I've Got A Confession. Movies. Does God Hate Me Now? Take THAT Hollywood!

Shhhhh. I've got a confession.

Sometimes I sneak into movie theaters without paying. Well "sneak" sounds so...sneaky so lets just say I walk in pretending that I may have paid.

It all started about eight or nine months ago. I was going to the movies and I had to take a number one so I just walked past the paying booth and into the bathroom. When I came out I noticed that there was no person standing there to tear the ticket so I just kind of walked in. I did get nervous though. I would have been mortified if the usher came in and busted me. I concocted a story in my head that I was meeting someone there and she already paid for tickets and she was late so I just went into the movie*. Then I figured I would just sneak out when he left.

I've probably done it about ten times. But I'm not sure I'm going to do it anymore because I have this fear that they've been videotaping me every time and when the cops come they're going to ask me if I've ever done it before. And of course I'll say no. But then they'll show me a compilation of me sneaking in every time. And I'll have to be like, "Nope. That's not me."

And they'll be like, "Sir you're wearing the same shirt."

"Um...it's a popular shirt?" Trust me. They'll break me in a minute. I'm a terrible liar.

To tell you the truth though I don't feel that guilty though. The way I rationalize it is that the studio gets 95% of the money from the ticket sales. And with some of the terrible movies I have to sit through maybe I deserve a few free movies. And also, I do write about movies on my blog here. Which sends people to the movies. And are they paying me for this? No. Are they reaping the benefits? Yes. Slavery ended years ago Hollywood! Who am I? Kunta Kinte?

As for the theater, they make all their money from the food. But they mark up their popcorn 900%! Whuuuuu???!!! It's true. And plus I'm in the theater yucking it up thus making the movie experience that much better for paying customers. Do I charge for that? No I do not. And it's not like I stole a candy bar and they have one less candy bar. The seat was going to be there whether my supple ass was in it or not.

OK so that's my rationalization.

*My backup excuse is to look confused and say, "Oh my God I....I can't believe I did that! I was in the bathroom and came out and wasn't thinking." You know. Act dumb.

The First Time Getting Served. Wayside, Al Mantini's, New Haven Pizza.

I kind of feel bad for the 16 year olds trying to get beer these days. Other than stealing and getting your older sibling to get you beer, it's probably pretty tough.

Back in the day it was a lot easier. Two of the top places were Al Mantini's (corner of 100 and Boot Road) and New Haven Pizza in West Chester.

At New Haven Pizza, we'd pull up and have my friend Rich go in. He had fake ID.

He'd say, "I'll take two sixes of Gennesee Cream Ale, one Miller ponies, One Miller regular, two sixes of moose head, three sixes of Bud and one six of Mickey's?"

They'd say, "Pull around back". And we'd all drive our cars to the back where they'd load it in.

The first place I got served was at the Wayside Tavern on 322 in Downingtown. I went when I was 16. I wore this Irish suede cap because I thought it would make me look older. In a really confident deep voice I said, "How ya doin' Buddy. Let's see here. (a little drum tap on the bar)..How about two sixes of Moosehead? Yeah that should do it." I'd point to the six packs gun style with a shooting motion on "do it".

I started going in regularly and got more and more cocky, .."Yeah. I just moved into the Norwood House apartments. Not a bad place...some of the neighbors are a-holes. Like I'm worked the nightshift so I try to sleep during the day? Forget it." I think I might have even said that "Me and the Misses moved there"..but that might have been an after the fact story embellisment.

He was totally on to me but I think he was so embarrassed that he fell for it that he let me go in one more time. He asked, "Do you have any ID"

"Let me see here....I can't believe it. I think I left it in my office."

"Get the hell out of here!"

And that.. was the end of that.

Idea For The Best Blog Ever - Stalker Style

OK. So here's my idea for what would be a great blog. (By reading further you're agreeing not to steal this idea).

- I find a person to stalk.

- I find about 200 people that are willing to take pictures and blog about this person. (You guys. If you agree to relocate to Chester County, PA).

- We write about about and take photos of everything this sad sack does.

So let's say his name is Fred Sweeny. Some of the bloggers live near him, others drive the same route to work as him, others work with him. But someone in every area of this life is stalking him.

Then what happens is people write every detail about him. Almost like the scrutiny that a celebrity gets.

"So, Fred usually gets the farmer's breakfast at the DK Diner. For some reason he only got pancakes today. Is her worried about his weight?"

"Fred usually chooses stall two at work but today he went for stall three. And according to an insider - who pretended to leave the bathroom after washing his hands - it looks like Mr Sweeny likes to sing while he's taking a dump. But sing, 'It's Raining Men?' - Whatever."

"Driving behind Fred today on Boot Road near Phoenixville Pike one must wonder, can he afford tissues? I guess not, given the display I saw. Puul-ease!"

Once I get 199 people to agree to this, I'm totally considering doing this. Yeah. I am.