Listen To What This One Idiot Said About His Wedding. Tux Shoes.

So here’s the conversation I heard the other day between two guys. It looks like both were contractors. The younger one was about 25 and the older one was about 40.

Older Guy: So how’s the wedding stuff going?

Young Guy: Well we got into dis big ass fight. I told her: "I AM NOT WEARING DRESS SHOES TO DA WEDDING!"

Older Guy: Really?

Young Guy: No. I told her, “I hate dress shoes. I hate da way dey look. I hate da way dey feel and I’m not wearing em'. I’m wearing sneakers.” Dat's my ONE thing.

Older Guy: What did she say?

Young Guy: She didn’t believe me. Den dis morning she says, “Don’t forget that we see da video guy tonight.” I was like, “I’m on strike. Until you know dat I’m not wearing dress shoes I’m on strike.” (All proud and shit): I. AM. ON. STRIKE!

Oh come on now! What idiot wears sneakers with a tux? Can you imagine what type of fool this guy is going to look like?

Thoughts?

West Whiteland Neighbors Terrorized By Idiot. Snoop.

If you read my tweets last night you know of the very sad event that happened. And by sad, I mean that I made an ass out of myself.

One of the things that cracks me up the most is when someone is trying to be funny, then something goes wrong. Really wrong. The only time I don't find it funny is when it happens to me.

So here's what happened. I've been taking daily walks in an attempt to lose some weight. I've lost 10 pounds in 4 weeks thank you. So I'm walking around my neighborhood, my ipod is blasting Snoop and a car approaches me from behind.

I keep my same pace and the car is kind of driving right next to me. The window goes down on the car. I stop. The car stops.

It's my friend Calhoun and his wife. So in Snoop rapper style - and gang signal hands I hell, "YOU GOTTA PROBLEM MUTHA FUCKAAA?" as I strut over to car and practically put my head in the window.

*This is where things turn tragic*

It turns out it wasn't my friend Calhoun and his wife. They were total strangers. His face was all, "What's are you doing???"

As soon as I realize it, I pull off my headphones and say, "Oh my God. I'm sorry. I thought you were friends of mine"

"Uh.....that's OK.."

Now I'm going to have to face these people everytime I walk around the block. I think they might even be new to the neighborhood. And it sucks because I don't want to be all embarrassed everytime I pass their house.

Maybe I'll force them to move by making them believe a ghost is living in their house. It might take some elaborate planning but there's really no other option. Is there?