West Chester, PA Blogger Reveals List of Qualities in Dream Woman.

Yesterday I showed you the dream woman I'm making. Here are the personality traits and non physical things of my ideal dream woman. Of course one can't expect to have their dream woman to have every single quality on their wish list but you never know.

Smart - No dummies. I can't stand stupid woman. But not a super intellectual type. A career woman but doesn't work crazy hours.

Feminine - But has to also be self reliant. Can't be like, "Someone needs to help me because I'm just a helpless woman."

Sense of humor - Must get my sense of humor. Being funny herself gets bonus points.

Down to Earth and self deprecating - Can laugh at herself.

Sexually Oriented  - (A term that I kind of coined in college). Needs "it" everyday. And doesn't think my romantic gestures are corny. But doesn't outwardly look or seem slutty. The type that would come up to me at a party and whisper something like, "You're getting it later" or "Meet me in that spare bedroom in 5." then walks away.

Loves me for who I am - But also encourages me with things.

Loves to cook - And loves to cook with me.

Thinks most of the same things I think are stupid are stupid too

Not religious

Be my best friend - I want to have fun hanging out with this person. Whether it's just the two of us traveling or just hanging out on the deck and talking and laughing for hours.

Not a bitch -  Doesn't put up with BS but not a bitchy personality. When she comes around and I'm with my guy friends they should be excited and say, "Hey everyone! It's Lady Zibbs!" not "Oh great. Here she comes." And no nagging!

A pleasant personality - A delight to be with. 

Honest and loyal - Only has eyes for me.

A great mom (if she has kids) - And has the same parenting style as me. (But if she doesn't have kids knows that I don't want to have anymore. But fine if she has kids).

Keeps the house clean - But not in an OCD way.

Super stylish 

Well there you go. Am I missing any categories?

Wolf Attack Almost That My Wife Thinks I Was A Coward About.

I don't know what got me thinking about this and my wife never reads my blog but here is a story that I would like to share.

Years ago, my wife and I pulled into our driveway. (Now remember, we live in Chester County, PA. It's not the city, not the forest. It's the suburbs. But we do have pockets of woods around and tons of deer and the occasional additional wildlife).

So as we get out of the car and I'm like, "Holy shit! It's a wolf!*" And I run to the door.

Now the wolf never followed us but I never heard the end of it for ages because she thought I was pulling the George Costanza move where he runs out of the party - thinking there's a fire and knocks over an old lady. Selfishly thinking of his safety.

My thinking was that I was holding the key to the house so I could open it really quickly and we could both get in to safety. Which we did. I swear to God.

But she still thinks I was looking out for myself.

And looking back, maybe it wasn't a wolf but it may have been. Please chime in so I can print out this info and show her the results that total strangers voted on.

*Believe me. It was a wolf!

Blogger Imagines Ladder Accident While On Ladder Yesterday.

Yesterday I was way up on the ladder trying to cut branches. You see, I need to get more sunlight going to my veggie garden.

I don't really mind the height once I'm up there but once in a while it spooks me. I looked over and a saw one of the red tailed hawks in another tree and I was imagining that he was going to swoop at me. I'd then accidentally push the ladder and I'd be hanging on for dear life.

I'd be yelling for my wife to put the ladder back. She'd finally get the ladder up but I'd be afraid to put my feet back onto it for fear of falling. We'd then get into an argument over whether she should call some neighbors to help or the fire department but I couldn't figure out which would be less embarrassing.

After a while people would start gathering at the curb to see what all racket was about.

This is a real scenario of the type of stuff that goes through my head everyday. Oh Lord - why was a cursed with this brain? It just won't stop sometimes.

Now enjoy this klutz falling off a small ladder.

It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin. An Exclusive Glimpse Into My Bedroom.

I like to show my lady that I still think she's sexy by giving her as little privacy as possible when she's nude. You know, so I can leer at it and make comments about how sexy it is and the things I want to do to it. Like when she's in the shower for instance, I'll sometimes open the curtain quickly and say, "A-HA!" or "What's going on in here?"

Or this morning.

Wife comes in bedroom after shower, puts on panties then starts putting lotion all over her supple, Italian body. I wait in the semi darkness with one eye creepily peering out from under the covers.

Me: (In deep voice) And then the lotion show began.

Wife: What? You want me to have soft skin don't you?

Me: Do you need some help applying the lotion on the upper areas. Right there. On those things.

Wife: Will you stop?

Me: Stop (pause)...or go?

Smooth operator.