Parody: The Burt Is Evil website. It's been around for years. Check it out here. You've got to see this site.
*Look at that picture of Maria. What does that remind you of? Huh? Huh?
Posted by Dr Zibbs at 11:55 AM
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
I wonder if this ever happened:
- There was this really hot chick. She was kind of odd but who cares? She was smokin' hot.
- So this dude was sitting on her couch in her den. So they sit there and he has to endure over two hours of not only looking through her scrapbook but hearing every detail of every person. Including, which people at which time she was best friends with and endless pictures of her cousin Stacey - who is a total fat fuck - but has the "biggest heart ever". Even though she "struggles with diabetes but you would never know it".
- Then, as the book is closed she says, "There's really something I want to share with you."
- His slacks seem to get tighter in the crotch region. She stands up and he follows her into her bedroom.
- She then says, "I don't show this to everyone, but you're special".
- She then leads him to a cabinet full of these:
- The guy rips the tiny arrow off of the Cupid Dreamsicle and plunges it to his heart. It's only a half inch long to it doesn't even break the skin. But it does slightly rip his sweater. Very slightly.
OK this never happened to me but many similar scenarios have. The things us guys will endure to get a chick. Jesus Christ.
Monday, November 2, 2009
I made a reference to Madge from the Palmolive commercial to my Twitter friend @ChesterCo_PA and she didn't know what I was talking about so I'll clarify here.
Madge was the annoying beauty parlour lady that used Palmolive dishwashing liquid to soak the hands of her clients. Here's the video:
Client: You're using dishwashing liquid to soak my hands? And I'm paying you for this?
Madge: Oh don't worry. I'm a sassy like that. Now if you'll step over to the sink, I'll condition your hair....with URINE..
(Close up of camera then Dr Zibbs takes off Madge wig)
Dr Zibbs: Hi. I'd Dr Zibbs. You may know me from the famous blog THAT BLUE YAK. Google it. You'll find it. I'm here to say that if you have a beauty parlour worker that uses non beauty parlour products on you..please..call the fuzz.
This was a public service announcement by THAT BLUE YAK.
So my man Scope just wrote a post that asked bloggers to send him pics of their boobs (in bra or nude). To read the post click here. And in exchange, he is donating some money to some boob organization. I'm not sure if it's a club or what but it has something to do with boobs.
..and I think something about the preservation of boobs. Somethin' like that.
And it brought back memories of the bra pics I received in this post. Remember? It was the contest I had asking people to send pics showing the words "Google this: That Blue Yak".
Ahhhh. Memories. Google This: That Blue Yak. Indeed.
And remember. If you want to send me pics of yourself. I encourage it*. We're all adults here right? Yup . We are.
And you can always take a creative picture where you write Google this: That Blue Yak. If you do, I will post it here on my famous blog and link to you. Go ahead -give it a shot. Don't be shy.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
I searched the song "Love Hurts"* on the Youtube and look what I found.
What the hell?
*You know the song Love Hurts. By Nazareth? It's the one that I torture my wife with when it comes on the radio and I remind her that when the song played at 7th grade dances, she was probably dancing and having fun. Me on the other hand? I was standing by myself. Alone. In a corner. Too nervous to ask a girl to dance.
Do any of you wonder if you may be retarded? Open your cabinet. Did you purchase the Egg Genie?
Well, you better sit down because I've got something to tell you. Are you ready. You my friend are retarded.
You have to be. I saw the commercial yesterday and the Egg Genie* is the most useless kitchen gadget since the microwave bacon cooker. It claims to cook eggs perfectly. Do you know how I cook eggs perfectly? I use a timer.
I'd like to interview the people that watch this commercial then are convinced that they not only need this but that after a few months they'll actually still be using it.
And one more thing. Who the hell uses soft boiled eggs for Eggs Benedict? Retarded people you say? Case closed.
If you want to see the commercial and featuring the soft boiled Eggs Benedict click here.
*and could you imagine if you received the Egg Genie as a gift? I'd love to see the anticipation on the faces of the people that gave you the gift as they sit there in anticipation, thinking that you're going to open it and be all excited. And they're waiting to yell, "..and it's great for making soft boiled eggs for Eggs Benedict. It's right there on the side of the box!" Then they look around proudly see if anyone else at the party is looking at them and thinking, "Great. Let's pretend you're sick so we can leave. We're going to look like fools when our gift is opened and they see that we only gave them cash. Stupid, non-egg steaming cash".