Friday, April 30, 2010

Incidents That Happened At Who Concerts. Part 1.

I used to go to a lot of concerts. But it seems like at a third of the concerts I went to there was an incident.

And by incident I mean either a fight, a potential fight, someone I'm with getting completely fucked up or some weird or funny thing.

Here's one of the things that happened at one of The Who concerts I went to:

*imagine me in as an old man in a rocking chair telling the tale*

Oh it was way back in the day. Sometime in the 80's.

So the concert was in Philly at JFK stadium. The place was torn down many years ago. So it's a heat wave, The Who is playing and we're on the "floor". The seating was folding chairs.

So everyone is standing on the folding chairs and I feel something spraying on my legs. I turn around and some drunk asshole is peeing on my chair and some of the spray was hitting my leg. With Hulk-like rage I just say, "What the fuck?"...

And I push him so hard that he's thrown back into a row of folding chairs.

He's lying on the ground. His dick is still out and he's peeing on himself.

The security were on him in 10 seconds and threw his ass out.

The end.

And here's a little Who in case you want to play it and pretend you were there.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

I Need Some Ideas For A Blog Post. Suggestion Box.

I never thought I would say this but I need some ideas for a blog post. With over 1200 posts, you start to run out of ideas. You know?

I'm sure I can think of something to write but I had to at least get a post up today. And I'd like to make you - the reader - feel like you're contributing. It feels pretty good doesn't it?

So what do you want me to write about? Something you want to know about me? My opinion on something? Clarification of something? Something in my childhood? A teenage story? Beauty tips?

Let me know in the comments. Enter as many suggestions as you want.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Jimmy Schwatzman. Stairway To Stardom. Cabaret.

"STU! COME IN HERE! JIMMY SCHWATZMAN IS ON STAIRWAY TO STARDOM!" (was probably screamed by someone when Jimmy Schwatzman sung Cabaret on Stairway to Stardom back in the day.

But where is he now? I bet some people like Jimmy Schwatzman hate the Internet because something he did years ago, that's so embarrassing is all over the Internet.

I bet when he takes a job he only lasts a few months because someone discovers this video and he has to quit. Out of shame.


Friday, April 23, 2010

West Whiteland Neighbors Terrorized By Idiot. Snoop.

If you read my tweets last night you know of the very sad event that happened. And by sad, I mean that I made an ass out of myself.

One of the things that cracks me up the most is when someone is trying to be funny, then something goes wrong. Really wrong. The only time I don't find it funny is when it happens to me.

So here's what happened. I've been taking daily walks in an attempt to lose some weight. I've lost 10 pounds in 4 weeks thank you. So I'm walking around my neighborhood, my ipod is blasting Snoop and a car approaches me from behind.

I keep my same pace and the car is kind of driving right next to me. The window goes down on the car. I stop. The car stops.

It's my friend Calhoun and his wife. So in Snoop rapper style - and gang signal hands I hell, "YOU GOTTA PROBLEM MUTHA FUCKAAA?" as I strut over to car and practically put my head in the window.

*This is where things turn tragic*

It turns out it wasn't my friend Calhoun and his wife. They were total strangers. His face was all, "What's are you doing???"

As soon as I realize it, I pull off my headphones and say, "Oh my God. I'm sorry. I thought you were friends of mine"

"Uh.....that's OK.."

Now I'm going to have to face these people everytime I walk around the block. I think they might even be new to the neighborhood. And it sucks because I don't want to be all embarrassed everytime I pass their house.

Maybe I'll force them to move by making them believe a ghost is living in their house. It might take some elaborate planning but there's really no other option. Is there?

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

How To Kiss. World's Best Kisser According To A Patch I Have.

If you read my blog you know that I'm very humble. But I will admit that I'm the best kisser that ever lived. In the history of the world.

I have the trophies, plaques and patches to prove it.

My policy is: if the chick doesn't want to rip your clothes off after you've kissed her for 5 minutes you're not doing it right.

Now I'm not gonna go into all my secret techniques. You'll just have to trust me on it. But I's not a promise..but I've mentioned on Twitter that I MAY be setting up a kissing booth. I gotta work out all the details. You know, permission slip, booth construction*, gift card bullshit. You don't just OPEN a kissing booth.

While you're waiting, check out this video on "How To Kiss" that I found on Youtube. I's got some of the basics but...

*Finding the exact orange hue for the interior shag walls takes longer than you can imagine.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Some Things I've Been Paid To Do. Jobs. Chicken Attack.

Here's a random list of things that I've been paid to do. Most are jobs but a few aren't technically jobs. And most are in order.

- Kissed an Aunt
- Picked up apples for Nana
- Paperboy (was pecked at by chickens and bitten on the ass by a dog)
- Babysitter
- Pamphlet hander outer (in doors)
- Sold flowers on the corner (fucking dangerous at times)
- Customized calendars for plumbing company with calligraphy
- Helped kids learn how to do archery
- Busboy
- Dishwasher (was forced to pluck a chicken one time outside in heatwave)
- Food prep guy
- Telemarketer (used to make prank phone calls when manager left room)
- Sales clerk at audio store at a Farmers Market
- Drove sports cars to New Jersey to be sold at auction
- Participant in a medical "cold study" (drank the whole weekend)
- Factory worker
- Loaded 18 wheeler trucks with boxes
- Sold illegal things
- Business cleaner
- Standup comic
- Product Development Manager and Director for a giftware companies
- Business owner
- Sold things on Ebay and
- Sales/Marketing

And I'm sure I'm going to think of more. I'll ad them to the comments.

So what did you slackers do?

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Al Green Getting It Done. Tired Of Being Alone.

I wish we were dancing to this song. All grindy...gettin' all into it.

No not you! Move over...

You. Yeah you.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Travel Tip That I Really Didn't Want Burned Into My Memory. Italy.

Oh yeah. I just remembered this. Remember when I was telling you that my son took a trip to Italy with his Italian class a few weeks ago? Well I just remembered the meeting we had with the school and the parents before the trip and this crazy travel tip that one of the moms shared:

Teacher: (pointing to one of the moms) Yes? You had a question?

Skeevy Mom: Yes. You were talking about having the kids travel light?...What I used to do when I traveled was get all my old, dirty underwear that I really should have thrown out and I'd pack them for my trip. Then as I wore the old underwear I would just throw them out as I used them so at the end of the trip I had less things to bring home and a bit more room in my suitcase for gifts.

Uh...OK lady.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

I Found That Photo I Was Looking For! International Fashion.

Most of you are pussies when someone asks, "Hey! Who wants to look International?"

Not me though - as seen by the picture above. That's me on the left there in the vest type number. So many years ago. The other two guys are my friends Toby and Edwin. And of course Edwin's pain the ass girlfriend Sarah. What a bitch. Well, she was OK but whenever we'd go out and try and get all International she'd insist on tagging along. kind of doesn't work when you're trying to pick up ladies but you already have a lady hanging out. You know what I mean? It's like Toby used to say, "Istanbul, Milan and Lima don't need no Mumbai ruining things" (those were our nicknames).

Sometimes we would just go places and stand in the pose that you see above (and are totally me and my friends - not models).

Chicks would come up to us asking about our International clothes. And we'd just start rattling off jibberish and try and make it like we knew how to speak some of the crazy and unimportant non English languages - peppering the sentences with English words so at least they KIND OF knew what we were talking about. Like. "Mooga Booga - you wanna toucha your hand here..Francois?" You know...stuff like that.

Those were the days.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Wizard of Oz Mayor Meinhardt Raabe Dies. He Was So Young!

It's true. The Wizard of Oz munchkin mayor has died. The little guy was only 94.

I actually met him at a trade show a few years ago. Did we talk mayoral politics, tiny curly shoes or infighting amongst members of the Lollipop Guild? No. There was really no time for that. But in our short, historic meeting I can tell you that he was a nice guy.

R.I.P . Munchkin Meinhardt Raabe.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Red Hot Chili Peppers Doing Brandy. Married To The Sea.

Here's the Red Hot Chili Peppers doing "Brandy". And for the record - what guys says, "My life, my love and my lady is the sea?"

And no..not a gay guy. There weren't any gays in the 70's. Remember?

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Some Dude Commented On My Eight Is Enough Post. TV Songs.

I love getting random comments on my blog from Anonymous people.

It's usually from people that don't have blogs but they find my blog through a Google search. And they're always pissed off.

For example, take a look at this post when I discussed the theme from Eight is Enough.

And here's the comment I got last night:

"No offense, but everyone who has made a degrading comment about the 8 IS ENOUGH theme song has done so for a lack of insight and are products of our seedy pop culture. The song was nice and so was the show. I'm a Judas Priest fan, for heaven sake, and even I can see that. Incidentally, in latter seasons I think they re-recorded the theme song and Goodeve throttled back on the vibrato and the song was'nt as hyper-pure sounding as it had been, and was better. And nevertheless, that show was your last crack at the wholesomeness of the American dream being prime-timed across your screen, so happy sailing if you really think that's a good thing. You freaks probably like hip-hop."

Uhhh. Yeah OK buddy.

Thanks Mr Tie Maker For Pulling The Switcheroo On Me. Exton Boscovs.

So I'm at the Exton Mall yesterday at lunch and I stop in Boscov's. I don't know why Boscov's because I really don't like that store.

So I'm walking by the men's department and I see a table full of ties. It says, "Ties: $9.99 - usually $59.99". And they were really nice ties. Not like the really wide ones or the ones with a tiger peaking out from behind some leaves like you guys wear. That's guys don't know the difference. But for me? That won't do.

So I picked up this one tie - a very conservative yellow tie with some mixed blue squares in it. Classy, like me.

I buy the tie (thinking to myself, "suckers")and when I put it on this morning, the thin portion of the tie has the words, "Dressed to Kill*" printed all over it. I'm all, "Whaaaa???"

Now you can't see the words because it's the thin part of the tie that's hidden by the wide part but what if like I'm walking down the lane one day and like a freak wind comes and undoes the thin part of the tie that's tucked safely behind the wide part of the tie? Then what? And if someone sees the "dressed to kill" words they're probably going to think that I think I'm trying to be Don Johnson or something.

I think I may have to return it OR keep it but it'll be OUR secret. narcing.

*If I were one of those douchebag guys I'd get a tie clip and attach it to the lower portion of the tie so a tiny bit of the "dressed to kill" words extended outward. Creating a huge trend.

Monday, April 5, 2010

I Admit It. I'm Addicted To Twitter. Chester County And Beyond.

HI. I'm @DrZibbs and I'm addicted to Twitter. But I really don't feel guilty because I always have my computer on at work and at home and I also have Twitter on my blackberry. So pretty it's pretty much always there. It's great for multitaskers.

When you try to explain Twitter to people that aren't on it they look at you like you're crazy. The way I look at it is that there are hundreds of people in my Twitter network that are talking about stuff. And I can chime in at anytime, usually with a smart ass comment. It's probably like the party lines of the 80's that I never went on because I wasn't a loser...OK..It's probably nothing like that but..

The people I follow are either locals, people that follow my blog, people that are really interesting or funny and some professional comedians and actors that are funny.

On the local scene it's been great. I've probably met about 30 people in the area in real life that are on Twitter. And everyone's been respectful of keeping my Dr Zibbs identity a secret.

On Thursday I was sitting out with my wife at Kildare's in West Chester having some drinks and saw 3 people from Twitter that I've met. Then I saw someone I've never met but introduced myself. It's always great to see the reaction on someone's face when I say, "I'm Dr Zibbs".

Then on Friday I was having a beer with a friend and when he left, I told someone on Twitter to meet me at Ryans Pub. The next thing you knew there were about 10 people there including a few more that I've never met in person.

On my @FatherKelly account I tweet stuff that's intended to be funny. It's a great creative outlet. I've met and have corresponded with some professional comedians that follow me and have told me that they think I'm really funny. So, I've got THAT going for me.

No time to edit this post to make it interesting but there you go. I'll probably think of more things to say and ad them to the comments section.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

I Feel Like Dancing To This. The Elements.

I feel like dancing.