Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Ugly Christmas Sweaters. How Do People Not Know? Walmart.

Do you know when you Google: "Ugly Christmas Sweater" or even "Christmas Sweater Walmart" you get pages and pages of people making fun of ugly Xmas sweaters?

So I ask you this: Why are there still people (mostly women over 40) wearing tacky ass Xmas sweaters? How don't they know? It's like people that have mullets. Don't they know that everyone thinks they look like a fool? I think there should be a website where you can submit a photo of yourself and what you wear and professionals can tell you if you look like an asshole.

And I would like to see video of people picking out these sweaters. Holding them up to themselves. Turning sideways. Looking in the mirror. "I think there should be seven reindeer. Six just looks weird." Do they walk to the counter to pay with pride? Excited to wear the sweater? Bragging to the cashier, "It was only $12,99."

And on the subject of Xmas and having no taste I'll give you a tip for decorating: Less is more. And inflatables? Don't put them on your lawn like this dude in my neighborhood that has ten of them. Snoopy, Santa, turning carousel... Knock it off!

Monday, December 17, 2012

A Lame Album I Had. Themes From Hit TV Shows. Rolling Stones 12 X 5.

Who the hell would buy THIS album?? Themes from Hit TV Shows.

*Zibbs slowly raises his hand*

I'm not kidding. Well to tell you the truth it could have been my sister that bought it. And if it wasn't lame enough the songs weren't even sung by the original artists!!!

I wish I could see all the old albums and 45's that we used to have when I was sixth grade and younger. We would play them over and over in my basement on this crappy green record player that my dad won in a sales contest. A few records were bought by my sisters like The Partridge Family but most were picked up by my mom at garage sales. She would just buy random records. Here are a few 45's I remember:

Walk Right In (then they say "sit right down" - not sure who sung it)
Poppa Got A Brand New Bag - James Brown
Judy in Disguise 
The Night Chicago Died
Seasons in the Sun
Bad, Bad Leroy Brown

Damn. I know there's more. I'll leave them in the comments section when they hit me.

And other than the usual square Dad records he did have a few rock albums but he never them played. He had a Paul Revere and the Raiders album and Rolling Stones album. 12 X 5 and Out of Our Heads.

OK now it's going to kill me that I can't remember more of those 45's because whenever I hear them on the radio it all comes back to me.  

Thursday, December 13, 2012

DANCE PARTY!!! Here Are Some of My Special Dance Moves. Retarded People.

If you read my blog you know that I talk about dancing a lot. I love to dance. I will now share with you the place where I've developed some of my trademark moves. And by "trademark" I mean that I stole them from some of these dancers and "trademarked" them.


Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Salute To Andre The Giant. Six Million Dollar Man.

Andre the Giant. He was 7'4" and 520 pounds!!!! God DYAAAAAAAMNN!!

Here are some pics. Please share your memories and ask your questions in the comments area. And no..I don't have the answer to that one question. But it was probably huge! And I'm sure there's a quote about him somewhere that says, "Oh he was big alright. And the biggest thing about him (pause) was his heart."

Andre' and Ali. Nice.

Andre' with some babes. He looks kinda handsome here don't you think? 30 seconds after this picture was taken "the rapin' began."

In hospital bed. He could so kill her.

As Bigfoot on the Six Million Dollar Man. How did I not know he played Bigfoot until now???

Andre' with his lunch.

And here's his Wiki page.

Friday, December 7, 2012

Drug Dealer Scene In Boogie Nights. Duh! Alfred Molina.

Does anyone else love the movie Boogie Nights? It's so great. I remember seeing it in the theater and being blown away. And I've seen it now at least 15 times.

Do you know the drug dealer scene? It's so great right? Well I could never figure out who the drug dealer was. And I would never look it up when I was watching it. But I heard Jessie's Girl on the radio the other day and I stopped and looked it up. I KNEW IT! It's the dude that was in Spiderman 2! And a million other movies! Alfred Molina. Here's his IMDB page. I guess I was thrown off because he's so thin in Boogie Nights.

Case closed. And everything about this scene I love. Where do I even start. You just get sucked into it and you know something is going to happen. I've been in similar situations back in the day where I've been somewhere...sitting on the couch...knowing something weird is happening. Phew.

To see the scene click here.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Mustache Rides Are STILL 5 Cents?? 70's Patches. Cherry Popping Gift.

Is anyone old enough to remember the "Mustache Rides 5 Cents" patch? And there were signs and T-shirts too.

If you don't know what mustache rides are then ask your momma because I am NOT getting into it here. But 5 cents? That's reasonable. It's almost as if the person with the mustache is offering to give them awa..... WAIT A MINUTE!

And when I was doing my research for this post I came across this gem:

What the hell? I've never seen this one before. It makes sense though. "Hey Karen thanks for letting me fuck you. Here. I got you this patch. I was going to give it to you sooner but I was too busy telling all my friends that I fucked you. OK. Later."

And look at these douchey patches. I like that one that says Truck Drivers Carry Bigger Loads."

Truck Driver (to woman at bar): Hi.

Woman: Hi.

Truck Driver: Do you know I have tons of jizz?

Woman: Excuse me??

Truck Driver: (pulls back leather vest to expose patch) It says it right here bitch! (Grabs her by the arm) ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR?!

...and that's how their relationship began.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Does Anyone Really Care? Bazooka Joe Comic Ending.

It was just announced that Bazooka Joe comics will no longer be in Bazooka Gum. They said only 7% of kids age 6-12 knew who he was and of the 7% less than half liked the character. Damn!

Well good riddance. I hated those cheesy cartoons. One article said that even when it debuted in the 50's it looked outdated and seemed like it was from the 40's. And please work on the rock hardness of your gum.

And while you're at it, please get rid of this dick: