Thursday, July 19, 2007

Washington University Study is Last Straw for Chimps - US Raises Chimp Attack Threat Level to Plaid

The University of Washington has revealed that walking on two legs is easier than walking on four - according to the National Academy of Sciences. (see story by clicking on the following word: banana ).

According to researchers, walking on two feet uses 3/4 less energy.

Spokeschimp Bobo McGee doesn't give a crap about the study and relayed the following statement via sign language through his human interpreter.

"This is bullshit! Look at Mr. Giggles on that God damned machine - he looks like a clown! We are tired of being dressed up in human clothes - and tired of doing experiments and overall, tired of being made to look like fools. Why the hell are you humans always pulling this crap?"
After being given half an orange, Mr McGee went on to say,
"Oh you'll pay...You'll pay!"
The Department of Chimpanzee Security is now saying that the study has enraged chimps and the alert level has been elevated to plaid since the release of the study.

US officials have been monitoring the growing chimp rage in recent years and believe that the Washington University study is the tipping point. Top officials think a Summer attack WILL happen. That Blue Yak has obtained and exclusive statement from Bill Darlak, an ex undercover chimp operative. Mr Darlak thinks the threats should be taken very seriously,

"I am VERY, VERY concerned for the country this Summer. I was undercover for two years at several chimp training facilities and after you get over the humor of these funny little rascals and their human like behavior, you see the rage these apes have. It is quite frightening. I really wanted to stay with them longer but was alerted by animal experts that my chimp costume was really a gorilla costume. My superiors insisted that I abort my mission"

Officials are asking the public to be on the lookout for the following chimps:


david mcmahon said...


Tsk, tsk - you told me you'd never publish that shot of me on the treadmill!

Keep smiling


Spoony Quine said...

` LOL at Mrs. Thomas! Like what the hell, dude? Maybe you're right; we do have to watch out.
` Like, that Oliver chimp who always walked on two legs... he toured the world, sensationalized as an alleged 'Humanzee', though they found out that he's just a rare type of chimp.
` Well, after they figured out that he isn't a hybrid, he was thrown in a medical lab! Oh, I bet that was fun, sitting in a tiny cage for ten years watching the other inmates get cut open and injected with drugs!
` When he got out of there, man, he was pissed! And he needed therapy. Eventually, old and hunched over with arthritis, he went to live at Primarily Primates sanctuary as a regular non-upright walking chimp.
` Last I heard, he was rounding up an army of monkeys, gorillas and whatever else is handy. Luckily for the keepers, the only ammo they have available at the sanctuary is poo.