"I Almost Crapped My Pants" - A True Story.

So I've seen a few stories about people crapping their pants on various blogs lately and to show that I'm as human as the next guy, I will share this story. Below is the story if I had written it in a diary on a train.

Dear Diary,

The meeting in New York at Avon went great today. My product presentation went as planned and Marketing did a great job as well. They even had me go through a soon to be released catalog and asked me to brainstorm ideas for some line extensions. They were impressed.

Yeah. Perfect until IT happened. We left the meeting and went to lunch. And as we're walking back to Penn Station...this is embarrassing but I had the sudden feeling like I was going to shit my pants! What Diary? No you can't just "go into a building and go to the bathroom in New York you hay seed".

All of the buildings have security, plus we were late for the train and I didn't know that new chick from Marketing well enough to tell her that I need to get to a bathroom because I'm going to shit my pants.

Trust me, the situation went from bad to code red. I was thinking about lies that I could say,

"A friend of mine works here. I'm just going to catch the next train to Philly. Yeah I know we all drove from the office to the train station. It's OK. I'll just walk the 45 miles home from Philly."

I swear I found religion that day because I was praying to whoever would listen that if they got me through this, I'd be a better person. I had to. There would have been no hiding it. I was about to explode. I was thinking that if it happened, I would say that I have cancer. What? People with cancer don't lose control? I don't know! Did I tell you that it was a code red? And I couldn't think straight?

So as we're walking, I'm trying to look for any building that I could duck into. I'm saying, "Please, please, please don't let this happen! PLEASE!" And I'm starting to sweat. I hardly ever sweat!

Anyways, it was a miracle because somehow, someway, things subsided. The bubbling stopped. I'm now sitting on the train. Safe. And will now have a greater respect for life. And I will try to be a better person and...HEY...look at that bum with the Mr T shirt!...Bwahahahahahhaa.

What Famous People Have You Met? Here's My List

You'd think that being famous myself - it wouldn't be that big of a deal that I've had interactions with other famous people. It's really nothing to me, but for some of the reader's that are nobodies - you kind of like to live vicariously through me. You know who you are. Celebs I've met (part 1) here goes:

- Gorilla Monsoon (all star wrestler) - Got into a wrestling match in New Jersey by following him in the side door. Told bouncers - we're with the Gorilla. They bought it.

- Steven Wright (comedian) - Met him when I was doing stand-up comedy in the late 80's. Made him laugh from the stage. The club was the comedy works in Philly.

- Sally Jessie Raphael *- met and spoke with at ABC dinner. She hugged me. Smells like you think she would.

- Winnie and Kevin Arnold's brother (from Wonder Years)* - Met them at the an ABC event in Philly at the Museum of Natural Science. She was cute. He was short and dopey but had a 6 foot girlfriend that looked like a model. He told me he had some "projects" he was working on. I knew his days were numbered.

- The guy that was in a dance competition against the Fonz on Happy Days -recognized him at a bar that used to be in Exton called the First Edition. I approached him.

- Lisa Robertson (QVC host) - Saw her a few times when I was at meetings at QVC. Then, since she also lives in West Chester, I've run into her at the Exton Mall, Wawa and other locations. She says hi because I think she thinks she knows me. I'm trying to get up the nerve to say, "So Lisa, what about that thing we were talking about last time? What's goin' on with that thing?" - Just to see what she says . She's HOT.

- The kid that was on the first episode of Cheers before the first commercial starts. He was also on a short lived sitcom where he was a teenager and Ann Jillian was a ghost - recognized him at a club. I approached him and he seemed kind of thrilled that ANYONE recognized him.

- The red headed girl with curly hair from Head of the Class* - met her at ABC TV function. Had some drinks with her. She was pretty cool.

- Amy Steele (actress from Friday the 13th and she was Alex P. Keaton's first boink) - She was the sister of a guy I went to Henderson High School with. When I met her the Bar Restaurant in West Chester, I lied and told her I just got a call back from Wrigley's Gum for a commercial. She was interested to hear about the details and I was too embarrassed to tell her I was just kidding so I made a bunch of stuff up.

- Captain and Mrs Noah (Philly 70's TV celebs) -met at ABC function. Very grandfatherly.

- Chief Halftown (Philly 70's TV celebs) - He was in teepee at Dorney Amusement Park. It was kind of sad.

- John Heinz - (dead PA senator and heir to Heinz fortune) - shook his hand at Exton Mall when I was in 5th grade. He died in a helicopter crash 16 years later. Coincidence?

What celebs have YOU met? Leave in comments area of my blog. Don't even think about lying either.

*(picture to follow - once I find them)