Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Jack's Pizza in Exton - Excellent

It's very hard to find a decent slice of pizza in Chester County - until now. Gilly Norris presents his review,

"It was beautiful. I walked into Jack's Pizza at the Whiteland Towne Center and there it was - the perfect slice of vegetable pizza. Topped with roasted tomatoes, onions, peppers and olives - it was pure beauty."

"As the Spanish station played soccer on the tv and a 2 month old slept on the counter next to the industrial meat slicer, my pizza was warmed."

"I requested a Pepsi and proceeded to my car - walking at a faster than usual pace than usual. As I passed onlookers, I held the bag up to their faces and smiled and nodded in a creepy way. I got into my car. This is where I took this photo of the Exton slice. It's crunchy texture was pure heaven. I give it 10 That Blue Yak stars out of 10."

Good Pizza is indeed hard to find in Chester County when one yearns for the Jersey shore's Mack and Manco Pizza . Here are a few local standout pizza eateries in Chester County (Exton - West Chester area):

Jack's Pizza - (610) 280-9490 / 135 W Lincoln HwyExton, PA 19341 (Whiteland Towne Center). See review above.
Bravo Pizza - (610) 594-1599 / 123 E. Swedesford Road in Exton (in shopping center with Giant). They're not greedy with the slice - very large portions.
Las Vegas Pizza - (610) 692-4785 / 515 E Gay StWest Chester, PA 19380 . (Right there on good ole' Gay Street). The key to eating this pizza is to wait about 2 minutes after it comes out of the oven or it will slide off the crust like soup. Tip: Don't talk to the 17 year old Henderson High greasers that hang out there during the day - they're dangerous and carry switch blades.

Happy eating.

Learn more about West Chester Food at WCDish .

Friday, December 14, 2007

Crappy Toy Countdown #4 - Ball Buster

Ball Buster by Mego. This commercial almost leaves you speechless with such great moments:

- It's a "family game"
- "..and for adults, it's exciting..." (as the narrator lowers his voice)
- "It's easy like checkers...but exacting like pool"

If my parents ever scooted my sister and me away so they could play this piece of crap game, I'd be on the phone calling the authorities.

OK, you need to watch it again and watch the frustration on the father's face and the eyebrow raising concentration on the mother's face.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Crappy Toy Countdown #3 - Plaid Pants

That Blue Yak tracked down the bitter Teddy "Curls" Redmond concerning the #3 Crappy Toy:

"Frickin' plaid pants! That's right - plaid fickin' pants! This is me in the slinky commercial. Do you think maybe I would have been given a slinky as a gift for Christmas? N0! I was given a crappy pair of polyester plaid pants similar to the one's I wore in my award winning Slinky commercial. Not the actual pants worn in the commercial - no, that would have been too perfect. Instead, I was given green and beige plaid slacks with an inferior zipper and ridiculous leg taper that made my ass look like a God Damn light bulb. Thanks for nothing Ridley Hill Orphanage and Work Camp! I'll see you in Hell!"

To hear an updated version of the slinky song, click here

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Crappy Toy Countdown to X-mas #2 - Ice Bird

Few people know that when Kenner released Ice Bird, it was a direct result of a coin toss. The loser? - Mr Jingles the Meat Slicing Opossum. I must say that the song is extremely catchy in a Jim Jones type of way. Enjoy:

Learn where to buy an industrial snow cone maker by clicking the word: TASTY

Monday, December 3, 2007

Jimmy Osmond Horror Show

If ole' man Osmond had ordered the two unseen retarded Osmonds on this wuss' Jimmy I think we can all agree the world would be a better place. (WARNING: if you are anywhere close to suicide, please do not watch this video):

Read a very boring article about this puffy faced rascal by clicking the word: JIMMY

Gene Rayburn - the Nipple Guy

Here's a nice clip of Gene Rayburn accidentally slipping out the word nipple. For a neo Cro-magnum, my man is pretty darn smooth.

Expand your brain by learning about Gene's arch enemy Richard Dawson here: http://www.hogansheroesfanclub.com/castDawsonRichard.php

Crappy Toy Countdown to Christmas - Dark Shadows

That Blue Yak introduces it's "Crappy Toy Countdown to Christmas". The first "toy" on the list, the Dark Shadows Groovy Horror Heads. The anti climatic tone is set when the door opens and a pillow takes center state. We particularly love the line, "Like Dark Shadows on TV". A little tip for you Centsable Toys,the following things are NOT toys: stools, coasters, coffee tables and yes...pillows.

Speaking of pillows, check out this link to learn more about "Professional Pillow Fighting" http://www.gopfl.com/

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Daily Local News Starts Tricky Advertising Campaign

I went into my Wawa this morning and as I reached for my USATODAY, I was stunned to see a piece of paper on top of the stack which read, "Ax Murderer Trial Begins in Chester County - read about it in today's Daily Local News".

Are you kidding me? Has the Daily Local sunk so low that it needs persuade readers with this trickery? And why is Wawa tolerating this?

What's next? - Let me just reach over and get myself a tasty Snickers - oh wait.... what's this sign over top of the Snickers bars? 'Snickers make you gay, enjoy a manly Zagnut'.

Wawa and Daily Local News - you've been put on notice. I do not want to see this again.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Johnnie Cochran Rises From Grave In Anger Over Eight Limbed Baby Surgery

Johnnie Cochran rose from the grave this morning as a direct result of the surgery of the eight limbed girl. Urged to take the case by numerous Octopus groups, Cochran's disgust over the surgery and "death" of the Octopus Princess was the final straw that made him rise from the dead.

Never at a loss for words, Cochran, with Octopus President Malbo by side, simply shook his head and said, "This is an extremely and utterly felonious situation."

Visit this link to see photos of the Octopus as depicted on Pulp covers: http://francesca.net/pulp.html

Friday, October 26, 2007

Leave It To the Japanese

Nothing helps one learn about crime in the US like watching Japanese girls repeat the key phrases in English while "dancing" to catchy tunes.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Phoenixville Pool Supplier Wins Hero Award

That Blue Yak would like to give this month's hero award to Phoenixville's Barto Pool and Spa for the courage to put a huge frickin' blue blowup gorilla outside of their business.

While neighboring businesses cowardly choose to announce sales with boring signs and banners, the fine folk at Barto use a big assed ape. Are they afraid that some customers might be afraid of the ape and not enter inside to see the potential discounts on pool and spa supplies? I do not know.

I'm sure there was concern that some potential customers might worry that there are more apes inside and their lives would be in danger if they entered. I'm sure the decision to inflate the "monster sale" ape was debated for months by the employees. ...we will never know. We also don't know if the Main Street business is getting pressure to remove the ape. We hope not - because as we all know, if you can't advertise spa and pool supplies with a big ole' balloon ape, the terrorists have won.

Monday, September 17, 2007

West Whiteland Tomato Thief Confession

The following is a confession by West Whiteland Tomato Thief: Denny Throckmorton:

Yes. I admit it. I walked to the back of my property in my West Whiteland home and saw something that I couldn't ignore. In the area by my fence, where I keep my skull collection, I found a tasty treat - tomato escapees as seen in this picture. I have no guilt. I will be chopping off the the sweet fruit and make a tasty salad. I will then march up to my vegetable journal and note that I need one less Burpee seed packet next season. After that, I will kick the door open in my basement and tell my imaginary wife of my accomplishment. She will be proud. We will proceed to the Exton Michael's store and make very sensible purchases of 3 oz votives - (totally unrelated to the tomato story above -but..that's how she is) . We will then retire for the night.

Bishop Shanahan Goes Green With Yearbook Deletions

It looks as though Downingtown's Bishop Shanahan High School will be going green in a very unique way. According to faculty, the PA Catholic school will be doing it's part to help with the environmental problems by cutting back on the unnecessary practice of publishing yearbook photos of both individual pairs of twins. An unnamed teacher put it this way,

"We all know that twins are pretty much the same person. It makes no sense that we have to see Ted Norris AND Billy Norris. It's redundant. We have not calculated the amount of ink and paper that will be saved, but I'm sure it will add up."
The school is first in the Philadelphia Archdiocese to participate in this test program. The hope, according to church officials is to make such a great impact on the environment, that the possibility of An Inconvenient Truth PART 2, will be ruled out.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Early Sam The Butcher Work

How many times has a complete stranger approached you and asked you about Sam the Butcher and his pre-Brady Bunch work? And you feel like a fool because you don't have an answer don't you? Until now.

I don't know what he did to Sherwood Schwartz to get the Brady Bunch gig but the acting in this Liquid Plumber commercial is downright awful:

Check out the Brady Bunch Shrine here .

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Lancaster's Long Park Art & Craft Festival Review

That Blue Yak's Milford Dean Darlak attended the 29th Annual Long's Park Art & Craft Festival in Lancaster - and boy did he have a good time.

It was great. It was an arts and crafts show but not only didn't I see a single clown as I usually see at festivals, there wasn't a single craft booth selling Popsicle stick yarn art. And sand art? Nowhere to be found. It was the perfect weather in Lancaster Sunday and there were many classy people there. Here are some pictures I took:

This was an Amish gal that I almost hit on the way there. "Hold on there Kinzer Kate. You don't want your bike smashed and I don't won't front bumper damage. So take your time. The pies will still be there when you arrive. Safety first."

Holy cow - a huge dog sculpture with a cut out bone in the middle. Hmmm...perfect for snooping.
When in doubt and feeling like an art rube, go with it with such comments as, "Those eyes in that painting are not even the same size" or "$1200? Are you crazy? I've seen paintings like this at Walmart for $19.99 and they even come with a frame."

Now you're talking. I was all set to enjoy a 100% Angus beef hot dog from Tri-County Barbecue Catering but when I got up to the counter, I noticed it was a foot long. I was too embarrassed to order it because people might have thought I was a gay so I settled for the hamburger. It was pretty tasty.

While doing research for this article I came across an interesting link about the amish and their nicknames. Check it out by clicking the word link: link

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Coulhoun Presents West Chester's Mr. Classy With Elvis Reese's Cup

Dear Nana Zibbs,

Not two hours after the Entemann's/Hostess posting I entered the Boot Road Wawa and who do I see? That's right - Calhoun. And do you know what that Delaware County bred hillbilly did? He reached into his overalls and opened his wallet and bought me one of the new Reece's Elvis Peanut Butter and Banana Cream Cups and let me tell you they were downright delightful.

The banana cream resides below the peanut butter and nicely compliments the chocolate. Calhoun's favorite things are Elvis, food and boobs. If Hershey's (producer of Reese's) would just mold the the Elvis peanut butter cups into the shape of boobies I think Calhoun would give these morels and A plus!

Click on the following to read more about this new candy treat:

Sunday, September 2, 2007

Ask Nana Zibbs

Dear Nana Zibbs, I was just eating a delicious Entenmann's Cheese Danish I purchased at Wawa. As I was at the stoplight and enjoying it's light fluffy goodness, my friend - let's call him Calhoun - saw me eating it and made fun of me by doing the "international eating symbol" (holding hand up to mouth and munching at the air).

As a back round, I was recently on a trip with him to Nashville where he wolfed down at least 12 hostess cakes in a three day period. As I'm a very classy man, I never mentioned his awful eating habits. I've sent photographs of the actual wrappers for your reference.

How should I handle this delicate situation?


Mr. Classy, (West Chester, PA)

Dear Mr Classy, Firstly, your friend Calhoun is a big dummy. The hostess product he chose is a big ole' sugary cake that I can't even find on their website. Even Hostess is embarrassed of this product. I am familiar with this product however and it's awful! He clearly chose it by size, not taste. Your friend Calhoun is the type when asked "Would you like lobster for dinner or coco puffs?" - His answer would be, "Whichever has the larger portion please."
I've studied the photos you've thoughtfully enclosed and found something very revealing with package. The first thing is the lack of frosting on the inner package. The Nashville heat combined with the poor quality of this cake make it virtually impossible that no residue remain on the package. Calhoun was obviously licking the wrapper like a dog to get every sugary crumb. The second issue here are the tears I see right above the letter "t" in the word Hostess. My man eats, then he cries. Very sad indeed.
Calhoun obviously is a ticking time bomb and when he blows, it's going to be a mess and anyone within 50 feet with him will be covered in food. My advice to you is to find some friends with better eating habits.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Is Gang Violence Coming to West Chester University?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Two Tall People And One Fake - You Be The Judge

Below are several tall people. One is a hoax. The others are real. Study the pictures carefully and pick the hoax. (for entertainment purposes only - please, not betting)

A) "Hi, I'm Sandy. I'm tall. This is my friend Sid. He sells carpeting and is handing me an empty box that's been gussied up to look like a present. I wish it actually concealed treats. I'm tall."

B) "My name is Bao Xishun. I the tall one.This little rascal I think is a boy, a man or a monkey man. He be put next to me to make me look taller but it do not matter because I am tall for real. Please choose 'B' to keep my family out of danger."
C) "I'm the real tall one. Look, I'm walking next to a regular sized person."
The correct answer is C.
To read advice about how to grow tall by a few uninformed dummies on Yahoo Answers, click here.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Hey Everyone, Look At Those Nuns


I was eating breakfast at the Happy Days Diner in Frazer and two nuns walked in. And do you know what? I started laughing. I guess it's like seeing your 2ND grade teacher at the mall or a dude in a Speedo when you're not in Canada - it just seems out of place.

But God Bless the little rascals. I decided to let them eat instead of the old days. I would have stared them down for a while. Then I'd walk over and sit down in their booth and not say anything for a few minutes. Then I'd start eating their food or say something like, "We don't take kindly to your type in these parts".

I guess I'm mature now.
Learn more about becoming a nun here

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Phoenixville Blues Festival Still a Go Despite 167 Degree Forecast

It's still a go in Phoenixville despite a weather forecast of 167 degrees. The home of the blob is asking all music loving residents to leave the comfort of their air conditioned homes and pools and join them in downtown Phoenixville today.

We're asking that all people that like to complain about the the heat stay home. They will not be tolerated.

Pennsylvania troopers will be on hand in full force to beat, arrest and jail buzz killing festival complainers. So please, come on out and enjoy the great blues but respectfully keep your pie hole shut about the God awful, untolerable heat.

What: New Century Bank Blues Festival

When: August 25, 2007/ 1:00 to approx. 7:00

Where: Bridge Street and Main Street in Phoenixville, PA

What to bring:
- Ice
- water
- reserve cooler with ice and water
- directions to places that sell ice and water
- phone numbers of friends that can bring you water in case the stores that sell ice and water are sold out.
- cute parasol that subtly complements your outfit.


Thursday, August 23, 2007

Presidential Coins Contest - We Need Your Help

The following are the results of a USA Today report concerning the new presidential coins:

- 26% of Americans have seen a new presidential coin.

- 73% have not seen one.

- 1% "have no opinion".

If the presidential coin series gains popularity, the Federal Reserve has estimated that $500 million a year would be saved. We're calling on America to help with the popularity of this very important coin collection by suggesting alternate images for the coins. This is how it will go down:

1) THAT BLUE YAK will start the list and we will accept all suggestions from you - the little people. Please add suggestions in comments area below.

2) Please suggest an image for the "face" side of the coin and for the unimportant B side.

3) Once we've gathered all of the suggestions from the little people, we will randomly discard all but two of the choices and add them to our stellar list.

4) We will type the choices onto a nice stock paper.

5) We will try to get an artist to draw a few of these potential coins for free.

6) We will then send the list and the drawings to Washington D.C. asking for the images to be considered.

Here are some of suggestions from THAT BLUE YAK:

Face side: A close up of William Howard Taft stuffing his face with a Burger Kink Quad Stacker.
B side: Tips on how to eat sensibly.

Face side: James Buchanan holding pinkie up to the corner of his mouth. Paul Lynde is seen in the background giving the international "ssshhhh" symbol.
B side: Fashion tips.

Face side: Abraham Lincoln, portrayed at his true size of 23 feet 9 inches tall about to crush a cowering Robert E. Lee at the battle of Fredericksburg.
B side: Beard maintenance tips using only a dull razor and twig.

Face side: George Washington holding his wooden teeth up to the face of a child and saying, "Got your nose!"
B side: Top reasons King George was a dick.

Face side: Franklin Roosevelt giving Adolph Hitler the Mandibular Nerve Pinch. (Tears can be seen in the eyes of Hitler).
B side: Friendly reminders of the "leave a penny, take a penny" rule.

Face side: Teddy Roosevelt holding his ray gun with foot placed upon his most prized hunting trophy -the mighty unicorn of the Belgian Congo.
B side: Mighty Unicorn of the Belgian Congo skinning tips and recipes.
Good luck.

Monday, August 20, 2007

S'more Invention Is Sure To Change The World

The following conversation was transcribed in the THAT BLUE YAK lounge today as part time electrician Edwin the Earl Kennedy bore assed everyone on his new invention

Man have I got an invention for you. Let's just say that after the last post about the marshmallows and the Copeland School Road fire, I got a hankering' for some s'mores. The ingredients were purchased, the fire was made and the s'more's were a flyin'.
Without giving the details away, one of the youngsters put a piece of chocolate in between two marshmallows before toasting it. That's when it hit me - MY GREAT IDEA. I'm afraid you're going to have to wait to hear the sweet details. If I give the details away, I'm sure some a-hole will steal it and be on his way. Once I've developed the prototype and secured a primary and secondary Chinese factory I MAY reveal the details. If I were you, I'd create a tickler file to remind yourself because believe me..it's so worth the wait. As a matter of fact, all of my robot making plans have been put temporarily on hold.

Let's just say that the relatives of Eli Whitney will soon be forgotten.

That is all.

Mr Kennedy then proceeded to reheat his hot pocket in the microwave and marched confidently out of the lounge.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Huge Fire Rages on Boot Road - Area Supermarkets Issue Statement

As a fire raged at the corner of Boot Road and Copeland School Road this afternoon, the Chester County Supermarket alliance issued the following statement: WE ARE OUT OF MARSH MELLOWS!

Robert Norris, Exton Acme Manager announced the following to crowds outside of the Whiteland Town Center in Exton via bullhorn,

"Listen people, there are no more marsh mellows. We have a few boxes of peeps and we will be auctioning them off at around 2:30. We will be accepting cash only"

The fire raged at 1:00 Friday in West Whiteland. That Blue Yak receptionist Betsy Griffin captured these amazing photos after picking up the last bag of marsh mellows at Wegmans in Downingtown and "popping home quickly to make sure her iron was turned off."

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Elvis Smelvis - Look At This Sign That Vernon Made

Yes, it's been 30 years since the death of Elvis, but how many years since father Vernon Presley made this crappy sign? On a recent trip to Graceland we took a picture of this simple sign.

The sign hangs on the garage/shed-like "office" that sits in the backyard of Graceland. What or who inspired Vernon to make this sign? The tone, red letters and capital letters indicate his rage. But the pencil marks that were put in place to keep the letters straight show his patience. The unerased guidelines though indicate sloppiness.

Many questions remain. Why didn't he plan the letters more carefully so they wouldn't be all squished in at the end of the line as seen on the words EMPLOYEES and BUSINESS? How did this dummy make no spelling errors?

Who were the non employee loafers? Were they wondering hillbillies? Delivery men? And how many versions did Vern Presley make of the sign before crumpling it up and starting anew?

Was Vernon Presley tired of sitting at his metal desk and lining up pencils so he was looking for a more important task? We may never know - unless we dig up his body - located about 30 yards away and ask the man . But he would not answer. Because he is dead.

Monday, August 13, 2007

The Pick Up Artist - Now Here is Some Good TV

A review by That Blue Yak TV editor Billy Melons.

Let me first start by saying that I'm not a fan of reality TV. It's fake and the characters are annoying. The Pick Up Artist on the other hand can be described in one word: Nerdarifick!
Eight lonely nerds are taught how to "pick up chicks" by master pickup artists. The first episode featured the nerds trying to pick up a lady at a nightclub.

If this is what you call a train wreck then take me to the station because nothing is as refreshing as hearing the following dialog from the 45 year old nerd trying to talk to a 25 year old hottie at a club:

Old Nerd: Any Cajuns here?

Hottie: I am. I'm from New Orleans!

Old Nerd: How did your family do in Katrina?

Hottie: Two died.

Way to go Poindexter!

The pickup artists, namely, "Mystery", "Matador"and "JDog" then go into the club and show em' how it's done. Personally, I think most chicks would be creeped out by JDog but his English accent softened the weird look for the ladies I guess. (I ain't no queer so how would I know?)

Trust me, this is a must see. Tune in tonight VH1 (Monday, Aug 13) at 9:00 Eastern time. You will not be disappointed.

Check out the official site on VH1 by clicking the following word: GEEK

Monday, August 6, 2007

Creepy Mom Catches Son Playing With Himself

West Chester, Pa

Busted! Enjoy the following disturbing video as reviewed by cafeteria workers of Chester County's 3rd most influential business - That Blue Yak:

"That robot mom was trained real good,"

- Benny Lewis Crane (mopper)

"I'm concerned that the video shows a sticker of Mickey Mouse on the wall. It's all coming together now."
- John B Lawrence (corn guy)

"WAIT A MINUTE! This video's been edited. What happened to the part where he pulls the knife out and slits his throat?"
- Mary Ann Cornish (Supervisor)

Friday, August 3, 2007

New Zoo Review Outtake Is Pure Fun

Please enjoy the following outtake from the New Zoo Review. If my math is correct, classic cheezeball TV plus gay references equals pure fun. Enjoy

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Cruise Ship Bumps NYC Dock; Ship Doctor Suffers Bruised Ego

A cruise ship bumped a pier at the Manhattan passenger terminal on Thursday. No physical injuries were reported, however ship Doctor Adam "Doc" Bricker suffered a bruised ego. Cruise Director Julie McCoy explains,

"Apparently, Doc was just about to 'seal the deal' if you know what I mean with Jaye P. Morgan when John Aston and Raymond Burr come strolling by. Raymond mentions to John in clear earshot of Jaye P. the size of Dick Van Patten's package. Well let me tell you, Jaye P. hears that and she was out of there. Doc just stood there looking like a dope.......Oh yeah, then we bumped the Hudson River Pier."

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Sea Isle City Shark Attack Leaves Opening For Finance Director

West Chester, PA

The good news is that THAT BLUE YAK has an opening for Finance Director. Please see job requirements on http://www.monster.com/ and send resume to HR Director Samuel McGrath.

The bad news is that THAT BLUE YAK Finance Director was killed horribly this weekend in a brutal shark attack in Sea Isle City, New Jersey. The terrible mishap happened off of the 54th street beach. Thankfully, the company will receive a quick check from their insurance company for their destroyed wave runner as the horrible mishap was captured on video:

Monday, July 30, 2007

Simpson's Movie Makes $71.9 million - Angry Mob Makes Sure Comic Hacks "Don't Get Any Ideas"

The Simpsons movie has topped the weekend box office pulling in an impressive $71.9 million. The huge payday has sparked concern that other cartoon creators may now be considering the big screen as a vehicle. Just to make sure, angry mobs have been surrounding Cathy creator Cathy Guisewite's home for the last three hours.

Mob leader Mike Barlo explains,

"I was at the opening of the Simpsons Movie and it was great. As I'm sitting there though, I was thinking, 'great, now all the crappy cartoonists are going to try and cash in. I'm sure that Ms. Guisewite is a lovely lady, but the cartoon is horrible. The idea - even the remote chance that that garbage might appear on a theater near me made me pull this mob together."

Mr. Barlo and others have no intention of harming the NCS award winning artist but just want to give her a scare and make sure she, "doesn't get any ideas".

After confirming that he's still alive, the mob will be making it's next stop at the home of Bil Keane- creator of the Family Circus at 5:00. All interested citizens wishing to join the mob are encouraged to bring their own torches and pitchforks as they will be handed out on a first come first serve basis.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Barnes and Noble Janitor Arrested for Spoiling Deathly Hallows Ending for Readers

Allentown, PA

A Barnes and Noble cashier was arrested Saturday for "spoiling" the latest Harry Potter book ending for readers. Ted Denver, a cashier at the Allentown book chain was apparently taping post-it notes to the 3rd page of Deathly Hallows revealing the ending of the book.

Furious nerds heckled the 42 year old as he was taken out of the store in handcuffs. The hurled rocks and plastic promotional magic wands didn't stop Mr. Denver from defending himself,

"You're all freaks! Look at yourselves - you fatso. How old are you? 15? You're wearing a frickin' purple robe!"

According to fellow workers, Denver used to be a huge Star Wars fan until an uncle confronted him and humiliated him back to reality and made him realize that he was a complete nerd.

"It was really eye opening. I was 19 years old and I had never been on a date. Once I stopped obsessing about that Star Wars, I actually got a life. These Harry Potter freaks are even worse. I added the spoilers into the books because I really wanted to 'give something back' as they say."

Friday, July 20, 2007

Heterosexuals Unknowingly Travel To Their Annual Guy's Weekened - That Is About To Turn Gay

A group of heterosexual men packed their bags and flew to Reno yesterday for what they think will be another extended weekend of beer, cards and farting on each other. What they don't know is that the group's organizer, Shawn McClure- (father of two and living a lie) is about to make his move and "try some stuff".

The tradition of an extended weekend with the boys started about 10 years ago and was informally named "YAG" (Young Arrogant Guys). Good time has been had by all at these drink and laugh fests. Last year however, several of the guys started to think Shawn was getting "a bit weird".

Greg Green, one of the holdouts this year explains,

"We're always goofing around and making gay comments to each other but Shawn always took it a bit far. It's hard to explain, but it's like when you're at a urinal and there's some dude next to you and you KNOW something ain't right. It's a gut feeling."

The additional non attendees this year, Jimmy Steinberger, Mike Polaski , Ted Taylor and Len Carnes gathered a few months ago and exchanged stories. Let's just say that all the pieces fell into place. The following is a condensed list that was compiled from a free style brainstorming session entitled, "reasons Shawn McClure is probably gay":

  1. "He came up with the name YAG - spelled backwards is 'GAY' ."

  2. "I woke up one night and he was standing over my bed, applying chap stick and whispering, 'That's it, that's it'".

  3. "We went to a canyon to shoot pistols one year and he kept coming up behind me and putting his arms around my body trying to show me how to hold the gun - you know, the way you do with a chick if you're trying to teach her to golf."

  4. "Whenever there's a guy on TV that's a guy that chicks are into, he looks at you and says something like, 'Zac Efron is such a pretty boy, don't you think....Mike, Mike, hey Mike....Mike don't you think that Zac Efron is one of those pretty boys?' Almost like he's throwing feelers out there."

  5. "One time, Rick was walking by with a towel on and Dan grabbed him and joking around was like, 'C'mon Rick you know you want it'. We were all cracking up but when I looked over at McClure, he was eating this rib and just staring...slowly eating his last rib. I'm no lip reader but he was slowly saying, 'KNOW....YOU....WANT....IT'. Then slowly went back to eating the rib. It was like the frickin' gay Hannibal Lechter or something."

  6. "One time he was reading Sports Illustrated - but it was UPSIDE DOWN! When he went to the bathroom I walked over and behind the Sports Illustrated was the American Girl Magazine. And this is where it gets weird. I think he actually brought it there. The subscription address was scribbled out, but I'm 99% sure that it was his work address"!

  7. "He was putting sun tan lotion on Mike's back one one time - which sorry Mike, you may be gay too - and it was like a God damn ritual. First, he stood behind Mike and put the lotion on his hands but kind of rubbing his wrist together a bit -almost like he was about to savor something that he's been waiting a LONG TIME FOR. He then starts putting the lotion on and the look on his face is kind of like the look Rick gets when he's eating something really good. It's like he's holding back saying, this feels SOOOOO good'. Then about 30 seconds into the rubbing he leans over a little closer to Mike and says, 'Wow, you sure are tense'. And to put icing on the cake, he has his sunglasses dangling out of his mouth the whole time."
  8. One time we found a pair of underwear in Rick's kitchen drawer that Rick uses as a pot holder - which is a whole different story in itself, but the next day - that underwear was missing. I was like, 'Hey, what happened to that underwear?" Just then, Ted walks in and says, 'Who the hell was putting things in their car at 4:30 in the morning?". I look over at Shawn and he looked guilty as hell. He did the ole eye shift to the right - then to the left - then said, 'Hey what's that over there?' as if he was looking at something in the other room. He then quickly got up and left the room. It was pretty freaky. I think he knew I was on to him."

The YAG weekend continues until Monday. We wish you all well.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Washington University Study is Last Straw for Chimps - US Raises Chimp Attack Threat Level to Plaid

The University of Washington has revealed that walking on two legs is easier than walking on four - according to the National Academy of Sciences. (see story by clicking on the following word: banana ).

According to researchers, walking on two feet uses 3/4 less energy.

Spokeschimp Bobo McGee doesn't give a crap about the study and relayed the following statement via sign language through his human interpreter.

"This is bullshit! Look at Mr. Giggles on that God damned machine - he looks like a clown! We are tired of being dressed up in human clothes - and tired of doing experiments and overall, tired of being made to look like fools. Why the hell are you humans always pulling this crap?"
After being given half an orange, Mr McGee went on to say,
"Oh you'll pay...You'll pay!"
The Department of Chimpanzee Security is now saying that the study has enraged chimps and the alert level has been elevated to plaid since the release of the study.

US officials have been monitoring the growing chimp rage in recent years and believe that the Washington University study is the tipping point. Top officials think a Summer attack WILL happen. That Blue Yak has obtained and exclusive statement from Bill Darlak, an ex undercover chimp operative. Mr Darlak thinks the threats should be taken very seriously,

"I am VERY, VERY concerned for the country this Summer. I was undercover for two years at several chimp training facilities and after you get over the humor of these funny little rascals and their human like behavior, you see the rage these apes have. It is quite frightening. I really wanted to stay with them longer but was alerted by animal experts that my chimp costume was really a gorilla costume. My superiors insisted that I abort my mission"

Officials are asking the public to be on the lookout for the following chimps:

Monday, July 16, 2007

Retarded Wawa Worker Amazingly Knows The Words To The Devo Hit Whip It

A retarded girl working at local convenience store correctly sings Whip It without mangling the lyrics. That Blue Yak Field Anthropologist Jeff Petroski reports:

It was amazing. I was in Wawa, and the girl who replaces straws, keeps cup holders full and cheerfully greets morning workers with a cheerful, "Good Mooornins", knew all the words to Devo's Whip It. It's very amazing indeed when you consider the lines:

"Now whip it. Into shape. Shape it up. Get straight. Go forward. Move ahead. Try to detect it. It's not too late. To whip it. Whip it good"

These are EXTREMELY complicated lyrics especially for the retarded. I've discussed the situation with several associates and we all agree that the song must have been sung at a retarded event or festival. Very patient care takers and trainers probably took months rehearsing the lyrics OVER and OVER and OVER again until the song was second nature. Did any of the trainers quit out of frustration? Did any handlers get mauled during the hours of rehearsal? I don't know as these training facilities are often miles away from humans AND I have a phobia of the retardeds.

I do know this though - it was a very "special" moment. Now please put your sanitized gloves back on before I call the Board of Health.

God Bless.

Friday, July 6, 2007

License to Wed - the Movie - Top 10 Things that will Probably Happen

It's July 6 and another unfunny movie is now in theaters. It's name, License to Wed. Without actually seeing the film, That Blue Yak's movie man Franklin Yearsley will list his top "supposed to be funny" lines that will probably happen in the movie.

1) Robin William (in Southern accent):
"Y'all in love but this just ain't gonna fly (turns head as if speaking to wife) MAW..GET MY SHOTGUN" (then, big smile and talking in regular accent) I am a kidder.

2) Robin Williams (in feminine, gay accent)
"Honey you want to say 'I Do" but those shoes with that dress is saying 'I don't'. "

3) Fat side kick kid (while rolling eyes):
"The Lord sure does travel in mysterious ways."

4) Jim from the Office (almost cursing but then sees Robin Williams):
"HOLY shhhhh........shammy...holy shimmy..has anyone seen my holy shimmy? I...was about to wash my car."

5) Fat side kick kid:
"I told them (shrugs shoulders) but they never listen"

6) Jim from the Office:
"Is it too late to convert to Judaism?"

7) Jim from the Office
"In the name of the father, son....CHECK PLEASE!"

8) Robin Williams (in John Wayne accents)
"You're gonna meet me at confessional at sun down partner and don't forget to bring you sins."

9) Jim from the Office (in confessional confessing sins for first time but unknowingly talking to fat side kick kid instead of Robin Williams")
"Well, I guess there was that time that I snuck into the Cubs game. Wait, does that count as a sin?

10) Fat side kick kid (hiding in confessional)
"For an angel, I sure do feel like a little devil."

That is all.

Friday, June 29, 2007

Blogger Ends 33 Year Soul Train Racism And Creates Fun Party Game To Boot

It was 1974. The dancers were dressed allllll funky and what not. They was doin' their thang. But WHO were those dancers? What were their names. I think we can all agree that it was racism. THAT BLUE YAK will now give these young dancers their proper credit by naming them.

They will now not only have a face but they will have a name. Names that they should where with pride - not figuratively, but literally, on large, bedazzled, name tag buttons. These name tags should be worn at ALL TIMES. Now, enjoy getting down with these brothers as they do their stuff , followed by their new names and a fun game.

Now to have some fun. Gather your friends and yell out the names of the dancers as they do their thing. Pretend you know them and you're all friends. Make up stories about the dancing adventures you've all had together.
Did you perhaps solve crimes with your new dancing friends? Maybe you did.
Were you all asked by the Mayor of your town to pitch in and help with the fight against litter? And then just when you thought you lost the battle you guys got the whole town dancing and then everyone learned a lesson about litter? And themselves? I don't know. The only limit to your adventures is your imagination.

We now give you their new non-slave names:

- Slipper Band Man
- Sir Frogalicious
- Bandana the Tank
- Backstroke Afromatic
- Bus Token Scooper Slim
- The Rich Little of Raj Thomas
- Blue Trouser Howser
- Candy Cane Calf Carl
- The Admiral of Cool
- Denim Da Hip
- (WARNING: This is some white dude disguised as a black dude. He has not earned a name)
- Bell Bottom Swell Bottom
- Tyron "Dease coals is hot but dis lady be fine) Lincoln
- Sidewalkin' Ice Guy
- Sir Twirls a Lot
- Goat Leg the Inner City Centaur
- The Butt
- Bizniss Man Tight
- Jiu-Jitzu Jammin' Jim (aka Robo-martial-artso)
- Gymnastic the Bombastic Flim Flam Lover Man
- Brother Soul Sam the Anti-Man

Repeat and Enjoy.

WARNING: Do not repeat more than three times. Do not go into "bad areas" of the city trying to make new "real" friends.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Time To Cheer Up With A Good Ole' Fashion White Trash Cat Fight

Nothing makes us smile more than this good ole' fashioned White Trash cat fight. It's not really a fight - it's more of the ole' "one punch - fight over" fight. Either way, it gives one a warm feeling inside. Enjoy it, followed by THAT BLUE YAK janitors answering the question - "What the hell was that about?"

Carl Washington - "Oh man that was nice. Right in the KISSER! I know she said something about either her man or momma or Auntie- no other reason"

Gibs Forrester - "It looks like they're in an airport or something. Probably terrorist stuff or something - I don't know."

Franklin B. Haulk Jr. - "Dat good lady punch."

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Mario Lopez Delivers Iphone To Paris Hilton - Frank Rich And Ron Paul Are Furious

Mario Lopez today smuggled a prototype of Apple's Iphone into a jailed Paris Hilton. Frank Rich and Ron Paul were furious at the news as THEY were each promised an iphone ..........


Monday, June 18, 2007

Clay Aiken's Most Magical Moment Replayed

It's not too often that we're speechless, but this classic Clay Aiken Moment From American Idol is one of them. We've waited more than a year to feature this as and there are just too many angles ....Where does one even begin to critique this beauty?

So without further adoo, enjoy:

Thursday, May 31, 2007

West Chester Man May Have Completed Refinishing Rocking Chair

West Chester, PA

West Chester resident Mike McCain may have completed his year long refinishing of a rocking chair. The rocking chair, which McCain claims was his grandfather's is no longer sitting in his garage.

"I don't think he finished it", a skeptical Rob Jones said when asked about the chair. "First of all, the chair was there for like a year. You'd come into the garage and he'd be sanding away. I've been suspicious that the sand paper was picked up when he'd hear my footsteps walking up the driveway, but I can't be sure".

The chair, a spitting image for those sold at Michael's Crafts in Exton, was the garage centerpiece for months. Now, it's mysteriously gone. McCain claims it's completed but when neighbors ask to see it, he changes the subject very quickly.
Neighbor Tim Steinbacher also thinks something is a bit fishy,
"It was weird, the damn thing was the centerpiece of the garage. He be sanding away, just waiting for me to ask about his sanding technique. I asked once and had to listen for three hours about his 'theory' on counter clockwise sanding for older chairs. This was after he claimed that the chair was his grandfather's. I swear he said that his grandfather killed Hitler but I can't be sure. I may have day dreamed that as a defense mechanism for battling the sanding diatribe. The bottom line is that the chair is gone and something ain't right."
A full neighborhood investigation is underway.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Kroft Brothers' "Dr. Shrinker" Receives Rave Reviews

The Krofft Brother. What can be said? Enjoy the opening credits of Dr. Shrinker, followed by a review of the 1976 show.

"I like the little midget. He's funny cause he's small and stuff" - Timmy - student

"The subtle expressions of the mad scientist, played by Jay Robinson should serve as a template for all actors looking to master their crafts". James Lipton - Inside the Actor's Studio

"43 seconds in, that Billy Barty is haulin' ass - but almost in a sideways run - I recommend some orthopedic inserts for that little rascal". Erin Mann - Foot Specialist.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Rosie O'Donnell Blames Argument On Rumored Cheeseburger Sale

According to Fox News, Rosie is trying to patch things up with Elisabeth Hasselbeck. The real reason for the problems has been uncovered by That Blue YAK. It seems that Rosie's freak out is a direct result of a rumored upcoming Wendy's promotion of buy one double Cheeseburger - get one free. Jay Hash, Rosie's assistant of six years explains,

" Rosie is all about food. Wendy's has NEVER had a buy one get one free promotion on ANYTHING other than fries. And I know this because Rosie would tell us everyday that 'WENDY'S NEVER HAS A BUY ONE GET ONE ON BURGERS'. I think that on a certain level, it was Rosie's body telling that she needed to do something that would give her some time off so she could prepare for this very important Cheeseburger promotion."
Wendy's has announced the slaughter of an additional 10% more cows in preparation for the Rosie gorge fest.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Plus Size Store Catherine's To Change Name To Fatty Fat Fatso's

Exton PA

Bensalem, PA retailer Charming Shoppes announced that Catherine's - it's clothing store that caters to plus sized women - will be getting a new name. The stores will now be branded as "Fatty Fat Fatso's". The Exton store in the Whiteland Town Center is the first to receive the make over. According to Charming Shoppes VP of Marketing Tina Mertz,

"The Catherine's brand has suffered in recent years in a time when obesity is on the rise. The reason we believe is that some fat people don't even know that we sell fat clothes -the name sure doesn't tell them we are a fat store. By changing the name to Fatty Fat Fatso's, there will be no confusion."
This Memorial Day weekend, Fatty Fat Fatso's will be luring patrons in with burgers, pizzas and chocolate. Mertz also proudly explains their aggressive marketing plans,
"We've tied baked hams to the bumpers of our new Fatty Fat Fatso trucks and will be scouring the area. We're predicting at least 1000 fat people will be lured into the stores like rats by the smell of hams. Once inside - and they catch their breath, they'll be able to enjoy 30% off all fat clothes - which are all ready at very low prices. We're also premiering our new line of 'Let yourself go Moo-Moos. We're very excited."

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

McGlinch Blogger Accused of Exhuming Body Of Henry Creator Carl Anderson To Retrieve Pen

The grave of Carl Anderson, the creator of Henry has been tampered with and we want nothing to do with it. According to THAT BLUE YAK Human Resources manager Mike Hopton, the AussieJourno - THAT BLUE YAK Awards 2007 may have led to foul play.

"We have reason to believe that Billy D. Grear, an intern at THAT BLUE YAK may have tampered with ballots for this prestigious award. It seems Billy D. Grear is a comic fanatic, and appears to have bribed the McGlinch blogger with a win - in return for the "Henry" comic creator Carl Anderson's prized pen."
Ted Poliski, a fellow intern is the hero that narced him out,
"That Grear dude was a creep from the day he started. All he would talk about was comics. Not comic book characters like Superman and Batman, but the crappy ones like Henry, Nancy and Hi and Lois."
"It was very crazy last week with the awards happening and all, but I swear I heard him say something like, 'This is how it's gonna happen, you exhume the body of the Henry creator, snatch the pen that's gripped in his cold dead fingers and bring it to me in return for the blogger award' -..or something like that."
While the investigation unfolds, we would like to once again congratulate McGlinch on his award and thank him for the picture that he drew per our detailed, specific instructions:

Monday, May 21, 2007

Malvern Police Welcome Country's First Macaroni Sketch Artist

Malvern, PA

Malvern Pennsylvania police have welcomed what is believed to be the nation's first police sketch artist who works exclusively in the medium of macaroni. The Chester County Chamber of Commerce welcomed Neil Bartrum to the area with a macaroni art exhibition at their headquarters in Malvern.

Police Chief Bernard Zurlo, explains the decision to hire a macaronist,

"We've had a string of police sketch artist failures in the past few years. Our typical test is to describe the attributes of a person and have the artist simply give us their best rendering. In our last search, we described Abraham Lincoln. The sketches we received were some of the worst we've seen in years - I mean - horrendous sketches with no resemblance at all to Lincoln. For God's sake, of our top three contenders, not ONE had a beard. Is this what the art schools are turning out?"
Chief Zurlo explains that his wife, a craft enthusiast was the first to suggest looking toward the macaroni arts as an alternative to traditional pencil artists. The suggestion paid off and Mr. Neil "San Francisco Treat" Bartrum officially starts his duties/macaroni art creations May 23.

Friday, May 18, 2007

That Blue Yak Announces Top Winners of AussieJourno Blog

It's official, THAT BLUE YAK has picked the top 4 blogs posted on THE AUSSIEJOURNO Blog.

We would like to say, "we're all winners" - but we're not. Frankly, there are a few terrible, terrible blogs. You know who you are and we encourage you to suppress what you see as your creative outlet and consider just watching tv. If you REALLY can't help yourselves from writing, we encourage you to consider the alternative to blogging:

1) Write your thoughts on paper

2) Read the thoughts (sorry, no sharing)

3) Throw the paper in the trash.

4) Return to couch for tv viewing.

Without further delay, the winners in descending order are:

TIN FOIL METAL: Shrink Wrapped Scream - Interesting blog. The link here features a young lad who is a dead ringer for a Young Sly Stallone with a dash of Liza.

BRONZE METAL: Bob's Diary -Very Special. Just as McGlinch has offered to draw requests, we're hoping that Bob will also take requests. Our request is to see B.T.Bear dressed as an evil clown and "busted" by someone as he hides in the fridge and gnaws on a chicken carcass.

SILVER METAL Copper Stiletto Sexy without being sassy, artsy without being fartsy.

GOLD METAL McGlinch - This young whippersnapper is very talented and we appreciate his never ending drawings of freaks.

We ask that McGlinch print out the Curling Trophy featured in this blog entry and with a sharpie, write:

AussieJourno - "THAT BLUE YAK Award Winner 2007 - I am the best, and everyone else is the worst".

We ask that you then get a crappy frame from Michael's Crafts, put said picture in frame and hang it on your wall with pride.

We also would like to request that McGlinch whips up a picture of himself accepting the award at THAT BLUE YAK headquarters since he will not be invited for real since he has been banned from our properties.

Congratulations winners.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

That Blue Yak Staff Held Hostage By Gilbert and Sullivan Freaks

First of all, our deepest apologies. As we mentioned in our last blog entry, THAT BLUE YAK had temporarily closed in preparation for the Aussie Award Guest Celebration - then, nothing. In preparation, our staff's dancing and singing skills developed so greatly, that we were actually attacked by members of the Gilbert and Sullivan Society of Chester County (PA) and were held hostage since.

Frankly, it was very frightening. The troupe of actors tortured us with threats, mind manipulation and a never ending performance of the Pirates of Penzance.

Their goal: to recruit our top notch talent to their two bit acting troupe.
The result: Eleven suicides by THAT BLUE YAK staff members and thirteen deaths to members of the Gilbert and Sullivan troupe.
The Compromise: That Blue Yak has agreed to donate Stanley Burke - from finance - to the G & S Society. He will remain with them as a slave. We have also agreed to purchase the remaining 123 "Trial By Jury" promotional key chains from their 2001 summer stock series.

In return, the G & S Society has vowed never to set foot on our property again.

So, we're back. Please stay tuned for the Aussie Blog results.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

That Blue Yak Temporarily Closes Warehouse In Preparation for Aussie Award Guest Judge Honors

The dance numbers have been rehearsed, the costumes prepared and the quips have been written. All in preparation to be guest blog judges on David McMahon's world famous blog. Frankly, we're not too surprised given David's mention of That Blue Yak and the hysterical comments we left after winning the famous Aussie award.

As the awards are such an honor, we've actually closed the YAK warehouse and have ordered all warehouse workers to take their vacations this week - or be terminated. It works out great because we (the important THAT BLUE YAK employees) get to use a large area for preparation, and we also get the chance to rid ourselves of some dead weight warehouse workers.

We do have one word of caution however. We've become very suspicious of the bloggers at mcglinch.com/blog . We can not confirm it, but we have reason to believe that this crew of misfits have been trying to sabotage THAT BLUE YAK listings on the Aussie site. Can we help that we are moving up the list like a raging rocket and they are as stagnant as a turd in a marsh? No. So listen up McGlinch.com/blog, stay the hell off our property and enjoy your stay at #17. And of course, God Bless.
Please check back for updates on this exciting event.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Handsome Imus Photo Uncovered By Millie Dean.

That Blue Yak Headquarters - Editorial by Millie Dean

Nappy headed ho, Nappy headed ho - I've had it up to my ears with this story. The real story is the picture my grandson Timmy showed me of a young Imus. As you can see from this picture, he's not the grueseome, crypt keeper looking monster that we've seen lately on the television.

What I see is a handsome young man. A man that knows how to shake his booty and get down. A sassy prankster that enjoys the finer things. A man who knows that it's OK to leave three buttons undone but doesn't feel the need to "guinea things up " by wearing a gold chain.
That is class.