PLEASE - I Need Some Vegetable Gardening Help - NOW!

I thought I had everything under control after deer proofing the THAT BLUE YAK GARDEN OF HOPE, but no. I think now I have to gay proof it. This morning, I found this zucchini positioned in the middle of the garden with the two cukes strategically placed to look a like a man's "member". Only I'm worried that it's a warning that "they're" after me? When I first saw this, a gay version of Children of the Corn went through my head and frankly, I was a bit frightened. Not of the gays, but that creepy Children of the Corn red-headed kid with the overbite - that freak always gave me the heebie jeebies.

Let me say, I'm fine with the gays, but I'm not really familiar with their ways. To be safe, the neighbor on the right of my house is away in Ocean City NJ so I broke into their garage and stole the pile of magazines they've been piling up (I grabbed a few PBR's while I was at it too). I then made a path from my garden to my other neighbor's house with alternating copies of People, Organized Living and Glamour Magazine - hoping to lure them into my neighbor's yard.

I'm not sure if it'll totally gay proof my garden but the guy at the Lowes in Downingtown said to try this first and if it doesn't work I could move up to seeds, snares, nets and traps but I'm gonna see how the magazines work first. He was very helpful.