Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Downingtown Farmers Market. Missing Dummy Video.

Did you ever part ways with something then spent the rest of your life thinking of it?

Let me explain. When I worked in high school at the audio store at the Downingtown Farmer's Market, some weird man came in to see if we would buy his video camera.

I think the year may have been 1980 and it was one of those big ass cameras that they probably still use in Russia today.

So he leave the camera with us and we can take a look at it. And the video tape that was inside the camera was pure gold. Solid 24 karat gold. We hit play and we see him walking in front of a black curtain. He's carrying something. What is it? What is it?

It's a ventriloquist dummy. Oh no this is gonna be good. He places the dummy in the chair and walks out of camera view. The song "In My Life" by Paul McCartney begins to play. You can see the man crawling below camera view so he can get behind the dummy to "work it". Just that craptacular move alone made it great.

He plays the entire song. The dummy lip syncing the song to the crappy audio. The room's all echo and shit. Probably was his basement*. (Or "the staging area" as he probably calls it). At the instrumental portion in the middle of the song he shakes the dummy as if it's supposed to be dancing. But he shakes it so much that it looks like it's having convulsions. So much for subtlety.

The song ends and a piece of loose leaf paper is lifted up toward the dummy that reads, "Happy Anniversary". Crappy handwriting and all.


The description might not sound that funny but trust me. It was one of the funniest/creepiest things I've ever seen in my life.

I wonder if the woman viewed the video and cried tears of joy? Or just slowly backed up..looking for an escape. Was this done in one take? So many questions.

But the biggest question is, "Why didn't we keep that tape???"

And the best part is that when the guy came back he was really proud and asked, "Did you see the tape that was in there? I spent a lot of time on that. It was an anniversary gift to my wife."

*torture chamber

(AUTHOR'S NOTE: If I were that guy I would have made ONE change to the video. At the beginning I would have slowly raised my head into camera view. I would have faked a cough. Then, reached for a glass of water (to sooth the cough. You know what I mean?). I would then have sipped the water as the dummy was playing to show that, "Look, it's the dummy really singing". Which really makes no sense at all because it's obvious that it's Paul McCartney singing. But I wouldn't care. I would then give a shrug as if, "How do you explain this one? Nobody can really, but enjoy the rest of the song". Then I would slowly disappear from view. Slowly, like I was going down an elevator. Maybe I'd push an imaginary elevator button first. I'm not sure.)


sybil law said...

Damn, you make me laugh. :)

Dr Zibbs said...

Sybil Law - Thanks. I feel like I've been losing my touch lately.

Dr Zibbs said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kristen said...
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Kristen said...

I once found a black and white 8x10of a man with long hair and a large gap between his teeth wearing a viking helmet in a deceased relative's dictionary.

I have no idea where this photograph is now and it makes me sad to think about it.

But reading this made me feel better because I bet you miss your tape even more.

Dr Zibbs said...

Kristen - I DO miss it. But that picture sounds great.

Kristen said...

oooh, duplicate comment posts.

The tape was probably haunted. His wife cut up into tiny pieces, purportedly by the dummy. The night the man brought the tape in was probably the one-year anniversary of "the incident". It was probably a cry for help.

Unrelated: dummy stuff makes me way creepier than normal.

Dr Zibbs said...

Kristen - wouldn't it be great if all of a sudden there was a comment that said, "And that man was ME!"

And there's a link to his dummy tape AND a follow up video of the incident that happened exactly one year to the day of the anniversary?

It could happen.

Like he's been waiting for someone to publish his tale. Watching. And waiting.

Kristen said...

It did occur to me that he might be out there somewhere on the internet. Biding his time.

Smoking a hand rolled cigarette. Listening to a little Wings. Dummy in his lap.

Dr Zibbs said...

..and petting the dummy's head and whispering "patientia est a rectum" ("patience is a virtue." But then he gets mad at the dummy because he thinks the dummy is laughing at the word "rectum". But the dummy claims he's laughing at "something that I remembered from the other week".)

Jessica said...

Wait, there was an audio store at a farmers' market?

Dr Zibbs said...

Jessica - there used to be. But it was crappy audio equipment. Half of the stuff didn't work.

Gage1 said...

it's practically criminal that you let that get away! I had some video tapes I picked up free from the reuse center that had 80's era video of drunken girls dancing in bikinis in someone's backyard on it. I think it's still around here somewhere...should dig that one up now that Youtube exists....

Dr Zibbs said...

Gage - practically criminal. HA. True.

And you should put those tapes on Youtube. You know those - that are now women - get together and say, "Could you IMAGINE if someone ever found that tape and put it on Youtube?"

If you put it on I'll post it and call for an interanational manhunt to hunt down the women.

Son of a Thomas said...

You think abotu Dummys way too much.

Dr Zibbs said...

Son of A - It has been a dummy quarter hasn't it?