Can You Believe What Happened On TV Last Night?

So was the world, gathered around their TV sets last night asking the same question that I was?

How the hell did this tubby from Teen Wolf (standing behind Michael J. Fox) run down the basketball court more than once without fainting?



See what I did there? You thought I was going to mention the Grammy Awards, then all of a sudden I sneak in a question about Teen Wolf that was also on TV last night. I got you there didn't I?

I did watch a bit of the Grammy Awards but that freestyle rap nonsense* is something I can't take. Seriously, I'm convinced they could pull any homeless dude off of the street and he could babble the same junk on stage and nobody would know the difference.

Do we all at least agree on that?

*The absolute worst is that dope Kanye West.

Last Minute Christmas Ideas For Cheap People

So I'm sure everyone's about to start their Christmas Shopping. Here are a few gift ideas that will save you a bit of time and money:

1) Make a phony, "I named a star after you " certificate. Go to the window, look up and say, "..there she is..nope..sorry..there she is. Right there. Next to that one. Yeah. She is a beauty." Are they really going to check?

2) What can you wrap around your house? This is a tough one as it's best to actually stage a burglary and steal some select items. Then, rewrap the gifts you stole and write on the card that you searched everywhere to find the exact items and that maybe this is the greatest Christmas ever because "someone can steal 'things' but they can't steal my heart". (This makes no sense but they'll be so excited they won't even think about your babble).

3) Simply write, "The magic of Christmas - believe" on construction paper. Write it in a fancy font and when they open it, put your hand on the back of their head and say, "I believe. Do you?" Then look into the distance. This will only work on artsy type of people. Most people will say, "Oh I believe. I believe you better go get my damn present." So think this one out.

4) Write, "The gift of........" on a piece of paper. As they read it, motion the homeless people that you've threatened with jail time to come in and start dancing. When they're finished with their train wreck of a dance, turn to the person you gave the gift to and say, "I think it is the thought that counts. Don't you?"

Merry Christmas everyone from me to you!