Weird Book Combination That I'm Reading. Swimming And Reading.

I've been spending a lot of time in my parents pool over the last week because of the heat here in South Eastern PA.

And when I'm not actually swimming I like to set up a beer in the low end and read. I like to walk in circles in the low end and read while I'm walking. So in the past week I've probably walked 10 hours in the pool.

It beats what some of you guys are doing when you're in the pool reading. Like inhaling a cheesesteak.

I'm not judging.

I also like to alternate what I'm reading. I'll read a few magazine articles for instance then I'll switch to a book. But this week I've been switching between two books. And I realized that maybe I AM a weirdo because one of the books is one of the saddest books I've ever read and the other has me laughing out loud.

I bet the people that are spying on my from in the woods are all, "Huh?"

The sad book is My Lobotomy by Howard Dully. It's super sad. It's about a man that was given a lobotomy in 1960 when he was 12. The really sad thing is that there was nothing really wrong with him. Trust me, you'll be crying.

The funny book is My Custom Van by Michael Ian Black. It's HYSTERICAL. It's a book of funny essays. I'm telling you, you've GOT to read this book. A few examples of the chapters are:

- One Day I'm Going To Open A Scented Candle Shop.
- A Series of Letters To The First Girl I Fingered.
- Lewis Black Hates Candy Corn: A Rebuttal

And as I'm switching between the two books I'm thinking, "Something is really weird about this".

Maybe not. I don't know.

Monkeys in Hot Tub In Japan

So I'm home to change after a funeral I went to and now I'm going back to my sister's house. Many of my extended family will be there from all over the country as it was my Uncle from Chicago that died.

Since we might be swimming in her heated pool and attached hot tub this is the quickest video I could find. Monkeys in a hot tub in Japan. Look at them go!

If I Go To Philly's House I'll Ask That This Allman Brothers Song Is Playing

So I just got invited to a pool party by long time reader Philly number one. I need to look at my busy, important schedule but if I do go, I'd like to be introduced with this song by the Allman Brothers. The Statesboro Blues.

It might get expensive for them because it's a really long song so I'll be walking down blocks and blocks to get to their pool. So the sound system will have to be set up along my route. Then, when I finally arrive I'll slowly walk to the top of the high dive that they'll have to install per my contract and I'll do a splash into the pool on the last note.

Go ahead. Find a private spot in your home, close your eyes and imagine that you're there. Are you imagining that it's a swim club and when I got out of the pool you warmed me with a towel over my shoulders then we went to the snack bar and got hotdogs, nachos and two cokes? Don't lie. That's what you're dreaming about.

Now snap out of it and go get your chores done.