Discovery I Found In Sixth Grade. Has To Do With Boobies.

When I was in sixth grade I was a my friend's house and I went to open a closet and I found this weird contraption.

"What the??"

I pulled it off of the shelf and looked at it then called my friend. "What IS this thing?"

He grabbed it and examined it. "I don't know I think....I don't know."

We looked at it kind of like how people who stumble across a flying saucer look. There's SOMETHING familiar about it but...

Well we realized what it was after we found the box. It was no other than the famous Foot Operated Breast Enlarger Pump. First sold in the 70's. I looked at him and in a shameful way he just said, "I guess it's my mom's."

Here it is:



According to this webite there are also creams that are to be used but we didn't find any of those. Creams. "Lower shades and lock doors then while arching your back apply cream to breasts and rub in a circular fashion. Prepare for sudden growth."

Moral of the story? Don't snoop around closets at your friend's parents house.

Remember When This Happened In Junior High? West Chester North.

Remember in the 8th grade at North Junior High when Richard Bulls would draw a picture of Paul Lambert's huge, volzwagon hood domed thumbnail, show it to us and say, "PAUL CLUBS SHIT TEETH LAAAAAAAMBERT!"

Remember? This is what it looked like:



Then he would start banging his thumb in a slow motion as if it were a giant hammer and pretend to crush things? Remember that?

Here Are Some Random Notes From A Chorus Concert Last Night. Middle School.

Here are various notes from the 8th grade chorus concert I had to attend last night. My daughter is in the chorus:

- I sat in the back so I was able to spend my time watching people. Like a bird. On it’s perch. Watching. I’ve discovered if I’m bored to tears but able to watch people I can make things bearable.

- When all the kids walked to the stage I saw my daughter’s friend. She’s pretty funny. I gave her the nonverbal look like a was surprised. Like, “What? What are you doing here? This is preposterous!” She tilted her head sideways, nodded and winked and gave me the “gun shoot” pointed finger. Cracked me up.

- The kid I saw last year with the magnificent jew-fro was singing again. He’s so big. He looks like he could play college football and then he tops off his huge frame with this big ass fro. And to make it better, there was a teensy tiny kid standing in front of him with what looked liked a glued on fake hairpiece. The juxtaposition was glorious. (Look at me using big words).

- The chorus director dude was totally overdoing it with his hand conducting moves. Couldn’t tell if he really thought what he was doing was helping the kids to sing or if he was showboating.

- Some Indian lady sat next to me and reeked of perfume. Is that really necessary? I swear I could taste it.

- I cracked myself up by imagining that right as they were finishing singing the Beatles song, “Here Comes The Sun” if I had a speaker rigged up then from off stage in a super baritone voice I sung, “HERE COMES THE SUN….YEAHHH!” And everyone would be looking around like, “What the hell?” Some parents would have shocked looks on their faces and shaking their heads and saying, “Who would DO that? They ruined it! The whole thing is ruined now! We even brought Nana here. And she's SICK!”

Then the rest of the concert I was thinking of things that I could at the end of every song to ruin it. Like I'd come swinging in from the side and sing the last line. Or pull off a fake rubber mask like I was one of the kids after a song ended. Then run away.

Janitors would be instructed to catch me. They'd fail.

Would be a big ole' scandal. Probably one of those stories that gets passed down to new kids every year. Oh and the cover up? Don't even start.

Man. I should have done it.

Hawaii Five-O Inspires West Chester Youngster

My friend "the Child", started playing the Trumpet in 7th grade at North Junior High (now Peirce Middle School) for two reasons. One, was so he could play the Star Trek theme. The other, was so he could play the theme song of Hawaii Five O. Here's the video. And check out the kick ass camera edits. To see the video click the words: Tasty touch.