Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Yikes - 100 Things To Do Before You Die Author Dies


Dave Freeman, the author of 100 Things To Do Before You Die, died today. He was only 47. He died after hitting his head on the floor in his home. This is not only unfortunate for him, but for me because I don't even have a bucket list! That's it. I'm starting one now. Freestyle. No editing. Here are the top 10 I'm making up:

1) Have hardwood floors in my home covered in foam or feathers.

2) Make and eat the first Ostrich-tur-duck-en-hen-shrimp. (It's like a Turducken but has an ostrich as it's outer shell, and inside the chicken can be found a cornish game hen and a plump juicy shrimp - paint a smiley face on the shrimp as a sign of accomplishment and to add a bit of whimsy to the meal).

3) Fake my death and then when someone is talking about me jump up and say, "AHAAAA!"

4) Make love to a tree.

5) Walk up to people that are in the middle of a conversation and get 2 inches from their faces and start start saying, "BABABABABABA".
When they say, "This is preposterous".

Say, "No your face is" and judo flip them.

6) Spit on a camel.

7) Run with the bulls but instead of bulls, use people with deformed hands and instead of running, ride a motor cycle. And instead of them chasing me, chase them.

8) Be on a sitcom and have a catch phrase like, "I've heard of boners but this is ridiculous" (look at camera and cross eyes).

9) Find the most boring lecture happening nearby and when the guy is talking, walk up and kick him in the nuts. Then say, "Time to take out the garbage" and have two muscle men carry him out. Look at crowd and shrug shoulders. Pause for laughter.

10) Tell someone that is a part-time paranormalist that I'm going to give them funding to go full time. Then, after they quit their job and ask for the money, tell them, "Sorry, a ghost ate it."

17 comments:

enc said...

#3 made me laugh out loud. So did the others, but that's my favorite.

teri said...

It scares the hell out of me that your brain actually comes up with this stuff. :)

But you live in the Philly area so that accounts for the "ravings of a mad man".

Gwen said...

HAHAHAooOHhhaoahhahopo!1!^ Can't breathe. Laughing too hard.

I wish you existed in my "in real life" life.

Gwen said...

#5, #6, #8 and #10 are my favorites.

I can have four, right?

S t a c i said...

An especially-plush carpet might do the trick.

stepping over the junk said...

I wonder how many things he acomplished. And how freaky he hit his head. was he trying to do a backflip, off his list?

Esther said...

I once slept overnight on the couch in the ladies room at my office, using a drape as a makeshift blanket. The next morning, I was awakened by a frightened coworker who may have thought I'd expired in the middle of the night. Do you think that counts for number three?

citizen of the world said...

#1 was the one that got me. And it's not a bad idea. Along with a helmet and a bubble suit.

Some Guy said...

Good GOD, man! That is laugh-out-loud funny shit! There is a certain cinematic feel to #9, a gem.

Chris said...

I was going to write a sex book about 100 things to do before you die, but my wife was unwilling to pose for all the illustrations and I developed a serious case of carpal tunnel syndrome. I guess I 'got off' easy.

M in SF said...

I truly believe that if you fulfilled these dreams you'd die happy. Very happy. Who needs relationships or money when you can just spit on camels?

-RM said...

#4 & #7 worry me.

katrocket said...

That's a helluva bucket list. I hope you don't die before you get to 100.

And that author guy? Screw him for not following through.

Dr Zibbs said...

Thank you all for the words of praise. Keep up your good work. By work I mean giving me words of praise. Every word of praise is one more day that I don't turn this blog into subscription only.

Red said...

I feel like your life is an episode of When the Whistle Blows and you are Ray Stokes.

Mnmom said...

I thought I was the only one . . .

Janna said...

Why bother with "Ostrich-tur-duck-en-hen-shrimp" when you can have
"dinosaur-elephant-rhinoceros-
-clydesdale-orangutan-Ostrich-
-turducken-sparrow-shrimp-
-bumblebee-algae?

Make sure you're really hungry beforehand.