Beard Net Wearer Spotted At Chester County Wawa.

Oh man what a treat! I was at my local Wawa today* and saw the deli guy wearing one of those disposable beard nets. And he was acting as if nothing was wrong!

I wonder if they tell you before you start there if you're going to have to wear one or if you go through the training and then they say, "Oh and there's one more thing Carl. You need to wear a disposable beard net."

I bet some people quit. Don't you think? Because it looks so dumb?

And look at this robotlike actor below that I found when I Googled "beard net." What up wid dat?




*I'd tell ya'll the Wawa but I don't want to shame the dude. Being that everyone in Chester County reads this blog and it's super influential and everything.

Cashiers Need Better Training You Slow Pokes! Wawa.

I usually get a USAToday at Wawa. Mostly for the Sudoku. And if I get Theresa the cashier, this is what happens:

- She turns the paper around.
- She looks at the headlines.
- I hold my money out.
- She finally takes my money but continues to read the headlines.
- She then put the money in the register.
- She slowly hand me the paper.

And it drive me crazy! And it's not even like she comments on a story to make conversation. She just wants read the paper.

Of course I don't have the balls to say anything to her. I wish I were my Dad sometimes because in a second he would say,

"OK listen, I come in here everyday to get a paper, and I'm in a hurry but you have to scan the headlines. I'm really going to have ask you to do that on YOUR time. Not mine. Now if it happens again I'm going to have to talk to your manager. Are we clear on this?... Are we clear on this? OK. Have a good day."

Cream or Creme Pucks From Entenmann's. Where Are Ye'? Tasty Snack.

THE PICTURE ABOVE ARE NOT CREAM PUCKS. THEY ARE THE INFERIOR TUBES. ("CHOCOLATE COMMOTION? ARE YOU KIDDING?)

Yesterday I went into Wawa and saw these little guys called "Cream Pucks" or "Creme Pucks". They're Ring Ding looking chocolate cake rascals that were pretty darn delicious.

They even smelled like the Ring Dings from days of old. And they were pretty tasty except the creme needs a bit of work.

The problem is, when you search the internets for Cream Pucks or Creme Pucks there's no picture! There's not even a mention of them on the Entenmann's website. What up with that? Maybe the Cream Puck is in the test phase so that's why it's not mentioned.

Could you imagine if we bought up all the inventory and then the product didn't make it past the test phase? We could sell the Cream Pucks for like $100 each to people that have gotten hooked on them! We're gonna be rich!

So what I need you to do is drop what you're doing and drive to your local Wawa or convenience store and see if they carry Cream Pucks.

Let me know.

To read what I had to say about Ring Dings and how those dicks at Drakes changed the recipe right under our eyes, click here.

Singing The Go-Go's "We Got The Beat" In Wawa. Busted.

I'm not making this up. I was in a Wawa in Chaddsford PA yesterday and while I was taking a leak, the Go-Go's song "We Got The Beat" was on. So I was mouthing the song in an intentionally annoying way that I would do to a friend if he were there. As you know, I do this to amuse myself.

And I was thinking that it would be funny if I got caught doing this and it would be a good blog post. See. I'm thinking about you people during the day.

Well the music was so loud in the bathroom that I didn't even notice that in a split second some dude was standing next to me at the other urinal.

I washed my hands with my head down and got the hell out of there.

So on that note, "We've Got The Beat" is actually a pretty good running song. And I need to get my black underweared ass back running. So I dedicate The Friday Send Off Song to a long distance and long time reader Michelle. Check out her blog damn it!



203 Followers strong. But sadly, yesterday there were 204. Hopefully that person died and it wasn't a choice to stop following me.

Mini Sasquatch Woman Spotted At Pennsylvania Wawa.

You're not going to believe this! Are you sitting down? I was just at Wawa* getting a chicken salad sandwich (with provolone, tomato, lettuce and sweet peppers) and I saw a woman that was the size of a miniature Sasquatch.

This Sasquatch lady was huge. I'm 6'2" and she had at least an inch or two on me but she was solid bulk. Not fat. Solid. Like a Bigfoot only a bit smaller - like a mini Bigfoot.

So I discreetly did the old elevator eyes - look up then down at her then up again. Once I got to the top floor again it was confirmed - this lady was of mini Bigfoot size.Then of course I wondered what it would be like to be with a bigfoot lady in the sack (or the cave).

I wonder how many people do her and when they're done they say, "I've got to come clean. I only had sex with you because I'm a major Bigfoot fan."

Actually, I wonder how many people have done that and lived to ask the question. You know, because the mini Bigfoot lady probably killed them and all.

*For safety purposes I'm not going to tell you which Wawa it was. And I also don't want the press hanging out waiting for Sassy. C'mon, give the poor lady a break.

Mmmmm. Reese's Big Cup Hits The Spot

I probably eat one or two candy bars a week. If I'm in Wawa and I'm in the mood I'll pick one up. The only candy bars I ever buy are Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, Snickers, Hershey's with almonds or Peanut M&M's.

Well add this new one to the list: The Reese's Big Cup. It fills me up more than the regular size and and I don't want to look like slob and buy the four packs. I hereby endorse this product.

The only thing that would make this day better is if I could see a Reeses commercial starring Robby Benson and Don Most (aka Ralph Malph) and it was filmed by someone holding a camera up to a crappy TV. Wait a minute. I can...right here.

Daily Local News Starts Tricky Advertising Campaign

I went into my Wawa this morning and as I reached for my USATODAY, I was stunned to see a piece of paper on top of the stack which read, "Ax Murderer Trial Begins in Chester County - read about it in today's Daily Local News".

Are you kidding me? Has the Daily Local sunk so low that it needs persuade readers with this trickery? And why is Wawa tolerating this?

What's next? - Let me just reach over and get myself a tasty Snickers - oh wait.... what's this sign over top of the Snickers bars? 'Snickers make you gay, enjoy a manly Zagnut'.

Wawa and Daily Local News - you've been put on notice. I do not want to see this again.

Retarded Wawa Worker Amazingly Knows The Words To The Devo Hit Whip It

A retarded girl working at local convenience store correctly sings Whip It without mangling the lyrics. That Blue Yak Field Anthropologist Jeff Petroski reports:

It was amazing. I was in Wawa, and the girl who replaces straws, keeps cup holders full and cheerfully greets morning workers with a cheerful, "Good Mooornins", knew all the words to Devo's Whip It. It's very amazing indeed when you consider the lines:

"Now whip it. Into shape. Shape it up. Get straight. Go forward. Move ahead. Try to detect it. It's not too late. To whip it. Whip it good"

These are EXTREMELY complicated lyrics especially for the retarded. I've discussed the situation with several associates and we all agree that the song must have been sung at a retarded event or festival. Very patient care takers and trainers probably took months rehearsing the lyrics OVER and OVER and OVER again until the song was second nature. Did any of the trainers quit out of frustration? Did any handlers get mauled during the hours of rehearsal? I don't know as these training facilities are often miles away from humans AND I have a phobia of the retardeds.

I do know this though - it was a very "special" moment. Now please put your sanitized gloves back on before I call the Board of Health.

God Bless.