A Post About My Hair. Disco. Hair Pick and Freddy Washington.

Here are some various things about my hair that I will now ramble off:

- It has slowly evolved over time. It used to be wavy, then it got really curly.

- It used to be red, then it got auburn, then brownish and now - I would call it auburnish with SOME gray.

- Others tell me that I'm totally gray. They must be blind because it's fucking GRAYISH a-holes!

- From age 5 - 13 I had at least thirty old ladies - complete stranger old ladies - come up to me and say, "Oh my God. You've got the most beautiful hair! I wish I had your hair"
(Well you don't you old bat so keep walking. Do you think a BOY wants to hear that?)

- In 6th grade my mom started sending me to a "Hair Design for Men" place. The first time I was there, the dude asked, "So, are you into disco? Do you want a disco hair cut?" I said no but he proceeded to give me a disco haircut. Like a big crybaby, I told my mom I wasn't going to school the next day. She made me go. People laughed.

- In 9th grade, EVERYTIME I got my haircut, I asked the guy NOT TO TAKE ANY OFF THE BACK. I asked him this for two years. For some reason, my hair never got longer than a few inches in the back. I swear my mom was calling him and telling him it should be cut. She denies ever doing this.

- When I was in 9th grade, my mom bought a pick - like an afro pick - and tried to get me to "fluff up the top". She would sneak up behind me and try to fluff it up but I refused. This went on for months. "Who do I look like, God damn Freddy "Boom Boom" Washington? Jesus!
"
- Once, while completely wasted with a couple girls in college, the one girl said she just started to cut hair. I let her do it. Bad descision. When I got back to the dorms and was walking down the hall, one of my frieds saw me and started banging on all the doors, "OH MY GOD, YOU'VE GOT TO SEE THIS!" Everyone came out. And laughed. I didn't care though. I was just pissed that this chick gave me such a terrible cut. I should have been tipped off when she scalded me with the water when she was wetting my hair.

- For about a year in the 80's I had a "tail".

- I'm showing zero signs of baldness.

- I have some hair on my chest but none on my butt.

And that concludes the hair post.

Mini Sasquatch Woman Spotted At Pennsylvania Wawa.

You're not going to believe this! Are you sitting down? I was just at Wawa* getting a chicken salad sandwich (with provolone, tomato, lettuce and sweet peppers) and I saw a woman that was the size of a miniature Sasquatch.

This Sasquatch lady was huge. I'm 6'2" and she had at least an inch or two on me but she was solid bulk. Not fat. Solid. Like a Bigfoot only a bit smaller - like a mini Bigfoot.

So I discreetly did the old elevator eyes - look up then down at her then up again. Once I got to the top floor again it was confirmed - this lady was of mini Bigfoot size.Then of course I wondered what it would be like to be with a bigfoot lady in the sack (or the cave).

I wonder how many people do her and when they're done they say, "I've got to come clean. I only had sex with you because I'm a major Bigfoot fan."

Actually, I wonder how many people have done that and lived to ask the question. You know, because the mini Bigfoot lady probably killed them and all.

*For safety purposes I'm not going to tell you which Wawa it was. And I also don't want the press hanging out waiting for Sassy. C'mon, give the poor lady a break.