Friday, February 6, 2009

Global Warming Minus Less Snow Equals Less People Falling.



The one downside of global warming - if it's even true - is that there's less snow. And less snow mean me seeing less people slip and fall. And that makes my heart sad.

Here are three falls that have happened to me.

Age 4 - I was sleeping at my Nana's house and she said that my feet were dirty so I needed to roll up my pajama pants and rinse my feet off before bed. When I was in the tub I decided that I wanted to try and surf on the soap. Just in case you want to try, it's pretty much impossible. Ahhhhhh!

Age 23 - Leaving a Halloween party with my date (I was dressed as a woman), we run into some people I know that were coming into the party. I started hamming it up by doing a really white trash dance, pulling up my skirt and doing the old hands pulling up the hair move. I must have slipped on the high heel and my knee popped out of its' socket and I fell backwards, breaking a wooded fence and a $300 camera I had borrowed from my date's bother. WHOOOOOAAAA!

Last year - My daughter left the conditioner bottle open in the tub so while I was taking a shower, the dangerous, slippery fluid was seeping out of the bottle. Like a carefree cowboy unaware that a rattlesnake is at his ankles, I turn off the shower and reach for by towel. Still whistling my tune.....YAAAHHHHH-NOOOO!

I fall halfway out of the tub. When the fall was over my legs were in the tub, the top of my body was on the outside of the tub. I had a black and blue mark the size of a Frisbee.

(Trumpet with plunger over it) WA WA WA.

Care to share any spills you clumsy asses took?

35 comments:

Philly said...

I fell out of a bus. That is all you need to know.

#1

Belle said...

I fell in love with George Clooney.

dizzy mom said...

I am not falling for this again. "Anyone else have any 'near explosion' experiences?" We innocently poured our "guts" out to you (he he, get it, guts). I still feel used and violated. I've been attacked by the yak :(

Dr Zibbs said...

Dizzy Mom - I command you to tell me a falling down story.

dizzy mom said...

(Trumpet with plunger over it) WA WA WA. More like condtioner bottle cap. Ka-POW! Take that!

dizzy mom said...

Here's a falling story. I fell for your "near explosion:" post!

Pleasing Procrasinator said...

I am really more famous for walking into things instead of falling. Now I probably have just jinxed myself..ha ha.
Still laughing at the soap surfing.

Kez said...

Oh jeez. I wouldn't even know where to start.
I can stack it (do non Aussies use that term?) while walking in sensible shoes on perfectly flat terrain. Usually in front of lots of people.

diane said...

I'm sorry to be laughing at your knee popping out of the socket, but that is f*cking hilarious, dude!

B.E. Earl said...

global warming? screw that!

We've had too much cold weather and snow this winter so far. I'm ready for palm trees.

Gwen said...

You'll probably not be surprised to hear that I am a HUGE klutz. I fall all the time, many times for no apparent reason. I like to pop right back up and announce that I meant to do that, Pee Wee style.

raf said...

Spain has never seen so much snow like this winter..so let's not talk about snow..
I loved your falling story..makes you more human then a bunch of words on a screen!
My falling story:as a teenager many times in the middle of a 'piazza'(in italy is a place where everybody meets)from my bike..even when I was just still and standing on it...

Andrew Rodriguez said...

I fell off the roof of my house while clutching the ladder I was on a la John Belushi in Animal House. My brother who was already on the roof laughed and laughed. I was knocked out for a moment, but then went inside to stop the bleeding from my forehead, put an ice pack on it, and left my brother on the roof for the next 3 hours. My parents came home and couldn't figure out why my brother was so sunburned, and there was a trail of blood leading from the back porch to the refrigerator

words words words said...

I was playing football in a parking lot and jumped to catch the ball, landing awkwardly on a speed bump and mangling my ankle. Worst. Pain. Ever. Seriously.

I also frequently fall out of chairs with rolly legs.

Finally, my mother said that I fell from heaven.

Kat said...

No lie. When I was 9 years old I thought it would be a good idea to stand ON TOP of a BASKETBALL. One glass top table and a broken arm later, we call that a bad idea.

Rachel said...

I once fell down at work, bartending. That was embarrassing. Another time I fell down a flight of stairs at a bar. That time I was just drinking, not working. The best fall of all was when I was 9 months pregnant and huge! My husband was walking down the steps of our building in front of me and kind of turned around and puffed out his cheeks and did a waddling move, making fun of me lumbering down the steps in my condition. That bastard tripped and fell right down the rest of the stairs. One of the high points of my life.

Cora said...

Hee hee. Now I get to picture you falling naked out of a bathtub for the rest of the day. Thanks! No, really. Of course, I don't know what you look like, but I picture you a lot like Kramer on Seinfeld, so I'm imagining quite a comical fall, Zibbs. Ahhhhh, this is fun!

Cora said...

*completely unrelated to this post*

"THROBBING SHAFT" huh? Wow. First Poo wanted to bone my blog and now I do! :-)

Lisa said...

Outdoor summer party. Rope swing off driveway. Alcohol. Not getting a good grip on aforementioned rope. Flying off other end into the woods. A crowd of spectators. Waking up with poison ivy on my ass from sliding through the woods.

Sarah's Blogtastic Adventures said...

My ex and I were in the shower you know showering ahem and I slipped and fell and sprained my ankle. Thats all I got. : )

Lisa said...

Little league baseball game. Scorebook in hand. Spectators galore. Slippery, wet hill between me and dugout. One step. The rest on my ass. One leg forward. One leg going the opposite direction. Tan shorts. Walking around the rest of the game with mud and grass stains.

Lisa said...

Why do I always have my kodak moments in front of a crowd of spectators? Because I'm entertaining that way. ;)

Cowguy said...

All great falls and great falls need to be related and relived.

Just this morning my wife took pictures of me from the truck as I dangled over a cattle water tank working on it... hoping that she'd catch a fall on camera. It didn't happen.

J.

Dr Zibbs said...

Rachael and Andrew - you two are the winners so far. Funny!

Susan said...

Brothers annual pig roast just two years ago. Walking in the road to my car to get my jacket. Sporting 5 inch cork heels (damn I looked good. Hit a pothole in the dark and flew face forward into a down right stomach skid across the road. I literally couldn't get up, a car was coming in pitch dark and all my husband could do was spit his beer out and laugh his ass off. After picking pebbles out of my skinned palms for the next 2 hourse, I was on crutches for a week, wore a hot foot boot for 6 weeks and retained a lower back that makes me feel like I'm 80 f'in years old. Priceless.

Son of a Thomas said...

First day of school, 10 grade, riding a 10 speed to my friends house near Henderson High. (Yes across from the Square Bar) Line of kids waiting for school. Slammed on brakes to look cool. Front grabs, rear does not.

I bet you can guess the rest.

Sornie said...

At least I'm not the only guy that has dressed as a woman for Halloween. Was it any specific sort of woman or just a woman?

Giggle Pixie said...

This was seriously funny! But remember, we're laughing WITH you, not AT you. lolol

Dr Zibbs said...

Sornie - I went as a 6' 2" slutty, hot chick.

J.J. in L.A. said...

I walked on (and fell off of) crutches for 17 years...'nuf said.

J. Hi said...

I'm coming in this late, but I have to share my sister-in-law's fall story. It always makes me laugh.

She had on her fancy new dress and heels and was going out with friends for a night of fun. Leaving the bar that night, she was very tipsy, feet hurting and had to pee so she decided to take a cab home. The cab dropped her off across the street from her flat and, by that point, she had to pee really bad. She decided to make a run for it across the street but she tripped on her heels and fell flat on the pavement in the middle of the road. As she lay there with a ruined dress and bloody knees, she peed herself.

Dr Zibbs said...

J HI - that's a great one!

WendyB said...

Darn. I was just about to take up soap surfing, and now you've discouraged me.

~E said...

On a vacation, I had to share a bunk bed with my brother. I was in the top bunk. On our last night there, I rolled over and fell off my bed and would have made it to the floor in one piece with nary a scratch on me...had my face not connected with my brother's foot on the way down.

Nice shiner ensued.

Fancy Schmancy said...

I'm a complete clutz, constantly falling and injuring myself, so I don't think I can come up with any specific funny moments. But if I try harder, I bet I can come up with a whole blog post about them! I've literally broken bones with my impressive falls up and down stairs, or over the rug that jumped up and tripped me!