Monday, January 18, 2010

Treasure Chest Found By Young Boys In The 70's? Naked.

Did you ever find a treasure? Full of booty?

Well here is the true tale of when my friends and I did.

We were about 11 years old. Surrounding our neighborhood on most sides were either cornfields or woods. So it was great growing up where I lived.

My friend would swipe the occasional Playboy from his Dad's closet and a few of us would bring it back into the cornfield and behold it's glory: Fairly innocent 1974-75 Playboys with naked gals. Topless and sporting "fur bikinis" if you know what I mean. "Look at the size of her boobs", I'd say as I'd pull my shirt out to make it look like boobs*.

But one day a friend - let's call him HickNut - found something that would change everything. We were at a friend's house and he came running up, "You're NOT gonna believe this!"

So we follow HickNut into the cornfield wondering what it was that he found. We go deep into the cornfield then we come out onto a small dirt road. We cross it then go even further into the cornfield and almost to the very end.

"Here it is."

It's a chest. Like a wooden treasure chest.

"Check this out."

He opens it up and it's filled to the top with girlie magazines. "WHAT!!!!???"

We dive in. And start going through them all. It was a bit disturbing at the time because there were some hardcore and fetish publications in the mix. Extreme closeups and such. And they were really low budget. I forget if one was called "Pregnant White Women With Black Guys" or if that's something that I made up after the fact. But stuff along those lines.

It kind of ended my innocence in a way because I was not prepared for some of the hardcore stuff. What happened to the topless brunette in farmer's daughter clothes lying in a bed of hay?

Who could have left these here? We started theorizing that it was probably a biker gang. If not a biker gang then probably some 20 something runaways living in a deserted shack somewhere.

We'd hear a distant minibike and we'd look around, "Is that them?"

I think we scared ourselves into thinking that whoever left this treasure chest here was going to come back and kill us. So we put them all back and hauled ass out of the cornfield.

I always wondered what happened to that treasure chest. Either the gang came back and claimed it or the farmer got it caught up in his combine when harvesting the corn. Thousands of tiny paper nude body parts flying into the air then floating to the ground as his combine comes to a screeching halt. What a sight.

*Try it at home but be careful not to stretch your shirt out. You'll ruin it.


Dr Zibbs said...

And look at how cool that cornfield picture is above. Kind of spooky.


Ahh! You thought it was the gang.

Kristen said...

That is a beautiful story. I believe my husband said he once found and then later dumped a box of porn in the woods when he was a teenager, but I think it's better to believe in a porn fairy.

Dr Zibbs said...

Kristen - yeah the porn fairy sounds much nicer. Or porn gnome.

mcglinch said...

now THAT's a TBY story worth reading.

"HickNut, do you know the boy?"

Dr Zibbs said...

Mcglinch - I had the funny feeling you'd chime in on this one. My hope is that Flare will be reading this at work and burst out into laughter when he gets to the name HickNut.

Lostinspace said...

Gee, you guys were lucky, all we came across were old National Geographics.

Dr Zibbs said...

LostInSpace - yeah and it takes flipping through many issues to find anything good in there.

Verdant Earl said...

It wasn't a gang. It wasn't a fairy. It was porn pirates. Hence the treasure chest.

Girl Interrupted said...

For a minute I thought you were gonna say you and your friends bonded one summer as you walked cross country, got sucked on by leeches in an old pond, had to outrun a train and outwit a gang of thugs ... and all just because you'd heard there was a dead body in the woods ... I had a cutting, yet witty and slighty flirtatious comment for THAT scenario, dammit!!

*walks off in a huff*

Dr Zibbs said...

Earl - damn it. The link is isn't working.

Girl I - As I ws writing that I was actually think of that movie. My childhood was kind of like that at that age.

And glad to see that you're back blogging.

Hawanja said...

I want my chest back.

JenJen said...

Zibbsy all of my shirts are stretched out.

Who knew?

And, I think this is a very sweet post, one that we don't get often here. Most of the time, it's a video and a few lines of drivel.

Not that all drivel is bad, of course.

Dr Zibbs said...

Hawanja - welcome to my blog.

JenJen - Drivel? Well, I do like to mix posts up a bit which includes some videos and some short and long posts. It's the TBY formula.

UberGrumpy said...

I think the video is sadly absent this post, considering the subject

diane said...

Only the guys will stretch their shirts out, the girls are good.
I tried to remember the day I lost my innocence, and it was, in a hicknutshell, the day I read the proper terms & definitions for genitalia in a dictionary. And that was just a small part of the things that went wrong that day. Crap, nothing at all like your my-childhood-was-just-like-a-movie scenario.

Moooooog35 said...


Dr Zibbs said...

Diane - no that sounds just like a movie scenario. On PBS.

diane said...

Remember when PBS was the only good channel to watch on Sundays? They would air shows like The Electric Company and Monty Python's Flying Circus. And who could forget "it's time to zoom, zoom, zooma, zoom"?

Dr Zibbs said...

Diane - I was looking for the opening of Zoom a while back on Youtube and it wasn't there.

JenJen said...

Zibbsy I meant "drivel" with the most respect; my blog is full of it and it is the JV formula.

kisses (no tongue)!

Dr Zibbs said...

JenJen - suuuuuurrre you did.

Cora said...

Okay, true story: When I was 10 my boy friend (not boyfriend) and I found a bunch on Playboy mags scattered around in the woods where we rode our bikes. There was also a purse there with make up scattered all over the place.

We could never figure out what the hell had happened. A purse, makeup and porn strewn on the ground?! We felt a chill in the air like killers were coming for us too. I started riding my bike the eff out of there, but then noticed my friend wasn't with me.


I looked back to find him immobilized there, staring at the naked pictures on the ground. I'm all like, "what about the killers? WHAT ABOUT THE KILLERS?????" but he just couldn't seem to leave the boobies.


Dr Zibbs said...

Cora- yup. Even killers can't keep us away. But great story.

Unknown said...

this had me cracking up. haha