Who Wants In On A Ground Floor Money Making Venture? Hair Net Related.

Imagine sitting on your yacht basking in the sun. You don't have the money? Well you will once you lend me money for my new product then I pay you back once it's a hit.

OK. So you know when you're getting a blow job and the chick's hair keeps falling in her face so you have to hold it back so you can see her? Well I gots two words for you: Hair. Net.

It's a "sexy" hair net that will keep the hair out of her eyes for your viewing pleasure. 

But I'm going to have my designers come up with a few super sexy hair net versions so it's just not a just simple lunch lady hair net. Really class it up. It's hard to explain. You're just going to have to trust me on this.

I'm going to advertise it with a kick ass infomercial too. Like the guy will be fumbling to hold her hair back. And he's getting all frustrated. And he'll try to put a scrunchy in her hair but he does it with one hand and he can't do it  - maybe pokes her in the eye like a clumsy ass oaf - and the girl gets up and says, "Forget it. It's not worth it." Then she leaves. He's left sitting there looking like a pathetic dope. What a loser. 

Maybe at the end you'll see the girl down there then the guy has two hands free to read a book. OK. Get your check books ready.

Thanks.

Some Things I've Been Paid To Do. Jobs. Chicken Attack.

Here's a random list of things that I've been paid to do. Most are jobs but a few aren't technically jobs. And most are in order.

- Kissed an Aunt
- Picked up apples for Nana
- Paperboy (was pecked at by chickens and bitten on the ass by a dog)
- Babysitter
- Pamphlet hander outer (in doors)
- Sold flowers on the corner (fucking dangerous at times)
- Customized calendars for plumbing company with calligraphy
- Helped kids learn how to do archery
- Busboy
- Dishwasher (was forced to pluck a chicken one time outside in heatwave)
- Food prep guy
- Telemarketer (used to make prank phone calls when manager left room)
- Sales clerk at audio store at a Farmers Market
- Drove sports cars to New Jersey to be sold at auction
- Participant in a medical "cold study" (drank the whole weekend)
- Factory worker
- Loaded 18 wheeler trucks with boxes
- Sold illegal things
- Business cleaner
- Standup comic
- Product Development Manager and Director for a giftware companies
- Business owner
- Sold things on Ebay and Half.com
- Sales/Marketing

And I'm sure I'm going to think of more. I'll ad them to the comments.

So what did you slackers do?

Ground Floor Biz Opportunity - Hearing Ear Birds.

Blind people got it made. You know - with the seeing eye dog and all.

Well not really but some of them get the dog which is probably pretty cool.

Deaf people though - they get nothing. Until now. Ladies and Gentleman I give you...

The Hearing Ear Bird.

It's very similar to the seeing eye dog but it's a bird. And it's for hearing. Not seeing. At first I was thinking about using the ostrich but they can be very hard to train so I might have to try a few different birds out.

Maybe the parrot's the way to go. So like if a deaf person - let's say her name was Polly - was hungry for lets say - a cracker and she couldn't communicate that to the cracker vendor because sometimes deaf people talk in a way that people can't understand like, "I one cwaker"* - the bird in this case would be able to step up to the plate and aid in getting that cracker.

Please contact me privately if you'd like to get in on the ground floor of this money making business. I will need people to invest, people to train birds and people to find deaf people. Please figure out which area you'd like to help with BEFORE you call as time is money.

OK. I'll go wait by the phone now.

*Translation: I want cracker.

Collectible Dollar Bill From Chester County May Be Headed for Smithsonian.

OK this is really weird. Last week, in another shameless attempt to promote my blog, I wrote,

Google this: THAT BLUE YAK

on three or four dollar bills. I mean...uh....I didn't do it because it's against the law - I saw someone else do it. Yeah that's what happened...

So anyways, my sister calls me this weekend and said her son (my nephew) received a tip at the Country Club he works at, saw the command to Google THAT BLUE YAK, saw the post I wrote about the Downingtown Farmer's Market and realized it was my blog because he's heard the story before.

What are the odds of that happening?

And to my nephew: STOP READING MY BLOG.

And to everyone else, let me know if you can write this phrase on a few bills this morning. Also, is it REALLY illegal to deface money? Has there ever been a case of someone being prosecuted? My one minute Google search is very unclear on this. Maybe one of my readers that has nothing important to do can find this out for me. (That's right, turn off The View and get to work!)

And if you do see a bill labeled this way, please do not try to sell it to the Smithsonian, or a collector or frame it. I'd really like to keep them in circulation as long as possible.

How You Can Thank Me For All I've Done To Make Your Life Better. Shopping.

Look at all of the lives that I've changed with this blog. Including yours. Admit it.

Now there are some ads that I can't mention by contract on That Blue Yak but I can mention the Amazon ads over there on right. You see, if you click and don't buy I get nothing but if you click and then buy ANYTHING on Amazon I get a teensy tiny bit. And I deserve it.

So if you'd like to thank me - indirectly with money, please start your Amazon search here next time you need to buy something and I will appreciate it. You might want to tell all of your friends too. I'm worth it don't you think? Yeah. I am.

And whoever bought the Jesus lunchbox a few weeks ago thanks! Email me if it's you and I'll write a post about you. I appreciate it friend. And if it wasn't you don't email me and pretend it was you. I'll find out.

So by a show of hands, how many of you think you will use That Blue Yak as a portal for your Amazon buying? If your hand is not up, take a moment to reflect.

West Chester Blogger Reminds Readers About Stuff

Hey. TBY readers that have been around since July 2008. Remember that time that I wrote that really funny post about buying stuff like t-shirts and mugs that had "That Blue Yak" written on it? And I described the proper way to show people the shirt? Oh yeah. That was a good one. And those comments were classic.

For some reason though, my accountant hasn't given me the final numbers as to how many of these beauties flew off the shelves*. Imagine that task. No thanks. Anyways, even though you guys are the Gold Member Readers of my blog, I thought I'd give the newer readers, the Silver Members (readers since September 1), a chance to read this post.

So click here and start shopping. Imagine the look Christmas morning if you received one of these. Go ahead. Look out the window and really imagine it. It feels good doesn't it?

* True story that I forgot to tell you: Look in the comments of the July 29th post and read what Anonymous wrote. Remember the early days of Anonymous? Well, when I met him in person in West Chester, he said that conversation with his wife really happened! I shit you not.