Footprints In Sand Jesus Invention. I'm On An Inventing Roll.

And now - another invention....

Pretend you're in a board room and I'm presenting. Here we go:

Ladies and Gentlemen, as you know, the Christians are a gullible bunch. They do love that ridiculous "Footprints in the Sand" poem don't they? Don't they?

(looks at guy looking out the window throws a donut at him)

Tubby I need your full attention!

(The group gets nervous and gives me their full, well deserved attention)

Now - there are a lot of Footprints in the Sand products out there but they're all collectible junk. Sculptures, t-shirts, necklaces and massagers.

But there isn't this.

(I then slowly - olde style pulley style - pull up the white veil that reveals my creation. The creaky pulley sound adds to the drama)

My friends... I give you THE FOOTPRINTS IN THE SAND REAL LIFE FOOTPRINT KIT.

Now let me explain what it is (paces room). As you know from the poem, there are four footprints in the sand then there are two. Well this contraption that attached to the shins of the wearer actually leaves four footprints in the sand. Then, after you've got Jesus followers following you, you pull up the two feet and then there are only two! The extra two feet compactly hide themselves into a backback that you're wearing.

The bible holding people that have been following you will then see the two footprints and believe that Jesus is actually carrying you. Just like in the poem! Imagine the hilarity as you hide in the dunes and chuck shit at them!

Of course it takes a while to work and get the hang of the contraption - like stilts - but trust me. After a few weeks at my camp, I'm assured that even uncoordinated people will be able to work this thing.

(wait for applause and attacks from believers).

P.S. I'm thinking about saying something like "Taa Daa" at the end but I need to work it out a bit and make sure that doesn't sound stupid.