The Time My Friend Jim Wore A Cowboy Hat To School.

I have to give credit to anyone that goes out on a limb and makes a fashion statement out of their comfort zone.

Naaa. I’m lying. I’ve never put any thought into that really. Who do you think I am? Mr Blackwell?

But I wrote it because I was thinking about what my neighbor Jim did in 10th grade. I knew Jim since 7th grade. We both wore the same type of clothes. Jeans, flannel shirt, occasional concert t-shirt…. (I did start to dress a bit preppy in 11th grade but doesn’t matter for the story).

It was the height of Southern Rock being popular. The Outlaws, Molly Hatchet and 38 Special were in rotation on the radio.

So one day I see Jim walk to the bus stop and I’m thinking, “What the hell??”

He was wearing a big ass cowboy hat!! He walks up and I’m just looking at him. The funny thing is that he’s pretending like nothing is out of the ordinary.

“What the hell? Is this a joke?”

All casual-like he says, “Oh the hat? Naaa. Just got it this weekend. You know it’s pretty cool. It’s all Southern Rock and shit.” (and he wasn’t even convincing HIMSELF. He knew he wasn’t just going to just blend in. There was only one other kid that wore a cowboy hat and he was a friggin’ hick)

“Dude. You can’t wear that to school. You look ridiculous.”

“Hey whatever.”

Of course I was right. He went to school and by the second period so many people made fun of he threw it in his locker. It was never seen again. Come to think of it, I don’t even think he brought it home. I bet he just threw it in the trash.

And oh yeah. It had a feather in it. (See picture above)

The moral? Don't try and be different.

And on a related note these two preppy ass idiots in 11th grade did a similar thing. They both wore clogs on the same day to school. It was the gayest thing you ever saw and they were laughed out of the cafeteria. I don’t know which is gayer – wearing clogs or planning to have your friend wear them on the same day so you can unveil them together.

Gay blades.

Questions About Displaying Hat Collections On Your Car Window Sill

Why on earth do douchebgs display their hat collections on the back window sill of their cars? You know - how they line up the baseball caps with pride as if anyone gives a shit.

At what point does someone see a hat collection and say, "That looks great. I'm going to start one. First thing to do is drive to the mall to get about three more hats so it doesn't look ridiculously bare with the four hats I currently have. Then I'll draw up some plans as to what order I'll place them".

Do hat displayers ever see another hat displayer in a parking lot and stop to compliment them?

"Hey man, what's up? Nice hats. I'm hat displayer too. It's pretty cool how you put two different era Phillies caps on either side of the current Eagles cap. It really balances the Phillies caps out and draws the eye toward the fancy stitchwork on the rim of the Eagles cap. Well done".

"Thanks man. Believe it or not, that was a mistake. I was going to do an all Phillies - by color display - and I was taking my Eagles cap scene down...well, my girlfriend calls me for something and when I came back, I was like, I think I'm on to somethin' here."

"It totally works."

Do hat displayers ever feel so proud after a new hat acquisition and layout that they drive their car around town to show them off?

(at stop light talking to girls) "Are you ladies into hats? Don't be afraid. Step a little closer. Do you see what I did back there? No big deal really....I mean, I've never seen all those caps together in one place AND displayed the way I did right back there either but...Well, that's what I do........ So, do you have any question I can answer?"

Why Not to Wear Clothes Out of Your Comfort Zone

It's kind of sad (funny) when people try to reinvent themselves by wearing one piece of clothing or sport a new accoutrement in the attempt to change their look. And it fails. Here are a few real life examples and the reactions that I've witnessed.

- New style: My friend Jim, who was listening to a lot of southern rock, came to the bus stop wearing a cowboy hat. I'm sure there was at least an hour trying different ways to position it on his head. "..and a little bit with the front tip leaning forward..yup that should do it."

Reaction: (Me. Staring with disbelief at hat): "Jim. you can't wear that to school." - said in the same tone I would have said, "Jim, don't jump off the bridge, people can't fly." The hat lasted until third period. It made it's shameful way home at the bottom of a gym bag. It was never spoken of again.

- New Style: In 11th grade, (1981), two preppy football players pulled the ultimate douchebaggery move by coming to school - both of them - wearing clogs.

Reaction: There was complete pandemonium in the cafeteria as they walked in. Word had spread. People in the back of the cafeteria that couldn't see these new exchange students - that looked exactly like two preps in our school except they were gay and from Holland ran up to catch a glimpse. Dumb jocks.

- New Style: Greaser wannabe dude in 7th grade dubbed himself "The Wizard", by writing, "The Wizard" and drawing a bunch of crescent moons, in blue pen on his denim jacket. Just like a unplanned school election poster, he ran out of room so the letters "r" and "d" were squashed and thinner than the other letters.

Reaction: This nickname starter, only succeeded in getting one person to call him the Wizard, In fact, in 12th grade, years after the Wizard jacket hung on a hanger in an attic, covered with spider webs and tears, the same lone person that called him the Wizard was still announcing, "Hey look everyone, it's the Wizard. Don't put a magic spell on me now Wizard. Where's your jacket Wizard?"

Lesson learned: Don't try to be different. Stay plain.