Remember That Bird I Was Talking About On Facebook? I'm Thinking About Capturing It.

Remember my Facebook status yesterday? When it said, "Jim Zibbs is looking at a bird"?

Then later it said, "Jim Zibbs is wondering where that bird went. OH THERE IT IS!"

And then the blogger H said something like, "You are so weird but I find that endearing."

Well she might think I'm even more endearing because it's final. I've made the decision to capture that bird. Or at least have him eat seeds out of my hand. Or if not that bird (that bird that I'm looking at right now) another bird.

Does anyone have any experience doing this? If so, please let me know the steps and which birds it works best with. I'd also like to know the dangers. I will name the bird after the person that helps me capture him.* Also, I live in Southeastern PA so don't tell me how I can catch a Monkey Eating Eagle or an Ostrich because you'll be wasting your time and mine.

The only thing I tried to capture ever was a rabbit when I was five. My trap was a cardboard box propped up with a stick and the stick had kite string tied to it. I hid behind a tree but caught nothing. At the time I blamed my mom because she gave me lettuce instead of carrots for bait but I bet I was sitting up wind. Who knows.

*(Praying to self) Please let their name be Chirpy. Please let their name be Chirpy.

PLEASE - I Need Some Vegetable Gardening Help - NOW!

I thought I had everything under control after deer proofing the THAT BLUE YAK GARDEN OF HOPE, but no. I think now I have to gay proof it. This morning, I found this zucchini positioned in the middle of the garden with the two cukes strategically placed to look a like a man's "member". Only I'm worried that it's a warning that "they're" after me? When I first saw this, a gay version of Children of the Corn went through my head and frankly, I was a bit frightened. Not of the gays, but that creepy Children of the Corn red-headed kid with the overbite - that freak always gave me the heebie jeebies.

Let me say, I'm fine with the gays, but I'm not really familiar with their ways. To be safe, the neighbor on the right of my house is away in Ocean City NJ so I broke into their garage and stole the pile of magazines they've been piling up (I grabbed a few PBR's while I was at it too). I then made a path from my garden to my other neighbor's house with alternating copies of People, Organized Living and Glamour Magazine - hoping to lure them into my neighbor's yard.

I'm not sure if it'll totally gay proof my garden but the guy at the Lowes in Downingtown said to try this first and if it doesn't work I could move up to seeds, snares, nets and traps but I'm gonna see how the magazines work first. He was very helpful.