Wednesday, July 30, 2008

West Chester Blogger Invents Drinking Parlour Game

First of all: Copyright That Blue Yak/Dr Zibbs 2008. Now that we have that out of the way:
Here's a great new party and drinking game I just invented. I will be getting into a bidding war with Milton Bradley and Parker Brothers once I get their addresses, buy stamps, send the proposals and get callbacks from them. So I guess you'll see it on the shelves in about 6-8 weeks. The working title is "Words, Voice, Motions" but I'll probably change it to something more catchy like, "Gotcha". Not sure yet.

The objective is to make the other person laugh by saying a "dirty word". The beauty is that the words aren't really dirty. That's where the beautiful loop hole comes in when I try to get PR for it in old folks homes. Have you read how old people playing the Wii is huge now? Well take the Wii out and give them "Words, Voice Motion" and do you think they're really going to notice the diff? Some of them geezers can't even figure the Wii out!! The Wii!!! And this game won't say "fun for ages 9-99". It'll say "fun for ages 0 - 299". Do you know how old people live now -let alone in 200 years from now? And, I've added 9 more years for the youngsters in case they ever visit their grandparent in the home (or great, great , great, great grandparents in the future). See. I did think this on through.

Anyways, back to the instructions. Enunciation and celebrity imitations are encouraged as are hand motions and face contortions while playing. Here we go:

- Get opponent
- Look at opponent (like a stare down)
- Say your word (make sure to have solid eye contact). You're trying to make the person laugh
- Once player 1 goes, it's then the turn of player 2.
- _________ (I'll leave this step blank because I have to figure out something to do with dice so it's technically a game).

This isn't the kind of game you just jump into so I encourage all of you to try this practice exercise: After stretching, look into a wall mirror or if driving -use your car mirror. Practice these words pretending that the person in the mirror is Player 2. If you don't have a good imagination put a hat on immediately after you say your word and look in the mirror (this will help to confuse you into thinking the person in the mirror is player 2) .

Here are some practice words. I'm not sure if they'll be included in the first edition that you'll see in stores, so you might be wise to print out this page and put it in a safe place. That way, you'll be able to cheat the first time you play.

Word: Buttock.
Voice: Say it like a Jerry Lewis asking a question.
Motions: Keeping body straight, extend YOUR OWN BUTTOCKS outward.

Word: tea bag (the act of placing one's scrotum/nads onto a sleeping victims eyes)
Voice: Spoken with a whisper lisp
Motion: Making devious face, look suspiciously to left, then right then, keeping back straight, bend your knees and bring body lower).

Word: Feathering (as in feathering/lightly tickling the scrotum/nads)
Voice: Say it in a singing style. Like a bird is singing.
Motion: Squat a bit and lean in toward opposing player. With palm facing upward, do the "come here" motion with not just your index finger -but with ALL your fingers.

Pretty amazing huh? It's kind of a cross between Password, Make Me Laugh, Swank Magazine, and Hungry Hungry Hippos.
Please leave your own "Words, Voice, Motions" suggestions in the comments section and they will be considered for Edition 2.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

McGlinch Honors That Blue Yak With Merchandise

I guess my good friend McGlinch at McGlinch blog got tired of me complaining about THAT BLUE YAK merchandise and decided to step up to the plate. Behold the beautiful art above! He makes DaVinci look like DaVinci's younger untalented brother for God's sake.

What does this mean to you? I hope you're sitting down for this because here it comes. You the attention for this -you the reader can now buy a few limited edition That Blue Yak keepsakes. Limited meaning that when they sell like hot cakes, I'm cutting him out of the deal and making my very own merchandise with some crappy art that Falwless made me a while ago.

I can't wait to see the photos of you the reader - as the first one on your block or crappy town struttin' your stuff and shakin' your junk with a big ole' TBY Tee. Imagine the pride. You are a trendsetter! Here's a song you can sing as you approach curious onlookers:

You used to be starin'
At my crack
Now you're admirin'
That Blue Yak
(Important: when you say That Blue Yak, extend one foot out a bit so your heal remains on the ground and toe is pointing up. Then, using thumbs and index fingers, pull the fabric out a bit showing them the quality of the shirt and highlighting the cool art).

OK, get buyin' people. And let me know in the comments here every time you buy something. Some of you might want to buy something everyday while others might wait until payday to make their weekly purchases - It really doesn't matter. Seriously.

To view and buy stuff click on these magic words: Pry the wallet open you cheap bastard and buy some TBY. (And when you're there, check out other McGlinch stuff! - Buy my stuff first though in case you run out of money).

Chester County Blogger Orders Non-Book Reading Adults To Read

With the price of printer ink, I can't imagine what you people are paying to print out pages of my blog, craft a crappy makeshift cover out of cardboard and attach it to the copies. All in the name of being able to brag to your friends that you've read a book. The problem with reading real books is, there are very few books worth reading at all. UNTIL NOW.

Check out: Our Dumb World: The Atlas of The Planet Earth. It's from the people at the Onion. Click on the link and order online. I'm not sure how expensive it is because for some reason they ship it all the way from the amazon.
OR you can visit your local library. My library, the Chester County Library has so many books you wouldn't even believe it. And they're not even that big of a dick when you talk loud. I love the library. O.K. I'll even make it easier for you. Call your local library and tell them the name of the book and the call # -which is O 81. Most libraries will actually pull the book for you and put in on the shelf near checkout. You will have to turn the actual pages yourselves unless your library has some type of handicap program that'll help you out with that. Ours doesn't. Yet.

As for the content of the book, I'll say nothing other than it's a complete masterpiece. Trust me.
Happy reading smarty pants and return to these here comments after you've read it. Let me know what you think.
Coincidentally, West Chester based blogger J Dizzle (Hometown Hangover), just wrote a post about books. Check out this funny post about books that she just wrote on her blog. Plan to leave the 2nd funniest comment and don't forget to tell her Dr Zibbs sent ye'.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Best George Washington Video Ever

Did you know that George Washington was our 1st President? And he wore a wig? And slept in a lot of places in Chester and Montgomery Counties? All facts. Enough learning. Now it's time to lower the volume a bit and watch this hysterical video from Brad Neely of Creased Comics . Please rate it for funniness on a scale from 1 - 10. One being an episode of Alice and ten being my blog.

(And when you're done this video, treat yourself and scroll down and see some other catchy videos). Feel free to tap you toes. You've earned it.


West Chester Blogger Caption Contest Winner Honored

Greetings from West Chester folks and thanks to all for entering my first "Caption Contest" (see picture below). Nobody got the obvious which was, "If you love something set it free. If it comes back, it is yours. If it doesn't, it was never meant to be."

The 1st place trophy however goes to Rider from Rider's Block who wrote, "While Polly blew him, Joshua thought of all the angels watching. And his dead mom".

Let's break things down people and take a look at what he did here. Deconstruct it if you will. Firstly, I like the construction of the sentence overall. Also, as far as I can tell, no grammatical or spelling errors. Off to a good start.

It started with the name "Polly" which draws you in right away. Is it a pirate's tale? Does it have something to do with crackers?

Then he starts telling us that "Polly blew him!" Hold on there big fella! Things are turning sexy on us here.

I was feeling a bit hot at this point with all of the dirty talk. I couldn't get the music out of my head that sounded like sexy music. You know, like some of the African American artists from the 1970's used to play. They called it Funky music. So I stopped reading and thought I'd come back later after the rythmic beat and hot steamy feelings cooled down a bit.

After a nice cold compress that our staff nurse so kindly administered on me, I returned to the tome and Rider starts blabbin' about "Joshua..and angels!" Oh great. He's gonna be turning all religious on us. I bet he's even gonna try to hit us up for a donation for his church or something. Or more sneakily, he'll ask for a "pledge". Get lost jerk!

Just as I was about to stop reading, I moved onto act 3. You've got to remember, I'm a very, very slow reader and -when Rider writes, I like to savor every second like a delicious lolly. That's when he turns things around. This SOB hits us up with a real zinger with the line, "And his dead Mom". Can you imagine that!!??!!

That's when I found our winner. To all the losers, take your time on the next contest. Consider writing a few rough drafts like Rider actually did. Tape all of the drafts to the wall, then take down the one's that don't make the cut. If you know it's no good, don't waste our time. Sit back and shamefully watch as others post their potential winning comments. There are many other things you can do to feel a part of this blog.
Rider, please leave your acceptance speech in the comments area as well as any tips that you may have for the readers.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Behold My Retarded Blogger Button Gift

OK. Here's the THAT BLUE YAK promotion button that I was telling you about here. Isn't she a beauty the way she flashes a message? And just when you think it can't get better, a masked retarded chap pops up with some more important information. If this ain't art, I don't know what is:


Retard and Slavic Button - The Greatest Gift of All

Could you imagine if you had Nana Zibbs, mixed in her native language then added a dash of a costumed retard - all in the name of promoting my blog? Just like the story of Jesus rising from the ashes - another magical day has arrived.

When I told readers of this blog that they had to help me promote my blog, I didn't even threaten them by implying that I might start charging a subscription fee to read my blog. They took the order at face value and got to work. To see the glorious miracle visit Lots Better Then Your Blog and Everything I like Causes Cancer.

Thank you Falwless and Gwen. If I was indeed magical, I would jump on my magical steed and gallop to pick you both up. I'd walk into your factory jobs and carry you out like on Officer and a Gentleman . I'd then rent out a middle school gym for a ceremony and personally give you ribbons that said, "Best That Blue Yak Promotion Using a Retarded Person and a Slavic Language". Then I'd make you both feel special by throwing a bunch of rose petals on you and rub girly lotions on you (including "sensitive areas"). Next, I'd give you each a very expensive gift basket and then take you to a classy area restaurant - and let you order anything on the menu.
Now I just have to figure out how to get it on my site.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

My Blog on The Wheel of Fortune? Aww Shucks

OK, I don't know if this is the handiwork of Falwless or Gwen, but when I was flipping through the channels last night I saw that SOMEONE is following my detailed instructions (say: orders) for promoting my blog. Even though I hate the Wheel of Fortune I appreciate it. Very cute.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Elvis Costello - I Saw Ye In Upper Darby

Here's a vid of a young lad I saw in concert years ago at the Tower Theater in Upper Darby, PA around 1980. Elvis Costello. Seats in row 8 baby! Memorable moment? Friend loses binoculars and accuses all people around him of stealing them. Thanks to no binoculars, his just started bird life list remains at 2: The robin and the A-hole bluejay. Stupid Upper Darby thieves.

And as an added Elvis Costello bonus, check out his classic clip when he was on SNL. For that you lazy SOB's, you'll have to do the leg work. Give Netflicks or the YouTube a shot.

West Chester Blogger Creates Contest Called "Caption Contest"

(July 25, 2008 - West Chester, PA)

OK. I was surfing the information super highway last night and accidentally came across the funniest picture. I was laughing so hard that my secretary came running in,

"What happened?" - She thought something was wrong.
Usually, the only thing I share with her are pictures of porn or cute images of kittens and babies but I had to make an exception. Well, she laughed her ass off as well.

Anyways, I thought this would make a great contest. I'm going to call it a "Caption Contest" because I'd like the readers of this blog to come up with creative, clever and possibly off color captions that would make sense if you put the caption (saying) under the picture. Then when people read the caption they would look at the picture and it would relate to it. Does that make sense?

Good luck.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Which Bloggers Have The Right Stuff To Spend The Time To Promote Me?

Wouldn't it be great if my blog went from one of the most visited sites on the Internet to THE most visited? Next thing you know, I'm the 3 legged race partner with Jeff Bezos at the Fat Cat Internet picnic they probably have. Then - I'm telling a joke about the Internet which ends with the punch line, "No, Maam' I said wiki "PEDIA", (as I lean over and shake my head demeaningly in the face of the girl.) This is gonna be great.

And you can bet I'm not going to forget you little buggers - my loyal readers - who are going to help me get there. I'll probably even consider buying a big assed building that'll make Google headquarters look like a God damn shanty town. In the meantime, you people need to get to work. Use the Google maps to find central state that you can meet so you can begin working on promotional items. I'd welcome you to West Chester, but there are certain zoning issues concerning letting people of a certain ilk into our pristine borders. As for the promo items, just remember that things have be top notch or we're all going to look stupid.

I can just see it now, Falwless is working on a banner that says, "That Blue Yak - It'll Get Ya". Meanwhile, McGone and Gwen are busy making buttons - "hey, watch your fingers you guys." Whose that over there? - It's Whiskey Marie and newcomer Alice working on some posters - "'Hey guys, ease up on the glitter -we need to save some for the float!"

Here are a few other things I'm telling you that you have to do:
- Cut out small pieces of paper that say, "Now that I've got your attention, check out the blog 'That Blue Yak' - just google those 3 words." (I need thousands of these spread throughout the important cities - NOW). Feel free to take picture of your handiwork and send them to me. This will be proof that you're not lazily sitting on your asses watching TV shows that - frankly - aren't going to get any of us anywhere. Make a contest out of it with yourself. Challenge yourselves.
- While hearing a bore ass telling a stupid story at a party, push your hand in his face then address the listener, "That guy is boring - That Blue Yak isn't. He wrote a story about how to buy a great gift."

- Whenever the topic of politics comes up, cup your hands to help with voice projection and say, "Politics Smolitics - take this piece of paper that shows a hyperlink to a hyperfunny post about Presidential coins - courtesy of That Blue Yak
- Someone is going to have to's a bit early to be introducing this part yet.
What other imaginative ways can you think of to promote the mighty blog of Dr Zibbs? Let's share. Remember, you're only going to get out of it what you put into it. Finally, to keep yourselves motivated, one of you may receive a prerecorded thank you call from me. Hmmmmmm? Hmmmmm? And one more thing - don't fail.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Happy Birthday Falwless - McGone, I'll See You In Court

I'm not going to let the fact that McGone from the International House of Blogcakes stole my masterpiece of Falwless then retraced it somehow - turning a masterpiece into a cartoon freak show. That's not my style. And the fact he tried to create a diversion by pulling Jon from Extraneous Kickassery into it is a whole other story. Don't you know that Jon's busy telling people he's not going to be blogging anymore? Like the one dude on Fat Albert would say, "You're ba like a teacher in the Summer - No-ba Class-Ba".
As usual, I'm going to take the high road and walk in the same way my savior Jesus did. Perhaps looking UP to gain further guidance. Did you get that clue? OK, for those dummies that didn't figure out that riddle, I've talked to a few people at the Vatican and...get it comes....THIS PICTURE OF FALWLESS WILL BE TAPED TO THE CEILING OF THE SISTINE CHAPEL FROM 2:00 - 2:15 (eastern time)!!!!!
I'm not promising anything more but if you tune into CNN or Fox today you may see a bit of coverage.
Anyways, Happy B-Day Falwless.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Idea I'm Considering For Frazer Hoover Vacuum Store

Last week while getting my fix of lobster bisque at Zoup in Frazer, I was walking by the Hoover Vacuum store and look at this little character that caught my eye. I'm totally going back there because could you imagine if you put this guy - lets call him Hubert the Hoover Guy - OUTSIDE of the shop instead of INSIDE the shop????? Then you could use a Mr Microphone to totally drive sales INTO your store. Here are some of the notes I scribbled on a napkin about it:

- Every half hour, put on a five minute "show".
- Offer to do the show until the workers can do the imitation of Hubert the correct way - it's like: "Whutch dish shing?" (that's him saying, "what's this thing") - try it -say it aloud. There you go. See what I mean?
- Rig something up so when he talks, you can shake him a little bit so it looks realistic when he's talking. Consider hiding in a big vacumm cleaner box and cutting a hole so you can shake him without being seen. Put a sticker on the box that says, "Special Delivery" and the correct date. This way, when people see the date, it won't give things away.
- Consider rope gates around him so people don't get too close to the big box.
- Say things to people like, "That trash can over there is dirty but we can vacuum your home up and make it clean" or something like that - I'm still working on that one.

Anyway, I'm gonna look stupid if I just walk in there and give them that idea but I was thinking maybe you guys could call the store. Just say, "Hey that puppet should be on the outside of the store". There's no way they'll do it on their own because you don't just throw it out there willy nilly and make things happen. It's a daunting task. But then when I walk in and explain that I've done all of the creative leg work (see list above), then they might bite.

I'm not getting too excited but if I could get this off the ground regionally, I don't think I'm too out of line saying that this could be a full national rollout. Wouldn't it be nice to be on the ground floor of this thing? OK then, start dialing and let me know what they say.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Sea Isle City Funtown Air Conditioned Considers Galaga Wall of Fame

Don't worry readers of my blog. I've arrived safely back in West Chester, PA from my long weekend in Sea Isle City, NJ. I have to say that I'm a great friend and very generous. Unlike some freeloaders, when I stay completely free for 4 days at someones vacation home, I like to even things up by helping out with some of the groceries. So when I heard that they needed a can of beans and paper towels. I was all over it.

The problem was I was to pick up the items at the worst supermarket on the east coast: The Sea Isle Acme on 61st street (next to Uncle Oogies). I waited in the express line for 10 minutes, then the lady in front of me had an issue with a coupon. I'm not kidding that it took the cashier five full minutes (you're reading that correctly FIVE MINUTES) to resolve the problem. I'm not getting that 15 minutes back. It's sounds like not a big deal but with low blood sugar and all???? Also, I had my heart set on drinking beer by 4:30 and it was already 4:00.

When I get pissed, the only way to make myself feel better is to make someone else feel worse. And since it was so hot I thought I'd make it easy on me - by making a kid feel crappy. So I strut myself a few stores down into Funtown Air Conditioned (just look at that photo above - that place is nice). I walked in slowly, then framed myself like I usually do in the doorway. I usually pick up a used cig from the ground outside, then pretending I was smoking it I flick it at the change person. It intimidates the hell out of the greasers.... and the ladies? ...Come on now..
I then confidently walked over to Galaga and hovered over the machine, tapping my quarters on the side. The punk kid playing Galaga had no idea that I was tapping the tune Eye of the Tiger.
"I've been playing this game since 1981. Are you up to the challenge?"
To make a long story short - I got up to level 7. Level 7. Since Galaga doesn't spit out those crappy little arcade tickets, you don't win any prizes but since I got up to a level 7 I was gonna ask the manager if they'd make an exception because I saw the most adorable little ceramic clown that would have made a nice addition to my clown collection. I even named him - "Coney" - because the rascal was sporting a precious cone shaped hat (see him in the picture below - Coney's to the right of those gay ass rabbits and to the left of that ridiculous carousel horse. He's wearing a sharp, red blouse):
It was getting a bit late so I decided to get back to the house. Since I wanted to meet my goal of beer by 4:30, I borrowed this golf cart that someone irresponsibly left the keys in and made my way back to the house (see golf cart in center of pic):
Mission accomplished. Except for getting Coney but I might make my own Coney out of clay. anyway.

People From India Aren't Racist Anymore

I always wondered why India never made a version of Michael Jackson's Thriller. I just thought they were racist. Well, they're not. Here's the proof:

Friday, July 18, 2008

Hopefully Philly Heat Wave Won't Kill Any Old People

It's July 18 and the Philly area is starting another heat wave today. And of course that means that the radio and TV will be reminding everyone to check on the elderly.

(Me holding chin, eyes looking up and the start of dream sequence music).......But I wonder if they ever found an old person a year later that had died in a heat wave because he was too cheap to splurge for a $12 box fan at Walmart. And when they showed was just a human skeleton holding....get ready - here it comes...holding only a handmade paper hand fan. And on that fan was pictures of popsicles and penguins. The words "stay cool Poppy - Love Timmy" were chicken scratched onto the fan - the "L" of course was spelled backwards so they had to find a mirror to hold it up to so they could decipher it. The problem is when they try to pull the fan out of his hand, the whole hand comes off with it.

My question is this: If it were another heat wave (and understanding that Poppy was already dead) - would it be wrong to use the hand fan with creepy skeleton hand still on it to beat the heat while you looked around the house to make sure there were no other survivors (or skeletons)? Of course you wouldn't be making a mockery of the situation by dancing around and saying, "Look at me - I've got a skeleton hand -I've got a 'bone' to pick with you'" - and immature stuff like that.

While you wonder that age long riddle my ass is heading down to Sea Isle City. So looooong suckers! Oh...that reminds me I've got to pack a sweater. I likes to crank up the air.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Falwless Blog Post Plans About Cat Discovered By That Blue Yak Spy

OK. First let me say that this post has nothing to do with Falwless's disrespectin' me in comments about my rather lame Andy Dick post. It's more of a concern that her blog Lots Better Than Your Blog is going to turn into a blog all about her cat. I think her name is Blue something. Just to make sure, I had one of my company private dicks make a visit to the dumbster outside of her trailer park last night and what he found was amazing. It's a God Damn brainstorming list of things to post about Blue the cat (see undoctored photo above). Here are a few random freestyle scribblings that were found in her notebook (there were 4 friggin' volumes):

- Something about he's magical like a unicorn, fluffy, love.
- Don't forget when she was peaking out of couch!!
- Hypnotizes dogs and babies with her cuteness.
- Put a crazy hat on her and take pictures.
- Ask vet to test her to see if she is indeed the smartest cat (don't forget to tell him about when I told her to get off tv, then she looked at me, then she got off tv).
- Ask bloggers that are good at photoshop if they can photoshop her into the "Hang on till Friday" poster.
- Something about "pussy" but make it funny, not dirty, but will make reader think. (sidenote: get bikini wax before going to the shore).
- Have contest asking for cutest caption but give McGone the real winner: "Precious Wishes are made of love, rainbows and the love of Blue" (which is the real winner).
- Throw out idea of people buying strands of Blue's hair. If anyone bites, do an A - B price test to see how much I can get. Invest money into aggressive fund so I can buy a tiara made of real diamonds for Blue.
- Get a kitten puppet and start rehearsing that song Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy with Blue and puppet dressed up like army ladies but change Lyrics to Boogie Blue-ey Bugle Cat.
- Start posting threats on other kitten blogs so I become the only kitten blog.
- Look at lease to see if I'm allowed to get 11 more cats. One for each astrological sign.
- Write Blue's name in different fonts (use kitten paws for some of the letters as long as you can understand that it still says Blue)

That's just page one because I'm getting tired of writing. The bottom line is that I'm asking everyone to please go to her blog and knock some sense into her. And of course, feel free to leave comments about what else you think may have been listed in these notebooks.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Andy Dick Tells His Unique Story Concerning His Arrest

To read the facts - click here.

Worlds Most Freakiest Dude 2008 Award

Since acquiring the Memphis based "Self Esteem Club", That Blue Yak owns the rights to the World's Most Freakiest Dude Award. We're proud to announce this year's winner. Björn Ulvaeus (or is we like to call him, "Born Use-Is-Ugly"). Bjorn is one of the singers from the pop group ABBA and..well. just look at him. Imagine the photographer at that photo shoot. Jesus Christ.

Although we expect Ron Howard's Brother Clint to put up a fight when it comes time to hand over the crown, we'd like to thank him for his sportsmanship, sense of humor and large domed, beluga whale-like forehead. (and on a side note Clint, when you asked for a sip of my Pepsi at the award ceremony last year and then I just told you to keep it? - I do that to has absolutely nothing to do with what you look like.). To read the hysterical Clint Howard story click here. Now enjoy Bjorn - "the dude from ABBA"

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

I Think I'll Make Someone Famous Today

It's pretty cool to sit here on my big ole' information superhighway thrown - knowing that I'm admired throughout the world for being the keeper of this unbelievable blog. I have to admit, the power is nice. To show everyone that I can do more than make fun of pear shaped people, crazy chimps, and help end racism (even though the video on this link has been deleted), I'm going to give something back today. I'm going to make a star simply my waving the blog wand which is my endorsement. Let me just put it this way, I hope this fellow has some showbiz clothes packed because after appearing on That Blue Yak - he's going to be very, very famous.

From Billy Idol's Dancing with Myself to Eyes Without a Face - oh...he's got it down. I think we can all agree that he's made these songs his own. .....Ladies and gentleman...I give you music stylings of Norbert Milken:

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Mental Man Almost Ruins 2008 Blobfest For Everyone

The Phoenixville Blobfest, the annual celebration of the Steve McQueen staring movie THE BLOB, was ALMOST ruined when a mentally challenged monster emerged from an alley and into the crowd. That Blue Yak staff reporter explains,

"It was frightening. One minute we're standing among the crowd on Bridge Street feelin' safe and the next minute a dangerous beastman is not only walking among us humans but dancing right there on the street. I'm sure he's been kept locked away in a closet, then, lured by the music of The Neanderthals he probably let out a deafening roar and pulled apart the bars of his cage. The crowd tried to ignore him for a while but then decided that the only way to remain safe and have a better view of the band was a good old fashioned stoning. After we stoned him, we went on to enjoy tasty food and neat festival fun. Don't believe me? How do you explain these pictures?":

The End?

Thursday, July 10, 2008

I Think Everyone Is a Short Post Reading Away from "Getting Art"

Last week when I received an unsolicited image of a Blue Yak (see picture above) from Speedcat Hollydale - I was flattered. The mighty Blue Yak silently looking over his kingdom before starting the usual day long session of blog writing. I then asked for an open call of other original pieces of art from you the readers. Well, Fawless , my best friend was up to the challenge. Behold the beauty. It's a masterpiece on so many levels. The visible nostrils. The deformed fingers with extra digits hiding it's fear of the world. The scary eyes almost saying, "What do you look at? Why are you staring? Am I not like you?Aren't we all like me..and you?" And of course the Patrick Swayze on a centaur tattoo (to see the tattoo, make sure the sun is not behind you, hold a magnifying glass up to monitor and look to the left - thar she blows) .

Feel free to leave YOUR comments about the art. Respectful comments only. All others will be deleted.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Eskimos Are real Accoding to Nova

I really wasn't going to blog tonight but this you've got to hear about. There's a series called Nova (sciencey) and they was just talking about the Eskimos - one of the groups of people that I love to make fun of because they're different and I could probably take one down - one punch - it's over. But who are these peoples? We all know that they live in the cold - but what else? Now I know everything about them because I just watched an hour special. Did you know some of the husbands traded their wives off for "goods"? It's a fact. Even though some of these subservient looking round faced ladies looked innocent -they weren't! Some had Sifolice (I know that's the wrong spelling but I never had it so how would I know how to spell it)? But you have to admit, they are adorable (see picture above).

I'm not going to ruin it for you, but these guys can catch a seal while in their igloo! Imagine that. There is one disturbing fact though - a dark side. They want to be called something like Inuit instead of Eskimo. Hold on there Frosty. You earn my respect THEN we'll talk nicknames. Either way, watch the Nova - you might not only learn something about an Eskimo -you might learn something about (lean toward screen) ..YOURSELF. (DISCLAIMER: I Love Eskimos - Inuits are dicks..but I love Eskimos)

That is all.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Let's Get Your Office Dancing With The Telletubbies Mashup

I'm asking all to do the following:

1) Using rope or wire, tie your laptop up and attach it to your neck (ala' Flavor Flav with big ole clock)
2) Announce to coworkers, "Is everyone ready?"
3) When someone asks, "Ready for what?" You say, "I can't hear you"
4) Don't be startled - they'll then louder ask, "Ready for what?"
5) Hit play (below) and say, "For this" . Then parade around your office while dancing:

Monday, July 7, 2008

West Chester PA Blogger Wins ANOTHER Blogging Award - Feather Duster Stocks Sky Rocket

We've done it again, we've won ANOTHER award. (click here to see one of the 2007 awards we've won). You almost wish they'd give it to some of the crappier blogs but then - what would be their incentive to work harder or quit? I knew you'd agree. The award was given to us my And Some Guys Blog. He's a recently new THAT BLUE YAK reader and we've shared "links". The award is the coveted Arte Y Pico Award. I'm sure you've heard of it. And trust me, it's very, very important. The Arte Y Pico blog is one that's written in another language so when you're viewing your Spanish language soap operas make sure to listen closely as they'll probably be name dropping this blog to boost their ratings. Anything for a buck.
So what I'm required to do now is name 5 blogs that I think deserve the Arte y Pico award. Here they are in no particular order:

1) Lots Better Than Your Blog - this is my new favorite blogger by a lady they call Fawless. Her post are SO funny, I'd swear that I'D written them. Not to make you others jealous but she recently asked me for my email address. There's a very good chance we'll be getting it on. Here's a really funny one about a guy she had sex with at work in the back of her car and she kept asking him if, "it's in yet" ..and the guy starts to cry. She also refers to the dude's weiner as a bird. Nice touch.

2) Hometown Hangover - This is a blog written by someone in my town of West Chester, PA. I stumbled upon her blog accidentally and we also have shared (say aloud): "Links". Although we've never met, we're into the same odd pop cultures stuff AND we frequent the same bars. The funny thing is, I know what she looks like but she doesn't know what I look like. I'm sure we'll meet eventually. There will probably be tears. Her name? JDizzle.

3) McGlinch Blog - Even though he has problems staying in the lines, he draws some crazy cartoons. I've known this dummy since 10th grade so part of the reason he's winning is to keep peace in the family. He has another blog called Feed the Ogre. You the people can actually contribute links to it. Check out all of the details.

4) List of the Day - This blog has consistently good lists of stuff. And the commoners can contribute as well.

5) Rider's Blog - At first I was laughing AT Rider because of his unfortunate but hysterical disability - a wooden block for a head. But after a few weeks of reading the words - I've found it very funny. Here's a great recent post of his - that....get this - is about blogging.

Now here's the info for the winners:

1) Pick 5 blogs that you think deserve this award for their creativity, design, interesting material, and also for contributing to the blogging community, no matter what language.
2) Each award has to have the name of the author and also a link to his or her blog to be visited by everyone.
3) Each award winner has to show the award and put the name and link to the blog that has given her or him the award itself.
4) Award-winner and the one who has given the prize have to show the link of “Arte y Pico” blog, so everyone will know the origin of this award which is here: Arte y Pico

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Good Neighbor Day

Chester County residents flocked to Downingtown's Kerr Park yesterday for the annual Good Neighbor Day Festival. As usual, many non locals - unfamiliar with "Good Neighbor Day" were disappointed upon learning that the Downingtown event has completely nothing to do with Ned Flanders - the popular Simpsons character.
"I was pretty pissed - I mean - 'Good Neighbor' - you know, 'hey Diddly Doo neighbor' - it's totally Ned Flanders. It's text book bait and switch. We came all the way from Maryland for this?"
Disappointment for many however turned to joy as they discovered the famous Inflated Uncle Sam (see amazing photo above). Just look at that Uncle Sam, all blown up, larger than life and perfectly framed by two strategically placed flower pots. Throughout the day, hundreds flocked to the inflatable Uncle Sam. Many dancing around him - others gained courage and moved closer to see if he was in fact real. And others took advantage of the top of the hour "Inflatable Uncle Sam speaks" portion of the festival where a few chosen Downingtown residents were invited to stand behind the blow up figure and pretend they're the Inflatable Uncle Sam. Although most lucky VIP's respectfully used their 30 seconds with the microphone, one jerk, who turned out to be from Coatesville, almost ruined the event by yelling into the microphone ,"Lambert's an A-hole and his truck is a piece of s**t. And his old lady's a skank!" He was quickly tackled and patriotically beaten by the locals.

Friday, July 4, 2008

John Smith Falls Asleep After Dart Excitement

First let me say that when "John Smith" got 3 bulls eyes in last nights dart game in Calhoun's garage - I was proud of the rascal. That pride turned to shame when I found out that he fell asleep on Calhoun's garage floor right on top of the newly stenciled Elvis art:

..and as the story goes, Calhoun just left him there, curling up to the letter "V" dreaming of the moment a few weeks ago when the two of them stenciled the floor and their noses brushed briefly. Were there briefs thoughts of homosexual experimentation? Probably. Was he pretending the "V" was Calhoun's back and he was spooning it in an ever so tender way? Probably. All I'm saying is that I am totally straight so don't get any funny ideas.
Also, note in the Elvis picture above the famous chair that is still not completed. Read all about it in this post from days of old.
And lastly, word on the street is that Calhoun threw up in the morning. Nice. Nice.

School House Rock 4th of July

Happy 4th of July dummies. Here's one of School House Rock's weaker and less well known cartoons:

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Blogger Honors West Chester Blogger With Blue Yak Painting - For Free!

You know, being the best blog on the web does have it's perks: free haircuts, marriage proposals, gum. Another is receiving original works of art that are fashioned to look like a Blue Yak. Most of the time though - the art is junk. If I get one more Blue Yak made out of macaroni and covered in blue glitter I'm gonna kill someone. The white glue is always visible and they're a real bitch to dust.

The blogger Speedcat Hollydale however took a classier approach, he actually created a Blue Yak in a painterly way. To see it, click here.

As a thank ye' , I wrote in his comments section that all bloggers on his site that visit my site are entitled to a 50% coupon off of a Little Debbie cake (Disclaimer: coupons are imaginary), this does NOT apply to current THAT BLUE YAK readers. And if you little bastards think you're smart enough to trick me - you're not. I'm extremely versed in computer tracking and circuits and stuff that I'll be able to find out and if I do, I will give your computer a trojan virus. Lets not ruin this for everyone.

If any of my readers or Speedcat Hollydale readers would like to post their own art depicting a Blue Yak, please do so and I may write a post about you...or you...or even YOU. If you do create you own art, leave me a note here in the comments section. Good luck and get to work.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Fire at Exton Station! Blogger Captures Amazing Photos

Today is July 2, 2008 and there's a fire in West Whiteland's Exton Station. Firstly, I'd like to thank the Fire Fighters for their brave work. And secondly the courage of a person you may know as Dr Zibbs. That's correct, it's me - the CEO of Chester County's That Blue Yak. And I'm giving myself this exclusive interview:

DrZibbs (interviewer): When did you know there was a fire? Were you in danger at anytime?

Dr Zibbs (CEO): Great questions. I was traveling toward the Wawa on Greenhill Road as you can see above. I reached for my blackberry and although I was not eating in the car at the time, I could have been...well..who knows what could have happened.

Dr Zibbs (interviewer): What happened next?

Dr Zibbs: (CEO): I followed the fire engines - I believe one of the West Chester departments to the scene. There were already other stations there.
Dr Zibbs (interviewer): Did you help with the fire or save any lives? Also, what is your background in photography? These photos are breath taking!

Dr Zibbs (CEO): I don't recall - it all happened so quickly. As for the photos, they are something aren't they. I'll probably donate them to a local museum or the Chester County Historical Society. I guess it all depends on what perks I may be offered. You know how those bidding wars can go.
Dr Zibbs (Interviewer): Thanks Dr Zibbs, or should I say, Dr Hero?

Fonz Record Player

Fonz Record Player
Originally uploaded by swanksalot
Look at it. The Fonz record player. Note how the photo was taken through a store window - almost taunting potential buyers. But the real reason for this post is to remind all you kids that staying in school is indeed cool. Have some fun in the sun and all - but seriously stay in school and don't do crack.

Crazy Freaky Video Mashup Perfect For Practical Joke

I have no plans to break into anyone's house and terrorize them like in the movie Funny Games with Tim Roth and Naomi Watts. But if I did, I'd probably wear a pig or monkey mask. Then, after I tied them up, and before pulling my mask off I'd make them watch this video mashup. Tell me that wouldn't freak those dopes out.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Lions Share Restaurant - Lionville's True Horror Story

Forget about ghosts in Chester County restaurants - which one DOESN'T claim to be haunted? If you really want to hear about true horror, it happened at Lionville's Lions Share Restaurant in 1979 - and goes a little like this:

I was dish washing Friday night at the Lions Share when Gus the manager came back and said, "Zibbs, we've got a situation in the men's room near room four. Go take care of it."

So I walk back past the Friday night diners eating their clams casino and enter the bathroom. I slowly open the stall and there it was. It looked like a the site of the Manson murders. Someone had entered the men's stall and had explosive diarrhea not just on the floor, but on all four walls and - yes - somehow - the ceiling. It was like being the first on the scene of a terrible, terrible car accident. Do I run? Do I scream? Do I call a priest? The coverage of the stall was like someone filled a pinata up with shit and hit it with a baseball bat. Except this was 1979 and anything to do with the Mexican culture wouldn't be seen in these parts for at least 5 years. I believes someone just had a night that they shall never forget. And for how unbelievable the scene was, there was also something that stood out as very,very odd - behind the toilet a pair of underwear was stuffed - almost as if someone was trying to hide some evidence.

"As I tried to imagine the panic on the person as this was happening, I walked quickly back through the diners and into the kitchen. This had to be shared, "Eric, you're not going to believe what just happened in the bathroom!"

"What? What?"

"Ohhh man - It can't be described - it can only be experienced. Follow me!"

With our food covered aprons, we walked through the dining rooms back to the scene of the crime. We were always instructed to keep our voices down when we walked through the rooms but it was impossible for Eric, "What is it? What is it?"

We walked in the door, I opened the stall and causually asked, "And what is the meaning of this?"

Eric saw the scene and just started screaming and laughing, "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS! OH MY GOD...AHHHHHH...WHAAAAA!!"

I let him peak with his laughter then said, "And there's a little present right behind the bowl - look behind the toilet". That's when Eric almost died of laughter/delight/horror. "And Gus wants you to clean it up."


We walked back into the kitchen and basically ignored Gus's request to clean up the God awful scene. He later cleaned it as we walked through every detail of how the scene 'went down'. There were so many questions:

- Was it someone on a first date?
- Was it food related?
- Did the guy think by hiding the underwear behind the toilet it would make the covered stall go away- like a 3 year old covering their eyes and saying ,'you can't see me'?
- Was a window escape attempted?
- Did the guy innocently walk out of the bathroom after cleaning up? If so, did he calmly sit down as if nothing happened or was it SO obvious that a diner at another table asked, 'Sir, you obviously shit all over the stall in that bathroom - are you going to do the honorable thing and tell the management so they can get a dishwasher in there to clean it up?"

I know the person responsible for this may still live in Chester County. Perhaps they've even moved. What I'm trying to get to is this - YOU NEED TO COME FORWARD. My innocence was lost that day and if you can make yourself known, answer my questions and endure what I promise will be a very short and respectful press conference, I will not have to hold a contest asking locals to hunt you down. So please, if you don't want to open the The Daily Local News and read "Lions Share Men's Room Violator Hunt Continues- DAY 45" in the upper left corner, then please contact me. My hunt will never end for you.
God Bless.