Tuesday, September 6, 2011

West Chester Man Smuggles Popcorn Into East Whiteland Theater.

Well I'll tell you one thing. I love going to the movies but I HATE paying their ripoff prices for food. I know, I know, that's how they make their money. But tough luck. I'm not going to pay $7 for a popcorn and then $6 dollars for a soda. Especially the soda because I only take a few sips of it anyway.

So I usually smuggle a water in but lately I've been smuggling popcorn in. And I was super paranoid the last time I smuggled it in. I had it a sweatshirt wrapped around it and had it under my arm.

And it was super obvious that something was being hidden. And I just head it under my arm. As if I sweatshirt is THAT bulky.

And I had just made the popcorn seconds before I left the house so I think I was reeking of popcorn. I was imagining the steam coming out of the top of the sweatshirt. AND it was a different kind of popcorn that I usually get and it had this cellophane that was loud as hell. So every time I moved slightly you would hear: Crinkle. Crinkle. Crinkle.

Then in my head I was thinking about what I should do if they said, "Sir what is under your sweatshirt?" The options I was mulling over were:

1) "What? Nothing." (But then I was thinking they'd probably follow me into the theater and wait till I undid the sweatshirt.

2) "What? Under my sweatshirt? This thing that is as big as a football? Hmmm? (Opens up sweatshirt and acts surprised) What the? How did...how did this bag of popcorn get in stuck to my...? Well THAT'S weird."

3) Run.

Well I didn't get caught so I didn't have to do anything. Oh. And my new tradition is also bringing in peanut M&M's. Then I alternate popcorn bite...M&M bite. Salty and sweet.


Sara said...

What movie did you see?

Dr Zibbs said...

Sara- our idiot brother. I didn't laugh once.

Sara said...

That one looked vaguely interesting, but there is not one movie I want to see right now. And you should try kettle corn (if you haven't already) - salty and sweet.

Dr Zibbs said...

The best movie I saw recently is The Debt.

sybil law said...

Zibbs, you need a man purse. Stylin' AND convenient!!

Dr Zibbs said...

Sybil you just gave me a great idea! What if I wore two or three stylish fannypacks in and used them to hold my popped corn??

That's it!

Gage1 said...

so this means Pennsylvania is a soda state rather than a pop state.

Dr Zibbs said...

TC - that is correct! And I have cousins in Chicago that called it Pop so somewhere in Ohio of Indiana there's a soda/pop line.

Scope said...

I would have gone with something medical like "carbuncle", "cyst", or "tumor".

On the way out, if they notice that it is gone, tell them you lanced it during the movie, and that they'll want to use gloves when cleaning that sh!t up.

FYI - Do not Google "carbuncle" before eating.

Furtheron said...

we have just blazenly walked in with a supermarket bag full of goodies before now!

Dr Zibbs said...

Furtheron - really? They didn't kick you out?

Cora said...

My kid and I have smuggled food into movie theaters for years. We once smuggled in Subway sandwiches and water bottles and had lunch in there. Yay for big-ass purses!!

Kristen said...

Has anyone ever gotten busted for smuggling in snacks? I'd really like to know. I usually give them to my kid to carry in her purse these days. Figure she'd have to serve less time and all.

Dr Zibbs said...

Kristen - Yes! I was at the Oaks theater a few years ago and:

cashier - sir you can't bring outside food in

Man - It's my lunch. Why can't I bring it in?

cashier - It's our policy.

Man - this is bullshit. Then I'd like my money back!

Kristen said...

That IS bullshit!

Though I hope he didn't get his money back because, duh, you gotta play it cool.

Dr Zibbs said...

Kristen - I should write a post about it but when my son and niece were about 5 we smuggled food i

And I said that during the coming attractions that if they suspect people of smuggling in food they'll put out an alert on the screen like, "We're looking for two five year olds that we suspect have smuggled in food. If you know who they are please come to the lobby and report them."

Then I told them I was just kidding.