Lions Share Restaurant 9th Grade Grinding Story. Drunk Hostess. Cans Pressed Into My Back.

I ran into this woman the other week and it hit me. I totally forgot about about this story.  I WAS SEXUALLY HARASSED!

Not that I was complaining about it but....

It was in 9th grade and I was a busboy at the Lions Share Restaurant. There was this hostess that was probably around 23 years old I would guess. Kind of cute but on the chubby side. Big boobs. And she was always friendly but she would occasionally sneak drinks from the bar and get bombed throughout the night.

And when she did she was alllllll hands. I remember walking back from the kitchen and it was starting to wind down so I stopped in the hostess area. I leaned over and was looking at the reservation book (young butt glistening - the woft of beef wellington, clams casino and French onion soup clinging to his tight Levis) when all of a sudden I feel these hands around my waist and it was her. Audry. And she grinds up against me and all drunk and what not says, "What are YOU doing out here?"

I stand up and I'm all "What the??" Then she pulls me in and smooshes her huge 23 year old 1979 cans into my back and leans to the side of my face and says, "So what are YOU doin'?"

Then I got all nervous, probably gulped and squeaked out, "Ummm cleaning tables?" I stood there for a minute thinking, "I can feel her boobs!" Then I kind of slipped away. She did it a few times after that then it never happened again. I forget.

Man talk about a missed opportunity. But It would be a few years until I developed my game. I didn't know what to do. And for the record she was super nutty. I think she was mental or on drugs because once on a busy Saturday night I walked out and was holding a chair and repeatedly walking into the wall with it and bouncing back as she looked at the wall in a zombie like state. I had to run to the kitchen and get the cook to come and get her.

And before you all start getting worked up with the visual of what happened it wasn't that hot. Because in 9th grade I didn't look like this:

I looked a bit more like this:

Without the glasses. Or the part in the hair. Hmmmmm....maybe I WAS hot!

To read the story I wrote about when some dude crapped his pants at the Lion Share click here.

Lions Share Restaurant - Lionville's True Horror Story

Forget about ghosts in Chester County restaurants - which one DOESN'T claim to be haunted? If you really want to hear about true horror, it happened at Lionville's Lions Share Restaurant in 1979 - and goes a little like this:

I was dish washing Friday night at the Lions Share when Gus the manager came back and said, "Zibbs, we've got a situation in the men's room near room four. Go take care of it."

So I walk back past the Friday night diners eating their clams casino and enter the bathroom. I slowly open the stall and there it was. It looked like a the site of the Manson murders. Someone had entered the men's stall and had explosive diarrhea not just on the floor, but on all four walls and - yes - somehow - the ceiling. It was like being the first on the scene of a terrible, terrible car accident. Do I run? Do I scream? Do I call a priest? The coverage of the stall was like someone filled a pinata up with shit and hit it with a baseball bat. Except this was 1979 and anything to do with the Mexican culture wouldn't be seen in these parts for at least 5 years. I believes someone just had a night that they shall never forget. And for how unbelievable the scene was, there was also something that stood out as very,very odd - behind the toilet a pair of underwear was stuffed - almost as if someone was trying to hide some evidence.

"As I tried to imagine the panic on the person as this was happening, I walked quickly back through the diners and into the kitchen. This had to be shared, "Eric, you're not going to believe what just happened in the bathroom!"

"What? What?"

"Ohhh man - It can't be described - it can only be experienced. Follow me!"

With our food covered aprons, we walked through the dining rooms back to the scene of the crime. We were always instructed to keep our voices down when we walked through the rooms but it was impossible for Eric, "What is it? What is it?"

We walked in the door, I opened the stall and causually asked, "And what is the meaning of this?"

Eric saw the scene and just started screaming and laughing, "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS! OH MY GOD...AHHHHHH...WHAAAAA!!"

I let him peak with his laughter then said, "And there's a little present right behind the bowl - look behind the toilet". That's when Eric almost died of laughter/delight/horror. "And Gus wants you to clean it up."

"AHHHH..HAHAHA...WHATTTTT? ..THERE IS NO WAY....WHAHAAA!"

We walked back into the kitchen and basically ignored Gus's request to clean up the God awful scene. He later cleaned it as we walked through every detail of how the scene 'went down'. There were so many questions:

- Was it someone on a first date?

- Was it food related?

- Did the guy think by hiding the underwear behind the toilet it would make the covered stall go away- like a 3 year old covering their eyes and saying ,'you can't see me'?

- Was a window escape attempted?

- Did the guy innocently walk out of the bathroom after cleaning up? If so, did he calmly sit down as if nothing happened or was it SO obvious that a diner at another table asked, 'Sir, you obviously shit all over the stall in that bathroom - are you going to do the honorable thing and tell the management so they can get a dishwasher in there to clean it up?"

I know the person responsible for this may still live in Chester County. Perhaps they've even moved. What I'm trying to get to is this - YOU NEED TO COME FORWARD. My innocence was lost that day and if you can make yourself known, answer my questions and endure what I promise will be a very short and respectful press conference, I will not have to hold a contest asking locals to hunt you down. So please, if you don't want to open the The Daily Local News and read "Lions Share Men's Room Violator Hunt Continues- DAY 45" in the upper left corner, then please contact me. My hunt will never end for you.

God Bless.