Thursday, August 7, 2008

How To Read My Amazing Blog The Correct Way



I must take a quick second to thank my most favorite blogger, Falwless at Lots Better Than Your Blog. She wrote a post today about one of MY brilliant posts. Here's a clip of what she wrote:

So I'm at his blog on Monday and I'm looking back through the days-old entries and I reread the one with the YouTube of the Swedish lady licking the ice cream cone. And I get to the sentence "Some stupider and uglier people would have have tossed the whole cone into the trash can and left it for the yellow jackets." And as I get to the yellow jackets part, I realize that it is a link -- a link I had not noticed before. So I click it. And it opens this

She is a smart one that Falwless. But many of you readers aren't as bright, talented and in love with me as this lass. So I'd like to give you a few tips on how to maximize your reading pleasure at my award winning blog because it's not something that you just pick up and start reading.

Here are some tips:

1) Announce that you're going to read it to whomever is around you. If they don't hear you, you're not talking loud enough. Fashion a bullhorn out of a coned piece of paper. Speaking into the small side will somehow magically make your sound come out louder. (Don't worry, the loud sound will come out of the large side - so it can't hurt you).

2) Once some listeners crowd around, ask them to sit cross legged on the floor and tell them to pretend they're about to hear an old time radio broadcast. Make an old time arched radio out of cardboard and tape it to the back of your laptop to really give them a great effect. Think the Waltons. If one smart ass says something like, "Good night Mary Ellen", have this person removed immediately! Don't even let someone go disrepectin' this blog!
3) When you see words that are a different color, click on the word. This is a "link" and a crazy treat might pop up. It's like biting into a piece of hard candy and you break a tooth. You didn't expect your tooth to break but now you'll get some valuable tooth fairy money.

4) Change your voice at the parts where someone is talking. (Unless you're the man of a thousand voices like me, stick to the easy voices: John Wayne, gay guy or Jewish person - you know - any of the Robin Williams voices).

5) Once you get to the end, click on the "comments". This is an area that other readers - like you - can leave funny comments or praise for me. Are these commenters paid writers ? Nope. In fact, most are real people.
6) If you have something funny to say (or praise for me) consider leaving a comment. Don't just write anything. Do what all the commenters do which is brainstorm some ideas, then try the ideas out on a friend, a policeman or a member of the clergy. If the person is honest, they'll tell you if the comment is going to "work". If you do write something stupid and ruin the tone and tempo of this this blog, you will regret it. So make sure it's a comment worth reading.

7) And most of all, have fun and be safe. Now let's go do some That Blue Yak reading.

19 comments:

the indefatigable mjenks said...

wow...two Clarence Williams references in one day during my daily reads. I don't think my mind can wrap itself around the blogosphere right now...

poobomber said...

I'm not a real person. Just wanted to let everyone know.

Gwen said...

I followed your directions. I announced, "I'm about to read That Blue Yak!"

Unfortunately all my co-workers heard was, "I'm about to Yak!" and now they think I'm sick and won't talk to me. Thanks a lot.

BeckEye said...

I didn't even have to announce I was reading your blog. I started laughing uproariously, and all of my co-workers came running over, excitedly shouting, "Are you reading 'That Blue Yak?' Laughter like that couldn't be caused by anything else!!!" Then they all huddled around my desk, bathing in the warm glow of your brilliance.

Then I got fired for reading blogs at work. But it's okay. I still have you, Blue Yak.

Anonymous said...

The fu***** fact that you have fu***** Link from the fu***** Mod Squad as a "link" for the description of a "link" forced me to bow to your genius.

(And I think I released a little bit of wee.)

In doing so, I have banged my head upon my desk and must now be "looked at"

Dr Zibbs said...

Beckeye: Yes. You do still have me AFTER you get a new job. Sorry, If I let every unemployed bum read my blog the stock would plummet.
Anonymous: You can stop bowing now. Unless you're a chick ..then...well ...you know.

Mo said...

Step One and I've already got a paper cut on my lip. I give up.

ÄsK AliCë said...

I try and I try...I got all the way to step 4 but my voice would only do a British accent. All my voices sound the same! I'm screwed.

Rider said...

Zibbs is so surreal in his links that I'm not even sure if the non-functioning "disrespectin'" link in this post is supposed to even go anywhere. That's what happens when you read the blogosphere's equivalent of Andy Kaufman.

Falwless said...

Jesus fucking christ. I've been reading this shit wrong this whole time and you never once told me.

Go to hell.

Gwen said...

Rider nailed it with this description of Zibbsy: "the blogosphere's equivalent of Andy Kaufman."

Spot.on.

Some Guy said...

Can I decorate my old-time arched radio with glitter and dry macaroni!?

Matt said...

I couldn't find a policeman to ask, so I asked my mom.

She said the comment was inappropriate.

and also to scrub behind my ears.

mike said...

Hi Dr. Z. I hope you were not offended when I said on Falwless' blog that I don't get you. I know how much you enjoy winning awards, so feel free to stop by my blog... i gave you one.

enc said...

Clarence Williams looks a lot like Samuel L. Jackson. Or the other way around. I know, I know, he was "Link," you weren't trying to raise the question of "who does he look like?".

I am not a real person, by the way. I am a Showroom Dummy, and no one has paid me. I got rooked.

Grant Miller said...

I've brainstormed this comment for too long.

J Morgetron said...

I tried the bullhorn announcement thing just now and now my kids are crying and the neighbors called the cops on my.

THANKS DR. Z!!!!

Chris said...

So now that I've travelled back in time, if I leave a comment now, will that change the universe in the time I came from? Damn time travel paradoxes.

Oh shit. How do I get back to present day? I need 2.6 jigawattz to power my flux capacitor.

Chris said...

Crap....I'm still here.