Blogger Imagines Ladder Accident While On Ladder Yesterday.

Yesterday I was way up on the ladder trying to cut branches. You see, I need to get more sunlight going to my veggie garden.

I don't really mind the height once I'm up there but once in a while it spooks me. I looked over and a saw one of the red tailed hawks in another tree and I was imagining that he was going to swoop at me. I'd then accidentally push the ladder and I'd be hanging on for dear life.

I'd be yelling for my wife to put the ladder back. She'd finally get the ladder up but I'd be afraid to put my feet back onto it for fear of falling. We'd then get into an argument over whether she should call some neighbors to help or the fire department but I couldn't figure out which would be less embarrassing.

After a while people would start gathering at the curb to see what all racket was about.

This is a real scenario of the type of stuff that goes through my head everyday. Oh Lord - why was a cursed with this brain? It just won't stop sometimes.

Now enjoy this klutz falling off a small ladder.

Farting In Class Story Reminded Me Of BS Crapping Pants Story.

So I was reading this post on Fancy's blog about when she was in sixth grade and she farted in school and from then on she was known as Farty Four Eyes. She said she was happy that her family moved the following year. Probably to get away from her smelly ass.

Just kidding Fance'.

But it reminded of me of a joke/lie I used to tell people once in a while just to be a dick. It would go like this:

Person: Have you always lived in Pennsylvania?

Me: No. We lived in Michigan until I was 12.

Person: Really?

Me: Yeah. It was really great there but in 6th grade I shit my pants at school. I was in therapy for a few months and was so embarrassed that my family just decided to move East so we could start over again. You know - get a fresh start and everything.

Person: (looking really uncomfortable) Oh...uh...really?

Me: No I'm just kidding. Where are you from?

God I love doing that to people.

Good Fellowship Ambulance. Chester County Accidents. Hero

Here's a picture that I took a few months ago in West Goshen PA near the Chester County Book Company. I'm in my car. Watching. Waiting. There was a car crash and the Good Fellowship Ambulance people were there doing their thing.

I pulled over to take this picture. I guess I was hoping there was a chance that I could be a hero but there wasn't. I was thinking about approaching anyway (after making sure hair looked good),

Me: Excuse me, I'm the blog world's Dr Zibbs from That Blue Yak. Can I be of any assistance.

Ambulance Person: Sir, you need to back up and...you're Dr Zibbs?

Me: Yes. Yes I am. Is everything under control.

Ambulance Person: Now it is.

Maybe I should just carry around a few tinfoil wrapped letter "Z's" in my car and when I see an accident I can approach and give the accident victims a tinfoil wrapped "Z",

"Hang in there, maybe this will help."

"I Almost Crapped My Pants" - A True Story.

So I've seen a few stories about people crapping their pants on various blogs lately and to show that I'm as human as the next guy, I will share this story. Below is the story if I had written it in a diary on a train.

Dear Diary,

The meeting in New York at Avon went great today. My product presentation went as planned and Marketing did a great job as well. They even had me go through a soon to be released catalog and asked me to brainstorm ideas for some line extensions. They were impressed.

Yeah. Perfect until IT happened. We left the meeting and went to lunch. And as we're walking back to Penn Station...this is embarrassing but I had the sudden feeling like I was going to shit my pants! What Diary? No you can't just "go into a building and go to the bathroom in New York you hay seed".

All of the buildings have security, plus we were late for the train and I didn't know that new chick from Marketing well enough to tell her that I need to get to a bathroom because I'm going to shit my pants.

Trust me, the situation went from bad to code red. I was thinking about lies that I could say,

"A friend of mine works here. I'm just going to catch the next train to Philly. Yeah I know we all drove from the office to the train station. It's OK. I'll just walk the 45 miles home from Philly."

I swear I found religion that day because I was praying to whoever would listen that if they got me through this, I'd be a better person. I had to. There would have been no hiding it. I was about to explode. I was thinking that if it happened, I would say that I have cancer. What? People with cancer don't lose control? I don't know! Did I tell you that it was a code red? And I couldn't think straight?

So as we're walking, I'm trying to look for any building that I could duck into. I'm saying, "Please, please, please don't let this happen! PLEASE!" And I'm starting to sweat. I hardly ever sweat!

Anyways, it was a miracle because somehow, someway, things subsided. The bubbling stopped. I'm now sitting on the train. Safe. And will now have a greater respect for life. And I will try to be a better person and...HEY...look at that bum with the Mr T shirt!...Bwahahahahahhaa.

Dangling Naked Skier Will Never Live This Down. Ever

So I'm sure everyone's heard about the skier in Vail yesterday that was stuck on the ski lift dangling upside down by his pants. Bare. Could you imagine the reality of how embarrassing this is for the dude? Imagine his first day back to work. You know HR had a meeting to tell everyone that, "What happened is NOT funny and nobody is to discuss this situation with Bob. Are we clear?"

I thought that shitting your pants in a meeting would be the pinnacle of embarrassment but this just might be worse. What? I never shit my pants in a meeting...... I'm just sayin'.

And then you've got people making videos like this:



And on a footnote, he was there with his son!

Wake Up People. This You've Got To See

What's funnier than a reporter getting hit by a toboggan? I can't think of anything Check this out:

Confession Monday - And WCASD Schools Open

I thought the opening day of school in the West Chester Area School District would be a good time to start TBY Confession Mondays. The theme of today's confession?:

Accidents in school. Here's mine:

In 1st grade, at Ithan Elementary School in Wayne, PA (Radnor Township School District). I wet my pants. As it happened, the kids around me stared with curiosity and pulled their desks away. The teacher was good with discreetly shuffling me off to the nurse.

The next day, nobody said anything except for this one jerk who was stopping older kids in the hall and saying, "He wet his pants. HEY. He wet his pants."